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*Don't own any of the characters/names/ or other things that one could possibly own with in this story.*... even though i would like to.

Ivan tries to surprise Alfred with a spectacular birthday surprise. However things go wrong after Ivan consumes too much vodka.

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Ivan was sitting by himself with his drink of choice, Vodka, and his thoughts.

He looked around his empty torture chamber and sighed, "I wonder what I can do today." He took another swig of his drink, ignoring the burn in his throat. Ivan set down the now empty bottle and went to retrieve another one. On his way he noticed that Alfred's birthday was marked on his calendar.

"Hmm, I don't remember writing that down." Ivan looked at the writing more carefully and then remembered how it got there. "Ah yes, the American must have written it down when he was last here and drank too much." Noting the unusually messy scrawl.

Fetching another bottle of vodka, Ivan sat down at his table and continued to drink. "What to get for my buddy Alfred's birthday? All he ever gets me is some crappy American made vodka." Ivan decided that he would show the world how much he loved his capitalist hero friend. And he knew exactly how to do it.

"Hello?" A quiet voice answered on the other end of the line.

"Yes, er is Matthew there?" Ivan asked, hoping that this time he had dialed the right person.

"Yes speaking. Who is Calling?"

"Ivan."

"Oh, hey Ivan. What can I do for you?" Matthew asked pleasantly, yet quietly.

"Well I have a surprise for Alfred, but I need your help to pull it off. See, I'm going to do a spectacular firework show for his birthday but I need somebody to invite all his friends over for it."

"I would, but Francis and Arthur never respond to me, so I suggest you ask Francis to. Besides he would probably love to plan the whole thing with you."

"Thank you. I'll go call him now."

Ivan hung up the phone and dialed Francis this time. He readily agreed to help organize the guest list and cater the whole event. Ivan relaxed in his chair and sighed, knowing that the most difficult part was over. In just two weeks all the countries would be gathering in Alaska to celebrate Alfred's birthday.

Ivan worked himself into a frenzied state over the next to weeks, collecting the various explosives he would need for "America's Birthday Fireworks Spectacular!". He decided that he would synchronize the fireworks to America the Beautiful. "This is gonna to blow his mind. I bet Alfred will want to thank me for it" Ivan chuckled to himself as images of Alfred filled his head.

It was the night of the party and Ivan loaded his various explosives into his truck along with several other things: vodka, vodka, matches, vodka, mittens, and more vodka. Ignoring the common wisdom of drinking and driving is bad, Ivan downed the first two bottles of vodka on his drive out to the middle of the frozen Russian tundra. He figured out that if he angled the fireworks properly Alfred could see them from his backyard. Ivan finally reached his destination. An abandoned military base from the cold war, if he looked east he could see Alaska from it. While setting up all the fireworks, Ivan continued to drink. Walking back to the truck, he stumbled. "Hmm thats weird." Ivan mumbled slurring his words, noting that he felt dizzy. After checking his vodka he realized that he felt this way because it was he had grabbed the crappy American made vodka. Disregarding his safety, Ivan continued to drink the "Americrap" vodka (as he like to call it). Moving on to the fourth bottle, Ivan decided it was time to start the show. Using his satellite phone, he called Francis.

"Bonjour?"

"Hellooooo, *hic* is Franc*hic*is there?" Ivan choked out.

"Oui, speaking."

"Is ev*hic*eryone there?"

"Oui oui. Are you ok to do this Ivan. You seem well... a little wasted."

"Of cou*hic*rse I am." Ivan shouted into the phone hanging up.

Ivan stumbled about the base trying to find the matches. Kicking drifts of snow in anger, he grabbed the last two bottles of vodka and went in one of the old buildings. Drinking and swearing, Ivan was about to admit defeat when out of the corner of his eye he say a big red button. Naturally this raised his curiosity. Ivan wandered over to the button and it was then he saw a sign "AUTHORIZED ACCESS ONLY. DO NOT PUSH."

"Hmmm... oh well." Ivan said checking to make sure there would be no witnesses. Ivan pushed the button, and since there was no immediate reaction he decided to go back outside and drink more. "Drinking is more fun in the snow anyways." Ivan chuckled darkly.

Sitting in the snow alone Ivan continued onto his last bottle of Vodka. He tipped the bottle up to get every last drop out. It was then he noticed some sort of "comet" race through the sky. Headed straight for America's backyard. Too drunk to do anything, Ivan just sat and stared in awe of the pretty "shooting stars". As they hurtled down towards America's backyard he begin to laugh...a hysterical, maniacal, evil laugh. Then he screamed in victory as the comets crashed into the earth, leaving nothing behind except a cloud shaped like a mushroom.

I Hope you enjoyed it.

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