The beep of the heart monitor was the only sound that could be heard within the suffocating walls of the sparsely decorated hospital room.
It played continuously, on and on, beep after beep. Dean had never hated a sound so much in his life. He despised what it represented yet clung to it's repetition because if it ever went silent he didn't know how he'd be able to face anything ever again.
Sam had been a steady presence beside him for the past 5 days. Never questioning him, never offering words of comfort or hope, just there. Dean was thankful for his presence, truly he was, but at the same time it made everything that much worse. He guesses that's why Sam had left for more coffee.
He couldn't remember a time Sam hadn't offered words of comfort when everything around them was falling apart. He wondered briefly if that meant even Sam saw no way they could avoid the inevitable. That there was no hope for… that they couldn't… that he…
A bitter laugh fought it's way out of his mouth, it sounded like a sob but his eyes refused to water and give him any relief.
Cas was lying on the bed, pale, bruised, almost lifeless. He was hooked up to whatever useless machines the staff had deemed necessary.
They didn't know how to fix him. No one knew how to fix him. No one even knew if there was a him to be fixed anymore.
As far as Dean knew Cas was trapped inside an empty vessel unable to wake up or even escape to possess someone else.
If the angel blades only sent them back to Heaven Dean would've stabbed Cas days ago if only to break this endless cycle of waiting. A Cas trapped in Heaven was better than a Cas trapped in a shell.
Dean didn't need him in this body, he just needed him safe.
They'd tried every spell they knew, contacted every person they thought could help, they'd even gone to the damn King of Hell himself but nothing had worked.
Whatever Abaddon had done to him would either wear off on it's own or keep him in this permanent state of nothingness.
Sometimes Dean wondered whether it would be kinder just to get it over with and use one of the blades to end all of their misery.
He tried to shake himself out of his spiraling thoughts. Cas always came back to him somehow, he just had to believe that pattern was unbreakable.
Dean shifted forwards in his chair. He hesitantly stretched towards Cas, his hand brushing against Castiel's wrist before firmly grasping his fingers and squeezing slightly.
"Cas." Dean whispered, voice hoarse from lack of use. "Cas, man… I need you to wake up. You need to wake up because I can't do this without you. I have to stay focused for Sammy, okay, for everyone, and you're the only one that keeps me focused. Dammit, Cas… I just… I just need you, okay? Please. Please wake up."
Dean dropped his head against their clasped hands. He hadn't prayed for months, knew it was pointless, no one had ever listened but Cas and Cas wasn't here to listen anymore.
Still he prayed anyway. He never did know when to quit.
He let out a ragged breath. God, just please, please let him wake up.
Fingers twitched beneath his and a groan disrupted the endless cycle of beeping.
Dean would have sworn that groan was the best sound he'd ever heard until he heard one word whispered so quietly if he hadn't been watching Castiel's face he'd think he was imagining it.
"Dean."