Small Revelations
It was a typically cold fall day when she parked the car in the visitors section of the state hospitals parking lot. The dark haired women got out of the car and headed toward the mental institutions child unit. A younger man lagged behind her. The parking lot was a block away from their destination giving her a chance to observe her surroundings.
When they finally reached their destination, and as they were waiting to be allowed entrance. The young man stopped for a moment and he stared up at the huge building that loomed in front of him.
"Come on we have an appointment to make." The woman he was walking with said.
Will looked at the building one more time. "God, I hate these places." He muttered before catching up with his employer.
"Magnus?" Will asked as they waited for the security guard to buzz them in.
"Why are we here again?"
"I told you, Will." Magnus said impatiently. "We have an appointment."
"Yeah. But why?"
Magnus didn't answer as the guard opened the gate and allowed them to go through. Will stopped and looked around. This is the place.
"Will," said Helen noticing that he had stopped. "Are you all right?"
"Yeah." he said as the memories came flooding back.
He was remembering it all. The night chill and the glowing embers of the dying fire. His mothers smile as she helped him into his sleeping bag. Her telling him not to worry when he didn't understand why they were out there on that chilly autumn night. Wondering if it had something to do with his father's death. That was something he could never understand. He heard a faint growl in the distance and the creak of breaking tree limbs. The thing that he remembered the most was his mother going out to outside the tent to investigate a noise, telling him to stay there. Then came her agonizing scream and he felt himself being dragged out of the tent. Looking up he saw it. The face of a monster. That face was indescribable yet unforgettable. He felt himself being dragged across the ground and he knew without a doubt that his death was coming.
Then he was back in that cold white room staring out the window not saying a word. Sometimes he would stare at that ratty old baseball his father had given him before he died. He would remember happier times and he would wonder what his life would have been like if circumstances had been different.
He did all of this silently, never saying a word. While doctors and nurses and orderlies would come by staring at him thru the small window set in the door like he was an animal in a zoo, being cared for, but not cared about. Never cared about.
The days flew by as summer changed into fall, fall changed into winter. He still hadn't spoken, he had no reason to. Nobody would believe him anyway. He figured he was destined to spend the rest of his life in this room watching the world fly by as he aged otherwise unchanging, never saying a word. All of his thoughts trapped within his head never again to be released.
Yet, one day everything did change. Daily rounds ran like clockwork, he would always be up and sitting on his bed staring out the window. His doctor would walk in ask him the same questions, wait a few minutes, and when he didn't get an answer he would turn away and leave. Then one day when the doctor walked into his room it wasn't his usually doctor, his doctor was an old guy in his fifties. This doctor was a woman who he had never seen before, yet she seemed so familiar.
"Good morning, William." She said with a smile, going to sit down next to him on his bed.
"How are you today?" She asked pulling out a deck of playing cards.
When he didn't answer, she just kept going shuffling the cards as she explained to him who she was.
"I am Dr. Helen." She said with a smile.
"I heard that you where in here and I was wondering if you would like to play cards with me."
He didn't say anything, he just stared at her. She tried to hand him the cards, but he wouldn't take them.
"Okay," she said shuffling the cards. "I will just play cards by myself."
She began to play solitaire. They both just sat there on that bed. After about an hour of continuous playing, she picked up her cards and without a word she got up and left the room. That day passed into the next and that doctor returned carrying that same pack of cards.
"Hello William." She said with a smile.
Will didn't even look up, he just kept playing with the baseball he held in his hands. He turned that ball over and over again, staring at it intently as if he was looking in for answers in its ridges.
'That is a cool baseball." She said setting down next to him.
"You play?" she asked.
He didn't answer.
"Never could get into baseball much myself, I always thought it was a very odd sport. To American for my taste."
She had placed the cards next to Will on the bed. She picked them up and began to shuffle them. Will refused to look at her; he just put the baseball in a drawer next to his bed and turned to stare out the window. The doctor resumed playing solitaire and, after the hour passed, she placed the cards in her pocket and left without a word.
She continued to return every day. Early in the morning playing solitaire while Will just sat on the bed.
After a week when she asked Will to play cards, he agreed. So for the hour they played war again and again. They played every day for a week. Even though he never spoke he found a quiet comfort in somebody being there, in somebody caring. On the 14th day as she stood up to leave Will grabbed her arm.
"William" she said kneeling next to him. "I have to go now, but I will be back tomorrow ok I promise."
The look of fear he had on his face made her pause. She reached down with her other hand and she was able to slip out of her grip. She got up and left without working back.
Magnus and Will stood outside a private hospital room. Inside resided a young boy who had been admitted to the mental hospital after he had stopped speaking. His sister was killed, while she was playing in the backyard. Nobody knew who or what had committed the crime, and he hadn't said anything.
"Ok" Will said "and we are here because?"
"I would like you to talk to him Will. You may be the only one who can get through to him."
"Ok" Will said and "how am I supposed to do that?"
Magnus just smiled and handed him a deck of playing cards, before she left. Will took a deep breath and turned the doorknob.
The next day Will waited for rounds, hoping that the doctor would return. But when the door opened it wasn't her. His normal doctor didn't even look at Will as he looked around the room, he asked his typical questions and when he didn't get an answer he wrote something on his clipboard before turning around to leave the room. Will waited all day for the women to return but she never came. She didn't come the day after that, or the day after that. After about a week Will gave up waiting for her. He knew she wasn't coming back. Just like all the others she had gotten what she wanted. She had seen him, the freak boy, and once she had gotten what she wanted, she left. She was just another in a long line of people who just didn't give a damn about him. The only two people in the world who had truly cared were dead. The realization had finally sunk in, nobody cared, and he didn't matter. He just existed and he knew it, but he didn't want to exist anymore. He stopped eating and then after a few days he stopped drinking liquids. The doctors placed him on a feeding tube. That didn't change anything; he would still just sit there. Watching as every day the doctors came in and checked the tubes and then left. They thought everything was fine, they just didn't care. He had enough so one day he just pulled out the tubes. When the doctors rushed he was sitting in the corner of the room rocking back and forth. When the nurse got close to him he began to struggle and scream. The Doctor managed to sedate him.
Will woke up to see the doctor standing next to his bed.
"Oh good" the doctor said you're awake. "
Will looked around and tried to move.
"We had to restrain you Will" the doctor said "we can't have you pulling out your feeding tube again."
It didn't matter to Will; he figured he was too far gone to care. The next day when the door to his room opened Will didn't even look to see who had come in.
"William" she said kneeling down next to the bed.
He wouldn't even look at her.
"William" she said again, after a few minutes she stood up and left the room.
The next day was more of the same thing. Every day the doctor would return to his room and he would ignore her. Finally on the fifth day she kneeled down next to his bed and she said
"William I am sorry I left, but I didn't have a choice. I had to do something that was very important."
Will wouldn't even look at her.
"I am so sorry" she said standing up.
She left him laying there restrained on that bed staring up at the ceiling. She returned the next day at the same time as always. This time she removed the restraints that were holding him to the bed.
"I have spoken to your doctor and he has decided that you don't need to be restrained anymore. As long as you promise not to try and pull out your feeding tube again. Do you promise?"
Will nodded.
Good she said with a smile, it's nice to get a response from you. Now the doctor said, standing up I won't be back for a while, because I have something I have to do, but I will be back as soon as I can. There was no response, and she walked out of the room.
Will didn't believe her, he wasn't sure she was coming back. People had lied to him before; nobody had told him the truth since his mom died.
. He waited and eventually she did return. That in itself was a surprise. After a week of being gone that doctor returned carrying that pack of cards, and a plate of breakfast.
"Good morning William" she said with a smile. "I thought you might be hungry."
She handed him the plate and when he looked up at her she said "go on, eat."
He ate a little bit of the food.
"Good" she said with a smile after he was finished.
They played cards for a little while and then the doctor smiled at him.
She said "William I know why you don't talk and I understand that you are afraid, but William things are never going to get better if you don't talk about it."
She waited for a few moments, but Will didn't say anything. Then at the end of the hour as always she picked up the pack of cards and left.
She returned the next day a little later than usual. Will was eating breakfast and the feeding tube had been removed.
"Good morning" William she said acting if there wasn't any difference in what she was seeing. It is such a nice day outside, how about we play cards in the garden."
Will shook his head.
"No," the doctor said with a smile, "but you haven't been out of this room for a while and it is really nice out there."
She saw the baseball he always kept in the drawer next to the bed.
"How about" she said picking up the baseball "we play catch instead."
He shook his head and grabbed the baseball from her.
"Ok, ok" she said "we won't play catch or go outside, but William you can't hide in here forever."
"Eventually you are going to have to face the world."
At that she picked up the cards and left the room. Will just sat there looking at his baseball. He knew he had made her mad and he felt bad about it. But the baseball was all he had left of his parents beside his memories. Everything else had been taken from him and he wasn't about to let them take this to.
When the doctor returned the next day she had a couple of baseball gloves.
"Good morning William," she said "it is time for you to get out of this room. We are going to play catch."
Will put his baseball in to the drawer and shook his head. That made the doctor angry, she had enough things were never going to change for him unless he left the room.
"William we are going to go outside and play catch, this is not a choice."
He shook his head again.
"William" she said sharply "you are going to do as I tell you to."
She picked up his shoes and put them next to him on the bed along with his jacket.
"Put these on now" she said.
He just looked at her.
"Now" William she said angrily.
Will got very angry she came and she went. That doctor didn't have any right to tell him what to do.
"William" she said again raising her voice.
"No," Will yelled.
After about 9 months of not saying anything his voice sounded weird, foreign, as if it had come from somebody else. The doctor turned around a shocked look on her face.
"Did you just say something William" she asked.
Will shook his head.
"Ok" she said I guess we don't have to go outside today.
She went and sat down next to him on the bed.
"I am going to go put these gloves away and then we can play cards. But you will have to make a deal with me. We can play cards in here today, if we play out in the garden tomorrow."
He nodded. She stood up and as she walked out of the room, she looked at him and said.
"Now that wasn't hard was it?"
Will didn't know what she was talking about. The next day she returned to find Will waiting for her. He had his shoes and his jacket on, and held his baseball in his hands.
"Good morning" William she said. "Are you ready to go outside and play cards?"
He nodded and stood up. She took his hand and they walked out of his room.
When she opened the door Will felt slightly apprehensive. This was the first time he had been out of that room since they had first put him in there. They walked down the hall and out into the empty garden.
William she said as they sat down and she begin to deal the cards I understand why it is that you don't speak. You don't think that anybody will believe you about what happened the night your mom died.
He just looked at her as she continued.
"You are afraid of how people will react, if you tell them what you saw. It is easier not to say anything at all then face that."
Will nodded.
"You can tell me William I will believe you."
"No you won't he said."
He couldn't believe that he had just spoken. He was so tired of people doing anything to get him to speak so he had finally said something. Emboldened he just kept going.
'Nobody would ever believe me; nobody would ever believe that a monster killed my mother."
"I believe you "she said.
"No" Will said angrily standing up. "You're just saying that because you are humoring me to get me to keep talking. Once you have gotten what you wanted you will tell me how crazy I am before you leave, just like everybody else."
He handed her the cards and walked back inside.
The next day he waited to see if that doctor would return. He didn't think that she would return. She had gotten him to say something that was more than anybody else had done. He had to admit that saying what he had said, made him feel better. The doctor did return the next day.
"Good morning William" she said as she walked in.
"It's Will" he said, "I only liked to be called Will."
She was in shock, after not saying a word for 9 months, he was speaking again. It was quite the start; he didn't stop speaking after that.
About two weeks later, Will was released from the mental institution and was placed in the foster care system. She came to check on him on him one more time before he left.
"Hello Will" she said looking around to see that all of his stuff had been packed.
"Are you ready to go" she asked?
He nodded.
"Good" she said "your new foster mom should be here soon."
She smiled and she stood to leave.
It was cold that night, but he didn't even notice, he was so caught up in his memories that she didn't want to interrupt, but he would notice her standing there sooner or later. She felt uncomfortable standing there just watching him.
"It was quite the day wasn't it", she asked bringing him out of wherever his head had been.
"Yeah" Will said "it sure was."
"I never got to thank you for helping that boy today. I know how much you hate those places."
"Yeah" Will said "mental institutions do bring up a lot of bad memories."
"How did you do get that boy to talk" Magnus asked?
"It was easy" Will said continuing to look at the city. "I don't think anybody would ever understand what good a pack of cards and a compassionate person could do."
"I do" Magnus said.
"How" said Will looking at her for a minute and then he put everything together.
"It was you wasn't it, the doctor that would come and visit me when I was in that mental institution."
She nodded. "It wasn't an easy task convincing you that it was ok to speak, and that there was nothing wrong."
"No" he said smiling "I could imagine that it wasn't." "But I am glad that you did, it was nice to have a person actually care about me as a person and not just a patient."
She didn't have anything to say to that so they both just stood there looking out over the city, lost in their own memories.