I flopped down on my bed, exhausted. It had been another hard day. Last week had been my seventeenth birthday, which meant I now qualified for 'adult' tasks as opposed to 'child' tasks. This included giving breakfast to the summoners down in Summoner's Sanctum, repairing many of the worker droid machina, and sometimes even scouting out in Bikanel Desert for lost wanderers or machina parts. And regularly helping out in the kitchen for two or three meals a day. It was only five in the afternoon, meaning that my work had far from finished; after this five minute break I would have to get to work down in the kitchens. After eating dinner, it would be time to finish off repairing the machina from earlier today, and I would only get to bed at eleven – or sometimes even twelve – o'clock.
It was draining, all this work, but I still enjoyed it. I felt proud to be an Al Bhed and even more proud to count as an adult now. I had so many responsibilities and duties, and the work would only get more strenuous. So many people were dependant on the work I did, and if I made even the tiniest error it could result in someone being seriously injured. That pressure helped me to thrive, and I was rapidly excelling at everything I did (although I hated to admit that so bluntly). Except for, that is, cooking. I was a terrible cook; everything I tried cooking came out looking – and smelling – distinctly disgusting, to say the least.
Mustering up all of my energy for my next shift of work, I jumped off of my compact bed and tugged a brush through my hair quickly. In the mirror, I sighed at the shadow of the girl I had always dreamed of being. I had wished for enchanting emerald eyes; perfectly pale skin; naturally highlighted hair that radiated light. Instead, I was just pale and drawn-looking with dull, green eyes and blond hair that just…was. It spiked around my face, but that just made me look duller. Everything about me was boring, plain – just like I was. The only feature of mine that I liked was the characteristic spiralling pupil; it had always seemed so magical to me. But every Al Bhed had that. I longed for something to set me apart from the others.
From what I remembered of my mother, she had always emanated a gentle light, and she was a soft, innocent person who was naturally stunning. My dad had been broad-shouldered with a wide, strong chest; great for hugs as a little girl. But when I had just turned seven years old, the men came. They were staunch supporters of Yevon, and decided that it was time to punish the Al Bhed. They had massacred every man, woman and child in our home. I only survived because I hid under the dead bodies of many others. It had sickened me, and I could recall sparkling tears streaming down my face, clearing tracks in the soot imprinted by the bombs the Yevonites used. I had been brought here by an Al Bhed sympathetic who had been rummaging through the ruins, and for the last ten years I had called the new Home my home.
Just then, the evening bell rang out, telling everyone on my shift to get to work. I jumped as I was pulled from my memories, put down the brush I was still holding and scurried through the familiar maze, headed for the kitchen. "Late again?" Mika called. "Ha ha, yeah, something like that. I gotta run, so see ya at dinner!" I hollered back joyfully over the busy noises of the mechanics. I loved how busy this place was; everywhere you looked was another person, another machina, another job. Some people are just born to be in busy places, and I was one of those people. Living somewhere calm – like the Mi'hen Highroad, or Besaid Island – would bore me. I needed the electricity this place shocked into me; I craved the buzz it gave me.
I thought I would manage to slip into the kitchen unnoticed – Cook would murder me if I was late again – but when I got inside the first thing I heard was my name being bellowed. "Shii!" With that one name, the cry of the Cook reverberated around the room, bouncing off all of the spotless surfaces with a gong-like noise. Wincing, I stood straight. "I apologise most sincerely Sir!" Cook strode over to me, and peered down through his moustache.
"You've been here ten years now, right? And you've still not got the hang of the kitchen. Dreadful…they say you have a talent for mechanics though?" I nodded slightly, embarrassed by the bluntness of his speech. "But you cannot cook without singeing something…Perhaps I give you a better-suited duty here?" I nodded again hopefully, knowing not to speak. "Okay. You can wash up while we cook! Hopefully that will teach you!" he laughed loudly. I sighed silently and strode over to the sink.
The Cook of Home was a round man, shorter than me, but he had an intimidating air. Knowing that he was in control of all the food you put in your mouth did that for a person. But even so, Cook had an unspoken respect. He had a smiling mouth with a small moustache that he would twiddle with his fingers as he spoke to you. When I had recently moved to the Home, Cook had found me under one of the tables, huddled in a ball, crying. I had been attracted by the warmth and smells, and sought comfort in a corner of the room. Since then he had been like an uncle to me, but he was never without a stern word.
I started scrubbing at the pots and pans piled high in the sink with an air of futility, but I knew it would not be permanent. Indeed, a few minutes in, Cook bounced over to me. "You wanna help me out with the pastry?" I smiled at him, knowing that I could get away with it now. "Are you sure I won't burn it?" I mocked. He tutted, "Obviously you enjoy washing up." I protested loudly as I knew he would want me to, and followed him over to the pastry dishes sat on the counter.
Cook set about showing me how to glaze his perfect pastry base, and bustled off, leaving me to get on with it alone. "Stuck you with pastry glazing, did he? Although I guess that is better than scrubbing pots. We'll make a chef out of you yet!" I aimed a glob of egg glazing at the voice before peeking round to look at the mischievous face of my best friend Hikaro. I was just in time to see him wiping a blob of egg out of his hair, and only just managed to duck beneath the flour missile he lobbed at me. Checking round, I saw it hit Cook square in the back and immediately whipped back to my glazing before he came over.
"Hikaro, what a waste of flour! I thought better of you. Obviously you are out of tasks though, hmm? But I am sure I can find something for you to occupy yourself with." I laughed as Cook thrust a mop and bucket at Hikaro – who contented himself with grumbling quietly rather than risk the wrath of Cook – but stopped when he inspected my work. "You are laying this glaze too thick, Shii. Let me show you again." I moved to the side to watch him glaze the pastry again, and pulled a face at Hikaro, who was laughing uncontrollably. He had to support himself on the mop, he was laughing so hard.
An hour later, the meal was set on the table. I ran around filling water glasses for the five hundred and forty seven Al Bhed that lived here, helped by two others, as Hikaro, Chef and one other Al Bhed brought the food dishes through. Finally, Chef was content, and he rang the bell summoning everyone to dinner. At mealtimes, the Hall was packed full of all the Al Bhed, laughing and talking together loudly. We were a loud people; that was just the way we lived. So when you push over five hundred of us into the same room, the din is unbelievably loud.
"So, you like the pastry? I glazed it," I joked with Mika, who was sat across from me. "No, actually, I was about to say. It's a bit…eggy," he laughed. I stuck my tongue out at him, and then the talk turned to the usual topic. "I could do with a hand when you've got a minute, Shii. That worker droid that went rogue last month is still acting up every time I charge it up. You got any clue what the problem could be?" I chewed my piece of pie thoughtfully. "You checked the rotary fan belt? If anything gets stuck to that then the whole system goes into meltdown; one naïve guy lost his arm like that." Mika shook his head. "I'll check it out after dinner if you want?" He nodded gratefully.
"While you're giving out mechanical advice, I've got a problem." This shout came from Neki; a thirty seven year old man sat four or five people down from me. This was normal for dinnertime – one person would have a specific problem with a machina and would ask me about it, and before long everyone would be crying out their own problems. I dished out the advice to those I could help; those I couldn't, I promised to have a look at it when I got a moment.
"With all these people fighting for your attention, I never get to spend time with you," Hikaro said quietly as we were all leaving the Hall. "Aww, is someone feeling left out?" I teased. He visibly fought down a blush and shrugged. "Well, how about I come see you after work? I mean, after my work after work. A coupla people need a hand with some machina…" I had noted his slightly upset undertone, and wanted to make it up to him. "There's always a coupla people." Hikaro's voice was weak, and then he was swallowed into the crowd. I watched his bright, red hair fade away down one corridor, and then threaded my way in the opposite direction, headed for the Garage.
The Garage held all the heavy-duty equipment needed to repair and build machina. In the corner, under a white sheet, lay my baby; the machina I had started building from scratch that I worked on every chance I got. Once it was finished, it should cook a meal perfectly – eliminating the need for my kitchen work.
I donned my customised set of overalls – rather than settle for the typical plain blue, I had specialised mine. There was a grid worked into the front pocket, with squares of neon fabrics and screws, nuts and bolts sewn in amongst them. The trouser legs had been re-hemmed and re-seamed as cropped, skinny-fit legs, and the long sleeves had been chopped off, leaving only two thick straps across my shoulders that crossed at the back, clipping into the main body about halfway down my back. I was useless at sewing though, so it had taken me weeks to finish. All this was finished off with my electric green utility belt, complete with its personal set of tools.
Before starting my work, I took a look at Mika's problematic machina, as promised. I booted it up to see what the problem was, and it immediately attempted to spear me. I dodged its sharp sword and shut it down before taking off its back panel with my trusty screwdriver. A quick look told me nothing was awry there, so I would have to dismantle the whole machina and check out its rotary fan belt, as I suspected. But I didn't have time for a full examination, and had to close it back up again and get on with my own work.
As I had excelled so much at mechanics, I was a prime candidate for the best jobs. Mixed with my youth and agility, that meant I was up for servicing the cannons on the outside of the Home. This had to be done under the cover of at least a dimming sky, and so I took care of that in my evening shift. The cannons were only a precaution; we were peaceful, but somehow always managed to attract danger. That's why their upkeep was so important – we were on constant alert in case of intruders.
Outside, I climbed easily from niche to dip in the roof, occasionally swinging from a pole or two to get to the top. The roof of Home was almost totally flat, with a few holes to hide in (in case of attack) and the cannons. I set down my belt by the next cannon in the sequence, and checked all the basics; fan belt, rotor, engine, slide, clip, ammo. Every time I serviced each different cannon I made sure the first thing I checked was its ammunition. They said that it was because our cannons back home were out that we were destroyed completely…
I thought back as I worked, so used to mechanics that I could service any machina and still have thought space. I tried to remember my old home, but not much was coming back. I remembered my parents, and the day it got destroyed, but…the faces of the other Al Bhed were unclear, and I couldn't remember the layout of the building.
As I worked the sun set, streaking the sky with a violent blood stain. It was terrifying, foreboding, and yet at the same time it was comforting. I was lost in its beauty, but the trill of the bell sucked me from my thoughts and I remembered where I was. Throwing my belt and overalls into the Garage, I wound through the corridors for Hikaro's room, trying – and failing – to avoid the evening rush. Now, the late shifters would start their work, while the rest of us were free for the evening. I had said that I would help a few people out, but based on Hikaro's blue mood earlier, I thought he mattered more. I could sort out the machina tomorrow.
I was about to knock on Hikaro's door when a sudden wave of unexplainable hesitancy crept over me. My hand hovered, millimetres away, for what felt like an eternity. But I eventually shook it away and firmly rapped on the metal door. "Yeah?" came Hikaro's familiar grunt. I pushed the door open and slipped in, smiling. "Oh…hey. I thought you had some…people to help out." He seemed less than pleased to see me. I cocked my head as I spoke, "Yeah, but I put you first. Something up?" He didn't answer at first, but jumped off his bed and grinned. "Course not!" His smile was infectious and I found my own smile growing.
We fell onto Hikaro's bed, staring at the ceiling, and I stifled a sigh. "Huh? S'matter?" I chuckled at his one word sentences before answering. "Oh, nothing, I'm just always a bit exhausted at the moment." Hikaro nodded. "I know how that goes. It's cus you're just suddenly an adult now, isn't it? All of a sudden you aren't treated like a kid. You have all these duties and responsibilities, and it's knackering…" I nodded in agreement, and we lapsed into comfortable silence.
I wasn't sure how long we lay there, gazing up, but it was warm and comforting. Hikaro's room was the one place that truly felt like my home; my safe, protective spot. His fingers were twitching nervously next to mine, so I smiled reassuringly at him. "Is something the matter?" He looked at me and opened his mouth to speak, but clearly decided against it and closed his mouth again, grinning. I let my head fall back again and found myself staring up at the ceiling once more, the white searing into my eyes. It became slightly painful, so I closed them again. And then I felt Hikaro's hand slowly, nervously, crawling into mine.
His touch felt electric; my eyes flew open. Hikaro's fingers were interlaced with mine, and his hand was warm and soft. I forgot that it was ten thirty at night, I forgot how tired I was or how worn out or how drained. All that I knew was where I was right now. My brain was running a hundred miles a minute, but all I could think about was Hikaro. I tried to speak but I had no idea what to say, so instead I grinned at Hikaro stupidly. He grinned back, looking more than a little nervous.
We lay like that for a while, our fingers intertwined gently, in a softer silence. I was drinking in all of Hikaro's features; it was as though he was a whole new person to me. His vividly blue eyes; his soft, flaming hair; his strong, smiling face. And I could feel him doing the same. "…Would you kiss me?" he asked quietly. I jumped. "Huh? W-why?" He shrank back into himself. "Because…I like you…and I thought maybe…I thought we could…" I smiled as his voice tailed away. "Go on then," I whispered, and couldn't stop smiling as he drew closer to me.
I could feel his lips on mine; his body was next to mine; his heart was beating on top of mine. And then it was over, and he pulled back softly, his eyes focused on mine. I felt like I was blushing – but I never blushed. Hikaro laughed quietly, and I nodded, still smiling heavily. And then we were kissing again, stood up now, his hands on my back, and my hands in his hair…his fingers tickled over my waist gently as I drew closer to him…and his smell was so familiarly comfortable, his touch was so well-known…
We broke apart as the bell rang loudly. I gasped; that meant it was midnight, and I had to get up early in the morning! I pulled back and pulled an apologetic face before rushing over to the door. If I was caught out of my room now – although actually, I was an adult now. That meant I didn't have a curfew anymore. But I knew I should still go. "I-I'm sorry!" I said from the doorway. Hikaro smiled, his head cocked a little. "I'll see you in the morning," he breathed, drawing closer to me. I stole one last kiss from his soft lips and slipped out of the door, into the darkness.
I walked back to my room as quietly as possible, but I could hear my heartbeat pounding in my ears. Bubbles of fizzy dreams kept popping inside of me, filling me with a warm feeling of movie tomorrows. In my own room, tucked under the heavy covers, it didn't seem real. Everything felt so crazy and mixed up; it was Hikaro. I was Shii. We weren't a 'we', we couldn't be! I hadn't even entertained the idea of us…being an 'us'. Although I hadn't thought of there being an 'us' with anyone yet. I was too young for love! But my mum met my dad when she was seventeen…My head was so full of thoughts that it was a wonder I fell asleep at all that night.
The next morning, I threw my covers off and jumped straight out of bed. Looking in the mirror, I seemed to notice a definite change. My hair seemed to shine with electricity; my eyes were jumping with excited lights; my face seemed to be radiating a light that matched the burning hope inside of me. But there was no time to stand and think; I had work to do. Today I needed to take breakfast down to the Summoner's Sanctum before anything else.
I rushed down to the kitchen, hoping to see Hikaro there; he worked breakfast in the kitchen this day every week. But if he was there, I didn't see him. Cook descended on me straight away, pressing two trays piled high with food into my hands and shooing me out of his busy kitchen. I protested, but when I couldn't spot Hikaro from a quick glance around, I gave in and left. I would see him later anyway.
Knowing this, I started to walk down to the Sanctum, slowed by the precarious stacks of breakfast in my arms, when I bumped into Hikaro himself. "Hikaro!" I said happily. "Hey," he responded, trying to take my hand but realising that was impossible. "You need a hand with that?" I smiled at his politeness, but shook my head. "I would love one, but Cook will skin you alive if you're late today. He's in a right mood, and I wouldn't want you to be wasting any time later pleasing him." Hikaro's shoulders slumped, but he nodded, taking one quick kiss before scurrying in the opposite direction.
Down in the Sanctum, I let myself in and rang the bell by the door. "Come on, rise and shine!" I called in a bright voice. "It's set to be another wonderfully sunny day, guys!" I walked around the room handing food packages to each of the people sitting up and stretching. Various yawns and groans bounced off the walls, and I sat down with the Summoners to make sure they were eating, as per my duty.
The morning was quiet – until the crash that resounded in everyone's head, ripping through the peace sharply. I jumped to my feet and ran to the door, looking out. Smoke was already pouring through the corridors, so I sprinted back to the Summoners. "Move, move! Get going, you have to get out!" I yelled, panicking. A few people stumbled to their feet unsurely; I flew around the room, tugging the rest up to their feet. They were unsteady because they had only just woken up, but I was alive with fear. I led the group of Summoners and their guardians through the underground maze, calling them on with angry bellows. I wasn't sure of where to go exactly, but I knew my destination was the very bottom floor.
Once I could see the final door with its sign reading 'Airship Port', I flung it open and pushed everyone through it. "Come on, get going! You all need to board the airship and stick together!" I commanded, tugging the door shut behind me.
I flew up countless stairs on my way to the ground floor, alone again. Everywhere I looked was a new fire, more smoke billowing around, another panicking Al Bhed. I had noted the date and cursed; it was ten years to the day since my last home was destroyed. Maybe I was bad luck…But there was no time to wallow in self-pity now. I had to help out somehow.
On the ground floor, I aimed for the kitchen, but the way was blocked. My mind went blank then, thinking only of Hikaro. I tried to break my way through, but another explosion tore the air, forcing me backwards. I called his name loudly, but the words were tore from my mouth by the crackling flames. The corridor I was trying to get to was open now – but it was alight, blazing angrily. Swearing loudly, I wheeled around, hoping – praying – that Hikaro had escaped, and was safe…please let him be okay…
I stuck two fingers in my mouth and whistled loudly; an Al Bhed signal. If anyone was in the vicinity, they would return my call. I heard a weak return, and charged towards the source of the sound. "Mika!" I gasped, noting the familiar exhausted face. He was lying on the floor, looking totally drained, and his leg clearly broken. He paled at the sight of me – only just visible behind the layer of soot caked onto him. "You shouldn't be here; you should have got yourself safe. You're a young one, one of our most valuable ones-" I cut off his protests by lifting him over my shoulder and running back towards the main stairs. I passed countless bodies; some breathing, some not. But there was no way I could help them all.
"Shii!" The call was weak, but I definitely heard it. I scanned the room, having to squint to see through the copious amounts of smoke. "Shii!" they called again and I finally spotted the source. It was Neki, looking angry but unhurt. "Neki! What's happening, what's going on?" I was desperate for information, and Mika was growing heavier by the minute. "It was those bloody Yevonites, of course! Who else?" he spluttered furiously, taking Mika from me without having to ask. He started to lead me forwards, but I needed to ask him something. "Have you seen Hikaro?" I asked loudly. He shook his head, "No, he wasn't on the airship. I'm sure he's fine though." I span round, but he caught my arm. "It's suicide; we're leaving when I get back. Cid's going to do what he has to." I swallowed. "I can't do anything without Hikaro. I…I'm in love."
I wrenched my arm out of Neki's grasp and started sprinting away. I allowed myself one desperate glance back at my last hope of survival, and then kept running. Neki shook his head helplessly, gesturing and shouting, but his words were lost on me. I couldn't stop repeating my last words in my head. It was only then that I realised they were true; I couldn't live without him, and I had finally realised that I was in love with him.
I kept running through the Home. I had no idea where Hikaro was, but I had to try and find him. Our last kiss was playing in my thoughts repeatedly; what if it was truly our last kiss? I pushed the idea to the back of my mind, and kept charging forward. "Hikaro? Hikaro? Hikaro!" I called desperately, punctuating his name with a sharp whistle each time. I could feel the smoke filtering through my body, and I had to pause for a fit of wheezing coughs.
In that minute I had stop moving, everything seemed to explode. The roof collapsed down, the pillars holding it up started to crumble and fall, the floor was shaking uncontrollably – my whole world was imploding around me. A sudden force around my waist pushed me forward, under the shelter of a fallen wall panel, where I was safe. The crashing sounds were deafening me, and no matter how many times I blinked the whole building was still blurring and trembling. I peeked out from my cover to see who had saved me, but a cinderblock landed an inch away from me, and I withdrew quickly.
Then it hit. The loud, rumbling boom that exploded out from the centre of the building, radiating out and raising hell with anything its rough touch reached. Cid had done it. Having known there was no way to save Home, he had made a sacrifice to take out as many Yevonites as he could. It had been his back-up plan ever since he built Home, which is why the explosives were so strategically placed. The crashes and bangs still hadn't stopped, so I curled up into a ball.
Knowing that Hikaro was almost definitely dead and I would be going the same way any moment now, a strange feeling of calm passed over me. No longer did I have to worry about life or the future or love; it was all over now. But eventually the noises filtered out, and I decided to brave a scout around. My shelter had been caved in, and so I started to dig my way out. Thankfully (because of all my work with machina) I was a little stronger than most girls my age, so with a little work I began to make progress. My hands sustained many cuts and grazes and were streaming blood, but I barely noticed. My whole body had gone numb. It was like ice was freezing me from the inside out, starting with my heart. Maybe this was what death and loss did to you…
When the first few rays of blinding light broke into my makeshift cave, a sudden burst of strength filled me for long enough to widen the hole considerably. I clambered out of the gap, gashing my leg as I climbed out, and gazed around, my breath catching in my throat and provoking my gag reflex. Forcing down the vomit clawing its way up, I whistled strongly. Once…no reply. Twice…no reply. Three times…there! A weak response echoed around the seemingly empty room. I stared around hard, and finally spotted a mop of radiant red hair.
Hope building up again, I forced my way over to the flash of red, using it as my beacon of hope. I kept tripping over the remains of Home, but I pressed on and was soon by the Al Bhed who had returned my call. "Hikaro!" I cried when I reached him. He groaned in response, "Shii…you're…okay…I'm…so g…glad." I shushed him, trying to reach him; he had been buried under a pile of rubble. I needed to touch him, feel his warmth – I needed to know he was okay.
"I thought you were…I thought…I'm sorry!" I called over the hiss of the fires, finally burning down and flickering out. Hikaro's familiar chuckle greeted me weakly, and I shook with the effort of not crying. I had to be strong for him. "Take my hand!" I shouted, hoping it would comfort both of us. His face materialised in the darkness, pale but smiling beautifully. His trembling hand reached out for mine, and I scrabbled at the waste around me, desperate to get closer. I stretched my arm as far as it would go, waiting for it to meet his. We were silent as we both reached further, further, further…
"I…love…y-you," Hikaro yelled at me. "I love you too! I love you too!" I called, still reaching out. His smile shook and vanished, and his hand fell limply into mine. Finally I let the tears flow, unabated, down my face – just as they had ten years ago. I clutched desperately at the hand in mine, using my free arm to dig Hikaro out. It didn't take long before he was unrestricted, and I pulled his limp body out. He felt like a toy in my arms, and as I sobbed I cradled him in my arms. My perfect Hikaro was lying broken in my grasp, and there was no way I could ever fix him.
The roof of Home had collapsed in, so I could see the sun go down. I remembered last night's bloody sunset, and wished I had taken it literally. It had been foreshadowing the bloody events that were to unravel today…I could have saved him. Tonight, the sunset mocked me. A clear violet was creeping across the calm sky, stars already beginning to twinkle innocently, and the moon loomed out, pale and relaxed.
The darkness had completely thrown its blanket over us when I finally let go of the ragdoll that had once been Hikaro. I draped him gently over a smooth piece of rubble and combed his hair through with my fingers for the last time. I remembered our last kiss and refused to let it be our last…I leaned down and kissed his gentle lips one last time…they were as cold as pewter, but I relished what would definitely be our final treasure.
I worked my way out of the ruined Home and stood in the nearest stretch of desert. My hair felt tangled and flat; I knew my eyes had dimmed; my clothes were torn and dirty; my left ankle had been broken; my shoulder felt like it had broken…but worst of all, my heart was broken. I had lost my home again, and along with it my friends and my first love. Shaking still, I fell to my knees, hugging myself for warmth even in the sweltering desert night, my tears turning the golden sands to a muddy brown. I was all alone, the last Al Bhed at Home…