Chapter 1

My best friend Rachel and I were walking down the street to our houses when she got a call. I was listening to my music and didn't hear a word she was saying but I could tell by the expression on her face that she was extremely excited about what the person on the other line was saying. I smiled slightly at her but it quickly disappeared when I faintly heard three words I never wanted to hear: Big Time Rush. I picked up my pace and walked as fast as I could so that I could get away from those awful words that I had grown to hate. I heard footsteps coming up from behind me and I sped up my pace. It was just Rachel and when she caught up to me she said, "Sakura, I got front row tickets and backstage passes to go see Big Time Rush and I am taking you with me!"

"I don't want to go. I mean I don't like them and besides I don't want to hear a bunch of screaming girls anyway," I remarked while gently stroking my marred wrists under my arm warmers.

She laughed and said, "You used to be friends with them. I mean everyone in the whole town knows that but about four months after they left you got all depressed and started wearing darker clothing. You're all depressed now and the only people that made you smile were those four boys. What happened between you guys?"

"I don't want to talk about it, Ok?" I told her in a very harsh voice every word dripping with venom.

"Ok, well what will it take to get you to go with me?" she asked while pulling me through the front door of her beautiful home and into her room.

I sat down at her desk and said, "Homework for four months and you have to stop taking about James for four months."

She nodded her head and agreed with a, "Deal."

I smiled slightly before my face went back to its usual state. I was pulling my gloves up when Rachel noticed and asked, "Why do you wear those things? It's like ninety degrees out and you are wearing arm warmers and a jacket. What is up with that?"

I shook my head as if to say nothing and said, "I will see you the night of the concert. Don't forget to text me when it is, ok?"

After I said that, I left for my house which was right next door. When I got there, I ran up the stairs to my room and sat down at my desk in the corner of my biggish room. I turned my laptop on and went to type an e-mail to Logan. I told him that I was going to be at their concert and that I wasn't going to talk to Kendall. He emailed back immediately and told me that he told Carlos and James and that they are excited to see me. He also said that I should tell them what I was going to wear so that they could look for me.

I smiled at his message and decided to call him. The phone rang twice before he answered. (Phone conversation S= Sakura and L= Logan)

L: Hello?

S: Hey, Logie! How are you?

L: Good and you?

S: Ok I guess but I kinda don't want to go to your concert. I mean I miss you guys but I don't want to see Kendall after all he won't talk to me anymore.

L: I know but you'll have fun and we miss you too. You have backstage passes right?

S: Yeah, I have backstage passes but I don't want to talk Kendall. I mean after all he has done to me, there is no way I am going to talk to him.

L: We don't expect you to talk to him but you can hang out with me, James and Carlos. We will make sure you don't have to talk to him and keep you entertained with something.

S: Thanks for understanding. I just don't want a repeat of what he already did ya know? I mean I told you about the um… uh…

L: Yeah you told me about the….. cutting problem that you have and even though I don't approve of it I understand why you do it.

S: I just wish that there was a way to stop. I mean it wouldn't have happened if he would have kept in contact with me. Anyway, I got to go but I will talk to you at the concert. Thanks for the talk I really needed it. Bye.

L: Ok, I guess I will talk to you soon. Anytime you need to talk just let me know. I am always here for you and so are James and Carlos. Bye.

I hung up the phone and smiled to myself because I knew what Logan said was true. I went down the stairs and yelled, "Bye Mom. I am going out to look for clothes with Rachel."

I left the house before my mother could respond and texted Rachel to meet me at my car in two minutes. She responded with an ok and was at my car in twenty seconds. We got in my car and drove towards the mall. When we got to the mall, Rachel headed for Forever Twenty-one while I headed for Hot Topic. When I got to Hot Topic, I went straight for the band t-shirts. I found an old My Chemical Romance t-shirt in my size and I slung it over my arm and went to go find more clothes. I found some arm warmers and put them on my pile and then I found a black hoodie. Once I was done, I put my items on the register and paid for my clothes. When I was done with that, I exited the store and headed for Sephora. Upon my arrival there, I grabbed black eyeliner, black mascara, and black eye shadow. As soon as I had what I needed, Rachel walked up to me and asked, "Are you seriously going to wear black to the concert?"

"Yeah, I am. I thought you would have been used to it by now but I guess not," I remarked taking major attitude.

She just shook her head and responded with a, "Yeah, well I'm not and do you know why? Because you used to act different before the guys left."

"Oh yeah 'cause you know that it's my fault that after they left one of them stopped talking to me!" I yelled and everyone in the entire store stared at us.

I ignored the looks I was getting from everyone and walked up to the register. I paid for my makeup and left the store. I went over to a wall and slid down it feeling emotion take over. I could feel tears burning in the back of my eyes. I got up from the ground and made my way to my car.

Once I got to my car, I got in it but texted Rachel that I was waiting for her in the car. She showed up seconds later and slammed the door of my car. We didn't talk the whole way to our homes. I pulled into the driveway and Rachel got out. I watched her from my car seeing her brown hair swishing from side to side as she headed for home. I sighed and got out of the car.

I walked slowly up to my house and ran quickly up the stairs. As I was running up the stairs I was putting my black hair blue and red streaked hair in a pony tail. When I got to the top of the stairs, I ran into my room and went into my closet where I kept my cutting kit. I grabbed out my razor blades and walked into the bathroom with the rest of the kit. I took off my jacket and arm warmers and put the blade to the skin of my left wrist. I slid it across my skin and watched my blood drip into the sink. I slit one more on the same wrist and watched more of my blood drop on to the porcelain surface. I did the same with my other wrists and let the pain of Kendall not talking to me ooze into the sink along with my blood.

I rinsed my wrists and felt them burn. As I was rinsing them I glanced up into the mirror and saw my blue eyes glazed over with pain and suffering. I wrapped up my wrists and went to go get dressed for bed. Once I was dressed for bed, I put my iPod in my iHome and turned on some Fall Out Boy and crawled under the sheets of my bed. After I was situated in my bed, I fell into a deep sleep.

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