I wrote this a while ago but never posted it because it's so different to any topics I've covered before and I was scared no one would enjoy it as much as my other one shots. But, I decided to post it today as I feel like this kind of story line doesn't get mentioned and I wanted to explore it and share this with you. I hope you all enjoy it and please leave a review.
"Carla, I wasn't expecting you," David said as he opened the door to me, I stood with a bottle of wine in the same clothes I wore to work. Just a simple jumper with black jeans.
"Yeah, well I managed to shift a few things around," I smiled before entering the house, many people were gathered in the living room and I struggled to spot Nick straight away.
He was dressed casually and I smiled to myself as I spotted him talking to his Mum on the other side of the room. I walked behind him placing my hands around his waist; his body jumped slightly at my unexpected touch causing me to laugh.
"I didn't think you could make it," He commented as he turned around and placed a soft kiss upon my cheek.
"Well I'm a woman of many talents," I smiled, "Hiya Gail, how are you?"
"I'm well thank you Carla, would you like to see my Annex?" Gail asked, the question that must have left her lips at least ten times before I'd arrived.
"Oh I'd love to, it's the only reason I'm here," I told Gail before following her towards the Annex, I grabbed Nick's hand causing him to give me a look.
"And you see, I especially like this cabinet," Gail told me, I nodded trying to look as interested as possible.
"It looks great for storage," I commented, I looked to Nick who was trying not to laugh at my attempt to sound interested.
"The shelves are really good for photos as well," Gail said picking up one of the frames, "This is Nick as a baby."
"Ah, look at him," I laughed, "Your eyes were so bright."
"Okay, yeah let's put that back," Nick said embarrassed at his baby photos being shown.
"No, Nick you were so sweet," I said smiling at him.
"I've got a whole photo album somewhere," Gail said rummaging through a cupboard to retrieve it.
"Right, I'm going out of here then," Nick said before walking out of the room.
"Why does it stop there?" I asked as Gail showed me the last photo in the album. It had gone from Nick's baby photos right up to a photo of him on his thirtieth.
"I've got a few more I need to put in but since well," Gail took a deep breath in causing me to sit next to her on the bed instead of crouching beside her.
"It's ok," I said awkwardly as I saw Gail become emotional.
"Since the accident, he's changed – really changed. On the outside it all looks fine and as if he's made a really good recovery but, Carla he hasn't."
"He has bad days, I mean sometimes he has headaches I guess," I said, for a moment I thought about Nick, really thought. I'd often be so wrapped up in my own problems, so stressed I rarely checked if he was okay. Which was wrong, I knew it was wrong but it's who I was. I thought about Nick and when I really thought about it there were days it get frustrated easily or days where he'd get really tired and there were days where he was so quiet in the evenings.
"Since the accident I haven't had any photos of him, he never gets involved in family things as much," Gail explained and I listened intensely to the words she was saying to me, "It's as if Nick doesn't want this life, it's as if he thinks it's two different lives. But he's still my Nick, he just can't add all that well."
"Not that maths was his strong point anyway," I joked as I remembered showing him the factory books for the first time all those years ago.
"I just want him to live Carla, I want him to really live."
"I didn't even know any of this," I said guilt hinting in my voice, "I want to help him, support him. Maybe together if we-"
"Is it safe to come in?" Nick's voice sounded before he put his head around the door, I smiled softly at him then nodded.
"It came to a premature end because there's no photos beyond your thirtieth," I said to him, I looked at him but he tried to refrain from looking at me.
"I'll leave you two to talk, I'll make a speech or something to keep everyone else out," Gail said giving Carla a smile before leaving the couple alone in the room.
"Nick, talk to me," I said quietly as Nick paced the room purposely avoiding me.
"I don't want to talk about it, Carla. There's nothing to say," He told me but I could sense nerves in his voice as he spoke.
"Well I want to talk about it," I told him bluntly reaching forward to grab his hand. He sighed as I stroked my thumb against his knuckles, "Nick, please."
"What did Mum say?" He asked me, he turned to face me for the first time since he got back in the room.
"She told me that since the accident you, well you don't seem to be living," I explained, "She said how there's no photos, no nothing, it's as if the only time you were alive was before the accident."
"I just," Nick sighed, a sigh full of so many emotions, "I don't know how to explain it, I don't think I know how I feel myself."
"That's okay, it's okay to feel like that," I told him truthfully, "Sit down ey, and we can talk. Maybe if you talk about it you'll start to understand."
Nick hesitantly took a seat beside me on the bed, our hands were still entwined as Nick took a deep breath.
"I want everyone to remember me before the accident," Nick told me.
"You're still Nick; you're still the most annoying, caring, selfless man I know."
"Before the accident I was everything I wanted to be, I could do everything I wanted to do. I lived my life every day and I was good at what I did. I could do it so well."
"And you still can," I reminded him gently.
"But I can't, I can't. I have to get Leanne to do the books at work and I have to get the bank to check my statements if I'm unsure. I can't do things without getting frustrated if I can't do it first time. I get tired so much quicker than before. Carla, I'm not the same person," Nick was so honest, so open about things. We both sat with tears in our eyes and I stroked my thumb over his cheek to rid one of his falling ones.
"Nick, it's okay to need help. When something happens like this things are going to change, of course they are. But, I promise everyone still wants to remember you," I told him, I moved closer to him so my head could rest on his shoulder, my arm snaking around his back.
"I'm scared to ask for help, I always used to do things by myself, I was always so independent," Nick said as he relaxed at my touch.
"You never need to be scared, we're all here to help. No one's going to think any less of you, Nick."
"People liked the old Nick, they liked who I was and now I'm just Nick with brain damage," Nick sighed causing Carla to allow a tear to roll down her face.
"Nick, you're anything but Nick with brain damage. God, you're everything, you're everything to me," I told him truthfully, his arm wrapped around me and he pulled my body closer to his.
"I feel like I'm nothing compared to what I used to be, Carla, I only want people to remember the old me."
"No one thinks any less of you now, everyone is here for you Nick, everyone is here to help you and support you."
"Who's everyone though?" Nick asked quietly.
"All your family, especially your Mum, Nick – she adores you, she really loves you. Then there's David, he caused this but Nick, he's here for you as is Kylie. Your Gran would support you through anything. Then there's Sarah and Bethany; Bethany definitely worships the ground you walk on Uncle Nicky," I said nudging him causing him to smile.
"They're my family, they have to care," Nick sighed.
"Leanne, she's always willing to help you even after everything that's happened between you two. All your staff enjoy working for you, Nick they think you're amazing. Well and then there's me," I said before turning his head with my hand so we were looking at each other.
"Nick, I love you. I love you, I love your good days and your bad days. I love how much you've achieved, I love how caring you are, how thoughtful, how kind, how loving. You saved me when no one else could and I love every part of you. Even when you annoy me, even when you're driving me up the wall I still love you. That will never change. I want to support you, help you, and be there for you. I want you to talk to me, confined in me, trust me. Because Nick, I love you no matter what."
As I finished speaking I smiled at Nick before wiping the tears that were falling down his face. I placed a gentle kiss on his forehead before he pulled me into an embrace.
"Thank you," He whispered to me as we pulled apart, "Thank you for listening."
"Always," I smiled before reaching for my phone in my bag, "Now shall we take a photo and then your Mum can put it in her album," I smiled.
"Yeah," Nick smiled and I held the phone up in front of us and we smiled and we took a photo that conveyed so much. It conveyed love, it conveyed trust and it conveyed moving on and accepting the life we're given.
We keep this love in a photograph.
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