"Tris went into the Weapons Lab instead of Caleb," Cara says. "She survived the death serum, and set off the memory serum, but she...she was shot. She's...being treated now, " Cara stops to wipe a tear from her face (something very out of place for an Erudite), "But the medical staff...They don't know. They just don't think she'll make it. She's so small, and she's lost so much blood."
No, that can't be true. She may be small, but she's not weak. She can't be dying. Not Tris. Not her.
Christina is silent by my side, and I can tell without looking that she's trying her best to keep from collapsing. I try to stay firm, too, but it's no use. I collapse to my knees, and I think I'm crying, but I can't tell. My head is swimming. I see her everywhere. In the halls at school, in her Abnegation gray; at the Dauntless compound, now tattooed and clad in black. I see us kissing beneath the chasm. It's so real. She's right here.
It's funny how they say your life flashes before your eyes when you think you're going to die. Because I know, I just know, that if she dies, I cannot live. And the only parts of my life worth seeing are the ones where she is beside me.
I go to see her...sometime. I don't know how long it has been since Cara first told me what happened.
Her body looks so fragile. She is bandaged in too many places to count, and every bandage is covered in her blood. But she is not fragile. My Tris is not fragile. She is beautiful, and stubborn. She is selfish and brave, and yet is one of the only people I know that knows what it is like to be truly Abnegation. She won't die...She can't.
I look to Christina for reassurance, but turn away when I see the tears that are streaming down her face. She sobs. I sob, too.
Sometime later I'm back in my room in the compound. Christina has fallen asleep with her head in my lap, and I realize for the first time that she is my friend, not just Tris's. We are bound together by Tris, and that bond can never be broken.
Caleb walks into the room.
I gingerly push Christina's head aside and walk towards him. I know that Tris wouldn't like what I was about to do. But I just couldn't stop myself.
I start coming at him quickly now, and have crossed the room in seconds. I grab his collar and stare in his face just long enough to see tears well up.
"It should've been you!" I scream in his face, "You should be the one dying, not her, you coward!" It takes me a few seconds to realize that I have just acknowledged my greatest fear. She is dying. I drop Caleb and he crumples to the ground with a thud.
He lays there for a while, just staring at the floor, whimpering. He says, "You don't think I don't know that, Tobias?"
I process what he said. Of course. Of course he knows. He has been trying to show her that, hasn't he? That he's sorry for what he did to her...But it doesn't matter to me. She is dying, because of him! Because he hasn't a Dauntless bone in his body. Because he couldn't put blood before faction. Because the only person he knows how to love is himself.
I look back to see Christina staring up at me in confusion.
"Don't follow me!" I scream at her as I walk down the hall. Down the hall to see Tris.
My footsteps echo down the sterile hallway. I am so confused that I almost pass the room where Tris is. I can see Cara inside, leaning over her.
"Where are the doctors?" I ask.
"Everyone from the compound is in a meeting. Tris wiped their memory, remember?" She scoffs.
"Is she going to be ok without a doctor here?" I walk towards a seat by her body.
"For the time being...I spoke to someone," She hesitates, "They said her condition is very unstable. She has had a lot of internal bleeding."
I put my head into my hands. I pull them back wet. Cara looks at me and says, "I'll leave you alone," or something similar. I can't tell. All I hear are my own racing thoughts. When my head clears, I take a good look at Tris. All her bandages have been changed recently, but are still spotted with blood. Her only clothes are the bandages covering her body. Her eyes are closed, but her cheeks are flushed, and it looks like she could wake up any minute. I could hear her say "I love you," one more time. I could look into her eyes again. We could have that sweet time together where neither of us fought. We could start a new life, and replace our losses with new memories: happier memories.
There's a chair propped against one wall. I grab it and drag it to her bedside. I grasp her hand that doesn't have an IV sticking out of it. She's cold.
I always thought that if I lost Tris it would be because she was endangering her life recklessly, like when she went to the Erudite compound to ease her conscience. But this...This wasn't guilt, and this wasn't reckless. Despite everything, she loves Caleb. She has put her blood before faction. She saved him because she loved him.
"I love you," I whisper into her ear. And she opens her eyes.