Title: It's only natural
Rating: T, for like, one swear? Also it's TWEWY so yeah.
Characters: Neku Sakuraba, Sanae Hanekoma, Joshua Kiry
A/N: Remember when I said I was done writing about Josh and Neku for awhile? I lied. I am a liar. A giant, filthy liar. Don't look at me. I wanted to write about Josh doing birdy things but I couldn't figure out how to make it work and then voila this happened. Enjoy Joshua acting like a bird and all of my Reaper headcanons~
X
Joshua pulls a lot of weird crap. Like, a lot. Neku cannot stress how bizarre some of the stuff he does is.
Neku is all about 'expanding your horizons' and 'change through clashing'. He is open minded now. He is always looking for opportunities to broaden his view, to see if he can't make his life more positive.
This though? This is just too strange, even for him.
"What did I do?" Neku asks no one in particular. "Was I a dictator in my past life? A serial killer?" There's no response, and he sighs. "I must have done something." Joshua is the only one in the WildKat right now, so he's the only one who can answer- but he won't, of course, because he's a little preoccupied with... God, Neku doesn't even know how to begin to describe it.
Joshua is sitting on the counter, crouched down with his knees knocking against Neku's back every time he moves. His hands are draped around Neku's shoulders, linked gently in the concave of his neck, and his wings are curled elegantly forward, ever-so-slightly encircling him. Neku's sitting on the bar stool, like a normal person, wondering what the hell kind of guy he must have been in his past lives to deserve all the crap he puts up with in this one, while Joshua... preens his hair.
Neku is no biology major, but he knows the basics. When he was little he had an older cousin who worked part time at a pet store, and sometimes after school he'd let Neku sit in and watch him feed the birds. There were all these little colorful ones, bright greens and blues, that would sit together on tiny perches and run each others feathers through their beaks. His cousin had explained to him that it was how they kept each other clean.
All this supernatural death-god stuff is still new to him, so he's no expert. Angels have wings though, and they're clearly not human (even if some of them used to be), so in a way it sort of makes sense? Kind of? They're essentially avian-humans, right? Bird people? And you can't exactly wash down a giant set of feathered wings with shampoo, they aren't easy to clean, there has to be some alternative.
But seriously? Preening? Legitimate preening, with his teeth? Angels have wings but they're not birds, they don't even have beaks- Josh isn't a harpy or a tengu, he's not even a real Angel. He's a Composer. He's like... a baby angel. Wait, no, that's too cute. Neku can't think of a better example though, and so he's stuck with the mental image of adorable fluffy baby-angel Josh. Crud.
Joshua leans farther forward and takes a lock of Neku's hair between his teeth, tugging gently, splitting apart his carefully gelled spikes and smoothing it out. His hair is fanning down awkwardly in places now, still defying gravity but in a way that's far less attractive. Neku doesn't know how he can stand it, the taste of all those hair products. It's a good thing he's already dead, because if wasn't, this shit would be killing him anyway. Joshua makes a strange sound that is much too similar to the cooing of a dove, and Neku still can't believe this isn't a joke.
That was his first impression. That this was Joshua's messed-up version of a joke, some stupid prank to try and make him uncomfortable. Except the usual snarky comments and giggling involved in making Neku regret having left the house weren't present. Joshua hadn't responded to any of Neku's protests- when Neku had tried scooting away Josh had just shuffled after him, wings outstretched, continuing his work as though Neku hadn't said a word.
And it's not like Josh is ignoring him, either. It's like he's completely oblivious, so far into whatever zone he's in that he's lost his awareness of the real world. They'd been sitting at the table, and Josh had been talking about Tin Pin Slammurai (something about a season finale or whatever), and Neku had just nodded along because he wasn't really in-tune with his inner dork today- and then suddenly Josh was on the table, chewing on his hair. And when he'd tried to move, Josh had just followed him. Neku had tried for a solid ten minutes to snap him out of it, but to no avail- he'd given up, resigned himself to slouching at the counter and waiting for the madness to end.
He's been waiting for the madness to end for months, actually, but he's kind of dropped those expectations too.
"You know this is really weird, right?" Neku asks, looking up. Joshua does not reply, as is expected- he just continues tugging at Neku's hair, content as a little bird can be. "Except you're not a bird," Neku says aloud, not sure if he's addressing Joshua or just the universe. Either way, it's in vain. Neku sighs. He's really glad none of the others are here. Eri and Shiki would have a field day.
"Why can't I have normal friends?" Neku wonders. He can deal with a lot of weirdness, it sort of comes with the reincarnation territory, but seriously, there needs to be some sort of line! Neku still wasn't sure exactly where that line was, but he definitely knows that Joshua has crossed it.
Bells clatter, and Neku looks up to see Mr. H stepping through the door with a large paper bag in his hands. He sighs with relief.
"Thank God," he calls, and Mr. H looks over. The look on the man's face is that of surprise at first- apparently he thought he was going to be alone this morning -but then he's smiling a little, shaking his head and chuckling, utterly amused. It takes all of Neku's willpower not to groan in exasperation. His only lifeline has sunk.
"Having fun?" Mr. H asks, dropping the bag on the counter. Joshua's wings rustle, slightly aware of the disturbance but undettered.
"Loads. It's always been my dream to have my hair cleaned by a zombie-angel boy."
"Hey, hey, let's not use the z-word. It's offensive." Mr. H's tone teeters between joking and warning, and Neku's not sure how serious he is. Not that it matters. The political-correctness of undead labeling isn't the biggest of his issues right now.
"Could you please tell me what the heck is going on here?" Neku sighs. He's starting to get a headache, but he can't do anything about it because Joshua has taken possession of his head. He's scared he'll lose a finger if he tries touching anything.
"It's a Reaper thing," Mr. H shrugs, unfazed. He ducks into the kitchen before Neku can say another word, but reappears a moment later with a mug in hand, heading toward the coffee maker. "They clean each others wings."
"Why?" Neku asks, honestly perplexed. It seems too weird. It's like... bathing each other. That gives Neku a mental image he does not need, and he shudders, quickly discarding it.
Reapers were once Players. It's not like they're that far gone- no matter how long it's been since they died, they can still return to the RG, they still interact with the living. They aren't that far off from being human. Surely they don't just abandon all reasoning and embrace these alien instincts, right?
"Honestly? Most of us can't reach back far enough." Mr. H chuckles. Neku stares at him. Omnipotent ethereal beings act like parakeets because they can't get in between their wings? He's becoming less and less impressed with the "intricate world" of the afterlife every day.
"The wings are an extension of the soul, Neku." Mr. H points out, noticing his look. "We can't have our souls getting dirty."
Neku nods slightly, a little resigned. That does make some sense. Your power in the UG is determined by the strength of your Imagination, your soul. If your soul is clogged with filth, it would make it harder to function.
He can't imagine what it would be like, to have his soul exposed like that: sticking out from his shoulders for the world to see, to judge. What must it feel like, to have something so personal and fragile, out in the open for anyone to look at and touch? It's so scrutinizing, so violating. No wonder Joshua doesn't like to show off his wings. If Neku was in his place, he'd never pull them out of hiding.
They're out now though. Joshua's wings. Perfectly in the open, for all to see, stretched out and curled around. They're soft, downy- the way they looked that one time when he, Eri and Shiki had caught him sleeping, unaware, unthreatened. He's noticed the feathers get stiff when he's tense, like a cat's hackles rising, and Neku guesses it's because the wings are manifestations of his soul.
It must take a lot of trust, to let someone see them, touch them. Neku smiles a little, but it's kind of sad. He wonders if Joshua has ever let anyone touch his wings. Maybe Mr. H. Maybe. Neku is tempted to reach out, to try and brush against one- he's only touched them once, while Joshua was asleep, but that was awhile ago and it was different. He hadn't known. It would be easy to do it now, too, but there's something about understanding the importance of it that makes Neku hesitate. Joshua isn't himself right now, not really. It doesn't seem fair.
"So no one's made any sort of angel wing comb or something?" Neku asks, trying to distract himself. Mr. H looks at him and laughs a little.
"That's a nice thought, but as far as the list of priorities go, monitoring the cycle of life and death is a tad more important than wing hygiene."
Neku nods, wincing as Joshua pulls on a lock of hair a little too hard, trying to teeth his way through a knot. Leave it to Angels- fretting and nagging humanity about fashion, yet they don't even know how to clean their own wings.
"So, why is he so out of it?" Neku asks. Mr. H leans on the counter, looking over at them, amused.
"Some people give into their instincts more than others. They find it easier to let go of the whole humanity thing for a bit, just embrace that other part."
"What is that other part?" Neku winces again as Joshua pulls harder, spitting out some red hairs. He hopes he won't have bald spots when this is done.
"That's a good question Neku." Mr. H says. Neku is expecting him to continue, to further his explanation, but he doesn't. He takes a long sip from his mug and he stares forward. Neku can't tell what it is he's looking at.
It's quiet for a minute, the only sounds coming from the coffee machine and the restless rustling of Joshua's wings. Neku thinks about that 'other part' for a good deal longer. There are so many things he doesn't understand, about what comes after the Game, after being a Reaper. He isn't sure he really wants to understand all of it. Maybe it's best if it's left a mystery. He's human though, and he can't help his own curiosity.
"It's less painful, letting go," Mr. H says suddenly, out of nowhere, and Neku looks up, startled by his voice. The Angel is still staring at the wall, body here but mind somewhere far away. "It's strange, y'know? That whole animal piece of you, that extra part that comes out when you die. Humans aren't really aware of it, but once you leave the Realground it's just... there. You might not find it until after you become a Reaper, but it's always there." He takes another sip from his coffee, then puts the mug down and sighs, kind of quiet. Joshua has moved down and is tugging at some of the hairs on the back of his neck, and Neku is ignoring the chills down his spine, pretending it doesn't feel good at all.
"Sometimes it's just easier to let go of who you are for a bit, let your instincts take over. You don't have to remember it, you flip a switch for a few minutes and then you're back. Like it never happened."
Neku nods, and Joshua makes an irritated noise, grabbing his head and holding it still for a moment before returning to his preening. It's strange, he thinks. Joshua never struck him as the type who would care that much. Not about that sort of thing. He seems like the sort of person who would embrace death in its entirety, and not get so self-conscious about the divide between humanity and... whatever this is.
"He wasn't, really," Mr. H says, as if reading his mind, and Neku is startled for all of five seconds before remembering that Mr. H is an Angel and yeah he probably was reading his mind. He shoots him a nasty look and Mr. H grins sheepishly, shrugging an apology. "Sorry Phones, nasty habit. Doesn't help when your thoughts are blasting like that." he adds, and Neku blushes a little. He hadn't realized they were. "It's normal for Players who make it back. They're like leaky faucets, you can never really turn them off." He winks, and Neku rolls his eyes, looking to the ground.
"Thanks, I guess..." Neku mumbles. He kind of wishes he'd brought his headphones- Joshua told him, rather annoyed, that they make it harder to see into his mind -but he knows it doesn't really matter. Even if he had them Josh would have knocked them off by now. "What do you mean, he wasn't?"
"Josh never used to tune out like this," Mr. H says. He looks deep in thought. "It's usually the younger Reapers who resort to it- the ones who are more concerned about losing their humanity."
Neku snorts without even meaning to. Joshua doesn't seem like the type to get hung up on that sort of thing. Neku has trouble imagining him caring that much about anything, much less humanity. This thought only lasts a moment though, before Neku wonders if maybe he's not giving him enough credit. He feels kind of mean, and then he feels kind of sad, and he's glad that Joshua can't hear him, or his thoughts.
"Since when is Joshua worried about losing his humanity?" he smiles sardonically. Mr. H picks up his mug again, taking a quick sip before standing up and turning to go. He shrugs a little, smiling thoughtfully before looking over at Neku.
"Let's see... it probably started around the time he started hanging out with you kids."
And with that, Mr. H vanishes into the kitchen, leaving Neku alone with Joshua and the silence of their thoughts.