Something to Live For
It was a few moments at most; Red firing the gun, the fall down to the pavement, lying there while waiting for the car to pull away. Yet it was enough time to reflect about the last couple of weeks.
Not too long ago, Don thought that this was supposed to happen to him. Tanida probably would have gone for the head shot instead of a single shot to the chest, but semantics didn't matter now. It didn't change the fact that Audrey had saved his life that day, but it took until this moment for Don to realize that she had saved it long before.
What had just happened was because Don invited the opportunity to get 'shot.' For despite the looks he got at the post office earlier, he wanted to experience what could have happened that day. It didn't come with the pain of when he was shot by Garrick's men, but the initial impact, the fall, heck, the groan of pain... that was real.
For days, he wanted to be one who took the bullet instead of Audrey. But as his back settled against the pavement; the red liquid staining his shirt, Don knew deep down that him dying wouldn't have made Audrey any happier.
Maybe one day, she would have been. Maybe if she was pregnant, she could find joy in raising their kid. However, Don knew that wanting to change to past didn't do anyone any favours, nor did thinking about scenarios that could never happen. It didn't make the grieving any easier, but that was why he threw himself back into his job. Yet as each day passed, he found himself acting differently while he was on the clock.
For years, he had been ready to die for the cause, for the job. His years as an agent had taught him that it was more important to survive than to live, but Audrey had reminded him that there was a reason to keep fighting to stay alive. In a way, that memory was still there as Don opened his eyes now, knowing that the car had to be far enough away.
There was nothing outstanding about the sky above him, but as long as he could see it, he could still press forward. For now, this job would be his focus, but as much as he hated to admit it, Red had been right. The last few days, her death wasn't the first thing he thought of in the morning, nor was it the last thing he thought of at night. The memory was still present, the details were still there, but it didn't rule his mind like it did before.
The silence was finally interrupted by footsteps approaching him, so Don knew the ruse was over. "You think he bought it?" he asked as he brought his head up.
"Well, I did," Meera deadpanned, implying more with her tone than with the words she spoke.
The whole team had been dropping hints to Ressler to go home, to take more time off, because this wasn't the best grieving method. Don understood that, but it seemed to be working for him, as he felt ready to start moving on from what happened. He knew it was what Audrey would have wanted, but now, Don realized it was something he wanted too.
~End~