Personal Authors Notes: I've missed writing so much! If anyone remembers my fic Arrows & Bullets (historical-fiction during First Sino-Japanese War) I'm hoping to get back to it, but it just requires so much research, but I still love the concept so much (and hope you do too) that I really want to finish it. But in the meantime, here's just a little drabble I cooked up.
Story Authors Notes: This is AU set about Neji's death. Admittedly I do not follow Naruto vigilantly and have not read any stories with this concept, so if someone and I have the same ideas, I truly wasn't stealing. Shinoten established kind of friendly acquaintances?
WARNING: I mention religion, or a lack thereof, and so if you're touchy about that kind of thing, maybe don't read. Or you can read, and flame, if you'd like, because I really couldn't give two shits.
Disclaimer: Copyrights of characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto
He paused for a moment before opening the door to the funeral home. Following the directions of the attendant, Shino turned the corner to see the hall filled with people. At the front of the room the casket was surrounded by flowers and candles. There was a guestbook on a table next to a portrait, which he signed. Putting the pen down he stared at the picture. The camera straight on, the look on his face determined, it was the photo of a warrior. It looked like it was taken recently, but Shino had not seen him for a while. It is only after losing someone do you wish you had seen them more often. Shino turned his head away slightly to hide his remorse. He walked silently to the back, and watched.
Hinata had just finished speaking, and was dabbing tears from her eyes. She stepped down from the podium, and walked back to her seat. Seeing him, she gave a weak attempt at a smile and motioned for him to come sit with her. Shino hesitated. Those seats should have been reserved for those close to him when he died. He didn't deserve to be around all of these people who cared so much while he remained with the same masking look of indifference.
But Hinata was still standing, and for fear of making this an awkward situation, he walked over to her and sat down. He could see her shaking, and he reached out to place a steady hand on top of her quivering ones. She stopped shaking, and she seemed to relax. The next speaker was announced and he gently squeezed Hinata's hands before looking up to see Tenten walking to the front of the room.
"Good evening everyone," she said. "And thank you all for coming. It means a lot to me, Neji's family, and I'm sure, to Neji, that you are all here today to celebrate his life."
She paused, squeezing her eyes tight to push away tears. "Neji was not only a genius, a warrior, a leader, and a true hero, but he was also my best friend. And there are so many memories we have together, I don't even know where to start."
She paused again. Hinata looked at her sympathetically. Shino could tell she was becoming frustrated with herself. She attempted to speak again but she could only muster a few choked words before she covered the microphone and motioned to Lee. Lee immediately got up and walked over to her, placing a hand on her shoulder. She looked at him briefly before she walked off. Lee watched her for a moment before clearing his throat, and started to speak. Hinata's eyes followed Tenten out of the room, and she turned to Shino.
"I should go check to make sure she's okay," she sniffled, wiping the tears from her face and starting to get up. Shino placed a hand on her shoulder, gently pushing her back down.
"It is fine," he said. "I will check on Tenten."
Noticing Kiba had arrived, Shino motioned for him to come over to sit with Hinata. After he made sure everything was settled, he slipped quietly out of the room. Walking quietly around the halls, he could find no trace of Tenten. He politely asked an attendant if they had seen her, and they directed him to the garden.
He found Tenten sitting on a bench underneath a magnolia tree. She was staring out into the distance, and made no sign that she noticed him when he walked over to stand a few feet away from her. They remained in silence. After a few minutes of watching clouds disappear over the horizon, she cleared her throat to get his attention. She motioned for him to sit with her, and while Shino was hesitant, he took a seat beside her on the bench.
"You know, there was this one Valentine's day a couple years ago when Sakura received a bouquet of roses," she said, turning to him. She reached up and pulled a magnolia off a branch. "Oh, but not just any roses. They were origami roses. She claimed that it was because real roses die, but I swear it was only because she didn't want the guy to buy from Ino."
She smiled sadly, twirling the flower around her finger. "But even so, it got me thinking. If someone were to buy me flowers, would I want origami roses? Roses that would never die? And I know it seems like a trivial sort of thing, but I realized that I would want real roses. Ones that shrivel up and turn water green when their leaves fall into the vase and wilt and that would eventually die. Because there is something very tragically beautiful about living things in the way that they are just so...temporary. That in this big universe that is 14 billion years old, things only live for an infinitesimal amount of that time in an infinitesimal amount of space. They come, and they go.
"And I thought that about people, too. Imagine, out of those 14 billion years, you and I were born at essentially the same infinitessimally small amount of time, that teeny tiny little instant in all of history. That it is you sitting on this bench with me, not anyone else. But you.
"And Neji," she paused, brushing away her tears. "We were born at the same little piece of time as Neji, and I am so thankful, and so lucky. I think that is as close to magic as we will ever come. That I was born in this universe at essentially the same time, essentially the same place with him, so that I could have a chance to have someone so wonderful in my life. Who gave me such happiness and fulfillment.
"But then all of a sudden, he's gone. And relative to the universe, we will have come and gone around the exact same moment. And I know Neji and I and you and everyone in on this planet are all just so fucking temporary. But now I just feel so stupid for believing in that 'tragic beauty' when all I feel now is the tragedy, and I would give anything to have a small piece of time with Neji that could just be infinite."
She let the flower go, and it flew away in the evening wind. She looked at Shino with an unreadable expression. Noticing no change in his demeanor, she sighed and moved to get up.
Shino reached out and gently placed his hand on her arm.
"It is fine if you are not...ready to go back quite yet. There is plenty of time left in the ceremony to pay your respects," he said, attempting to sound gentle.
She seemed to think about it for a moment before sitting down. They sat for a few minutes in silence, just watching the sky and the wind.
"Do you believe in God, Shino?" she asked.
Shino seemed slightly taken aback, but began to ponder his answer.
"I do not know. I tend to reserve judgments on such matters," he finally said.
"I'm not sure if I do either," she admitted. "But sometimes…"
She began to shake, and Shino became worried, realizing he probably should have stolen tissues from Hinata. But she cried silent, single tears. They left the same sad trail down her face, a new one only appeared after the one before had fallen off of her chin, onto of her folded hands in her lap. She took a deep breath before continuing.
"Sometimes I wish I did. So I could believe that one day I would have that eternity with those I love."
She began to cry again, and Shino cursed his stupidity, realizing he probably shouldn't have volunteered to console someone so...thoughtful, so in touch with how she felt. Someone who knew so much about feelings and emotions and caring all these things he wish he could have figured out. Someone who seemed to think about things that were truly important. But he remembered comforting Hinata earlier. So he began to slowly reach out his hand, and placed it on top of hers, so her tears fell on his hand instead.
She turned in surprise to look at him. Feeling brave, he reached out to pick another magnolia from the tree, and lifted one of her hands to place the flower in palm of the hand beneath it.
"You do not have to believe in God to believe in happy endings," Shino said.
He folded her hands on top of one another again, and for the first time in a long time, he let himself feel as his hand remained holding her.