Violet eyes met my own wide emeralds, the silence ringing in my ears as I opened my mouth to say something, anything to redeem myself. The words died on my tongue as Ivan's lips tugged into a wide smile, and I clutched the sheets covering myself tightly in my trembling hands like a lifeline, watching him anxiously from my bed. He tilted his head slightly, taking a step towards me, smiling innocently like he'd seen nothing at all, eyes sweeping over my tense body without batting an eyelid.
"What's wrong, Litva~?" he purred, his voice flowing like silk as he spoke.
I shrank back at his approach, my expression guarded. A heavy blush settled on my cheeks as I bit my lip sharply. He's playing with me...
"Nothing." The lie slid from my mouth easily, quietly, when I finally pulled away from his magnetic gaze. My eyes closed as I took a slow breath in.
"Litva's face is so red," commented the taller nation candidly, reaching the side of the bed and leaning forward just slightly. "What was he doing, I wonder...?"
I swallowed the lump in my throat, willing myself to stay still. I didn't respond to his words.
"Well~?"
The simple question was almost enough to undo me completely. I cursed him inside, clenching my hands into loose fists, my thoughts wishing myself anywhere but here in this situation. You know exactly what I was doing...!
My silence caused him to frown, and he sat beside me, leaning far too close to my face for comfort. His fingers crept towards the sheets I was still holding onto, and started to pull them down slowly. "Why won't you tell me...?"
I startled, yanking the sheets back up almost to my chin, crushing the urge to hide under them like a child afraid of the dark.
"I-It's not your business-!" I spluttered, pressing my back firmly against the wooden headboard which creaked in protest.
The way his eyes darkened sent alarm bells ringing in my head, my internal panic rising as he muttered to himself, "Litva looks so scared... Why...? I just want to help him... But he refuses me. Should I make him remember his place...?"
"N-Ne! I'm sorry!" the language of my home country spilled from my lips in my fear, my eyes widening further at the implication of punishment. Only all I did was dig myself deeper.
Russia's eyes narrowed at my mistake, his voice now dangerously low. "We don't speak that language in this house, Toris."
Oh god, help me. I whimpered very quietly, his use of my human name meaning I really was in trouble now.
"Now you'll tell me what you were doing when I came into your room. This is your last chance to make up for your behavior..."
My gaze flicked briefly to his, before I turned my head away, answering reluctantly in a hushed voice, "I... I was touching myself..."
He paused, letting silence reign over us again for just a moment.
I want to die. I thought despondently, hanging my head in humiliation as the blonde finally moved and tugged the sheets from my hold and pulled them down to reveal my lower body. Another whimper wrenched itself from my throat as I attempted to cover myself again, only to have my hands slapped away. My captor's intense gaze centered on me, and I suddenly realized with utter mortification that I was still half hard. Tears of shame welled up in my eyes and I pressed my thighs together tightly, Ivan's stare setting my nerves on fire.
"Toris..."
His quiet words had me raise my head enough for me to glance at him guiltily, and he blinked at me, an unusual expression on his face. "Why didn't you tell me you were lonely?"
What?
"W-What?" My words tumbled out, strained and high pitched.
"Lonely, Toris. If you wanted my attention, you should have just asked me..." he frowned, reaching out to caress my cheek in what I think was supposed to be a comforting motion.
I flinched, confused. "T-That's not what I meant-"
"Hush, love. I'll take care of you now," Ivan said.
The sound of rustling fabric reached my ears through the fog of confusion in my mind, separating at the dawning realization of what was happening. The blonde had slipped his coat off, letting go of it and letting it slither to the floor off the bed which creaked under him as he moved to straddle me. His weight was suffocating over me as I protested weakly, finally snapping out of my frozen state. I pushed at his chest frantically in vain, only earning another smile from the Russian as he pulled his shirt off to join the coat in a pile on the wooden floorboards.
"No need to be shy~"
"I'm not-!" I spluttered, shaking my head. "Get off!"
The alarm in my tone seemed to completely escape his ears, as he ignored my pleas and leaned down, pressing his now bare chest against mine and his lips to my cheek. He was surprisingly warm, the contact still sending shivers down my sides. I breathed heavily, sucking in as much air as I could, which wasn't much with his body crushing mine into the mattress.
"Your heartbeat is so fast, like a rabbit..." He whispered, his tone hushed and full of childish wonder.
'It's your fault', I thought bitterly as I closed my eyes, letting darkness flood my vision. Ignoring the closeness of my superior was impossible, so I tried to relax under him. The outcome turned out to be impossible just the same. Soft breath cooled my skin as his fingers crept over my shoulder and dragged up my neck, coaxing an unwilling whimper from me. They then moved up to lightly stroke my hair, twirling it gently.
"Toris?"
I opened my eyes slightly to glance at him sideways. "...What...?"
"I love you."
I'd heard those words so many times from this man - whether drunk or sober, happy or sad; it didn't matter - and though I'd never wanted to hear them from the dominant nation, they slipped out once again. Yet for the first time though, it was quiet and almost shy, his gaze lowered in embarrassment. Hesitantly, in awe of this sudden stranger lying in my bed, I managed to get my voice to work again.
"...Ivan, what-"
The blonde cut me off, moving suddenly and capturing my lips in a desperate kiss. I couldn't help the moan of complaint I made, squirming weakly beneath him. Shutting my eyes again tightly, tears pricked painfully at them as I recognised the scent of alcohol on his breath. Ivan's hands held me still even as I protested, and I felt his tongue nudge incessantly at my lips, pressed together tightly in refusal. Even so, he continued to try to coax me to kiss back, and as I started to get lightheaded I kissed back. He pulled away then, and I sucked air greedily in, panting shamelessly. The worst thing I realized, was that he wasn't a bad kisser at all. I somehow pulled my arms out from underneath his weight and shoved him off me, colour spreading across my face in a wave of heat.
"What do you think you're doing?" I managed between gasps, not quite able to meet his eyes with my own.
He stared at me with wide innocent eyes, making no reply. It frustrated me, seeing him act like that. I could never tell his real feelings, though I had a better instinct for them than the others did. He let his guard down with me, but only enough for me to have just a flickering idea of his thoughts, never anything definite. After a moment of silence, I turned my head.
"You're not going to apologize, are you...?" I asked wearily, already knowing his answer.
"Nyet," He replied softly, reaching his hand to touch my cheek, and smiled slightly when I didn't move away.
I sighed, trying to ignore the stroking of his fingers on my skin. His touch was cool, his movements slow and deliberate. It almost seemed like the way one would touch a precious object, cherishing the contact. I shivered, and he pulled away finally.
"Please leave..." I whispered, barely able to make myself speak.
He paused, resting his hand on my shoulder. "...I love you-" he started hesitantly.
I shoved him away, snapping at him, "Just leave!"
I hated the way my words quivered. I hated the way he looked at me, hurt and confusion mixing on his face.
"Please..." The pain in my voice was obvious, and I looked away in shame, clenching my fists tightly into the blankets.
Ivan moved close again, kissing my forehead softly, letting it linger. Then he stood and left, leaving me clutching at my hair in frustration.