guess what Nicole found on her computer oh yeah its this fic haaaaay

He wakes when his bed sags beneath him.

"Pomfrey is going to kick you out," he mutters quietly, partly because he doesn't want to bring her running and partly because it hurts to talk.

"Let her. Until then, I'm staying." Hands move beneath him, gently lifting him. Remus winces as Sirius moves behind him, situating Remus between his legs, and Remus leans back into Sirius' chest.

"Did that hurt?" Sirius asks as his hands find Remus', fingers twining together as Remus closes his eyes. He can't lie to Sirius. Sirius always knows.

"Everything hurts," he whispers.

He can practically feel the guilt wafting off of the boy behind him. "Moony I'm so sorry-"

"Stop. It wasn't your fault."

Sirius and James had managed to land themselves in detention the night of the full moon, leaving only Peter, who wasn't any help to the wolf inside of Remus. He had spent the full moon alone, trapped in the Shack, clawing and biting and ripping at himself. Pomfrey couldn't understand why he was this bad for the first time in years- he couldn't exactly tell her that his illegal Animagi friends had been stuck teaching First Years how to change a toothpick into a match.

"I should have been more careful."

"Padfoot, the day you learn to be careful is the day Peter gets through a Potions lesson without blowing something up."

"I shouldn't have left you-"

"Shut up. If you're only going to blame yourself I'll kick you out. Don't think I won't do it."

Sirius' breath rustles his hair as his lips press kisses to the side of Remus' head. "I just hate seeing you like this," he whispers. Scruff rubs up against Remus' face and he resists the urge to scratch.

"You'll get used to it."

"No. I'll never get used to it."

He still isn't used to seeing Sirius like this. Sirius has always been caring, even tender with him, but if you told that to anyone they would laugh in your face. The Sirius he sees now and the Sirius he sees when surrounded by their peers are two vastly different people. James seems to be the only other person to have seen this side of Sirius, who understands that once you have proven yourself to Sirius Black there is nothing he won't do for you.

"You have class tomorrow."

"Fuck class."

"Padfoot, you don't have to take care of me."

A chuckle in his ear. Funny how that laugh still makes his stomach flip, as if he was 13 again and trying to convince himself he wasn't in love with his male best friend. "I like taking care of you, Moony-pie."

"You're just saying that because you know I'll repay you in sexual favours."

Sirius nips at his ear. "I'm actually quite offended that you believe I have ulterior motives other than nursing you back to full and perfect health."

"I believe that is what we have a nurse for."

"Pomfrey Smomphrey. She can't make you feel better the way I can."

"So you are after sexual favours."

"Remus. Right now all I want is for you to feel better."

Remus closes his eyes as Sirius' fingers trace over his skin. Eventually he says, "You still feel guilty."

"Of course I do."

"It wasn't your goddamn fault, Sirius. It's not your job to look after me."

Sirius shifts, as if he wants to face Remus to yell at him, but when Remus hisses in pain he thinks better of it. When he speaks, his voice is taut, stern, but his hands trace circles into Remus' sides.

"I love you, do you know that? You have to know that. You have to see the way I look at you, Remus, how could you not? I was always terrified because I figured everyone knew how I felt about you. It was written all over my face, whenever you opened your mouth to talk, and you had me. Whatever you were saying. I listened to your words and I watched you as you spoke and it was so glaringly obvious. Fourth year James asked me when I was going to grow a pair and snog you and I wasn't even surprised that he knew because I knew that I wasn't doing a good job at all of hiding it. I was just so fascinated by you. I still am. You have to know, Remus, that you are the most important person to me and that when I see you like this I'm going to feel guilty because I am supposed to help you. I'm supposed to be there so you never have to be in this much pain.

"Remus, it will always be my job to look after you."

Remus is silent for so long that Sirius whispers in his ear, "If you've fallen asleep on me I will never forgive you."

"'Course I'm not asleep, idiot. I'm just thinking."

Sirius lets him think. When he gets his thoughts in order, he begins. "It wasn't obvious. Not to me. I remember constantly wallowing in self pity because I thought, how could he ever feel about me the way I feel about him?"

"Don't be thick, how could anyone not-"

"Don't interrupt me."

Sirius grins in his hair. "Sorry."

"And then one day you came up to me and you said, 'I'm really very sorry Moony but I have to do this' and then you kissed me, right in front of Albus goddamn Dumbledore-"

"Not my fault you happened to be discussing prefect-y things at that point in time."

"Sirius, I live in a constant state of disbelief that you're still here. I don't understand one part of it."

"Idiot." Sirius kisses him below the ear, a sloppy dog kiss that Remus has gotten used to. "'Course I'm still here. I'll be here until you're old and decrepit and I'm one of those fantastically attractive older gentlemen."

"Why does that not surprise me?"

"Black's age like a fine wine, or something. Except for most of my cousins. And my mother. Maybe it's just me."

"Sirius."

"And when you're puttering around like an old fart, I will still be looking after you."

What did I do to deserve you, Sirius Black? He doesn't say it, because Sirius will yell at him, will shower him with praise and tell him not to be an idiot, and Remus is not in the mood. He just wants to stay here, on Sirius' chest, the glow of his words giving Remus a sort of high.

"Mr. Black! You have 30 seconds to get out of the Infirmary or I will give you a reason to be in here, do you understand me?"

"Did Pomfrey just threaten to hex you?"

Sirius slides out from under him and then fluffs his pillow. "She does that occasionally. Poor old girl. I think I'm going to send her to an early grave, so I let it slide."

Remus smiles and lowers himself down onto the newly fluffed pillows. Sirius leans down and presses a gentle kiss to his lips.

"I will always be here to take care of you."

"I know."

Sirius presses against Remus' lips slightly harder, but then Pomfrey's voice calls out.

"Sirius Black-"

"I'll be back tomorrow."

"Sirius? I love you too."

Sirius grins, then, and it's easily the most beautiful thing Remus has ever seen in his life.

"Tomorrow. I'll skip Potions."

"Sirius-"

But Sirius has already bounded away. Pomfrey reaches Remus' bed and glares at him.

"Don't look at me," Remus mutters. "I can't control him."

Pomfrey gives him a look, as though she's considering whether or not what she wants to say is appropriate. Eventually she gives in- she's already threatened to hex a student, why not throw all caution to the wind?

"If anyone can control that boy, Remus Lupin, it's you."

She leaves, then, leaving Remus to contemplate her words.

Sirius is sitting at the table when Remus gets downstairs, a plate of bacon sitting in front of him, but Sirius hasn't touched it.

"Morning."

Sirius doesn't answer. Remus turns away from the coffee maker to look at the man. Sirius is staring at the plate of bacon, unkempt hair hanging around his face. Remus sighs.

"Sirius." This isn't the first time Sirius has retreated into himself. Remus can't fully imagine what goes on inside his head, but he hears the screams at night and so he has a general idea of what Sirius is facing.

"Sirius," he repeats, a little louder, and Sirius looks up at him. "Morning Moony."

Remus looks him over. He's too thin, bony angles and limbs that seem too long. His face is covered with scruff and his hair is long- clean but knotty. He doesn't look good. He looks-

Well, he looks like a man who just got out of Azkaban.

"Eat your bacon."

"I'm not hungry."

Remus, feeling very much like a parent who has to discipline a child, picks up a piece of bacon and holds it in front of Sirius. "Sirius. Eat."

Sirius scowls at him. "I can feed myself, Remus, I'm not a child."

"Finally decided to grow up, then? It only took you thirty years."

Sirius takes the bacon from Remus and pops it in his mouth. "I'm old," he complains, his mouth full of bacon. Remus grimaces.

"Don't talk with your mouth full."

"Yes mother. Actually no, my mother encouraged me to talk with my mouth full. Better chance of me choking to death that way."

"You're not old."

"I feel old."

Remus buries his hand in Sirius' hair, stands closer to him. His voice drops. "You have an excellent excuse for that."

Sirius leans his head into Remus' side. "I was never supposed to get old, Moony."

Remus can't help but smile a little. "Do you remember in sixth year, you snuck into the hospital wing after the full moon and you told me that one day I was going to be old and decrepit but that you'd age like a fine wine."

Sirius speaks so quietly Remus almost misses it. "I don't remember, Moony." His voice is cracked, frantic. Remus grabs his hands and lifts him, grabbing his face, thumb drawing circles over stubble, echoing a time many lifetimes ago.

"Sometimes I'll think of something but when I try to focus on it, it'll just disappear. Things are slipping away from me, Remus, and I can't remember and it scares me. I'm afraid one day I'm going to wake up and I'm not going to remember James or Lily and Harry will ask me something about his parents but they won't be there. The Dementors will have stolen them, too."

"You won't forget."

"You don't know that."

"I won't let you."

Sirius looks at him, panic in his eyes. Remus leans in, kisses just below his eye. "I won't let you forget, Pads."

Sirius clutches him, fingers curling in the fabric of Remus' shirt. "I was supposed to take care of you. I remember that. I was supposed to look after you."

"You did, Sirius. Now let me return the favour."

Sirius moves closer and Remus holds him tighter. "You're just going to have to accept that you're old and decrepit, and I'm still fantastically attractive."

Sirius snorts. "Let's not go too far with this, Moonshine."

"You took care of me when I needed you and now it's my turn. Let me take care of you."

"You're just saying that because you want sexual favours."

Remus laughs. "So you do remember."

"Remember what?" Sirius pushes his hips into Remus'. "I just want sexual favours." He smiles, looking like a grinning dog.

Remus kisses him, then. He tastes like bacon and dog. Some things never change.