Author's Note: Hey guys, I know it's been a while since I've published. My life has just been utter chaos and I believe that I am finally starting to create a schedule again. I know that some of you may have followed my Harry Potter story and I am sorry to say that I will not be continuing with it. If you have not already seen I have taken it down. Throughout the time I was writing it I had stranded too far away from where I had originally wanted the story to go. So yeah. But hopefully I want to regain my normalcy of writing through one shots until I feel like I can take on another chapter story. And I hope you guys like this one.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games
Day 17 in District 13
There are days that all I do is lay in bed, and just wish that he was here, holding me in his arms. But he is not, so instead I lay by myself with the pearl safely in my hand, which is held close to my heart.
Gale always tries to comfort me, but it never works, because he is not Peeta. And despite how much he may want to, he will never replace Peeta.
Because at the end of the day Peeta was there for me when I needed him most. Peeta understands me in a way that no one else does, because he was there taking those same steps with me. He was there in the 74th Hunger Games, the Victory Tour, and what was of the 75th Hunger Games. And nobody understands that the reason why we are separated now is all because of what I did. If I did not shoot down the arena ceiling we would still be in that dreaded place. Suffering, and trying to figure out how we would make it out alive. For most of my competitors winning was something they trained to do.
But for Peeta and I it was all luck. No one cared about us during the games. They only started to care at that final moment. When it was just me and Peeta. They all wanted to see which one of the star-crossed lovers would give up their life so their love could hopefully live a somewhat normal life after the games. But that was the moment, the moment that the two of us took those berries and were about to kill ourselves. That was the moment that I unknowingly became the Mockingjay. A title that I still am struggling to accept.
But now I have to accept it. Because these games that the Capitol is playing have become too personal for my liking. Even though I volunteered to protect my sister it still was not as personal as they have made it. Because no matter what happens Peeta is the only one who understands my nightmares, who does not get mad at me when I am having a bad day, he is the only one who can calm me down when I am on the verge of a mental breakdown. And now I will fight until my very last breath to make sure that he is safe and alive. Even if that means that I won't make it through the rebellion.
However Haymitch and Effie would not be very accepting with that decision. But they would get over it, along with the rest of the rebelling citizens of Panem. Peeta would not be able to forgive me though. But he would at least be able to understand why I made that sacrifice.
Every day these thought go through my head a thousand times a day. And on days like today these thought are crippling. On days like today I lock out the whole world. IL never leave my room and the nightmares are too scary to face without him.
And all of those factors lead me to where I am now. Laying in my bed in District 13. Bundled under at least fifty blankets. With the pearl in my hand, close to my heart, and freshly baked bread on my nightstand. So that way when I close my eyes and dream hard enough I can feel his arms around me. But as soon as I open my eyes the truth sets in and he is gone. Taken by the capitol again. But I know that someday he will be holding me in his arms, reassuring me that he is there and that he loves me. Despite whatever the capitol did to him.
And I know, from the first time I saw him with President Snow that they had done something to him. The Peeta that I saw on the news. They have to have something new up their sleeves. Especially with what they could do during the games. One day there won't be any more Hunger Games, Districts will not have to worry about being bombed to destruction because they had threatened the president. Maybe I will see that in my lifetime, and then maybe everything that we are doing now will not have been in vain. Maybe, maybe.
Haymitch always tells me to keep hope. Yea, I know, Haymitch of all people. But it seems like everybody just wants me to get out of this depression like state. But it won't get any better, I may just go through the motions, but mentally I feel like I have no reason to live unless he's with me. Maybe I am more like my mother than I care to be. After my dad dies she kind of became a living vegetable. Except for the vegetable part I am, in a sense, doing what she did.
But I guess that is the curse of being in love. Now I can say those words and actually, consciously, mean them. I love him. I love him. I love him. I love him. I love him more than words can describe. And I can't wait for the day when I can say those words to his face. "I love you Peeta Mellark." So, in a sense, I guess you could say that the Capitol was good for one thing. The Capitol gave me Peeta Mellark and my unconditional love for him.