I really, really felt like writing and making fun of YuGiOH volume 5 of the original series at the same time. Yup.

Oh, and sorry for making myself into an OC. Technically it's against the unspoken laws of fanfikshun, but this is crack: anything goes. :]

"I summon the third Blue Eyes White Dragon!!!" Kaiba slapped his card down on the table in attack position with far too much unnecessary flourish. "Its attack points are 3000! It'll crush your Dark Magician's puny 2500 attack points! Now, ATTACK, MY DRAGON!!" The Blue Eyes attacked the Magician and the Magician went splodey.

"Erk!" said Yugi because it never occurred to him that 3000 was even a real number. And people definitely say things like 'erk' out loud because it doesn't make them sound stupid at ALL.

Yes, Kaiba, you stupid dumbass, 3000 is a bigger number than 2500- who'd have known you could do math! Camille thought to herself as she ate popcorn and watched the corrupted game corporation owner and Yugi play a children's card game. Man, there's nothing better than eating overly buttered popcorn and watching a children's card game gone wrong. That Yugi kid needs to get a haircut and a slap in the face from reality. This is so stupid. His grandpa is in the hospital because of Seto- he could just sue the bastard and get millions of money! And Kiba would go to jail! It's a win-win situation, BUT NO, he had to do it the hard way and take Kaiba's challenge and play a card game with him. For god's sake, what kind of a challenge is that, anyways?! It's a card game. A CARD GAME, DAMMIT!

Meanwhile, Yugi was holding both a monologue with himself about friendship and the 'heart of the cards', a flashback about his friends drawing all over their hands, and a hallucination involving his wimpy, un-pubescent, nerdy self and his dying grandfather. How does he keep track of all these things going on in his head? Simple! He has no brain so there's plenty of room!

"Draw the last card of your pathetic life, Yugi! Do it!" Kaiba's eye twitched. Yugi cringed as another monologue drifted into his mind. Something about the cards being too far away and his friends all supporting him. Boy, I hate being the narrator of this shitty story. This is dumb. I quit- hire some other sucker.

We now inform you that the narrator of this story has been replaced by me! I'll do my best to narrate all the description-y actions of the characters that this epic, complicated and creative story requires! A-hyuk-hyuk!

What the- complicated and creative?! This shit can actually be called creative?! And if the cards are too far away, then go into puberty already and your arm will grow longer, you midget! Sheesh! You're in your, what, third year of high school, or something!? I'm only a freshman and people say I'm short! Camille rolled her eyes and shot the new narrator with her gun that she had conveniently brought along for situations like this. Gee, narrators sure don't last long, do they?

Suddenly, Yugi looked over-confident, arrogant and smug. He must've finally finished that internal conversation that would've wasted 5 pages in the manga but actually have only lasted about 15 seconds in real life. With huge bubble-lettered 'BAM', 'B-DMP' and 'RMM-RMM-RMM' sound effects surrounding and nearly blocking his image completely, his hand reached over his deck, flipped the top card into his hand and he-

Nearly burst into tears. He had drawn Petit Angel, a normal card with 600 attack and 900 defense. It couldn't do anything. It was useless, just fucking useless!

Yugi murmured, "I… I…surrend-"

"NO YUGI, DON'T DO IT!"

"YOU CAN DO IT, YUGI!"

"YOU CAN MAKE A MIRACLE, YUGI!"

"I'M IN LOVE WITH YOUR SEXY ALTER EGO, YUGI!" Yugi's 'friends' were yelling obnoxiously/'helping him' while being held at gunpoint by Kaiba's bodyguards a few meters away from the duel box.

"GODDAMMIT, YOU GUYS, SHUT UP AND LET ME QUIT! You guys haven't done anything to help me! Jonouchi, you're a useless retarded delinquent! Honda, you're supposedly dead, so thanks a ton! Anzu, you're just the sex appeal and an excuse for an implied pairing for the fanfiction writers! I'm going to die for a card game- do you know how cool that would be?! SO STFU, MOFOS!!!1!!1234eleven!$"

Kaiba's 'attack that monster' pointing hand twitched in joy. "Spoken like a true duelist and other whatshit statements, blah blah blah, rubbing this in your face, I have money, okay you die now. ATTACK, MY BLUE EYE-"

"FUCK THIS GAME!" Camille jumped out from the dark corner she was hiding in, burst into the duel box and shot Kaiba dead. Then she turned to Yugi. "I agreed with everything you just said except for the bit about dying for a card game. I was going to kill you, but I guess you can live on account that your hair defies the laws of physics and gravity and I'd love to figure out how to do that."

"What the hell, did you just kill my brother?!" Mokuba ran in with a shocked expression on his face. "No, no, no! How could you?! He was like family to me!"

"Uh, don't you mean 'He was, like, family to me'?"

"What are you talking about?! You just killed my brother! Now I'm going to kill you! Prepare yourself for 'The Experience Of Death'!" Mokuba pulled a big red button out from his pocket and pressed it. The door on the duel box locked and smoke began to fill the space.

"Oh shit, we're gonna die!!" Yugi screamed like a girl and pounded his fists against the glass walls of the box.

Camille took him by his midget shoulders and shook him violently. "Dude. It. Is. Computer. Graphics. It. Can. Not. Kill. Us. Understand?!" Yugi's neck snapped quite loudly and he fell to the ground. "Oh. Sorry about that, you might have needed an unbroken neck."

Suddenly, a huge, drooling, roaring, realistic-looking, CG animated dragon with really sharp teeth appeared in front of her face! It seemed to bite her head! The on looking crowds gasped in horror! Then, goblins with swords and other monsters with sharp objects started stabbing her still standing body. Smoke and mist swirled and roars and shrieks could be heard. Then, the mist turned more transparent, and a large buff gunman was standing there with a huge ridiculously pimped out cannon pointed at her head. Could this be the end for Camille?!

Camille poked her hand through the buff gunman's overly buff chest, and waved the CG smoke away. Then she pulled out her gun, shot the lock on the door, opened it, walked casually away to the elevator, and pushed the 'down' button. She faced the crowd, held up her fists, gave everyone the finger, and when the elevator dinged, she walked through the open doors and rode back down.

Suddenly, Yugi's extremely pointy hair poked a hole in the time-space continuum and a uranium bomb plopped down from the sky. It went boom and everybody died.

Moral: CG animation can't do anything unless it has a physical shape. Which it doesn't. That's why it's called Computer Generated. CG animation can only kill old grandpa card collectors.

THE END

1,175 words, yay! OOH, IT'S 11:11 pm! And I just finished! Make a wish everyone! *extreme concentration face*

Yeah, sorry if you think this fails. I really wanted to parody this without having to animate anything. (I'd usually make something like this into a youtube video or something.) Actually, if I get enough ideas to make a second and third chapter, maybe I will. Oh, and you people also have to think that it doesn't fail too badly. Yeah.

Review. :]