Armed for Peace

by Penn O'Hara

Here’s my solely Bobby piece in response to InfinityStar's answering my challenge. I’ve taken leave to title it along the same lines as InfinityStar’s “Unarmed for Battle”. I think its appropriate and I hope she doesn’t mind.

"Armed for Peace"

Copyright 2008 Penn O'Hara

T

Usual disclaimers apply.

This is my response to my challenge to InfinityStar to write a solely Logan piece. I pay my dues. InfinityStar gave me no limitations, beside the obvious one of course, so I've gone with a continuation of my "Conversations" series.

Here's my solely Bobby piece which I've taken leave to title along the same lines as InfinityStar's "Unarmed for Battle". I think its appropriate and I hope she doesn't mind.

LOCI Timeline: During Season Seven, post-ep "Untethered".

MY LOCI Timeline: Post "Conversations".

oOo

Excerpt from "Conversations Number Nine"

Helpless, Alex stood and waited In the middle of the bullpen, her legs apart, hands at her side, clenching and unclenching, preparing for the worst.

"I'm on… sick leave," Bobby said, finally emerging and shuffling past her to stow his gun in the locker. "He gives me a… rubber gun."

He started to walk away, then stopped, turned, and slapped his phone on his desk, then left without a word.

Alex watched him go, knowing if she let him leave like this, it would be over for them. Not only emotionally, but professionally. No longer could she separate the two. The ground had shifted, her separate paths converging as one at last.

She ran after him.

oOo

"How'd ya know?" he asked, breaking his concentrated stare at the ceiling long enough to sweep his eyes over her face as she lay poised above him.

Her body, naked and, though now satiated, still yearned for closer contact with him. She frowned. "Know what?"

"More than anything else… I needed this. To be with you. Like this."

Alex smiled in wonder that he didn't realize. "I didn't do this for you, Bobby. I did it for me. You walking out like that…"

She shivered as she remembered how the distance yawed between them as he walked away. How his disillusioned footsteps had finally untethered her love, freed it to fly in the face of convention, muddied her self-inflicted rules and disbanded the emotional limitations she created.

"No, you won't be alone," she said, realizing the simple truth at last. "Not ever again."

Relaxing against his chest again, Alex placed her lips above his heart, her mouth needing more of him while her mind chewed on the alias he had chosen with which to go undercover.

"Why 'William Brady'?" Her head winning, she had to satisfy her curiosity.

His heart jolted under her, skipped, stopped and started again.

He was still hiding something from her.

Ignoring the grab at her own breath, Alex closed her eyes and pretended that a new crack hadn't just appeared.

oOo

And now…"Armed for Peace"…

Weeks later…

The night hovered.

Desperate to be as it was, blanketing and complete again…

…unable to accept the shouldering of the dawning of a new day.

The hesitant lightening spread over the naked back of the man sitting on the edge of his single bed. The woman lay sleeping, her body still shaped to the mould of his; the minimal room in the bed enforced their sleeping close, limbs entwined, bodies spooned as one.

Even in sleep, he never let her go.

The cool in the dawn air made him shiver, but other than making a mental note to up the temperature a notch, he didn't bother to cover himself nor seek the warmth of the bedcovers.

But the urge to slide back into bed and press his body against her smooth skin tore at him.

Goren's love for Alex was the night, enveloping, total and complete. He took what was his right — her love, her dreams, her body — and he gave her his soul, all that he was, all that he would ever be.

But they had torn out a chunk of him and tossed it on a shelf. Suspension from Major Case meant riding a desk, sifting through old cases, grunt work. No longer could he lock horns, mental and physical, with one who had crossed the moral line drawn by a compassionate humankind.

And the partial Goren was a man with lost purpose, skewed certainty and frustrated tenacity.

Bobby Goren, the man, was fraying at the seams.

The room brightened a milliamp more and the woman in the bed stirred. He turned to look at her as she stretched luxuriously and saw him sitting there.

"Mornin' Bobby," she smiled sleepily.

Her eyes shining with love, innocent of the tortured night that was now his soul, galvanized him. He scooped her into his arms, lay back on the pillow and fiercely held her to him, his lips feeding on the softness pressed to him.

Desperately trying to fill the hollowness yawning wider each day, he made love to her with a strong tenderness that had, for weeks, been successful in fooling her that all was well with him.

oOo

Listening to the sounds of Alex finishing her grooming for the day ahead, Goren cemented his decision, ready to do battle when Alex objected. Pulling on the faded jeans at the foot of his bed, he stood in the doorway to the hall.

"C'mon Bobby, we're gonna be late." Alex strode out of the bathroom and passed him as he hovered on the threshold. She was fully dressed for work and didn't seem to notice he was in faded jeans. "Not that I minded what threw me off schedule—"

"I…I'm not goin'," he said, his resolution scattering the lingering fibers of frustration their lovemaking had been unable to dispel. "I'm gonna stay home." He couldn't face another day of watching her work on a case with her temporary partner, Ron Patillo, hearing them leave the bullpen while Goren remained at his desk, staring at her empty chair.

Alex walked back down the hall, staring at him as if she hadn't heard correctly. "You're not goin' in?"

Giving a slight shake of his head, he turned back into the bedroom, dismissing any argument she might make. "I'll call in sick," he said, heading for the unmade bed.

"Are you okay?" Alex asked, following him into the room, the concern and genuine caring in her voice nearly his undoing.

"I'm…yes…" He'd have to give her a little for the decision he'd made to appear plausible. "It's hard…watchin' you and Patillo workin' on a case and I…can't get involved…"

"I know, Bobby." She wrapped her arms around him from behind, rubbing her cheek against his bare back. "We could run things by you when we're back in the office though."

He cringed at her offer of a breadcrumb. Didn't she understand he needed more? Needed it all? The perp's throwing down of the gauntlet — 'catch me if you can!' The challenge of passing over his tracks and seizing on the inevitable tells that would eventually lead to the duel of intellect, the game of bluff and call.

Goren needed the whole loaf, and this enforced suspension was starving him.

"I just need…a day off…okay?" He turned around in her arms and tried to smile reassuringly at her. "Can't face any more files."

It must have worked because she glanced at her watch and nodded, stepping back and letting the cold hit his skin as boredom had snap-frozen his mind.

"Okay, but just one day. The brass'll lift your suspension soon, I'm sure of it, and then you'll be back on the job, wishin' you had it easy again." She smiled uncertainly, not quite believing it herself and Goren felt sorry for her.

"Yeah," he agreed on the surface, hiding the lie.

He was venting on her and he had no right. It had been his decision to expose the corruption in the prison that held his nephew. He had created more problems than he had solved, and it wasn't fair that Alex suffered for his sins.

"You'd better go," he reminded her. "I'll even drive you."

He bent down to kiss her, intending to make it light, but the mere touch of her mouth against his had his senses clamoring for more. His body folded around her seeking immersion, his arms lifted her from her feet rendering her powerless to escape, and his mouth kissed her as if there would never be another chance.

oOo

The office was deprived of personality, bare of any personal touches, colorless save the bold slashes of red and blue on white on the large American flag proudly erected against the wall.

The desk was serviceable and Goren guessed it had never seen a scattered file nor mislaid paper. The man behind the desk was just as orderly, his features even, unimpressed by Goren's pitch. Black hair and brows, his smooth shaven cheeks were pale, gray eyes dull with blanked thoughts. Goren doubted his mouth ever stretched into a smile, evidenced by the lack of lines around it.

"What makes you think you can be of any help to us, Detective Goren?" the man asked, his voice aloof and bored.

Goren's threshold of patience had seen better days and his tolerance was wearing thin after the over two hour grueling this man had already given him. His resumé had failed to make an impact.

Deciding to change tack, Goren leaned forward in the utilitarian chair and locked eyes, his sparking with determination.

"I wanna disappear! How many have you that wanna do it so…so eagerly? I have an erratic… reputation that's feasible without embellishment! I've been forcibly derailed…what better excuse to turn? I've even taken down my… partner's career. I got it all!" Goren sat back in the chair, letting his limbs and back slide into a 'I don't give a damn anyway!' slouch.

The other man's eyes flashed with momentary interest, his thin lips pursed. Leaning forward, he linked his hands on the pristine blotter on his desk and stared at his thumbs.

Looking up again at Goren, he nodded.

Goren's rush of victory was quickly swamped by the knowledge that he was about to nurture one part of his psyche while destroying another, the realization making his stomach bottom and his head clamp with anguish.

oOo

Hunched low in the SUV, ignoring pedestrians as they passed him, Goren was waiting for Alex when she left the building,

He watched her emerge, her head bent toward Carolyn Barek at her side, listening intently to the other woman's animated conversation. Goren knew the two women were becoming fast friends but he wondered why Barek was with her this evening. Alex would have told him of any scheduled plans.

He hit the horn fast and sharp, its brief bugle capturing Alex' attention. She turned her head, saw him, and waved happily. Giving Barek a brief hug, she smiled at the other woman, spoke rapidly then headed toward the SUV. Barek waved at Goren, then went back into the building.

Goren gunned the motor to life and put it into Drive before Alex had closed the cabin door. The vehicle jerked impatiently into the moving lane eager to be racing.

"Whoa! Bobby! What's the rush?" Alex laughed, tugging at the seat-belt.

"I was…afraid you were gonna invite Barek home…I…I wanted us to have the night…alone…without others." It wasn't a lie, and it served as a feasible disguise for his inner turmoil.

"No, we weren't plannin' anything. She dropped in to give me the news personally. It's official. She's pregnant. And she seems happy about it…"

Goren's heart rolled and twisted. He gave her sharp glance. "Would you? Be happy? Being pregnant, I mean…"

Alex was suddenly still, her exuberance gone. Goren couldn't tell if he'd said the wrong thing or if she were using the moment to consider it.

"I'm not exactly planning on it, no. Why? Were you?"

From the corner of his eye, he could see her head tipped toward him, watching him closely.

"No." Needing to be careful with everything he now did and said, he pretended to concentrate on the traffic, making a show of checking the mirrors before moving into a faster lane.

"So… why did you ask?" she asked slowly.

"I think…it's important we know where we stand…on these sort of issues."

Goren could sense her considering his response.

"I 'spose so," she finally said. "At the moment, I'm happy to enjoy you all to myself. I'm not plannin' on sharing you for a while."

Goren's knuckles gripped on the steering wheel before he could prevent them. Annoyed at the tell, he immediately dropped a hand and put an arm around Alex, pulling her shoulder closer to his. An uncharacteristic move for him, but so was his sitting behind the wheel of the SUV.

"Let's eat in tonight," he suggested. "I want you…all to myself, too."

She tucked her hair behind her ear in a coquettish move that was very unAlex-like and smiled. "I'd like that."

oOo

When Goren spread the feather doona over the living room rug while Alex ordered take-out, he fully intended to use it later as a softer surface on which to worship her.

He had his own reasons for his single bed, at which Alex laughed and often jibbed him about, but tonight he wanted no restrictions to inhibit his enjoying her body and offering his, branding their union indelibly on his consciousness.

Her lift of an amused eyebrow when she saw the doona, was quickly replaced by a look of anticipation as he stood in its center and started to undress. She slowly lowered the Chinese cartons and chopsticks to the coffee table as she watched, mesmerized, with each discard of his clothing. Her eyes followed his hands, wide and appreciative, her lips moved, yearning contact.

Alex' mouth parted as he stood there, naked and waiting, then she took the first step toward him. His body quivered in response, calling to her, seeking her. She took another step, and another…

"Bobby?" she asked, breathless, and his knees started to shake. "The food—"

"C…can wait," he groaned and held out his arms.

oOo

This time he would take it slow.

As soon as she came to him, something snapped and he couldn't tug the clothes from her fast enough. Her hands were just as urgent, as if taking his lead. Their bodies alternatively demanded and offered, greedy and giving, to demand again.

Food forgotten, decisions shelved, Goren indulged both of them with his absolute adoration of her.

But now he gently held her trembling body to his, his emotion pouring out of him in tears that were unchecked as they rolled down his cheeks, mingling in the stubble on his chin and her hair against his face.

Again he entered her, but slowly, reverently, sliding her body against his with ease, their sweat mingling, body heat converging in a humid aura of love around them.

Alex rode him, mewing contentedly against his chest, allowing him to take her weight and do the work for both of them. Her arms lay lax by her side, her nails no longer gripping his skin, as he rocked into her with loving force.

Her pants became faster, his body tighter, more insistent, eager to conquer and rule. Alex was keening now, her hands suddenly flattening themselves against his chest as she pushed herself above him. Locking her legs around his, she stretched her neck to the ceiling.

Goren opened his eyes to watch the pleasure flood her face and leave her flushed body in a cry of release. His shout of victory joined and overtook hers.

"You're mine, Alex. Say it," he demanded, teeth clenched, never needing the affirmation before, but needing it now. "Say it!"

"Yes. Oh god, yessss," she hissed through her teeth, giving him that admission. "Always, Bobby."

He would hold her to it.

And he would one day again make her remember it.

oOo

Well, that also served as my lead-in into what the rumor-mill is saying about the next Bobby episode. Don't know if it's true or not. You guys will find out before I get the chance to.

So, InfinityStar…does that satisfy? No mention of Logan, but I did get Barek in there. LOL. No limitations on her. And it stayed true to my form of a torn and anguished Bobby who doesn't really seem to know what he wants. Our poor baby.