Quaxo, how are you doing today?

Jemima? I thought this was an interview with Oprah.

Ah, no…um…What's your full name, Quaxo?

Quaxo? I much prefer to be called Mister Mistoffelees. Unfortunately, I chose my second name when I was too young to realize that 'Quaxo' was so boring.

I don't think it's boring.

I do. And Munkustrap want let me change it to Mistoffelees because he lives to see me suffer. Pauses, thinks a minute Don't tell him I said that.

Oh I wouldn't think of it.

I know you wouldn't Jemima looks at her knowingly

Jemima nods slowly Right, Quaxo. Can I call you that?

If you so choose. Smooths fur Whispers 'Ask me about my magic tricks

What about your magic tricks?

Mistoffelees, in a louder voice I'm so glad you asked! I didn't always know I had magical powers, of course. Reminisces Yes, my first magic trick is perhaps the one I'm most famous for.

Jemima tries desperately to change the subject Have you ever had a pet?

Yes, I'm sure you've heard of it. I pulled seven kittens out of a hat.

Jemima looks concerned You keep seven kittens in your house?!

Oh they're not as big as you. Eagerly And some of them are boys! Realizes it doesn't quite sound right But I don't keep them in my house. They all have families, and mothers, and houses and…trails off No, I don't have any pets.

Do you have a crush?

Oh no, I have a true devotion. I hope you don't mind my saying this nods knowingly but I have pledged my heart to the Victoria, the wonderful, amazing, exquisite…Victoria. Sighs, and looks dreamy

Looks taken back I, didn't know…

Quaxo, still dreamy She's probably combing her fur right now. It is exactly eleven minutes after four, isn't it?

Quaxo?

…

Quaxo?

…

QUAXO!!!!

Wh-what! WHAT!

Puts down clip board You don't…stalk any one…of course…right?

Define 'stalk'.

Oh Quaxo! Looks disgusted.

Oh, don't worry Jemima. All you need is a Britannia Dicionary to define stalk.

At the word Britannia, Quaxo becomes patriotic and places his paw over his heart

Oh,uh, yeah Quaxo. Now…

Do you know, Jemima, what my biggest dream is?

I-

Ir is this: to perform my magic tricks for the Queen herself. Reconsiders Actually, my biggest dream is to marry Victoria. And to replace Munkustrap as the Jellicle Leader. Don't tell him I said that.

Sighs a long sigh, so that he thinks she's sick

Are you quite all right? Oh. I realize the trouble.

I don't love you Quaxo.

Confused No?

NO!

Then why are you sighing?

Because the things you say are ridiculous!

It's just because you're too young to understand.

Is that it?

You'll appreciate it when your older.

How old are you? Irritated

Well, I'm not an adult yet. Snaps head up But I'm not a kitten! I guess you could say I am mature for my age.

You could also say-

AND

What?

I just realized-I never finsihed telling you about my 'MT's'

Your MT's?

My magic tricks, of course!

That's it-interview's OVER!

Oh I understand nods head you'd rather have a private conversation.

Private conversation means that he thinks Jemima is in love with him. I hope you enjoyed it yeah...Oh, and my sister did Quaxo's answers...yeah again.

Disclaimer: I do NOT own CATS. Contact RUG if you want to know something about the musical.