Alright, really random, AU story. Padme called me on her way to New York, and we had a VERY interesting conversation. I can't really remember it all, and probably got some of it mixed up, but I still think it's pretty darn funny. So look out for weird twists and turns! Probably a oneshot..
Comm Call
Obi-Wan sat in he and Padme's apartment, waiting for a very important call. Padme, Dorme, and Sabe had decided to take a road trip back to Naboo, which left Obi-Wan at home with nothing to do on his time off. Luke and Leia were spending the day with their adoptive uncle, Anakin.
The quiet was getting to him. He decided to call her, and picked up his comm. The moment he did, he decided against it. Let her have fun with her friends. He'd be fine by himself, plus the twins would be back in a few hours.
He jumped when the comm rang in his hand. Kenobi answered quickly, knowing it was Padme.
"Hello?"
"Hello, Obi-Wan. I felt kinda lonely, so I decided to call you."
"How can you be lonely with Dorme and Sabe there?"
"I don't know, most of the time I just look out the window and get lost in thought."
"Padme, you're supposed to be having fun, not staying in your own little world."
"Gods, Padme. If your going to talk to him, at least leave so we can talk to each other." Sabe said in the background.
"Fine, I'll just go huddle in my little corner."
"Why do you like corners? So someone doesn't sneak up on you?"
"Yes. You sneak up on me all the time! It's really frightening!" She said. Obi-Wan smiled.
"You underestimate my sneakiness again."
All of the sudden Padme burst out laughing.
"What's so funny?" Obi-Wan asked, Padme continued laughing.
"Dorme...she's trying to put water in the iron but she thinks she's putting it in the wrong hole!"
The thought of Dorme struggling to work and iron, and the sickness of the sentence made Obi-Wan laugh with her.
"Well, if she gets electrocuted, we'll all know why." Padme said, her laughter starting to die away.
Dorme said something in the background, that Obi-Wan couldn't understand. Laughter came from Sabe.
"I call custody of the kids!" Padme yelled.
"What now?" He asked.
"Well, Dorme said not to make fun of her. She's going to divorce me."Padme said extremely seriously.
"What???" Obi-Wan asked, extremely confused.
"Ohh, shit. Dorme..I just told him..."Padme said sounding freaked.
"You did what!?" A smack was heard from Padme's end of the line.
"Ow, don't hit me!" Another smack was heard.
"Ahh!" Padme yelled. Running footsteps were heard and the sounding of a door slamming followed.
"What was that all about?" Obi-Wan asked, concerned.
"Obi-Wan...I'm sorry.."
"What's there to be sorry about?"
"I'm...cheating on you. With three different people." She said, sounding defeated. Obi-Wan just sat there in shock. She couldn't be joking..not with that tone of voice she was using.
"I married Dorme behind your back, and we adopted two kids, Archie and Charlie. I have two other husbands..I have twelve kids altogether. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. And I'm hiding in a fresher, so Dorme won't hit me." Padme said, in her most sad, serious tone.
"What?" Obi-Wan said, still in shock. Padme was cheating on him? She had four spouses, including him? And one was DORME!? No, this was too weird to be real.
"Don't worry. I still love you. Dorme's a drunk, and the other two are nobodies. You're the only one who doesn't abuse me."
"Well, of course, because I actually love you!" Obi-Wan said, only focusing on her last few sentences.
"I know. That's why I married you first, and will always stay with you."
A door banged in the background.
"You tramp!" Dorme yelled at her, still banging on the door.
"Go away, you two!" Padme yelled back. One more bang, and it sounded like the two left.
"I'm divorcing Dorme, apparently, but we're going to have to bring Archie and Charlie to live with us."
"You cheated on me?!"
"Yes."
"Cheater!" He yelled. She just sighed.
"Well I had to do SOMETHING while you were gone."
"Yeah, work, raise our children and have fun with your friends. Not that kind of fun either!"
"Well, sorry to say Obi, but you just weren't there to fulfil my needs all the time."
"And you ended up with twelve kids!"
"Hey, two are adopted!" She said, defending herself.
"Ohh, my gods." Obi-Wan said, facepalming. He suddenly heard music.
"What are you listening to?"
"I have my portable holovid player with me. Can't you tell what vid it is?" She asked. He could. He imagined the bright yellow words scrolling upwards against a dark, yet starry sky.(A/N: She started playing Star Wars, if you didn't get that. lol)
"Wait, why do you have your holoplayer in the FRESHER?"
"I don't know.." She was cut off by a beep. "Ohh, I have another call. Ok, love you Obi-Wan, I'll see you when I get back!" She said, making the sound of a kiss, then hanging up on him.
He sat with the commlink still to his mouth.
What in the SITH HELLS was going on?
Well, that's the end! Technically, Anakin was calling me, so I had to hang up, but I didn't know how else to end it. Who knows if there's going to be another call like that tommorow! If there is, I'll add it as chapter 2!
ObiKenobi and P.K-91