Dark of Night, Light of Day

by Dark Aegis

In the dark of night, he thought that he was alone. In the light of day, he knew better. A character study of the Ninth Doctor.

Title: Dark of Night, Light of Day
Author: Gillian Taylor
Characters: Doctor, Rose
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Sadly, none of them are mine...but I like playing with them.
Spoilers: None, really
Summary: In the dark of night, he thought that he was alone. In the light of day, he knew better. A character study of the Ninth Doctor.

A/N: Thanks, as always, to my beta nnwest.

"Dark of Night, Light of Day"
by Gillian Taylor

In the dark of night with only the low hum of the TARDIS to keep him company he would touch that part of his mind that used to be full of thoughts, laughter, and tears of his people. Once upon a time, life dwelt immortal in that part of his soul that would always belong to Gallifrey. Now, only a gaping hole remained of his home, of his people. To him it was like a self induced torture to finger that wound. A poke here and the memory of Romana's laughter would echo through his mind. There and he could see the Citadel rising above the plains of Gallifrey. A poke in yet another location and he could remember Lungbarrow and all that had occurred within those ancient walls. He was all that remained of Gallifrey. He was all that remembered. In the dark of night, he knew that he was truly alone in the universe.

It was a frightening feeling to know that he was the last. He, of all of Rassilon's ilk, was the last Time Lord. Perhaps he could not claim to be even that. Without Gallifrey, without the Council – and even he could admit that he missed their tampering – what was he but a mere memory of what used to be? The rebel. The destroyer of worlds. The oncoming storm. He was all of those things and more; but could he truly claim to be a Time Lord anymore? There was no Gallifrey – there had never been a Gallifrey. He was but a memory of a time that never was. The Doctor and his blue police box were nothing more than symbols of a world that never was.

Sometimes he would cry out into the darkness and allow that all too human feeling of sorrow to overwhelm him. Sometimes he would severely quell the urge and climb out of bed and tinker with the TARDIS until Rose could join him again. Sometimes he would journey to her room when the loneliness grew too much and simply watch her sleep. Sometimes it even helped, but only sometimes.

In the light of day, she was with him. She, who knew so little of her power over him, could keep the demons and the memories at bay for just a little while. With just the slightest pressure of her hand grasped within his, he was not alone. He had her and a part of him thought, perhaps recklessly, perhaps foolishly, that it always would be. The Doctor and Rose versus the universe and the memories of a world that time forgot. He had never told her of how his hearts would speed up in anticipation of seeing her again come morning. Nor had he ever said that she was the reason he had for continuing his blundering path through existence.

Rose reminded him of what it was like to live. Every gasp, every touch, and every laugh she uttered was a welcomed dose of life into the darkened world with which he had surrounded himself. Once upon a time, before his world had ended, he had been like Rose. He had stepped through the double doors of his TARDIS and into a new world with a manic grin on his face and a dear companion at his side with no more thought than 'Let's explore!' in his mind. How young he had been. How naïve. The Doctor had blundered through life with a child's wonder until the War had stolen much of that from him. That is, of course, until Rose came into his life.

However, humans needed their rest. He could no more expect her to stay awake to keep the demons at bay than for Gallifrey to return from timelessness. The dark of night would roll across the TARDIS and with Rose safely asleep within her bed he was free to remember everything that time itself had forgotten. Depression and he were old friends. Only the feel of her hand in his could force the depression away and remind him of what life could be like. Perhaps, it could still be like that again.

In the dark of night, he thought that he was alone. In the light of day, he knew better.