The ultimate weapon:
by Tremor3258
(Definitely takes place before the thirteenth, but probably shortly after the 11th, as if that's important for this little spamfic If I don't get the right bridge bunny with the job exactly, they're pretty much interchangeable, and I've read more manga than seen the anime minor EoE spoilers, just in the basis of "why do you put your Evangelions unnecessarily at the bottom of the Geofront when the top is obviously strong enough to easily support buildings?)
The alarms were blaring as usual, as the big impressive wall where one lousy red light would do flashed up a level one emergency. "MAGI report pattern blue!" screamed Maya as Fuyutski stood in the background. "Summon the children and prepare for Evangelion launch," ordered the vice-commander, thereby issung his non vending machine bill order for the week.
As we skip through the technobabble, the children rushing down, the snide comments between Asuka, and well, silence, as Shinji and Rei weren't inclined to answer, right through to entry plug insertion. By this point, Misato and Gendo had made their way to the bridge. Misato looked in surprise as the Angel was first spotted on cameras, "Is that the Angel? It looks like some sort of tornado." The bridge crew made appropriate noises of agreement.
The Angel seemed to be spinning too fast, tiny white flashes available occasionally through the blur. The steady light of a red core beat sullenly in the middle of it all. Misato nodded, "All right, launch all Evas, equip them with long-range weaponry, and prepare the AT fields!" The three children answered, Shinji first apologizing by mistake, before realizing Asuka wasn't ordering him around for once.
The three Evangelions launched to the surface via elevators, during which the Angel trashed several shelters, because if Nerv hadn't dug out the entire Egg, then they wouldn't have to launch their Evas up through about 1000 stories...
The Angel paused in its menace as the three mighty war cyborgs reached the surface. Changing course, it spun towards the three, knocking aside Rei and Asuka easily as the living tornado spun through without warning. Yelping in surprise, Shinji barely managed to get his AT field up in time.
Yet the mighty barrier, through which almost nothing could penetrate, seemed to be melting under its opponent's aura. Shinji screamed, "Misato, what's going on, why isn't it working?"
Misato spun towards Ritsuko, who was leaning over the instruments typing. The chief scientist spun around in alarm, "The MAGI have finished analyzing the Angel! It doesn't have an AT field after all!"
Misato snapped at her friend, "Well, what is it then, Shinji doesn't have the time!"
Ritsuko lowered her eyes in defeat, "It's not an Absolute Terror field, it's a WAFF field."
'Twas the facefault heard around Tokyo-3. Maya chirped, after she recovered, "Angel seems to be made of detritus of old love-triangle fanfiction from Ranma, Digimon, Sailor Moon."
Fuyutski leaned over to where his old friend was watching with hands steepled, "Was this in your plans, my friend?"
Gendo Ikari, manipulator extreme, master of all secrets and teller of lies, appeared to be suffering from a near-terminal case of eye twitch.
(Author's Note: I'm sorry, this seemed to be a ready made shortfic....)