"It's just that it's kind of hard to accept this is really happening, you know?" April started, letting out a sigh.
The divorce papers had officially been signed between her and Jackson this afternoon. It had been the end of her workday and she had rushed out of the room as soon as she had scribbled her name on the line, unable to sit across from Jackson any longer. She wasn't surprised when Arizona turned up on her doorstep less than half an hour after she had arrived home, curled up on the couch and lost inside of her own head.
"That makes perfect sense, April." Arizona empathized as she sat down on the couch next to the redhead, handing her one of the glasses of pinot noir. "I felt the same way after me and Callie split up. She had a foot out the door, and I didn't know what to do at that point."
April took the glass and took a long sip from it, leaning her head back against the edge of the sofa. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised," she breathed out. "He's had one foot out the door too, for a while now. I'd dump out how I was feeling at therapy and he'd sit there and listen and just… I guess he didn't care. Not enough to at least bother trying. Just enough to lead me on." She stared at the wine, swishing it in her glass again before swallowing another mouthful.
"You didn't deserve that, April." Arizona murmured, placing a hand on her knee and giving it a slight rub.
"I loved him and now I'm just supposed to start over." April leaned into her best friend, head resting on her shoulder and a small pout beginning to form on her lips.
"It sucks," the blonde switched which hand she was holding her own wine in and wrapped her arm around the younger's shoulders. "It sucks a lot. But eventually… you know, you move on. You start dating again and you learn to have fun again. I'm not saying that it's easy, because it's not, but it's not impossible either."
The new divorcee took a deep breath and tried to accept her words with more than just a grain of salt, wanting to believe her. Maybe it would have been easier if Arizona was in a relationship. Callie was and that was something, except for how terribly awkward the dinner party had been, and the fact that it had been Callie who was ready to run out the door. It seemed like she was surrounded by people with messy relationships.
"What about you?" April asked Arizona. "How have you been moving on?"
"Well," the blonde started slowly. "It took me awhile at first, you know, to find my wings again. Webber actually helped me a lot. He's gone to trivia nights with me at a few lesbian bars and been a pretty good wingman, I have to say." She smiled gently with the words, rubbing April's arm affectionately.
"Webber's been going to gay bars with you?" April blinked in surprise. "I guess I should've taken up your offer to go with after all." She managed to let out a slight chuckle.
"He's actually a pretty big hit with them. He's a pretty good guy, Webber." Arizona commented fondly.
"That doesn't surprise me."
A noisy sigh pushed through April's noise and she leaned into her best friend a little more than before, lifting up her class and taking another sip of the wine. She was grateful to not have to be alone on a night like this one, as well as for the abundant supply of alcohol that the blonde had brought over with her. She was no longer stuck between a rock and a hard place like she had been for the past weeks after Jackson had served her with the divorce papers. Now, she's not quite sure where she stood.
"What are you thinking?" Arizona asked, head tilting to rest on top of April's.
"That I don't know what I'm supposed to do next." The redhead answered honestly, running her thumb around the rim of her wine glass to have something to stare at.
"That's okay," Arizona murmured. "You don't have to know right now."
"I wish I could call my mom," April admitted. "But I know that she wouldn't understand. She probably wouldn't even accept that we're divorced which right now isn't going to be helpful. I don't know what I'm going to tell my family. It's going to make me Duckie all over again."
The blonde frowned. "That's the last thing that you need to be worrying about right now, April. You've got to put yourself before the judgment that you're going to get from them or anyone else."
"You're probably right," she muttered.
"No, I know I'm right," Arizona replied.
April gave a slight snort and shook her head. "At least one of us has some kind of confidence," she said.
"You'll get your confidence back eventually," the blonde encouraged her with a little squeeze. "Whether it takes lots of wine or silly trivia nights with me and Webber. Or even downloading Tinder to just have the occasional girl– guy hit on you. You'll figure it out. But there's no rush to do that tonight, or even tomorrow. You're allowed to take your time."
"Do you know how much easier my life would be if I was gay and I could just date you?" April sighed out before swallowing another mouthful of wine, mildly frustrated. "We would be a great couple."
Arizona laughed loudly. "Well, there's not much that's easy about being gay," she started. "But yes, we would be a pretty cute couple. I agree."
April finished off the glass of wine in her hands, pulling away from the other for only a brief moment to set it down on the coffee table. "We would be great. We're best friends and we get along." She sighed. "Can I tell you something? I never told Jackson."
"Mmhm," Arizona hummed with a nod.
"This is going to sound dumb. And I swear I'm not just making this up because of the conversation that we're having," she started. "But you know, I did some research into the whole LGBT community. Because of you and the work that Jackson does with trans men and women. I didn't want to be ignorant or say something wrong and it was something that I never really heard about growing up, 'cause you know, my parents. Do you know what demisexual or romantic is?"
"Yeah," Arizona nodded. "Someone who doesn't care for sex until there's the emotional connection there. Honestly, I can't even imagine that. Sex is just so incredibly mind-blowing."
"I kind of think that I'm that," April admitted. "I mean, I don't know, I've never pictured myself with anyone other than a man because that's how I was raised. But Jackson was my best friend. And honestly, Matthew, you remember him? I just… wasn't really interested in having sex with him. Kissing was nice, but I didn't care to take it past that. I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong."
Arizona paused to finish her own glass of wine, getting up to grab the bottle as she spoke. "Well, it's always a good time to explore your sexuality."
"I sound like a Lifetime movie," April commented. "Christian woman goes crazy with her sexuality after divorce. I'm pretty sure I've actually seen a movie just like that." She shook her head, offering a grateful smile when Arizona refilled her wine glass and leaning forward to grab it and drink from it again.
"You need better taste in movies, April." She commented with a shake of her head.
"Yeah, I know." Hazel eyes roll with the words. "I haven't been to the movies in forever. Not since I got back from Jordan, actually, which was months ago…"
"We'll find a day to go on a movie date," Arizona promised her.
"Tell me it's not going to be Brokeback Mountain," April attempted to tease sheepishly. "Why is it that all of the gay movies are about men, anyway?"
Arizona laughed loudly. "No, no way." She replied before answering. "Good question. I'm not sure, but I'm also not sure that I mind if lesbian porn is anything to go off of. It's always for men. Most do not care about lesbian or women who love women viewership at all."
"That sucks," April remarked. "But I guess it's further proof that men are idiots."
"Yes, yes they are." A nod followed the words. "And I like Jackson, but he's certainly taken you for granted."
"It's kind of exhausting," the redhead sighed. "I don't want to be taken for granted or advantage of. I just want a nice relationship with someone that I love and someone who loves me and understands and respects me. It seems like none of those things exist in a romantic relationship. Our luck sucks."
"We'll find it one day," Arizona wrapped her arm around April again. "We just have to be patient."
April lifted the glass of wine to her lips once again, taking a long sip before leaning properly into her best friend again. It seemed like a lot more wine was going to be necessary for her to pick up her mood. She could be an upbeat drunk, she just had to get there first.
"Maybe I should be exploring in a non-Lifetime way," she murmured.
"You could," Arizona nodded in agreement, taking another drink. "I would support you. But, if you decide to put your Tinder on men and women, look out for unicorn hunters."
"What does that mean?" April asked.
"It's usually a couple looking to experiment with a woman. It's messy. Don't do it." Arizona explained with a shake of her head.
The redhead stared with wide eyes for a moment. "That's weird. I never understood the appeal of threesomes. I just want to be with someone that I love. A third person in the mix is bound to just make things messy."
"Okay, surprisingly, I agree with you there," the blonde said. "Stick with one person. One is hard enough."
"Yeah," April nodded. "But that's still all I want."
"You and me both," Arizona agreed.
Silence fell between the two women for a few minutes, both lost in their own thoughts about their exes and the mistakes that had already been made there. Neither wanted to repeat them, even if they both sought after the same beautiful highs that their separate relationships had brought them individually. Even if they had both been through some pain with Callie and Jackson, it was impossible to not look upon the good moments fondly.
"How did you and Callie manage to get along after everything?" April asked, pulling away so she could face her.
"Well, we had Sofia. We kind of had to." Arizona answered with a sympathetic smile.
The redhead's gaze dropped for a moment, pain surging through her heart as she thought of Samuel. That was where the problems had started, wasn't it? She knew that Jackson blamed her for going to Jordan, but it had been the only survival mechanism that she had. Because of Samuel.
"I still want children," April admitted, staring at the little wine that remained in her glass.
"And you'll still have them, April." Blue eyes tried to seek out her best friend's. "You will."
"I hope so," she mumbled. "But it'll be awhile, at the very least. I love seeing you with Sofia or Mer with her kids and I just want that so badly. I don't want to do it on my own, though. I want all of it."
"You're always welcome to spend more time with Sofia. I know it's not the same, but she loves you," Arizona offered. "Maybe she can be a part of our movie date."
April nodded. "That'd be nice." She finished off her wine glass too quickly, leaning forward to grab the bottle and pouring herself another large glass. Dinner hadn't happened for her, not feeling up to cooking nor feeling like eating at the moment. It was enough to make getting wine drunk that much easier for her.
"There's another bottle in the fridge, if we finish this one off too quickly," Arizona commented, concerned eyes watching April take down the wine too easily. She was far too familiar with how much of a lightweight the other was – as she was one herself.
"Thanks," she murmured, wetting her lips. "I just need to perk up and this should help some."
"You don't have to be a bottle of sunshine right now, you know?" Arizona raised her eyebrows. "No one's expecting you to be one today or tomorrow at work. I'm certainly not expecting you to be one. Actually, I'm pretty sure that people are going to be weirded out if you are one." She commented.
"I hate going to bed sad," April explained. "Makes it that much harder to get up in the morning."
"Do you want me to stay the night?" The blonde offered.
She nodded her head. "Please."
"Not a problem," Arizona snuggled up against the other before taking another sip. "I'm here for you. Whatever you need, I promise. I'm guessing you're going to need someone to tuck your drunk self into bed in about half an hour or so." She commented light-heartedly.
"Probably," April agreed with a little pout. "If I ask something out of character for me, will you judge me?"
"Not at all," Arizona answered quickly.
Pulling away, the redhead took another gulp of pinot noir before setting down her glass on a coaster. April stared at Arizona for a moment. She could tell that the other was somewhere along the line that bordered curiosity and worry, which fit the situation perfectly. She was just hoping that the other wouldn't judge her, or worse laugh at her, for wanting to stretch outside of her box a little. Arizona was the only person that she would have trusted enough for something like this.
"I kind of want to kiss you," April admitted. "Because you're my best friend and maybe I could like kissing girls, if it was someone that I knew and loved, you know? I mean, if that's what it took for me to be super into Jackson, then maybe I've been putting myself in this box all along and missing out on this whole other world that I could love."
Arizona stared at for a moment, stunned by the request.
"You actually want to kiss me? This isn't just all the wine talking?" She questioned, a little bit hesitant. Not because she was opposed to the idea, she'd always found April to be gorgeous but written her off as completely straight.
"Yeah," April nodded. "I just feel like I need to know and you're the only one that I trust and like enough that I think I could ever actually, you know, like it." She admitted honestly.
"Okay," Arizona agreed slowly.
April stared at the blonde for a moment after she agreed, intensely into her blue eyes. She couldn't help but compare them to Jackson's. They were more blue, more clear, in a way that reminded her of the ocean. It made her easy to read. After a still moment, she blurted out. "Okay, but I need you to be the one to kiss me."
Arizona gave a small nod of her head, taking a deep breath before leaning into her best friend. Pink lips connected together, slow and steady, wanting to keep the kiss sweet and chaste, not push her into anything that might make her uncomfortable. She placed a hand on April's cheek to hold her there, somehow finding herself surprised when the kiss was returned even though it had been April's idea, to begin with. She was a good kisser, just a little timid, but warm and kind, even just with her lips. Even though Arizona had always strictly thought of the other as her best friend, the kiss immediately had her intoxicated by more than just the wine.
"Wow," the blonde breathed out when they finally separated, in desperate need of oxygen.
"Wow." April echoed, blinking a few times. "That–that was really nice."
"Yeah," Arizona agreed with a slight nod. "Yeah, it really was."
"Do you want to do it again?"
The blonde didn't bother with giving a verbal response, instead leaning forward once again to press another kiss against April's lips. This time, she wasn't quite as innocent as before, letting her lips part slightly to really kiss her. There was a natural spark between the two of them that Arizona couldn't deny. She normally didn't like messing with women who were experimenting to avoid any inevitable heartbreak then and had been willing to make an exception because April was her best friend. But this felt like something a lot more than innocent experimentation.
April placed her hand on Arizona's hip, pulling herself in closer and deepening the kiss between the two of them. She didn't know if it was the wine or Arizona, but either one or both was suddenly making her extremely aroused even with just supposedly naive kissing.
They broke again but barely put any distance between one another, foreheads pressing against each other and noses practically touching. Their chest heaved with oxygen, staring at one another.
"Okay, I think I'm definitely open to women." April giggled out.