Title: Eyes Only
Summery: Logan and Max, Cale Culinary arts, the space between grows to far.
Rating: PG
Spoilerstimeline: Season two if you haven't seen season two stop reading.
Disclaimer: No I don't own any of it cept the words I put it in. Don't own Max Logan or the song by Evan and Jaron so don't sue cause I don't even own a penny.
AN: oh the angst.
Feedback: phoebs_fan2001@yahoo.com
"You gonna stand there all night?"
"Thought bout it. But then I figured that you'd probably have one of those Cale masterpieces in the works and like it or not my resistance to the Cale culinary arts isn't that strong."
"Actually I was going for some old fashioned pre-pulse Macaroni and Cheese." I said turning around in my computer chair grinning sarcastically winning a smile from Max. An honest smile, the kind that lit up the whole room and brought some meaning to this post-pulse world. For a moment it was like old times, my personal cat burglar breaking in to cash in on her meal ticket.
But my smile faded as I stood and she backed away making sure not to get too close.
"Dinner should be done soon." I said walking past her into the kitchen to check on the food. I had actually gotten hold on some chicken and knowing that she would show up tonight had prepared her favorite of my culinary crafts. She deserved something nice and I was only too happy to provide that for her.
I felt her standing behind me and I could tell she wanted to say something but held it back and started to set the table instead. At least I thought I could tell. There was a time when I wouldn't have doubted it, but not now. Even though she's standing here with me, she isn't here. She hasn't been here in a long time.
We do this frequently. She comes for dinner, we joke, and then she leaves, all the time never really setting foot in my door for more then a few seconds. Every once in awhile when we can forget she'll pop in for a moment or two only to leave as fast as her transgenic self can. And as I watch her set the table I know that she wants to run. Her impatience to have the night over with is evidenced in every move of her slender, cautious frame.
As much as I understand it, it still breaks my heart every time. Every time I hear myself saying, "Cale it isn't you." I only wish I could make myself believe it.
I don't really understand why she still comes around. I can hardly believe that she still comes at all, a year ago she wouldn't have. It's weird thinking she's been in my life that long. Then again it's weird thinking that there ever was a time she wasn't in my life.
"You going to join me or are you going to stand in there all night?" she asked, she was now sitting waiting impatiently for me to bring her the food.
"If you want to leave you can." I don't know what possessed me to say it. Maybe I was just sick of the games we played. Maybe I would rather have her gone then sit and watch her inhale her food laugh at my jokes then run out the door before I could talk to her.
"Oh did someone step on Logan's toe today." She said sarcastically trying to turn the situation around. "Should I leave the two of you alone? That brooding of yours shouldn't have to wait." I dismissed the anger laced in her words. She was frustrated she didn't deliberately want to hurt me.
"Forget it." I said bringing her the food. I sat and watched as she swiftly shoveled it in her mouth. I'd lost my appetite.
Dinner went quietly. After her "aren't you going to eat" comment I spent the rest of it trying to come up with a way to catch her off guard. I was going to talk to her tonight if it killed me. I was quite willing to stop her from leaving with force if I had to, which wouldn't happen. All I had to do was block her path. At least that was one plus about this virus, she couldn't just push me out of the way.
"Gotta bounce." She said catching me off guard.
"Max don't." she ignored me as she walked past me toward the door. "Max please." I said rising from my chair and running to catch up with her. She was almost to the door when I slipped in front of her.
"Logan move." She threatened. I stood my ground not acknowledging her words. "Fine." She said changing her stance to challenge me but listening as well. I figured it was the best I'd get so I started in.
"Max…we need to talk." Suddenly I didn't feel so confident.
"So talk." Her acid tongue shot out. I pleaded with my eyes something I know she has never been able to resist.
"Fine!" she stated as she turned around and stalked over to the couch flinging herself down. "You have five minutes." Sitting across from her I looked for a place to start. "Your time is flying." She reminded me. And I brought my head up to look her in the eyes. I wanted to make sure she was here before I started. I needed her here.
"Max…" she softened and stepped through my door. "I missed you." I didn't have to tell her when I missed her. I knew she knew that I wasn't referring to when she was at Manticore.
"I miss you too." She admitted shyly turning away just so slightly.
"Will you stay tonight? Please don't walk out the door again." I begged. Her eyes found mine again. I can't get over how deep her eyes are, how hungry, lonely, full, captivating. I wanted her to tell me she'd stay but I knew I couldn't push her. I knew that even if her lips couldn't form the words her eyes screamed them. Her eyes told me how her heart cried even if the tears were only on the inside. Max has always been strong. In ways she reminds me of my father, there is something so strong and masculine in her but then her feminine side blows me away. Her strength refuses to let her cry, but her heart bleeds for it. I wonder if she knows that I can see all of this in her eyes.
I look away feeling like I've invaded her privacy. I don't know if I'm allowed the privilege of getting lost in her eyes anymore.
"It's ok Logan." She says quietly. And as my eyes meet her's again I know she means it. It's strange, this learning how to act around each other again. But I think we are on our way.
The moment gets too intense for us and Max saves us from going any further then staring by breaking the silence.
"Hey you got some music or something." I nod toward the radio I have. It's true that there isn't much in radio stations now days. A few stations that play pre-pulse stuff and that's about it. There isn't much money in the entertainment business now. She clicks the radio on and I try to remember when the last time I had it on was. She slips back in her seat across from me as the radio announcer finished his news update.
The sky has lost its color. The sun has turned to grey. At least that's how it feels to me. Whenever you're away. I crawl up in the corner. As I watch the minutes pass. Each one brings me closer to the time when you'll be back. You're coming back. I can't take the distance. I can't take the miles. I can't take the time until the next time I see you smile. I can't take the distance.
I began to wonder if maybe this wasn't such a good idea. But Max's eyes calmed my fears and I held on to the feeble thread that ran through us.
And I'm not ashamed, that I can't take a breath without saying your name. I can brave a hurricane and still be standing tall when all the dust has settled down. But I can't take the distance. I still believe in feelings. But sometimes I feel too much. I make believe you're close to me. But it ain't close enough. Not nearly close enough.
The phone rang in the background and I realized that for a moment we had been completely lost in each other. A very dangerous stunt because we had drifted closer. Too close, with only inches between our faces, we pulled back simultaneously. Max jumped up off the couch and fought the invisible thread that connected the two of us, ripping it free and breaking the moment. The phone continued to ring as I chased after her.
"Max! Max!" I called after her as she ran out my door. I caught her eyes one last time as the elevator doors closed on her. "I'm sorry." She said silently not able to voice it.
The phone rang again and I ran to catch it.
"Hello?"
"Hey Logan it's Asha…"
Eyes Only, ironic but that was all we had now.