"Draco, are you okay?" Pansy asked me with a gentle voice. I really hate it when she uses that tone. She makes me seem like I'm some fragile piece of china. I couldn't let my Malfoy mask slip, I couldn't show how vulnerable I actually felt.
"I'm fine Pans, just a little tired," I lied smoothly. She seems satisfied by my answer. Truth is, I was upset. I'm finally back at Hogwarts after a horrible summer break. I became an official Death Eater and my left forearm was no longer bare. The Dark Mark makes me sick. Every time I took a shower, I tried my best to scrub it off but I couldn't. Of course I couldn't, it was fucking burnt on me. I didn't let anyone know how much I disgusted myself. I felt cheated. Mother said that I had a choice, but of course I didn't. Everyone had to listen to the Dark Lord. I was lucky he didn't torture me. I knew he sensed my reluctance but for some reason just kept quiet.
I excused myself before heading to my dormitory. Vincent and Gregory, my so-called friends, were afraid of me. I wish I had someone to talk to, someone that wouldn't judge me just because I'm a fucking Death Eater. Even Blaise and Theodore avoided me. I just need someone to talk to but nobody cared.
Maybe life would be easier if I was just someone else. Someone who had choices, someone who doesn't have to be a Death Eater in order to save his mother's life. I can't believe Father just let the Dark Lord crucio Mother, who kept screaming till she lost her voice. I couldn't let anything else happen to her. I have to kill Dumbledore so that my Mother won't be killed. I can't believe the Dark Lord ordered me to murder my own headmaster. I can't help but get this horrible feeling in my stomach every time I see that wrinkled face and twinkling eyes. I can't even imagine what it would be like to see those eyes no longer full of life.
Snape keeps on following me around and watching my every move. I could also sense someone else following me around but I can't see who. Merlin knows how much the experience of having the Dark Lord residing at my house taught me to always watch my back. However, I can't even be bothered. I know that once I fulfilled my task, I'll be seen as useless and might even be disposed. I can't help but wish that day will come sooner.