Author's Ramble: I am suffering from a debilitating condition known as Repressed Yaoi Fangirl In-Denial Syndrome. It is not fatal though it greatly diminishes mental faculties and self-control due to nasal hemorrhages resulting from too much hotness and the inability to take such hotness of males getting it on.
This has been posted as a coping mechanism and such every view helps towards recovery.
Your review will be much appreciated afterwards. We, the afflicted with RYFIDS, move forward to a world where we can accept our inner fujoshi and enjoy reading and watching anime and manga-based gay porn without shame.
Thank you for your support.
Okay, so Kaito never denied he may be, sort of, kind of obsessed with Shinichi.
He had a storage unit filled with any and all written scripture with even the slightest mention of her, a miniature gallery of photographs plastered onto the walls of a vacant room in his house, and an archive of articles about her cases downloaded into his phone.
He would sometimes miss first period so he could walk her to Teitan High and skip the last period of class just so he could pick her up. (What with all the murderers and kidnappers who're after his sweet, precious girl though he was fully aware she could take care of herself and incapacitate a body builder with one touch (And not like there was anything left he had to learn about in class and besides, frankly, the teachers loved the peace.)
He created most of his magic tricks with her in mind. (And took note of which made her smile, which made her laugh, which stain her uniform enough that she just has stay over at his house for the night because she could not possibly travel home looking like an Easter egg with her canary-yellow blouse and robin's-egg-blue-and-granny-smith-apple-green skirt while keeping her dignity intact and which tricks she just couldn't figure out for the life of her and he would never tell her how because she was so cute when she was mad and frustrated at him- and, yes, he was aware of how creepy he was being.)
And, okay, yes, he is also the reason as to why every male on Teitan High's campus steered clear of the Heisei Holmes. The threat of "grave bodily injuries", "extreme psychological maladies", and spending "the rest of your natural lives wearing clashing colored stripes" could make a man do anything. Or not do a single thing (ogling, asking out, talking, looking at etc.) to that cool, smart, pretty and taken blue-eyed brunette you sit next to in Physics.
Anyway, his admission to his (slightly) excessive fascination for his rival-turned-best-friend-turned-girlfriend was the reason as to why he did not immediately act upon the sudden onset of his detective's female friends (and even his own female friends at some point) dragging her away for one reason or the other, blushing and giggling like the schoolgirls they were yet rarely acted like.
It's not like they were doing it on purpose.
And, besides that, his Shin-chan never protested, calling back to him with an apologetic smile and a promise of making it up to him in her blue, crystalline eyes and really, and she always came back to him bright-eyed, red-cheeked and softly smiling so really, how could he say no?
It wasn't like this would go on forever, right?
"Gomenasai, Kaito-kun."
"Nah, it's all right, Mouri-chan. I know you'll take very good care of my Shin-chan."
"We'll dress her up in the cutest dress we can find and hand her back to you in one piece."
"I'll be counting on that~"
"Could you two stop talking like I'm some toy you're trading over the weekend?"
"Kuroba!"
"Oh, hey, Suzuki-san!"
"Where's that detective dork of a girlfriend of yours? I've got something really special for her. If you know what I mean. Some real cuties."
"I was just about to pick her up after her case and why are you winking?"
"Oh, really? Don't bother then. I'll go get her."
"But-"
"It's no trouble at all! We've got plans with Ran today so I'll just take her off your hands, okay? Ciao~"
"Miyano?"
"Ohayou, Kuroba-kun. Is Kudou-san home?"
"Well, yes. She's still in bed. We're having a lazy Sunday. Is there some-"
"I need to know how it ends."
"What?"
"I mean- I have some questions regarding her recovery from the antidote and how similar they are to… my own."
"Such as?"
"Certain… urges and… sensations… And- This is all very classified and highly sensitive so will you call her-"
"All right, all right, calm down, Miyano-"
"Haibara?"
"Ohayou, Kudou-san. It's about this… book, you lent me. I don't think-"
"Okay. How about we put on some tea? What you're going through right now is RYFIDS…"
"Shin-chan?"
"Kaito!"
"Oh, it's only you Aoko. For a second, I thought it was Mouri-chan. "
"Have you seen Kudou-chan?"
"Oh shit, not you, too."
"Aoko just really wanted Kudou-chan to read this story. Aoko knows she'll love it. The last 'Forbidden Passions' series really was illogical now that Aoko has read it with Kudou-chan's opinion in mind. You can't possibly go that long without regular water breaks and Aoko guesses it's Kudou-chan of all people who would know if blood can be used as a lubricant but this one might be what she's looking for."
"Look I'm glad you and Shinichi are getting along but what was that, Aoko?"
"Oh. Aoko sees. Kudou-chan hasn't told you yet. No matter. Aoko will just give it to her when we meet up with Miyano-chan and Ran-chan later. See you, Kaito!"
"Wait, Ahouko, what hasn't isn't Shinichi telling me?!"
"Your precious bearer of light is pursuing illicit passions, Kuroba-kun."
"Akako, just shut it."
"But the sweetest of temptations is that which is most forbidden. Even the sinner in white and the bearer of truth cannot deny that, fraternizing in the most sinful of copulations, dark and light, crime and punishment, criminal and executioner."
"And what the hell does that mean, huh?"
"The chaser of crows will continue to be swept away in the high winds of outlawed gratification, indulgent literature forged by the imaginations of those who know of the power of sin."
"And the rich man's daughter, the fool's child, the sinful alchemist and the children of blue and red, of vibrant, vivacious red will continue to take the chaser of crows from the moonlight dove's futile grasp."
"So, you're in on it too, huh?"
"You're putting her up to this, aren't you?"
Hakuba Saguru looked up from his vintage copy of The Sign of Four to a gruesome, ghastly sight.
Kuroba Kaito frowning.
Frowning.
If the magician's smiles and laughter were cause for anxiety (because something that brings Kaito joy is usually something that brings joy to Kaito alone), and his silences were the origins of alarm and panic (contemplation on Kaito's part usually meant the solemn construction of some sort malevolent contraption or concoction that will result in pain and/or shame for one or all of them, usually though it was just Hakuba) but Kaito, effervescent, energetic, enthusiastic Kaito actually, sincerely and thoroughly displeased with you enough that he would actually, really, surely frown at you, make a point of showing you his annoyance rather than just create an elaborate, conniving and petty plot to get back at you when you least expect it-
It was a good life, right, Saguru?
Golden-brown eyes surreptitiously sneaked sideways glances at his petrified peers who were either shacked up in the farthest corner from him and Kaito in the room (well, those who didn't just run out the door screaming for Kona-sensei) or those against the walls, determinedly blending in with the off-blue paint and praying for camouflage powers lest they be the target of the prankster's unprecedented wrath (lucky bastards, those who jumped out the window).
"Ohayou, Kuroba-kun." Hakuba greeted. He was surprised he could speak, let alone that his uniform wasn't drenched yet from… bodily fluids.
Eyes the color of a lighting-streaked sky. And Hakuba was the poor, hapless, golden-brown lightning rod,
"I can't believe you!" Kaito threw his hands up in the air and dropped into the seat beside the silently horrified Brit carelessly.
"And that Ahouko, too! She'll choose you over me? And here I was, thinking we were all friends-"
Hakuba took a millisecond to gape at Kaito blabber on about how "petty" and "mean" he and Aoko were being, and how could they "connive" and "conspire" like this behind his back and how "desperate, pathetic and petty" their "plot" was "to deny Fate" and "thwart Destiny" and "separate True Love"-
"I don't… understand."
Kaito stopped in the middle of "and here I was thinking you guys were happy for me-"to gawk at his captive and audience, his choirboy face darkening in a way no altar boy's would've been able to.
"You don't?"
"I don't."
The magician stood and drew up to his full height, lips turned upwards in a sharp smile, white teeth gleaming and those eyes- the color of lightning-streaked skies… And Hakuba remembered why he was so certain his classmate was Kaitou Kid.
"So, you didn't put Aoko and Akako up to literally dragging my girlfriend away from me, every single time they see her?" Kaito grinned in a way Hakuba saw maniacal mass murderers would during arrest after a long, horrid killing spree.
Golden-brown eyes widened in realization, the previous steel-cold, titanium-strong terror now alloyed with understanding.
Hakuba then proceeded to laugh himself out of his chair.
Helplessly holding in his laughter, rolling all over the tiled classroom floor, Hakuba curled into himself as Kaito towered over him.
"You find this very amusing, huh?"
"Ku-Ku-Kuro-Kuroba-kun- Ah, ah, ah-" Hakuba panted before he sprawled on the floor in a starfish position, staring up at the ceiling with a stupidly toothy smile.
"So, Aoko-kun and Koizumi-san have been hording Kudou-san all to themselves as of late?" Hakuba chuckled, nonplussed at the magician's obvious irritation.
"Mouri-chan and Suzuki-san, too." Kaito retorted, barely repressing the urge to stomp the sniggering Brit bastard on the floor to death .
It wasn't funny at all to Kaito. Who would find this amusing, him losing what little time he had for his precious, beautiful and busy detective to the mysterious meetings of Aoko, Akako, Ran and Sonoko?
"The girls have been hiding her away for weeks. And when I do see her, one or the other suddenly pops up from nowhere and whisks her away." Kaito sighed dejectedly, sliding down to sit down beside the sprawled, snickering detective.
"Don't worry, Kuroba-kun. " Hakuba sat up and made a motion with his hand that conveyed reassurance.
Yet instead of comforting him, Hakuba's sudden flippancy made him uneasy.
"What do you know…?" Kaito began firmly but hesitantly.
Hakuba stood and brushed himself off, amusement brightening his features and returning the dignity his previous fear stole.
"Rest assured that it wasn't I who orchestrated this predicament of yours. And though I'm a bit worried as to what you might do, my fear of my own girlfriend's anger far exceeds my anxiety about yours."
Standing as well, Kaito quirked a brow.
"So you aren't scared of being a permanent pinkette instead of a blonde? Or never wearing another respectable shirt for the rest of your existence?" The maniacal-mass-murderer-grin again.
"I am scared of that and I know you have much more in store." Hakuba sat back into his chair with the poise of a man who had nothing to fear.
"But you know what they say: 'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned'. And I swore on my honor as a gentleman I would keep the girls' little 'meetings' a secret."
"You arsehole."
The profanity made Hakuba laugh again. How could he possibly fear Kuroba when he had Aoko to be afraid of?
And Koizumi-san. And Mouri-san. And Suzuki-san. And Miyano-san, the rising star biochemist. And even Toyoma-san, but Kuroba-kun could figure out how the Osakan detective's girl fit into the mystery on his own.
And most of all, Kudou-san herself.
Hakuba shuddered as he realized how terrifyingly powerful and powerfully terrifying all the women he knew in his life were.
Koizumi-san with her beauty and… sexuality.
Mouri-san, Toyoma-san and, surprisingly, Aoko for their strength.
Suzuki-san for her wealth and influence.
Miyano-san for her intelligence and cool.
And Kudou-san for… all of the above and beyond.
"If I tell you, Kuroba-kun, Kudou-san and the others will annihilate me and you." The Englishman drawled pointedly.
Kaito looked upwards as if reminiscing…
… then blanched like a boiled lettuce leaf and wilted into the seat in front of Hakuba.
"You're right." Kaito whimpered while he drew his knees to his chest, cooing to himself in as much the same way as the rest of the class were doing.
Hakuba felt something like sympathy for Kuroba. If every date with Aoko was in some way or form intercepted for reasons unbeknownst to him, he'd go a little crazy too.
"Never touch Shin-chan's coffee. Shin-chan's coffee is no-no. Shin-chan's coffee is -finny go bye-bye now. Finny-finny go bye-bye." Kaito cooed to himself.
"But I guess I'd go little mad, too, if I were you… So I'll tell you this."
Kaito regarded him suspiciously from the corner of his eye.
But his ears perked with interest.
"The reason the girls are all grouping together like this…"
The detective of light looked side to side before closing in.
"… is to discuss their secret 'obsession'."
Obsession?
"Obsession? Hakuba, what the he-"
And in that moment, Aoko and Akako walked in the room, whispering into each other's ears and giggling madly, pink coloring their cheeks.
"Did you have fun with my girlfriend, you two?" Kaito snarled. Never in his life had he ever imagined he would harbor any sort of real malice towards his childhood friend or for the little witch beside her.
Said childhood friend turned towards his glare slowly, blue eyes blinking as if only then did she realize they were in class.
"Oh, hey Kaito-"
The inspector's daughter drifted off at the sight of all their classmates huddling together in their own attempts at self-preservation.
She leveled Kaito's hateful glare with one of her own.
"Kaito, what did you do to them?" Aoko held a mop from… somewhere, aimed directly at Kaito.
And then the accused was running.
And when the accuser stomped on after him, Akako sidled up to Hakuba's side.
"Did you tell him?"
Hakuba casted a sideways glance at his sinfully beautiful classmate.
"I'm not foolish enough to do that. But I did tell him a little about what the meetings are for. You know… You're little 'obsessions'."
Akako seemed satisfied with the answer and took her proper seat as the rest of the students disentangled themselves from each others' embraces.
"Good."
And it went on for a few more weeks, at the ice cream parlor, the bookstore, the movie theater, the park and okay, okay, he could cope.
But seriously, when Hattori's girlfriend, Toyoma-san popped up between Kaito and Shinichi like a deranged jack-in-the-box, stating that she was on their semestral break and that she wanted to scope out the local "bookstores with Shinichi-chan" and how was the latest issue of "Moonlight Magician", accompanied by meaningful winks and lewd smirks, Kaito knew he had just about enough of everyone stealing away his girlfriend.
The spiced air that greeted the manor's other occupant made her smile a little wider.
Curry always made Shinichi a little happier at the end of the day.
Nothing like a hot, homemade meal after a day filled with blood, gore and the infinitely creative and convoluted ways mankind chooses to bring grief and chaos into the world.
The heady aroma of cayenne pepper and garlic reminded the detective she hadn't eaten lunch- breakfast- well, does coffee as a meal count?
Kaito was sooooo going to smother her again if he found out she skipped an entire day's worth of meals (but he still wouldn't touch her coffee, not after the last time he tried to hide four weeks' worth of caffeine from her and even went as far as throwing out every new can she bought. That was a lesson he wasn't going to forget ever courtesy of those favors she called in with the Beika Aquatic Resources and Development Center.)
But right now, her loving, overprotective, insanely possessive thieving boyfriend was far away in Ekoda, probably coming up with new ways to completely shred Hakuba-kun's sanity into little confetti-like pieces and was nowhere at all-
-here in her kitchen, cooking savory, mouthwatering, hunger-inducing curry and reading her latest delivery of shounen ai manga.
"That is highly offensive."
Shinichi sighed. She had hoped Kaito would understand-
He backed her into the wall behind her, resting his palms on either side of her head, the simmering decadence of spicy curry in the air.
Kaito's hands slid up her coated back to rest on the expanse of her nape, rough fingers softly playing with her dark tresses.
She needed to breath but she needed this more, her own dainty fingers running laps through his spiky, messy brown locks.
"I already share your attention with three little kids, an entire division of the Tokyo Metropolitan Police, the FBI, the CIA and the daily dose of dead bodies. Having to share you with mildly attractive gay males- mildly attractive fictional gay males is just wrong." The magician breathed, loving the scent of the detective's breath mixing with his, chocolate and coffee, cinnamon and mint.
He missed her.
"Sorry." She exhaled with relief and smiled and damn it all if it wasn't just unfair of her to expect him to go on for so long without seeing that smile.
"No." Kaito deadpanned and Shinichi gawked.
One of his hands left her neck and travelled south to her waist, fingers playing her lower ribs like a harp.
She strived not to shiver.
"You've been very mean to me, Meitantei." He drawled lazily, hooking his chin onto the curve of her shoulder, tilting his lips into her ear.
He blew away the soft wisps of her midnight-black hair away from the delicate shell of her ear.
"Running away and hiding like that… As if you could ever escape me."
His fingers did not stop yet did not stray either. Shinichi could flip him over, knock him out or literally paralyze him with one well-placed touch, all his nerve endings spazzing, if she chose to do so.
The fact being that she was staying put and allowing him to do this much meant either she liked what he was doing, or she was in too much shock to fight him.
Either way, it was a death wish to push the boundaries.
"Don't you think I deserve some sort of recompense for the trouble you've caused?" He muttered, low and husky and the thrill that coursed through him when a visible tremor shook her was almost enough to compensate for her misbehavior.
Almost.
`"What do you have in mind then, Dorobo?"
He pulled away just enough to see large, limpid lapuz lazuli eyes cut through him, sharply challenging and defiantly playful.
"Well, Kid-kun-"
She continued her insolent reply with a gasp when something… something… something soft and warm and wet ascended the length of her neck.
"Kuroba Kaito, did you just-" She squeaked, for God's sake when she felt his hard, white molars scraping her pulse point.
Shinichi capped her mouth with the hand that was previously lazily strolling through his twisted, tangled, oak-brown hair.
Rough, chapped lips apologetically rubbed out the sore bite on her neck, soothing the sting with soft pulls and tugs.
The neglected boyfriend didn't feel so ignored now, especially when his troublemaking angel moved just the slightest bit, craning her head to accommodate his excited exploration.
Gay manga guys can't do this, right, Shi-ni-chi?
"Hey, Kai?" The outed fujoshi spoke and it annoyed him a little she could still speak so clearly and coherently. He nipped at the skin just beneath her cute pinkish ear to remedy her clarity.
"There's this thing… in the anime and the manga…"
Oh Kami, not this…
Kaito left a trail of short, damp kisses that led from her ear to her collarbone, intent on destroying all thoughts pertaining to the stupid yaoi she liked.
Liked enough to forget me.
And liked enough to remember when I'm doing the real thing to her.
"Sometimes… the doujinshis, they're kind of like fans of an already existing anime or manga, and they make their own drawings and comics about the fandom, like drawn fanfiction…"
Damn it all, a whimper, a stutter, a pause, Shinichi, please give me something…
Kaito latched his front teeth onto the first button of her school uniform.
"And, sometimes, they do this thing where they switch a character's canon gender, and they call it genderbending."
Never before had Kaito, Kaito of a million cheering fans, Kaito of thousands of screaming, swooning girls, either as his civilian self or as his nighttime alterego, felt as disregarded, unimportant and irrelevant than at that moment when he was busily working at how to unbutton his own girlfriend's blouse with his teeth whilst she was prattling on about fanart.
Kaito sighed, fogging up the clear button, before he lifted his head to press his forehead against his detective's.
"And do you know who my favorite yaoi doujinshi couple is?"
"Okay, I give up. What?"
Her pink lips, half-moist and half-chapped, tilted ever-so slightly in the left side than on the right, the left cheek twitching mildly with repressed humor.
He exhaled dejectedly once again, his rejected breath displacing some of her dark-chocolate strands. He was prepared to laugh and coo along with her over these super kawaii shounen ai boyfriends his Shinichi apparently was so captivated by-
"Kid X Kudou."
"Oh, really? They must be adorable. You have to lend me a few-"
His jaw slammed shut with an audible click, blue-violet eyes wide and disbelieving like twin galaxies.
"Though according to the fans, Kaitou Kid and Male!Kudou can bethe seme interchangeably. They say both their personalities fit the 'dominant' partner."
"Wha-What-Excuse me?"
Shinichi, the embodiment of grace under pressure, took a few books from her fallen school bag and handed it to the fossilized body of Kaitou Kid.
Magical Kiss! XXX
Guns and Roses
Moonlight Magician!
Rooftop Love~
A Full Moon Encounter ^_~
"Yeah, apparently your fans have a little addiction to seeing you get laid in the twenty minutes or less it takes for the taskforce to get to the rooftop. Our "inevitable rendezvous", according to KidIsALover1412."
Shinichi dragged a finger to a line of script in one of the mangas which indeed read: "the magician and detective's inevitable rendezvous where passion meets, sparks fly and if they're lucky… love?"
"Not to mention they seem to like the idea of me being a guy. I never knew you had such spirited, passionate fans of that sort, Kid. I thought your fanbase was comprised of teenage girls and those who were teenage girls during the original Kid's reign but hey, it's interesting and why are you laughing?"
Kaito snagged the girl's waist into his arms and pulled her on top of him as he dropped himself onto the floor, the force of laughing peals shaking his entire being and the girl, too.
"So, my darling Shinichi-kun, how about reenacting 'Rooftop Love~' as compensation for ditching me?" Kaito grinned and Shinichi was certain he was leering at her.
"Only if we roleplay 'Guns and Roses'… without the 'roses' part." The irate detective placed her hand on the holster attached to her hip which the absolutely delighted magician absolutely forgot was an essential of all her outfits. Even her school uniform.
"Well then, can I get one of these instead, Shinichi-kun?" He tapped his lips with his forefinger.
"Now I don't know which is less tolerable: Shin-chan or Shinichi-kun."
"Hey, you look so cute as Male!Christie in this manga, Conan-kun~"
"Shut it, Kuroba Kaito and give me those back or else I'll tell Nakamori-san her best friend is Kaitou Kid. And I swear that particular one is child pornography."
"Where did you get all this anyway?"
"Uhmmm… Sonoko."
"I thought so." Kaito relinquished his hold on the homosexual, pedophilic porn book to retain a vice-like grip on Shinichi's waist.
"Actually, I was already planning a heist at one of Suzuki Corporations museums just for the heck of it." He smiled sheepishly, almost a little ashamed.
"You are so petty. I'm dating a child in an adult's body." She rolled her eyes though he was sure there was fond affection in the way she huffed at him.
"But now I guess I'll have to thank Suzuki-san."
Crystalline blue eyes blinked at starry indigo ones.
"Huh?"
Kaito caught a fistful of raven-feathers hair, pushing her to him.
"Because I never thought of it before, but now I'm sure…"
His breath ghosted over hers and goosebumps rose beneath her blazer.
"… that if you were born male, I would be gay to be with you."
And when he closed in on her, chocolate and cinnamon and the smell of his homecooked curry comprising her every inhalation, she knew he'd laugh his damn butt off if he ever found out her Otou-san and 'Kaa-san really did expect a son that May 4, eighteen years ago and for some reason of whatever Divinity or quirk of biology they were given a daughter instead and that somewhere in the infinite realities of alternate dimensions where her male self was born, she knew she'd be gay for Kuroba Kaito and Kaitou Kid, too.
Author's Ramble: Okay, that last scene was… a little hot.
*laughs wildly* Sorry guys, but isn't it about time these two lofty intellectuals and their cool, calm alter egos get a little spice?
And I got to express both my love for Kai X Fem!Shin and my desire for KaiShin~
I love Akako's cryptic-ness.
PLEASE READ FOR CLARIFICATIONS:
shounen-ai- Loosely translated as "boy's love". Parallel to yaoi, it is more focused on sweet, intimate, romantic, lovey-dovey relationships between two males.
yaoi- As opposed to shounen-ai, this focuses more on the carnal, passionate, sexual, physical side of a male-male relationship.
seme- The "dominant" in the relationship. Often the one who "tops" or is the one who administers the "penetration".
uke- The "submissive". The one who "bottoms" and is often the "receiver".
kawaii- Cute or adorable.
doujinshi- An artist that creates original art based on anime and manga or his/her own renditions of existing anime and manga.
fujoshi- An artist or a fan of yaoi and shounen-ai.
*Also, the first name used in a pairing is often the "dominant" partner in the relationship, hence if the pairing is Kid X Kudou, than Kid is the partner that "tops" in their relationship. However, not all writers may be aware of this but in my writing, please be informed that I follow this concept. Though, honestly, either could top. They're both "dominant" in their own way anyway. They have their own style of whipping each other. So cuuuute~
I can't believe I just gave a crash course on gay anime porn.
Any who, next up is either "Ironic", "Deal", or Chapter Two of either "Perfect" or "Hate.
Maybe… If a couple or so of you wonderful viewers begin to follow the fanfiction community:
"Kuroba Kaito/Kuroba Kaito X Edogawa Christie/Kudou Shinichi"
*hums* Posts and updates might just come sooner~