Title: Without you I'm nothing
Author: Jessica
Email: jrothenyahoo.se
Distribution: Wherever...just let me know where
Spoilers: None
Rating: PG
Category: Romance, AU, angst, V
Feedback: YES please...jrothenyahoo.se
Pairing: Rory/Jess, Jess/Other, Luke/Lorelai
Disclaimer:I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS.
Summary: "Sometimes it feels like she has never been here at all..."
AUTHORS NOTE: This is kind of a follows my other story "The Fall of a Sparrow".
But it can also stand alone J…
Thank you to SamiJoe for reading my work and giving me
critique on what needs to be changed
and to Sandra (Lukerules) for beta-reading...
English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar
mistakes may occur.
"Honey now if I'm honest
I still don't know what love is
Another mirage folds
into the haze of time recalled
And now the floodgates cannot hold
All my sorrow all my rage
A tear that falls on every page.
(From "The other side" by David Gray)
Without you I'm nothing
by: Jessica
Jess POV
Sometimes it feels like she has never been here at all.
But then I remember.
It's the little things that remind me.
It can be a song on the radio or a scent that still seems
to linger around me.
Maybe she was never mine at all.
That's what I try to convince myself of.
It's the only way I will survive this.
The darkness of this room surrounds me and embraces me as I rise
from the bed.
My legs feels weak as I move into the bathroom.
To stand under the shower for a while,
trying to get my cold shell of a body warm.
But it's no use.
I can never get warm enough.
I dress slowly.
Afraid that if I move too fast I might shatter.
Just like glass.
Then I grant myself a few minutes in front of the mirror.
I stand there, starring at my reflection and a part of me pray
that it will give back her reflection.
I close my eyes.
And for a moment I can feel her.
Or is just my mind playing tricks with me?
When I open my eyes she is gone and I'm left here, shivering.
With a sigh I surrender.
My hands tremble as I open the door and exit the bathroom.
My legs feels weak as I move into the kitchen.
The morning sun pierce through the windows and warms my face.
I hate it for daring to show its face today.
I turn towards the stove to make breakfast.
I turn on the radio to hear something other than the horrible
silence.
I move slowly.
Not to fast.
I take a plate and sit down at the table.
I'm not hungry but I know that I have to eat.
I sit there, with the sun at my back, shuffling food into my mouth.
It doesn't taste anything.
Afterwards I rise and stumble towards the sink.
My hands tremble as I reach out to silence the radio.
I stand there, clinging to the sink.
I don't want to go.
Today I will say goodbye to her.
Today I will let her go.
She left this world seven days ago.
Seven days ago my world fell apart.
How easily my walls came crumbling down.
Not a sound was made.
The news came with a phone call.
I never thought a phone call could end my world.
But it did.
It was Luke that told me.
His voice was dark as he spoke the truth.
At first I didn't believe him.
I refused to believe that something like that would ever happen.
But it had.
He said that it had been an accident.
There had been no way to save her life.
Just like that.
In that moment my heart came apart.
In my head a voice screamed.
A plead to a heaven that had no mercy.
But all I found was silence.
I can't remember what I did after that.
All I can remember is the pain of breathing.
The pain of moving.
Days blended together in a haze of memories.
The sun rose and fell even though she had left this world.
Lucy tried to mend my heart with words that fell on deaf ears.
My mother called and tried to ease my pain.
Luke called and wanted to talk.
But how could I put words to the pain that ripped through me
everytime I tried to breath?
How do you put sorrow into words?
So I kept quiet, lied and said that I was doing okay.
That was two days ago.
I let go of the sink and move towards my bedroom.
The bags are all packed.
I think I'm ready now.
To go back to Stars Hollow.
To say goodbye to her.