A/N: Hey! So I'm not really sure how to do this because this is my first fan fiction ever. its just a one shot. lol I'm kind of nervous but that's ok! I've been reading fan fics forever, they are definately my guilty pleasure along with Instant Star of course. So, My life the past two years has been a little bit ridiculous: good and bad. I was thinking about things, as I usually do since I don't sleep at night ever, and decided that I wanted to tell people my story even if they don't really want to hear it! lol I decided that the best way to do this would be through my favorite characters who I think play the roles amzingly! Just so you know, every conversation and event below are exactly as they occurred in my life, sadly. hehe If you all actually like what I have to say then I am going to write a prequel explaing the events that led up to this fateful night! The story happened in my life last summer so I may even create a sequel for this past year and everything after this night. What can I say, my life is a drama filled joke and so others may as well enjoy it too!! So here it goes (feel free to give critism I openly ask for it, I love to learn!) and I hope you at least half enjoy it! lol

Summary: So, Tommy and Jude grew up together and they are the same age. They became best friends in the seventh grade, but it soon became clear (pretty much as soon as hormones took over) that they were meant to be more. They dated briefly in grade nine, for about three months, but the relationship ended when Jude broke it off for undisclosed reasons. Tommy always has a girl with him. Sometimes they stick around for a week, a couple of times he has had long term girls. Including Caitlyn, who he dated in grade ten, and Sadie who he has currenty been dating. Tommy's girlfriend's always hated Jude. They are jealous of the friendship/connection they share and feel threatened by her. In February of grade eleven, Sadie tells Tommy that he has to choose; and he decides to stay with Sadie. It is now the summer before grade twelve, two weeks before school starts, and Tommy has not spoken or even looked at Jude since February. Told in Jude's POV.

I strolled up to the side walk slowly, knowing that he was waiting for me amidst the darkness. The school grounds were deserted, but the outline of a lone figure striding toward me caught my eye. The closer we became, the more I found myself wishing I had stayed in the car. Nothing could have prepared me for when I finally caught his eye. After months of wanting nothing more than his simple glance, I felt myself break under his intense stare. I couldn't have looked away even if I tried. His eyes bore into me; I had to will myself to ignore that they were full of sadness and regret. When we finally reached each other, we stood at least two feet from one another attempting to put some kind of distance between us. Finally, Tommy nodded his head toward the parking lot gesturing for me to follow.

As we began to walk toward the portables I felt myself becoming angrier by the second. "Well, you risked a lot to come out here tonight little boy. Are you seriously just going to walk around in silence? If that's the case then I may as well leave now." I told him all of this as he came to a stop in the middle of the road. Suddenly all I could hear was the silence surrounding us; it seemed so loud to me, almost as if someone was screaming. It was as if the yelling was asking me to run in the opposite direction, or for him to finally say something. As I felt myself getting ready to walk away, he mumbled two words under his breath. I barely heard him and tried to catch myself as I finally exploded. "Sorry, I didn't catch that. Not hard given that you were staring at your feet. Come on Tommy! You dragged me out here! So tell me, what was so important that you couldn't wait until morning?"

"I'm sorry." He repeated looking me in the eye. It was only now that I noticed the tears threatening to fall over the edge.

I laughed out loud. "You are sorry? Really, for what? For saying good bye and not talking to me for five months? For doing what you promised you would never do?"

"Yeah..."

"Honestly Tom, I wish I believed you. I wish it was that easy, but it's not and you know it. If you were really that sorry you would have called me months ago. You would have made some attempt! But you didn't because you don't care! So stop pretending, I just can't handle it anymore."

"You actually think I don't care? You have got to be kidding me! Do you have any idea what these past few months have been like for me?"

"Of course I do Tommy, in case you've forgotten I've been living them too. Only difference is I didn't have my precious girl friend to run to every time things got rough."

"That's not fair! You don't need to bring her into this!"

I stared at him like he was crazy. "Are you serious? She is the entire reason for this situation, how can we not bring her into this?" By now I had started crying, and I knew that the tears wouldn't stop even if I tried. It felt good to cry so openly in front of him.

"Please don't cry." I had forgotten how much he hated to see girls cry. "I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am for all of this."

"You keep saying that, but you never tried! Those words don't mean anything."

"Jude," hearing him say my name felt strange, but it got my attention none the less. "There are things you don't know."

"So tell me then. We have all night. Here is your chance, lets clear the air."

He looked nervous but I could already feel his resolve slipping. "I did call." He barely whispered the words, but I heard them loud and clear.

"Your birthday?" I asked confused, I knew it had been him, but hearing him say it was an entirely new reality.

"Yes, my birthday. You never answered. You have no idea how many times I've wanted to pick up the phone and call you. Or how many times I've driven by your house, and sat out front afraid to get any closer in the past little while."

"That's all great Tommy, but it still doesn't change anything. We are still exactly where we were five months ago."

"I'm sorry." God, I was really getting sick of hearing those words.

"Sure you are." I stopped talking to see if he would say anything. When he didn't I felt my anger rise. "I just don't understand! Why? Why did you have to push me out of your life completely?"

"I didn't know what else to do. She was my girl friend, is my girl friend, and I was tired of hurting her. I even apologized to Caitlyn. I sent her an email. I felt bad Alicia, I kept hurting the people I care about and I didn't want to do it anymore."

"Well what about me?" The tears started falling harder as my heart broke a little bit more. "You were so worried about hurting everyone else. But what about how you hurt me?"

He stepped closer and went to utter the only response he had given to any of my questions that night. "I'm sorr-"

"STOP SAYING THAT!" I screamed at him and threw my phone at the nearest portable. Probably not the best idea, but I was actually beside myself with anger. "Those words don't mean anything! So stop saying them!"

He paused for a minute before saying again, "I'm sorry Jude, I'm so sorry."

I couldn't take it anymore, and I didn't know what else to do. So instead of responding, I screamed. As loud as I could, I screamed, and it felt amazing. Then out of nowhere I felt Tommy's arms wrap around my waist and pull me close to him, too close. I tried to pull away but he wouldn't let me. He rubbed my back and stroked my hair as I finally gave in and began sobbing into his chest. "Shh it's ok." He told me these words over and over again, but I knew deep down that it would never be ok again. When I finally lifted my face, I noticed that he was crying too. His gaze met mine in an intense stare. I have never felt more vulnerable than I did in that instant. After what felt like an eternity, he pulled away grabbing my hand and leading me toward the portable steps. I grabbed my cell phone on the way noticing that it was completely broken. I sighed thinking about what my mom was going to say, and from behind me I heard him laugh.

I looked at him and rolled my eyes, but this only made him laugh harder. I gave him a death glare, the one that I usually reserved for him.

"Come on! It's a little funny."I wanted to slap the smug grin off of his face. Instead, I started laughing with him. As much as I hated to admit it, he was right, it was funny. We laughed for a while, until Tommy sat down on the steps and I felt the serious mood creep back up on us again.

I wanted to keep the atmosphere as light as I could, but I wanted him to know what I was thinking. So against my better judgement, I told him, "I miss this."

"Me too. Listen, I know that there are a million things that we should talk about right now, but to be honest I really just don't want to. Can we just talk, about nothing," he sounded so nervous, "...like we used to?"

I smiled, liking the sound of his proposition. "Sure. So what do you want to talk about? How about that time you made out with Amber?" I laughed at the cringing face he made. I guessed that he was remembering his night with the unpleasant blond.

"Oh God, anything but that please."

"But she was such a nice girl!" I couldn't help but giggle at the faces he was making. "You forget how much I know about you little boy."

"Hey, I am not little." If only he knew how adorable he looked with that stubborn pout on his face.

"Sure you aren't." I gave him a face that let him know he wasn't going to win this argument.

He laughed and motioned for me to sit on the step in front of him. When I did as he asked, I immediately felt him slip his arms around my shoulders and burry his face in my hair. It felt nice but I couldn't help but wonder why, after so long, he was finally willing to touch me or even be near me again.

"So how has your life been Tommy? Tell me what has been going on with you lately." I was genuinely curious about him. He had been such a huge part of my life before, and now it seemed strange that we suddenly had secrets from one another. We talked for awhile. Not about anything specific, just about the everyday things we had missed over the past couple of months. He told me about how his uncle had passed away suddenly a month or so ago, and I felt myself cry again. This time I shed tears for his pain instead of mine. I told him how I had been struggling to get through my days at school recently, and how I was letting my grades slip. During a comfortable silence, I felt him drop a kiss on my head.

"You look amazing." He told me as he laid his head on my shoulder and dropped another kiss there.

"Thanks," I answered a bit unsteady. I didn't know if I was ready for whatever it was he was about to do.

"I really like your new hair cut," he commented on my newly cut short hair, dropping another kiss on my bare shoulder.

"Tommy, what are you doing?" I felt a shiver run through my body as his lips grazed my neck.

He ignored my question and stood up. "Are you cold? Here, stand up."

I stood. Of course I stood, even after everything I still couldn't help but do what he asked of me. I watched in fascination as he began to unbutton his shirt. "Rich-" I began, but he silenced me right away by pulling me inside of his now open shirt with him.

"Don't worry. I don't mean anything sexual by it. I just don't like to see you shiver."

I laughed inwardly at the fact that it wasn't the cold that was giving me goose bumps. We stood like that, holding one another, for a while until he finally spoke again. Saying words that I wish he had never said.

"I loved you, you know." I looked at him incredulously, but I couldn't help but take advantage of the situation.

"...So did I." I barely whispered. Then I let out a long groan. One I didn't realize I had been holding in. "Why are you telling me this?"

"I guess I feel like you have the right to know. After everything we've been through." He replied so calmly, as if we were talking about the weather. "Why didn't you ever say anything? If you had, things might be different right now. You broke up with me! Remember?"

"I was scared! We were only fifteen, and already I knew that I loved you. That is a lot to handle so young. And what about you? You never said anything! You always had a girl friend, how was I supposed to know you wanted more from me?"

"Like hell you didn't know! Everyone knew!" I could hear the frustration in his voice.

"Well what does it matter now? Nothing is going to change, you are with Sadie now." I felt his hand move up my body to cup my face. He turned my head toward his and my eyes were met with that familiar gaze of his.

Ignoring what we had just talked about, he spoke again. "I can't lose you again Jude. It hurts too much, I won't do it."

His words almost caused me to start crying again. I felt like my heart was filled to the brim, and there was nowhere for my pent up emotions to escape to. "So don't let me go. Don't push me away again." I was pleading with him, desperate for him to let me love him.

Again, he ignored what I was saying to him. "God, I want to kiss you so badly right now."

I was shocked to say the least. But as I leaned my face toward his, I couldn't help but mutter, "So kiss me." Our lips inched closer, and I thought that he was actually going to give in. As we were about to touch, merely millimetres away, I felt my breath catch in the back of my throat. Hearing this, he turned his head away from mine quickly.

"I can't."

I couldn't believe him. Suddenly my anger had returned full circle. I pushed him away from me and started to walk away. "Is this a joke? You don't get to do that Tom! It's not fair! You have to stop this. Either let me move on, or we can be friends or something. But this? It's just not fair."

He caught up to me and grabbed my hand again. When I tried to pull away, he just held on tighter. "Listen, I'm sorry about what just happened. I guess... I don't know... I couldn't help it."

He looked so sad and defeated that I couldn't help but give him the benefit of the doubt. "It's alright. Well it's not actually alright, but I'll get over it." I paused, thinking about what I wanted to say next. "Look, I'm not asking you to break up with your girlfriend or anything. I'm not going to be that girl, I just won't. All I'm asking is for us to be friends again, like we used to be. Is that really so hard?"

He looked at me, contemplating what I had just asked of him. While I watched him get lost in his thoughts, I realized that it was nearly three in the morning. "Tommy, I have to go home, Michelle is waiting for me at her house. So if you could say something that would be nice."

"I'll walk you home." He then began trailing me back toward my house. I couldn't help but think that those words were not what I had wanted to hear. I continued to pull away, but he wouldn't let go of my hand. For most of the night, it had seemed as if he was afraid that if he let go of me physically, he would lose me forever. In some ways, he was right to think that. When we reached the cat walk to my friend's house, he stopped us and interrupted my thoughts.

His eyes pierced mine, and I could see the tears again. I was sure that my eyes mirrored his. "We can be friends again, but you have to promise me something."

"What? I'll do anything." I hated how desperate and needy my voice sounded.

He grabbed hold of my face again and stepped closer before continuing. "Promise you won't have feelings for me again. I know I won't be able to handle the temptation."

"How can I promise something like that?" I looked at him with pleading eyes, begging him not to do this.

"Please! Just promise! Say you promise."

I wanted to yell and scream some more. I wanted to ask him why he was with his girlfriend if he knew he was always going to have feelings for me. But I didn't. Instead I let my tears fall and nodded my head as I whispered into the darkness. "Alright, I promise."

He leaned forward and pressed his lips against my forehead. I felt him linger there and knew that I would crack if I stayed close to him any longer; the feel of him cradling my face was too much to bear. I grabbed his hands and threw them away, giving him one last look of defeat as I disappeared down the catwalk. After a few moments I turned, looking over my shoulder to see if Tommy was still watching me. All I saw was an empty street. He was gone. It seemed as if the entire night had merely been a whisper amidst the sweet darkness.

And thats that!! lol I hope you want to kill Tommy right now as much as I wanted to kill Richard (thats the dumb boys name lol) in real life lol

Love me? ...Alicia