It's a beautiful Sunday afternoon and Draco and I are sitting on the edge of the Black Lake watching stupid, idiotic girls fawning over Potter.
"It's a gorgeous day, isn't it?" I ask Draco who does not answer me but is staring off at the other edge of the lake in a daze.
"Draco?" I say poking him in the shoulder.
"Hmm? Did you say something, Pansy?" Draco asks, startled.
"I said it's a beautiful day," I repeat.
"Yeah. Yeah, it is," Draco agrees.
I frown. "Do you want to take a walk, Draco?" I ask, standing up and holding out my hand to him.
"Sure," Draco says, standing up and kissing my forehead. But he does not take my outstretched hand.
It's so strange he doesn't show me the affection he used to. He seems to be forcing himself to be affectionate these days, I think to myself as Draco and I make our way across the Hogwarts grounds. He never does anything romantic for me anymore. There are times when I'm certain that he's thinking about other things when we're together and he's not thinking what I'm thinking the way he used to. He seems to always be half a step behind me these days.
As we approach the gaggle of girls swarming around Potter and we pass his sidekicks, Weasley and Granger, who looks up at us and smiles faintly, Draco surprises me by taking my hand. But I know that it is out of obligation to make me think that nothing is wrong, rather than because he really wants to feel my hand in his.
It's a gorgeous Sunday afternoon and I am sitting on the edge of the Black Lake with Pansy. A swarm of girls fawns over Saint Potter across the bank.
I am staring off past them when, suddenly, I feel something poke my shoulder.
"Hmm? Did you say something, Pansy?" I ask, startled to find that I had been dazing so intensely that I had not heard her speak.
"I said it's a beautiful day," Pansy said.
"Yeah. Yeah, it is," I agree.
"Do you want to take a walk, Draco?" Pansy asks me, standing up and extending her hand.
"Sure," I say, standing up and kissing her gently on the forehead, but ignoring Pansy's hand.
I'm in such trouble and I don't know what to do. Half the time I'm with Pansy I'm happier than I've ever been and the rest of the time it just feels like I'm forcing myself to smile, I think to myself as Pansy and I make our way around the lake towards the beech tree where Potter and his fan club are. Pansy used to be all I ever wanted but now the thought of spending the rest of my life with her makes my heart heavy with dread. What the hell has happened? How do I deal with a life that's completely turned upside down?
As Pansy and I pass Potter and his friends, Granger faintly smiles at me and my heart skips a beat. I realize what has happened. However, I take Pansy's hand. But I can see on her face that she knows something is wrong.
It's a wonderful beginning of summer Sunday afternoon and I am sitting under the beech tree with Harry and Ron. I am reading trying to ignore the girls who keep trying to talk to Harry. I look up and spot Draco Malfoy and Pansy Parkinson sitting on the edge of Black Lake.
I am sure that I love him, I think to myself as I watch Pansy poke Draco in the shoulder. But this love is misplaced. I'm Muggle-born and he'll never love me. He hates me. And even if he didn't, between his father and Harry and Ron it could never work. Have I compromised my friendship with Harry by falling in love with someone he hates? Have I disgraced myself in my passion and my haste? How wonderful it would be if Draco wasn't so brainwashed by his father and Harry didn't hate him with as much passion as I love him. We could be life companions and be together forever. Have I taken a step too far?
I sigh as I go back to reading. I make it a point to stay away from Malfoy for the three weeks that remain in the school year.
As I finish the chapter I look up to find Draco and Pansy walking by. I am startled but compose myself. When they pass me, I smile faintly through my tears. When Draco notices, he takes Pansy's hand. I open my book again and ignore the pain in my chest.