Dreams
Disclaimer: I don't own any part of Criminal Minds except for the first four seasons on DVD.
Spoilers from all 5 seasons are contained in this fic. You've been warned.
A/N: This story was inspired by the song Water From the Same Source by Rachel's, which I found while perusing Matthew Gray Gubler's myspace. Reviews are always welcome; enojoy.
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Dreams, the more he thought about them the more they seemed beyond his reach.
Sure it seemed he had everything he wanted. The basic necessities (food, clothing, shelter); financial stability; a good education (he had three doctorates for goodness sake); more books than he could ever possibly want; a great job that stimulated him mentally and sometimes not so pleasantly physically. He had friends who cared for him even in his darkest hours; through drug addictions and withdrawal, through abandonment, through self-doubt and self discovery, through happy times and times where he just couldn't seem to pull it together, through his own stupidity at getting caught in sticky situations, friends who worried for him during his mood swings and numerous visits to the hospital; friends who cried when he was tortured and beaten beyond belief, friends who wanted nothing more than to go to him when he'd been the hero and subsequently shot in the leg. People who cared for him like family, people who thought of him as their baby brother whom they only wanted to protect and keep safe, people who felt awful and useless when they couldn't help him and he got hurt.
He had all these things but still when he settled in bed no matter how good or bad the day had been his mind would wander and thoughts and images would come unbidden into his head. Thoughts of someone holding him, kissing him, sharing a bed with him, making him feel safe and wanted, comfort him when times got rough and sharing their problems with him as well and letting him do the same. Thoughts of love and making breakfast together, thoughts of hand holding and strolling in the park, thought of just being a couple with the one he loved and doing whatever it was that couples do. Even thoughts of getting into fights over nothing and everything and then kissing the tears away and making up brought a smile to his face.
He had had a short fling with Lila and he'd charmed Austin, but the spark was never there. He wasn't naïve; he wasn't expecting fireworks or fairy tale endings, just love.
It had bothered him a little at 21 to have never been on a date or to have had any kind of relationship, but he had been busy getting his career off the ground to really notice all that much or to even care for that matter.
At 29 almost 30 he was getting more than a little worried. He wanted to start a family like many of his friends had already done. He couldn't change his personality or his habits to make someone fall in love with him, besides he didn't want to, he wanted to be loved for who he was; the nerdy, book loving, myopic guy with school teacher sense of style and a weird job no one ever expects him to have, the guy with the eidetic memory who can recall any thing he's ever read, the guy who also happens to have an IQ of 187.
For right now, however, he would have to settle with the things he has, as for the rest all they are, are dreams.