It wasn't supposed to turn out this way.
She would be lying to herself if she said that she had not dreamt of this moment: This moment when she would be able to see him again, feel his presence within her reach, rest her eyes on his familiar figure, his familiar eyes.
She had lied to herself long enough.
"Captain Aston." He greeted formally, nodding only slightly. His eyes looked so old, so tired. She fought the urge to reach out and hold his hand, but she made no movement, only looked straight back at him, her face and voice neutral.
They were well-versed in this language of strangers.
"General Kenobi." However she wanted to prevent him from seeing through her, she knew that it was useless to hide anything from him. Her voice cracked slightly, hoarse from not getting any sleep for the past days. "How is she?"
He sighed heavily, and closed his eyes, shoulders sagging, as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders. Perhaps they were. "The twins are well, but the medic-droid says that she is slipping away from us." He looked up at her again, and she was surprised to see how naked his eyes were. She had never seen such sadness and despair in his eyes since his master died. "I am sorry, Sabé, I could not help her."
She shook her head, trying to shut his words out, trying to quell the guilt that was now bubbling within her. I should have never left her, should have never listened to what she told me to do, it said. Instead, she said aloud, "I have to see her." She announced, making a hasty movement towards the room where her friend lay waiting for her.
She dared not look at him as she moved past him, not even giving him a backward glance. It would not be the first time that she had walked away from him.
It would not be the first time that he let her.
The steps that took her to where Padmé lay seemed to last a lifetime, and for some unexplainable reason, Sabé found herself thinking back on the day of her cousin's coronation, the day she was crowned the Queen of Naboo.
It was Sabé's seventh year of training to be a fighter pilot at the Nubian Lyceum. Normally, they would not allow their students from stepping from the training grounds, but this was a special event, and Padmé, her cousin and lifelong friend, had explicitly asked for her presence in the coronation.
Sabé distinctly remembered the fleeting moment when she briefly regretted going into the Lyceum, as politics in Naboo were undeniably thrilling, as Padmé—now Queen Amidala—was finding out. The pomp and the celebrations in these political celebrations were unlike anything Sabé had seen. Padmé, she understood, was very popular with the voting public, despite her young age.
Then again, there was no such thing as "very young" for the people of Naboo. Sabé herself was considered an adult for the most part, especially because of her cloistered education in the Nubian Lyceum. Unlike most of the merrymakers, Sabé was dressed in her sharp military uniform, with a blaster hanging easily from her waist, looking more like a keeper of the peace than a guest of the Queen Amidala.
Watching Padmé from behind the procession that trailed after her, smiling and waving to the crowds, Sabé was glad that Padmé had finally found where her heart really belonged. The two have grown up like sisters, and although they had taken very different career paths, they had still maintained contact and constant communication with one another. Even as children, it was obvious that politics was where Padmé felt comfortable in, where she could feel she could make a difference. For Sabé's part, she was not comfortable with politics, and had chosen instead a different kind of service in the military. Sabé was glad that Padmé's efforts were not in vain, and had won this great victory. She felt Naboo was in safe hands.
When the procession finally ended in the halls of Theed Palace, Padmé came rushing up to her, engulfing her in a tight embrace, smiling and laughing, completely shedding her image as royalty as she was reunited with her cousin. "Thank goodness you came!" she said.
"It was the queen's command." Sabé replied, smiling widely in turn. They hugged each other again, tightly, and longer, this time. "I've missed you so, Padmé."
"And I, you." Padmé replied softly.
Sabé's stifled sob echoed in the stark-white walls of the room. Holding the back of her hand against her mouth, she made her way to Padmé's bedside. Her cousin was barely breathing, and pale as a ghost. To see her once-strong and proud Padmé in this state was enough to break her own heart. She interlaced her fingers through the cold ones, a heavy hand seemingly clamping around her throat, not wanting her to speak.
Padmé's eyes fluttered briefly, and rested on Sabé's. She did not even have the strength to smile, nor to speak. Padmé's brown eyes, so much like hers, reflected only sadness. And with this, she closed her eyes.
"No, Padmé…" Sabé whispered, although she knew she had gone. "Please…" She felt her cousin's fingers go limp, barely heard the medic-droid pronouncing her death, the time of her death. No. It couldn't be. She tried to reach out to gather her dear friend into her arms, but another pair of arms had already reached out to take her away. Somewhere, someone was crying brokenly.
Sabé looked up to see that it was Bail Organa who had pulled her away. "I'm very sorry for your loss, Captain Aston." He was saying. She shook her head, not comprehending. It couldn't be that quick, that easy. She had seen death in the battlefield, always knew why soldiers died. She couldn't understand how Padmé could have given up, given in so easily.
She could not say anything, could not control the tears. Senator Organa held on her tightly, and she let him. Over his shoulder, through her tears, she saw him: Obi-Wan.
She saw her sorrow reflected in him.
"I would advise against this, Sabé."
"With all due respect, your Highness, I have already accepted the assignment."
Sabé quickly recognized the flicker of annoyance that crossed Queen Amidala's face. Even under the painted face, it gave Sabé some comfort that she could still recognize her cousin and her feelings. Taking the opportunity before the queen could answer back, Sabé continued: "There is no one else who is more suitable for this position than I am."
"We shall see. Already Captain Panaka is taking his pick of the handmaidens being trained in the Lyceum. They are the ones who have been trained for this responsibility, Aston." Predictably, Padmé would not easily give up the fight.
"It was Captain Panaka who recommended me." Sabé countered. Silently, she wondered if Padmé didn't have anything more pertinent matters to attend to than to argue with her about her appointment as the decoy handmaiden. "I have all the necessary skills to offer your protection, and according to him, enough pedigree to be able to pose as royalty, if such a need arose."
"We will find another." The queen insisted. "One who has been specifically trained for this purpose." Her voice softened. "I would not have you take this and be in the way of your career."
"Actually, your Highness, I think this would help my career more." She countered, unable to fight back a smile. She promptly tamed her features once again. "It would be an honor to offer my services to the Queen Amidala. I only wish to prove myself to her."
Queen Amidala sighed heavily. "I should've never invited you to the coronation!" she sighed in frustration.
Sabé grinned, in spite of herself. "I was glad to have attended." Of course, despite her keeping a low profile, it did not escape Captain Panaka her uncanny resemblance with Naboo's ruling monarch. When they were younger, Sabé and Padmé were often mistaken as twins, and although this amused them very much when they were children, it was not too far from the truth: Their own mothers were twins, and still looked remarkably the same despite their age.
Of course, her training in the Lyceum made her even an even more suitable candidate. True, she did not receive the training as a handmaiden to Naboo's monarchs, but what she lacked in training, Panaka had hoped she had in pedigree, being raised by a family of high rank in Naboo.
After a few moments of silent contemplation, Amidala finally nodded, finding that she had to put away her concern for her cousin in order to continue with their business. "Very well. I accept your service, Handmaiden." She said formally, standing up to leave. Sabé bowed low. "When the other handmaidens arrive, Captain Panaka shall begin your training. I will trust that you will do well." She said, before disappearing from the throne room in a rustle of skirts.
She watched the twin babies through the glass window, awaiting the decision of the babies' fate. She was not sure how long she had been standing there in vigil. Her exhaustion had already seeped into her bones, yet she could not bring herself to tear her eyes away from Padmé's children.
"I want to see the children." Was the first thing she said after Bail Organa visited her quarters since Padmé's death. He nodded, and led her to the nursery where she saw them—twins, a boy and a girl. Her chest tightened at the memory of Padmé telling her about her plans of her own family, long before they even met the Jedi.
She barely could hear Bail Organa the difficulties of the situation, but she already knew—she could not bring the children to Naboo. The Chancellor—no, the Emperor—wanted these children, and bringing them back to Naboo was not an option.
She wanted to stop Senator Organa from telling her what she already knew, tried to defend her position nevertheless: "I want to take full responsibility for them. I have contacts. We can—" but he cut her off.
"Captain Aston, you are officially an outlaw. Very few have escaped the Chancellor's treachery, and I do not doubt that they are scouring whole systems for you, along with the Jedi." Sabé shut her eyes tightly at this, as if trying to drown out the echoes of the war, her narrow escape, Master Tala's death…"
It should have been me. It should've been me.
Bail laid a kindly hand over hers. "I know these past days have been difficult for you. But you have always been outspoken in some of the Chancellor's past actions, and for that you are now considered a threat. It's too dangerous for you out there now."
He was right, of course. Taking the children with her was not the wisest option. Senator Bail Organa had always been a trusted friend and mentor, but for the first time in a long while, Sabé found herself reluctant to let go, reluctant to follow orders and advice.
"This is my family." She whispered, touching the babies' faces from her position by the windows. There was nothing else out there in the galaxy for her now, other than these children.
She heard footsteps approaching her, and she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She steeled herself for the decision, knowing that it will be painful, whatever it was. She turned around to face Senator Organa…
And found herself looking at Obi-Wan Kenobi.
It is only at the times where it is most difficult when one realizes the real value of things.
As her training for the decoy handmaiden progressed, Sabé had to admit that it was not as easy as she had presumed it would be. Everyday, after her daily routine as Queen Amidala's shadow, she had to plunge into the Queen's role, practice secret hand gestures and codes with her cousin, and had to learn her cousin's mannerisms, voice and even her cousin's way of thinking. She was not as much as shadow as someone who was learning to sink into someone else's skin.
Other than appreciating the finer aspects of being the queen's handmaiden, Sabé found herself grateful for the time to be with Padmé. Despite the fact that they had kept communication with one another, her companionship was one of the things that she missed the most. Watching her as she performed her duties gave Sabé a newfound respect for her friend—she had grown up so much in a short span of time.
As children, Padmé had been very disappointed in Sabé for choosing warfare over politics. They had often planned and dreamed together, and Sabé's wish to join military ranks had surprised her friend. It seemed ironic to Sabé then that she would end up learning the niceties of politicians at this point of her career.
She had help from the other handmaidens who also studied in the Lyceum. Eirtaé, in particular, was a daughter of a family friend, and whose specialty was in royal protocol, was very strict and very exacting. Not that Sabé hadn't experience of that from her former teachers at the Lyceum. Unfortunately, she had to work closely with Eirtaé more than others, as she had been trained as a soldier, and not as a handmaiden, for several years.
Hurrying along the halls of Theed palace in the dead of the night, after a particularly grueling session of how to address the different ambassadors who visited Naboo annually, Sabé found herself thankful for getting the night shift, else she felt that Eirtaé would be quite inclined to make sure that Sabé had perfectly memorized the proper way to address them.
She just caught Rabé coming out of the Queen's quarters. Rabé, who was also sixteen, were one of the handmaidens that Sabé quickly warmed up to. A girl with dark eyes and a quiet demeanor, Sabé knew that Rabé made it fairly easily into the list of handmaidens for the Queen.
"Well, THAT was dull as tombs." Sabé said laughingly, referring to Eirtaé's lesson, as she approached Rabé. Rabé's face, however, seemed concerned.
"I'm glad you're here." she said. "Her Highness wants to see you."
Worry quickly overtook her. "What's wrong?" Sabé asked.
"She wouldn't say. But I suspect it has something to do with the Neimoidians." Rabé replied. The fact that the queen would not divulge anything to Rabé—who was also a friend and confidant—worried Sabé. She nodded towards the doors. "She's inside. She hasn't slept yet, and she hasn't spoken much since the last holovid she received from them."
"Thank you, Rabé." Sabé said softly, before Rabé took her leave. She pressed a button to let the doors slide open before she made her way in the queen's chambers. She was not in the bedroom, nor in the receiving area, and finally, Sabé found her standing in the balcony.
"Your Highness." She said softly, bowing before her sovereign.
"No need to stand on ceremony here, Sabé." Padmé said, shaking her head slightly.
"Forgive me, your Highness. I just came from training with Eirtaé." Sabé said, smiling. It worked. Padmé had to smile at that as well, as even she herself was not spared from Eirtaé's guidance.
"Sabé," Padmé began, after a few moments of thoughtful silence. "As you are more knowledgeable with the workings of the military, how would you evaluate their readiness? I need to hear an honest opinion from you, and not from reports."
"Readiness?" Sabé repeated, slightly surprised at such a straightforward question. She had always known that Padmé had always been an advocate of peace, and the implications of her question threw her slightly off-guard. "I do not know, for sure. I've only been a student…"
"Still, I would like to hear it." Padmé insisted.
Sabé took a deep breath, trying to recall her own observations of the past years she had in the Lyceum, as well as what she had heard from her superiors. "I find no fault in the workings of the military, your Highness. However, as we both know, many of our people are opposed for the military to exist in the first place, and therefore not many are encouraged to join. We are competent, but you know as well as I do that it is ceremonial. We may perhaps have one of the best troops in the galaxy, but not enough to fight a war."
Padmé digested this information carefully. "What is it, your Highness? Is Naboo in the brink of a war?"
"It's too early to say." She replied quietly, seating herself at one of the balcony's seats. A cool night wind caressed the young queen's face.
"The Neimoidian's demands for a more 'liberal trade'." Sabé said, realizing out loud. "But how can that be? Their demands are ridiculous."
"It is a step away from an occupation of Naboo." Padmé supplied. "They want more control over our resources. They always have. Now with the taxation of the trade routes, they have more cause to make sure that Naboo is under their rule." Owning the planet would
"So what made them bolder this time?" Sabé asked, sitting down and taking her cousin's hand, as a sign of support and comfort.
"They have the full support of the Trade Federation. Nute Gunray has advanced much in the Federation for the past few years." Something in the queen's eyes hardened at the very thought of Nute Gunray. "The Republic has granted the Trade Federation too much freedom, and they might have gone too far this time."
"Have you informed Senator Palpatine of this? You can make an appeal to the Senate." Sabé supplied, although she did not doubt that Padmé have already done these measures.
"I already did. The senator promised me to keep constant vigil over this matter." Padmé said. "But the situation is very volatile. I gave an unequivocal refusal at their demands, and intelligence reports have informed me that they are beginning to amass droid armies for an invasion."
"They wouldn't dare!"
"The Federation has acquired a very thick skin." Padmé said, her voice tinged with anger. "These are dangerous times. I can only hope that the Republic will hear our plea before it is too late."
Sabé tightened her hold on Padmé's hand. "We will be heard." She reassured her, and perhaps, a reassurance for herself as well.
"Ben." She whispered. "Ben."
How could have this happened?
He looked terrible, tired and old. She was sure she looked the same. The war and its casualties had taken its toll in both of them. "What is the decision?" she asked tiredly. She wanted to add, The decision you made without me.
A flash of—despair? Regret? Passed through his eyes, and, as if not wanting to look into her eyes, he faced the nursery, watching the twin babies sleep. "Senator Organa will be taking the girl, as his adopted daughter. I will be taking the boy to Tatooine, and watch over him. He will one day learn the ways of the Force."
"You're separating them?" she said quietly.
"It's the best way to keep them hidden." He explained, and offered no more.
She made up her mind quickly at this explanation. "No. Not if I have anything to say about this." Before she could make a move, he had already taken hold of her arm.
"Senator Organa has a different request of you." Obi-Wan interjected. Sabé swirled to face him, furious at hearing that even her own fate was decided, when they did not even let her take part in the decision of the fate of Padmé's children.
"I feel disinclined to acquiesce any decision that would separate me from these children!" Sabé said coldly. She tried to pull away, but he would not relinquish his hold.
"Sabé, do not act so rashly. We are the hunted now. To stay too close with the children will alert the Empire's attention. We all have our own roles to play, and yours will ensure a better future for them." He said softly. His eyes darted around the hallway to see if there was anyone nearby before releasing her arm. "The senator needs your help in organizing an underground rebellion against the Empire."
She shook her head, disgusted with herself for being completely defeated. "I have just left war, Ben. You don't know what you ask of me."
"Yes, I do. Please don't misunderstand me, my old friend. But now we all have to do what we must."
Eyes full of angry tears, she was surprised to hear herself speak. "Perhaps. I could only wish to do it as well as you. To ask me of this—I—" here she stopped, and straightened. "I wish… I wish I didn't have a heart like you, Ben." Without waiting for his reaction, she spun on her heel and walked away, silently willing herself to make the distance between them farther in a shorter span of time.
Outside, a greater threat loomed.
Sabé had to admit that she had never seen Governor Sio Bibble look so utterly defeated. He practically collapsed in his chair, as he convened in the throne room with the other governors of Naboo. The tension in the room was so thick and seemed to weigh heavily over her shoulders.
"Governor Bibble, it is good to see you with us." Queen Amidala began formally, nary a trace of emotion in her lowered, perfectly-pitched voice. "I trust that you are ready with your report with your negotiations with the Trade Federation?"
"It was no negotiation, your Highness." Governor Bibble said angrily—more addressed at his failure to fulfill his duty than to anyone in the room. "Nute Gunray made it very clear that he had no intention of compromising his demands on our planet."
"Outrageous!" Governor Chalum exclaimed, half-rising from his seat. "Your Highness," he began, addressing the queen. "You already know that the Federation is already amassing their fleet just outside our system. Some of our central cities have already been captured by their droid armies."
"I am quite aware that we are under the threat of complete invasion, Governor." Queen Amidala interjected sternly. Sabé quietly cheered for her cousin. Governor Chalum made it no secret that he disapproved of the election of a very young monarch, and had a penchant for grandstanding, apparently, even at crucial situations such as this. "The senate remains blind to this fact.
"It is only a matter of time before the Federation makes a move to capture the capital." Governor Bibble said. "While the blockade cut off our outworld supplies, their occupation of our other cities have put our people in grave danger. Food and other necessities that they trade have also ceased."
"I have received a holovid from Supreme Chancellor Valorum promising to send representatives to intervene on our and the Republic's behalf." Queen Amidala said, looking around at the people convened. "Senator Palpatine is still continuing in his efforts to expose the Trade Federation's lies to the Senate that have granted them legal protection."
"How long will this take?" Captain Panaka finally spoke. "Our off-world fuel and other supplies are running low. Communication with the captured cities has completely been cut. At this rate, our military cannot fight this war and win, your Highness."
"There will be no war, Captain." Queen Amidala's severe tone was genuine this time. "See to it that you monitor activities within our system, both for the movements of the Trade Federation and to see if the representatives have arrived. Report to me every hour."
"You seem to be placing much faith in these representatives, Highness." Governor Chalum's voice was silky smooth, but there was no mistaking the undertone of mockery, and even amusement, at Queen Amidala's lack of action.
Queen Amidala stood up, and so did the other governors. "The whole galaxy places their faith in them, Governor Chalum." She said coolly, unwaveringly. "They are Jedi Knights."