a/n: Huge thanks to my recipient, Aravenwood, for being absolutely and completely understanding while I stuggled to out this together. In the end, I showed from my comfort zone and wrote something that I am really proud of something that I really hope you enjoy as much as I do.
Another huge thanks to Pan2Fel for being a truly amazing friend and BlueJay for consistently keeping me in line. Danny's thoughts weren't something I thought I could replicate well, so in trying to, I made something beautiful.
Enjoy guys, and all standard disclaimers apply.
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When he was a kid, Danny hated driving with his parents at night. He couldn't do much besides stare out the window and watch the world whiz by him. Sometimes though, when there was still a hint of light in the sky and trees were trees and not shadow monsters, Danny would take his fingers and pretend to be flying and jumping on top of the trees. Or jumping from building to building.
Now they were just trees.
His head was resting against the headrest, the truck bumping, rolling, and rattling beneath him. His eyes were heavy and with every building passed, he could feel them close just a little bit more.
There were voices in the background, but they just blended in with his thoughts as they just flew right on by, like the trees. An uncomfortable pressure pushed against his abdomen but he couldn't, he just couldn't, lift his head up to investigate it.
His eyes drooped close before he could stop them and when he opened them a moment later, the scenery had changed. It was no longer trees flying past his face, rather the big ugly mug of his partner.
'Jesus, Steven, are you haunting my dreams now?' Danny would say, 'My dreams are a sacred place, asshole.'
It took Danny a few moments to realize that it wasn't a dream, and that for whatever reason, he couldn't say it. The uncomfortable pressure against his abdomen spread, and suddenly the pressure was squeezing against his chest as well. The pressure gradually turned into a sharp, breath taking pain.
It took all the will in Danny to concentrate on Stevens words. On the way his lips were moving, instead of on the way his own chest rose and fell crookedly, with the uneven breaths of a dying man...
Dying?
No.
Danny's breaths sped up as his surrounding suddenly burst into clarity.
The manhunt that led them to the middle of a forested valley, in the middle of nowhere.
An ambush that he could only remember bits and pieces of.
The pain that was sprouting in his midsection. Bullets being the seeds that the pain grew from.
Steve's voice cut through his moment of clarity and Danny's eyes swept over his partner. Blood covered Steve's body, and Danny felt his heart speed up. "My blood?"
His voice was coarse with disuse, and the back of his throat held a distinctly metallic taste, a taste he was all to familiar with.
Steve had the audacity to smile light heartedly, like his favorite person in the world wasn't bleeding out before him. "Not everything's about you Danno."
"Who's?" Danny couldn't believe he was having this argument. He could feel his clothing, soaked beneath the ministrations of Steve's hands. He couldn't see around the man to see if anyone else was injured, and Danny worried if that was done purposefully.
"Well, some of it's yours. But some of it's not. I got to use that new knife I-" Steve stopped suddenly, his eyes staring downwards at Danny's chest intently. Suddenly he reached for the mic on his vest, "Tell them we don't have time for them to not be there. They need to be there or we need to turn around and go the other direction."
He turned his head away from Danny and Danny couldn't make out what he said, but the words were sharp, before he turned back to Danny, his warm smile suddenly being drowned out by the worry lines that creased his forehead. "What, Steven?"
Steve looked to him then back down at whatever his hands were doing. "Don't worry about it Danno. Just focus on you, ok?"
Danny cleared his throat as his heart clenched. He drug a heavy hand up and placed it on to one of Steve's. He squeezed it as tightly as he could, which wasn't much. "Don't lie to me," a cough cut him off, suddenly ripping through Danny's chest.
When he could finally open his eyes, without the darkness in his periphery threatening him, Steve was staring at him, the smile no longer on his face, blood scattered across his face. "Don't, don't lie to me, babe."
Steve shook his head, sucking in his bottom lip, "We're enroute to rendezvous with a medevac and there's some worries about storms in the area."
"I don't have," Danny cleared his throat again, "that long?"
Steve shook his head, "I'm not a doctor, Danno, I can't say for sure."
"Guess."
"Danny-"
"Guess, Steven."
Steve shook his head and looked away, out the window at the passing trees on the old trail that the truck barely cleared. Danny wondered, albeit briefly, if it was the same trail that they drove in on earlier.
"It was either turn left, drive you straight to the hospital, or turn right and meet up with a medevac and they'd get you to the hospital in the same amount of time." Steve looked back to Danny, and Danny squeezed his hand again. "I chose right, Danno. And I don't think you would make it if we turned around. I just thought the sooner we got you to a medical professional, the better."
Danny had never seen heartbreak so clear to the world on Steve's face. Suddenly the weight that sat on Steve's shoulders seemed to be dragging him down. Further than Danny had ever seen it. Further than the nights he woke up screaming, tears streaming down his face, and Danny had to calm him down. Then the couple stayed awake the rest of the night. Television horrors mediocre compared to the horrors in their nightmares.
And Danny wasn't sure he could help him this time.
So instead, he continued to squeeze Steve's hand as the two sat there in silence.
"We're five minutes out, boss." Kono's voice filtered through the cabin. "How's Danny?"
Steve's eyes focused again on Danny, and Danny realized that both of them had zoned out. In horror, Danny realized that he had grown numb to the pain, and his breathing had only seemed to have grown worse.
He suddenly understood how terrifying it was to be able to feel yourself slipping away. The darkness was creeping in, and Steve could tell.
Steve was shaking his head as he turned to Kono, and Danny's head lolled to the window.
Suddenly he was five again, riding in his grandfather's old Camaro. His little finger man was jumping over trees. The smell of smoke wafted through the vehicle as his grandfather lit another cigarette, his previous one still in his hands.
Hi grandfather's mouth opened to allow the cigarette to slip into his mouth, and Danny's name slipped through the cracks.
It wasn't his grandfather's voice though, it was Steve's.
Steve?
Danny looked back to the trees, as his grandfather slammed on the brakes and the seat belt dug into Danny's chest.
Danny reached up to tear at the seatbelt and instead grasped onto the warmth of flesh. He looks dark at the tan, slender fingers that were pushing into his chest and abdomen before his face was pulled upwards forcefully by another set of hands.
Suddenly his grandpa's face morphed into Steve's scared face, and a quick glance downwards showed Kono's worried face.
Downright terrifying.
He shook his head, as if that would stop death itself, as if the entire life he had built for himself wasn't going to end right here, in the hands of the man he loves, and the best partner he had ever had. As if a meager mortal like himself could look death in the eye and say 'oh hell no.'
He couldn't stop it, he knew this. He wasn't some demigod, or a superhero. He was Detective Daniel Williams. Danny Williams… Danno. He was man. He would embrace it.
"Steve-" talking was suddenly hard. Around the lump in his throat or the blood that was pooling in his mouth. "You'll watch the kids? Tell them how much I love them?"
Steve shook his own head, but just as Danny couldn't stop death Steve could not stop Danny.
"You tell them. They need to know."
Steve didn't say anything. Instead, he placed a kiss on Danny's forehead before he dropped his head against his chest, his eyes closing on the way down. Danny brought his hand up to rest on the top of Steve's head, and let his hand pat the head affectionately. "You promise me Steve."
"I promise."
Danny looked to Kono who was looking up at him with a worried smile on her face. "I'm so proud of you Kono." Danny winced at the way that she suddenly seemed less nervous, more...nostalgic. Danny didn't allow her the opportunity to respond.
He turned back to Steve, who was still looking down, except now, his hand was resting on top of Danny's. Squeezing it tightly.
A series of coughs ripped through Danny, and he felt an explosion of blood shove from his mouth as he clenched his eyes shut.
Danny remained still after the action.
When his eyes opened again, he was relieved to see he hadn't died yet, but Steve was gone now, and Kono filled his vision. Her eyes were still filled with worry, but she looked determined too. As if she could prevent him from dying just by thinking so. "Steve?"
Kono looked over her shoulder, behind her and out of the vehicle, before turning back to Danny. "He's convincing the chopper crews bosses that the risk is worth the reward in this case."
"I just want this to be over."
"We're gonna get you help Danny, and you're gonna be ok. Just hang on..."
Hang on.
It was a novel idea.
His finger man didn't hold on to anything. He jumped and leaped, he ran and bounced. He never stopped, he never hung on.
Maybe that meant Danny couldn't hold on either.
"Danny!" He was pulled from his thoughts as Steve grabbed onto his cheeks and forced the men to look at each other. "Danny, they're on their way right now. So you need to stay right here with me, ok. Right here. With me."
Danny thought about the idea. Staying right there. He thought about stoplights. About those moments where the finger man didn't hold on but he did stop, to look at the scenery. That might work...
He looked at the man in front of him, the bags under his eyes, the blood that coated his body in a fine layer, the split in his lip, the rough, yet tender way his hands gripped his head…
"Damn it, Danny, what did I just tell you?" Danny was pulled from his reverie once again, and suddenly had to focus solely on his breathing. He shook his head up at Steve, hoping that between his expression and the movement, everything he'd want to tell the man would somehow, someway, magically be conveyed.
It worked though, and Steve suddenly enveloped Danny into a hug. Danny's head rested against Steve's chest, and Danny matched the ups and the downs...or he tried to. Steve's arms wrapped around him, pulled him close, and Danny couldn't do anything. All he wanted to do, was return the gesture…
He startled, as he was pulled away from the embrace. Kono pulling Steve away as a pair of heavily clothed medics, helmets and all, descended upon him. Danny wasn't sure why he wasn't fond of the fact that he couldn't make out much of their faces besides the chins that stuck out of the helmets. All he knew was that he was.
He looked to Steve and was startled to see him fighting against Kono. Danny wasn't sure why Steve wasn't easily breaking from her grips, and he didn't ruminate on that either. His eyes drifted to Steve's face, and once again felt his heart breaking as he saw the way Steve's eyes sparkled, the way his cheeks shined. They were wet.
That asshole was crying.
It didn't exactly spark confidence in Danny, neither did the way Kono was guiding Steve away, towards a downed log. The man slid heavily to the log, but Danny didn't have anytime to question it as the darkness that he had been holding back for so long, finally sucked him in. The last thing catching his attention, were the squirrels jumping from tree to tree behind him.
Just like fingerman.
His awakening was by no means graceful.
One moment he was dreaming of trees and flying fingers, which was strange. He barely had any recollection of the events leading up to his sleep. Based off the dreams he was having, and the pain he felt...all over, he wasn't sure he wanted to.
Then he was awake.
His eyes flashed open quicker than his brain could process his surroundings. Almost like his falling asleep hadn't been under the best circumstances.
His mouth was dry. Too dry.
That combined with the pain that was just barely masked by a thin veil of...drugs...Danny was in a hospital. Great.
He closed his eyes again and took in as deep a breath as he was comfortable before opening his eyes again. He looked downwards, towards where the pain seemed to be centered and could only see ridges in the hospital gown. He stared for a moment before a throat clearing startled Danny.
His head shot up as he looked towards the sound and was met with the sorry sight of his partner. Danny spent a moment hoping he didn't look half as bad as that.
His hair was unkempt, like he hadn't showered in days. The bags under his eyes looked like he hadn't slept in days. He looked like he had gone nine rounds with a ninja. A few bruises on his face and his lower lip split open. He was sitting in a chair next to Danny's bed, his legs were resting in a chair that was facing towards him. Danny eyed the crutches that sat at the end of the bed wearily before once again making eye contact.
Suddenly moments, bits and pieces came flooding back. The trees, the blood, the way Steve had collapsed after Danny was no longer in his hands.
"So, it wasn't all my blood."
Steve cocked his head a moment, before smirking. "Doc says I have a mild concussion, so some moments after whatever happened might be forgotten."
"Did you actually get to use your new knife?" Danny asked, he hoped his eyebrow was raised nice and high.
"I used it to tear your vest off, which still-"
"No, it doesn't still count."
"Turns out the assholes were using armor piercing rounds. And you found that out the hard way." Steve smiled, the area around his eyes crinkling.
"That's all you have to say about this all?" Danny was flabbergasted. "That's all? You know what, no. Nope. I'm not talking to you."
Steve raised his own eyebrows in amusement, and crossed his arms across his chest. It was a moment before Steve's smile faded, and Danny could sense the words that were about to be said.
"You scared the shit out of me Danny. I thought I lost you, and I really don't know if I'd be able to handle that." Steve bit his lip against, and turned his head away. He took a few deep breaths, before composing himself and turning back to Danny. "Now that I know you're gonna be ok, I'm exhausted, so I'm gonna head home to-"
Danny immediately pulled himself to the edge of the bed and patted beside him. "Sleep with me, babe. I sleep better with you by my side."
Steve grinned, and gingerly stood from his chair. After a few moments of maneuvering, the two men were situated. Steve's arm under Danny's head, and the pillow that was previously laying under Danny's head, was resting at their feet, Steve's leg propped up on the pillow. The men were facing each other, and Steve smiled, relief in his tired eyes.
Danny closed his eyes and tried to pretend that he didn't know his partner was smiling gleefully at him. It didn't work, and the drugs had way more control of him than he cared to admit.
"What happened to your leg?" He mumbled, realizing he didn't exactly know what had happened to the man.
"I took a round or two to the thigh. The muscles are pretty whipped."
"You're ridiculous. If by whipped, you mean 'have two holes in them' then you'd be correct." Danny muttered, the need to go back to sleep becoming more pressing.
"Potato, tomato."
"No, Steven, just - ugh, whatever, doesn't matter. Go to sleep."
A moment passed.
"Hey Danno?" Danny opened his eyes and glared at Steve, lovingly.
The man reached forward and laid his free hand on Danny's cheek, "Thanks for not dying."
Danny smirked, "Thanks for helping me stay alive."
"I love you babe."
"Obviously."
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a/n - the usual rant about tho if you read and enjoyed, feel free to leave me a note! Thanks guys!
Much love,
Tay