Title: Welcome Home

Author: Traveling incgonito cross western europe while raucously singing "Sweet Transvestite." Ho'w's that for stealth?

Summary: Just read it.

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N: I was watching Series of Unfortunate Events, and when it came to the line "Hey marriage is no picnic!" I got to thinking Somehow I connected Series of Unfortunate Events with BeetleJuice (Don't ask, The workings of my mind could drive a lesser man sane.) and I came up with this. What If Livia had married Beeltejuice? One shot. What if. Enjoy.

He stumbled up the steps to his front door, singing drunkenly.

"Oh, what will we do with a drunken sailor!
What will we do with a drunken sailor!

What will we do with a DRUNKEN SAILOR?"

"Make him sleep out side." came the dry voice from the front door.

He blinked. A tall beautiful woman with black hair and grey eyes dressed in jeans and a Grateful Dead tee shirt that hung to her hips, leaning against the door jamb and scowling down at him.

He grinned. "Hello Poppet!"

He spread his arms, intending to hug his wife. She pushed him back with one hand. He fell and rolled down the steps.

"Don't you Poppet me, mister. Where the Hell have you been? I've been waiting for you for two hours. WHat happened to 'Oh, I'm just gonna pillage a couple of cities up north, I'll be home by eight'? and what's this?" she grabbed his collar and sniffed. "Chanel? Have you been hanging out with that Hilton slut again?"

"Uh, look dear, it's not what it seems."

SHe narrowed her eyes. "Listen to me, Beetlejuice," He winced at the use of his name. "I didn't have to marry you. I could have added one more word and your ass would be in one very sorry position. And I still have that power. Now. YOu have a choice. You can stay with me and away from that Hilton bitch or you can go straight to Hell!"

A young man, as handsome as the woman was beautiful, poked his head around the door. "Mom, are you and Daddy fighting?"

She turned to him and smiled sweetly. "Only a little darling."

"Will you win again?" he asked eagarly.

"Of course, Micheal. If you learn this now, your life will be better. A woman will always win. I suggest you learn to comprimise."

"Ok, Mom."

As soon as the boy was gone, Beetlejuice asked. "When did you win before?"

Livia laughed. "More times than you can count. Remember the time you wanted to move to the Nether World when Micheal was still a baby and I was pregnant with Krystal?"

He winced and rubbed the scar from where she had got him with a shoe horn. Even six months pregnant, Livia had a mean right arm.

"Alright, Liv. I'll stay away from the Hiltons."

Livia reached out and patted his cheek. "That's a boy."

As she disappeared into the house, a neighbor poked his head out. "Why do you put up with that BJ?"

Beetlejuice grinned. "Cause she's a real spit fire in-"

A shoe clocked him in the head. "And another thing. If you brag about my skills one more time to any of your buddies, those skills you enjoy so much will be revoked."

Beetlejuice sighed and trudged into the house. "I'd better at least get laid for this." he muttered

End