Looking to the Future

by Starrynight3

What could have happened during The Light

1. Enduring

TITLE: Looking to the Future: Enduring

AUTHOR: Starrynight

DATE: 3/8/02

EMAIL: starrry_night_100@hotmail.com

CATEGORY: Series: Looking to the Future; Missing scenes; Drama; Angst

PAIRINGS: None

SPOILERS: The Light

SEASON/SEQUEL: 4/ Part one of a continuing series

RATING: PG

CONTENT WARNINGS: None

SUMMARY: Some events that could have taken place during "The Light."

STATUS: Revised

ARCHIVE: Heliopolis, Belle's Place, FanFiction.Net

DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. Not to be archived without the permission of the author.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Thanks to Arraldesse and CalicoCat for beta reading this. :)

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Linda was walking back to her office when she heard a commotion further down the corridor. She stopped and stood, noticing Jack and Daniel glaring at each other.

"Daniel, what was that all about back there in Hammond's office?" Jack demanded.

"Jack, I don't have time for this!" Daniel spat. "No one seems to understand! I have to get back to that planet! It can't wait!"

Linda shook her head, wondering about Daniel's attitude. Normally he was an even-tempered person.

"No, Daniel. Forget it. Hammond says we go tomorrow. That's final!"

"God! I don't see how I can get my job done when no one will let me do it!" Daniel was yelling now.

"Enough, Daniel!" Jack hollered back. He paused and glanced toward the ceiling. Then in a much calmer voice he said. "Look, Daniel. Why don't you go home and get some rest? You need it. We all do."

"I'm fine!" Daniel flared, unwilling to give up.

"No, you're not! Now go get some rest! I'll see you tomorrow!" Jack ordered.

"Yes, sir!" Daniel snapped, turning abruptly and storming off.

Jack just stood and stared after Daniel. Then he turned toward Linda, puzzled by Daniel's volatility.

"Linda." He acknowledged her as he passed her, still appearing disturbed.

"Jack," she replied quickly, looking down the hall toward Daniel.

"Danny! Wait!" Linda called out and ran to catch up with him. Daniel stopped abruptly, and, as soon as she caught up with him, started walking rapidly again. She had to scramble to keep up. "What just happened?"

"They're trying to keep me from doing my job! They just don't get the point!" he said emphatically, clearly upset by the whole incident.

"What point?" Linda asked, perplexed.

"I can't wait until tomorrow to go back to the planet! I need to go back now! There's nothing else I can do with that Goa'uld computer here!"

"It can't wait until tomorrow?"

"You, too! Why do I bother?!" Daniel glowered at her.

"Look, Danny, I'm sorry. Can we talk? Maybe that would help," Linda asked in an effort to calm him down.

"It won't help."

They arrived at Daniel's lab and walked in.

"Well, since I'm not wanted around here, I'll go home." He grabbed a couple of books and a folder and shoved them into his pack. Then he snatched it up and prepared to walk out.

Oh, no! Danny, this is a bad idea. At least wait until you've calmed down before you leave. "Wait, Danny! Are you sure you shouldn't talk about this?" Linda appealed again.

"There's nothing to talk about!" The determined look in his eyes said that he wasn't about to change his mind.

Linda became more concerned. "That's not true, Danny, and you know it!"

"Not now, Linda!"

"What's the rush?"

"Just let me leave, okay!" he shouted, his anger escalating. He started moving quickly toward the door.

Linda walked to the door, pulled it closed, and stood in front of it. "No."

Daniel stopped abruptly and stood, barely containing his rage. "W-what do you mean, 'no'?" he stammered. "I don't need your permission to leave!"

Linda stayed calm. "No, not now."

"Linda, get out of my way!"

"No, Danny. You're not leaving here like this."

Daniel's expression changed to a cold, calculating one. "And you think you're going to stop me?"

Playing hardball, eh, Danny? Okay, I'll play. Linda was determined. "You'll have to go over the top of me to get out of here." Daniel glared at her. She glared back.

"Move over, Linda." Daniel said, menacingly, and approached until he stood right in front of her.

Linda remained in front of the door, her arms folded across her chest, and scowling up at Daniel, who towered over her. "I guess I'm going to have to spell it out for you. You can't go out there and drive in this state of mind! You could get killed or kill someone else! Think about it, Danny! Is that what you want?"

Daniel looked like he still didn't intend to back down.

Okay, Linda, she thought. Looks like you'll have to try something different. Something's got to work!

Linda changed her demeanor completely as she gathered herself. She dropped her arms and clasped her hands in front of her. "Danny, don't you think one death is enough for today?" She looked deep into his eyes, pleading silently. She maintained eye contact until he suddenly recoiled. His anger dropped away, replaced by an expression of remorse. He started backing away from her slowly and uncertainly shaking his head as if trying to comprehend something. When he bumped into the lab table, he stopped suddenly.

Linda slowly walked over and stood next to him, looking at him sympathetically. "I heard about Lieutenant Barber. I can't believe it either."

Daniel shook his head in sorrow.

Linda recognized that he didn't want to talk. He wasn't ready to talk because he was still confused and upset about what had happened. She also suspected that something else might be troubling him, but she couldn't place the feeling and now was a bad time to ask. They could talk when he felt better.

Linda addressed the foremost issue in her mind. "It's clear to me that you're in no shape to drive right now. Why don't we go change and I'll take you home?"

Daniel simply nodded.

"I have to go get my stuff. I'll be right back." She left and returned a couple minutes later. "Okay, I'm ready."

Daniel slowly picked up his pack and they headed for the locker room.

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On the way home Linda played some classical music hoping it might help settle Daniel's mind. She knew it helped her when she was upset. Occasionally she looked over at Daniel. He hadn't said a word so far. You're awfully quiet, Danny. Normally he would have been talking about the new discoveries he had made or would have been asking about how her research was going or what new things she had found. They had no trouble talking shop, even after hours. He's way too quiet. Back at the SGC he had been the angriest she had ever seen him. I wonder what's going on with him. I know Barber's suicide upset him, but it might be more than that. He seems so empty. Well, he's been working really hard lately and it's probably caught up with him. Maybe some sleep will help. I sure hope so.

They arrived at Daniel's apartment complex and Linda turned into the parking lot. She pulled into a space in front of Daniel's building. "We're here . . . " Daniel merely stared at the floor. Linda looked at him compassionately. "Danny?"

He gave her a blank look.

"Do you want to go up to your place?"

Daniel barely nodded. He opened the door and stepped out slowly. Linda also got out. They went up to his apartment. Daniel unlocked the door and they stepped inside. Daniel headed to the couch and sat down listlessly.

"Thank you, Linda . . . " he said quietly.

"You're welcome. Do you want me to stay or would you rather be alone?"

"I'd like some time alone, if you don't mind."

"Okay. I'll pick you up at seven."

Daniel nodded.

"I hope you feel better tomorrow."

"Me, too. Thanks . . . again . . . "

"Bye, Danny."

"Bye . . . Linda."

Linda left.

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Later that evening Linda had a hard time concentrating on her drawing. She was very concerned about Daniel. Maybe I should check and see how he is. She went over to her speaker phone and dialed his number. The phone rang a few times and Daniel finally answered.

"Hello . . . ?" His voice sounded haunted.

"Danny? It's Linda."

"Linda . . . "

"I wanted to see how you're doing. I'm really worried about you."

"Too much . . . "

"Too much? Too much what?"

"All the failures, all the disappointments, all the losses . . . "

My God! What's going on? "Danny, what's wrong?"

"I...I don't know . . . It all seems so useless . . . "

"It's not useless. Your life is not useless." Linda said, determined to convince him. "You've done a lot of good things and helped a lot of people. You've been one of the best friends I've ever had."

"After the way I yelled at you today?"

"Danny, don't worry about it. I know that you're not feeling well."

"But I shouldn't treat someone . . . I care about . . . that way . . . "

"It's okay. I'm not angry. I'm just concerned."

"Well . . . it doesn't matter . . . anyway . . . I'm just tired . . . I've had enough . . . "

"Danny . . . it'll be all right."

"No, it won't . . . "

Oh, God, this isn't working . . . Linda felt like her words had fallen on deaf ears. Maybe this was a bad time to talk. "Danny, you sound awfully tired. Maybe you should rest. You'll probably feel better in the morning."

"Yeah . . . maybe . . . Thank you for calling and . . . for caring . . . "

How could I not care? "Any time, Danny. I'll always be here for you."

"Good night."

"Good night, Danny." Linda turned off the speaker phone and went back over to her couch.

She was still concerned about Daniel but, she couldn't do anything else. She tried to work on her drawing again, but she couldn't focus on it. Her conversation with Daniel disturbed her too much.

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The next morning Linda rushed up to Daniel's door. I hope he's not mad at me for being so late. She noticed the door was ajar. Something isn't right. Danny doesn't leave his door open like this. She wondered what was happening as she pushed the door open. "Danny?" No one responded. Linda's concern increased. Definitely strange. She walked in. Then she heard a voice coming from the balcony.

"Daniel . . . what are you doing out here?" It was Jack's voice.

Linda quickly moved into the living room and stood by the piano. Daniel was standing on the ledge side of the balcony holding the railing and Jack stood in the doorway. My God, Danny! Oh . . . God . . . I never realized it was like this . . . No! She felt herself start to panic.

"None of it means anything." Daniel lamented.

Nothing means anything? You can't be serious! Hold it, Linda, he may not realize what he's saying. Calm down.

"Uh . . . Daniel, w-why don't you come inside now?" Jack attempted to remain calm and yet persuade him.

Please come in. Please don't do this. I don't want to lose you . . . not this way.

"I tried . . ." Daniel sounded tearful, but then his voice became calmer. "It just . . . goes away."

Oh, God . . .

"Okay . . . uh well, we'll get it back."

"You can't get it back."

"Whatever's wrong we'll . . . we'll fix it."

"You don't even know what I'm talking about." Daniel's voice was hoarse with unshed tears.

What have you lost, Danny? How can we help you?

"No . . . no, I don't . . . but come inside," Jack insisted.

Daniel looked over his shoulder as if he realized something. A single tear ran down his cheek. "Jack . . . ?" he whispered, recognizing who was there.

God . . . Whatever this is, it's really tearing you apart.

Jack quickly stepped out on the balcony and grasped Daniel's arm. "Yeah," he said as he rubbed Daniel's back reassuringly with his other hand. He whispered, ". . . okay."

Even from behind, Linda could see Daniel breathed fast. He also gripped the rail with white-knuckled hands and looked around as if confused and panicked.

"Danny?" Linda must have said it aloud because Jack's head turned toward her.

"I was supposed to take him to work . . . I overslept . . . He was going to jump . . . " Linda was shocked.

"It's okay now," Jack said.

"I saw the whole thing." Linda stepped out on the balcony.

"Can you help me get him back on the right side of this rail?"

Linda composed herself. "Yeah."

Daniel still breathed heavily.

"Danny, it's okay. We're going to help you," Linda said gently.

"Linda . . . ?" It was the same quiet question he had asked Jack.

Linda and Jack carefully helped Daniel. He stood on the balcony shaking and hyperventilating.

"Daniel, you need to calm down or you're going to pass out." Linda saw the compassion in Jack's eyes and heard it in his voice.

Daniel tried to regain control. When he seemed better, they led him inside. As soon as they passed through the door Daniel collapsed to his knees. Jack and Linda supported him. Daniel just knelt there shaking his head. "How . . . ? How did I . . . end up . . . out there?"

"Let's get him over to the couch," Jack suggested. They helped Daniel to his feet, led him to the couch and sat on either side of him.

"Danny? Are you going to be okay?" Linda asked.

Daniel had calmed down. " I don't . . . know. What was I doing . . . out there?" He was still trying to understand what had happened.

"We thought you might tell us that," Jack said patiently.

"I. . .don't know . . . " Daniel's voice faded. He looked as if he wanted to continue but couldn't. Then his eyes shut and he collapsed against the back of the couch, unconscious.

"Danny?"

"Daniel?"

Jack looked over at Linda. "Call the SGC infirmary and tell them were bringing Daniel in." Linda went to the phone and made the call. Jack stayed with Daniel in case he regained consciousness.

Linda came back a couple of minutes later. "They'll be ready for us. We can take my car."

"Okay." Jack lifted Daniel off the couch and they headed for Linda's car. He carefully laid Daniel in the back seat and got in with him, holding him gently. Once they were situated Linda started down the road to the SGC. A few minutes later Daniel moaned.

"Jack . . . ?"

"Yeah, Daniel. I'm right here."

"What's . . . going on? Feel awful . . . Where am . . . I?" He sounded very disoriented.

"We're in Linda's car. We're going to the SGC so Doc Fraiser can figure out what's going on with you."

"All . . . wrong . . . Nothing . . . works . . . Useless . . . "

"Hey, we're here. We'll help you." Jack said, trying to comfort him.

"No . . . good . . . God . . . No . . . good . . . " Daniel sounded quite distressed.

"Relax, Daniel. We'll be there soon."

"All . . . the . . . pain . . . " Daniel passed out again.

Jack just held Daniel, hoping that Dr. Fraiser could help him.

A short time later, they pulled up to the SGC gate. Linda explained the emergency and the guard let her through immediately. She drove right up to the infirmary door. Two orderlies with a gurney waited for them. After Jack got out, they carefully lifted Daniel onto the gurney and wheeled him away with Jack following right behind. Linda drove off to park the car.

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Jack waited outside the infirmary when Linda walked up and stood next to him. "How's Danny doing?"

"I don't know. Doc's still doing tests. It's going to be a while."

A very worried Linda stood with Jack in the hall, but neither one spoke. After a while, she started pacing the floor. I can't take this anymore. I've got to go for a walk. She turned to face Jack. "I'm going to get a cup of coffee. Would you like one?"

"No, thanks," Jack replied distantly.

"I'll be back shortly."

Jack nodded.

Linda walked away.

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Later, Linda came into the infirmary and approached Dr. Fraiser. "How is Danny doing?"

"Not very well. He's in a coma and things don't look good. The rest of SG-5 are dying."

"Oh no!" Linda gasped, horrified. "Will Danny die, too?"

"I'm afraid so, unless we can find a way to reverse this, and we haven't had any success so far."

Linda shook her head sadly. "May I see him?"

"Yes."

"Thank you."

Linda walked over to Daniel's bed. He was very pale and was connected to a number of machines. She grasped his limp hand and held it. Tears filled her eyes as she looked at him.

"Danny, you have to hang on. You can't die. You've got so much to live for. We'll find a way to help you. Just hang in there . . . Please . . . "

Then Linda let his hand go, pulled up a chair and placed the book she had been carrying on the table. Then she took his hand again. She stroked his hair and stared at his pallid features. "I'll stay with you as long as I can, Danny. You won't be alone."

After a half hour, Linda released his hand, picked up the book, and started leafing through it until she found what she wanted. She read Proverbs 17:17. "'A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity.' You have been my best friend and a brother and more. You were always there for me, no matter what, and I won't be far away."

Jack walked into the room. Linda turned to look at him.

"Hammond told me that SG-5 all died. He's dying, too, isn't he?"

"Yeah," Linda said regretfully.

Jack shook his head sadly.

"Well, I'd better go so you can spend some time with him," Linda said as she rose and looked at Daniel once more before leaving. "I'll be right outside."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome." Linda vacated the chair and Jack stood by the bed. "See you later, Jack."

"Yeah," Jack responded, sounding quite distracted.

She walked out into the hall and stood against the wall, feeling tears well in her eyes. Please, God, let Danny pull through . . . She slid down the wall and sat.

Linda was caught up in her own misery when something banged. She raised her head and heard Janet and Jack talking but couldn't make out what they were saying. Then she heard more banging and Jack yelling, "I don't want excuses!"

After that, Linda let her head drop and slipped back into her sad reverie. She didn't notice anything else until Daniel was wheeled out into the hall on a gurney. She stood up after they had started down the corridor and followed a little way behind. Fraiser gave O'Neill instructions as they went. "Once you get there I'll need you to send me his vital signs every . . ." An alarm sounded indicating that Daniel's heart had stopped. "He's coding. No time to resuscitate. Let's go!" They moved faster.

As soon as they reached the Gate Room Jack hoisted Daniel over his shoulders and carried him through the Gate.

Linda looked on in shock. Oh God, Danny! This could be it! Please don't die!

Linda approached Janet. "What are you doing?" she asked anxiously. "Do you think sending him back to the planet is really going to save him?"

"I don't know," Janet replied in a resigned voice, "but it's our last alternative. I only hope it works."

"So do I," Linda agreed, crying silently again.

She turned and walked out of the Gate Room, wandering toward her office. On the way, she stopped and looked into Daniel's office. 'This place would be so empty without you. I'll really miss you if you don't make it back.' She looked around the room and then went into her office.

******************************************************************************

Linda tried to do some of her work, but she was too upset. She decided to walk around for a while. Her route eventually took her to the Control Room.

When Linda stepped into the Control Room, she saw the General talking to someone on the MALP monitor. She walked over to a place where she could see better. That's Danny! He's alive! Thank God! This time she felt tears of relief and joy roll down her cheeks and smiled.

"Glad to see that you are alive and well, Dr. Jackson. We thought we'd lost you."

"To be honest, I really don't remember much after I yelled at you. Sorry about that, by the way."

"That's all right. Is there anything you need?"

"Glasses, supplies. It looks like we're not going anywhere for a while. And that little remote computer thing that I couldn't make work before."

"I'll send it through immediately. Where's Colonel O'Neill?"

Linda waited, hoping to learn more about what had happened to Daniel and how he'd recovered so miraculously but soon realized that the conversation was over. She walked out of the Control Room as quietly as she had walked in. Linda felt tremendously relieved to hear that Daniel was okay even though she wouldn't see him for a while. At least she could handle the waiting now. She'd just keep busy until he returned.

.