This is a companion piece to "Things I've Left Unsaid", lemme know what ya think.

You're leaving as I am coming.

In some twilight zone way that sounds like how it was when I first came down here, you seemed to be leaving the ER and I seemed to be just coming in.

Look at us now, look at who we've become.

I'll admit that I would never have thought you would leave this place, it was as if it was apart of you, apart of who you'd become. The ER was as much a refuge for you as it was a monotonous cycle of blood and guts.

Now I'm sitting at home after your last shift going through memories, pictures, and what ifs.

That day that I turned you in and then the day I first saw you after rehab were days that I glimpsed the vulnerable side of you. I saw your flaws and your eccentricities, somehow I also saw your positive attributes, your strengths.

For a doctor, for a wealthy heir to one of Chicago's most prominent families, you were emotional, you had feelings and you showed them.

Remarkably, you never allowed yourself to be unprofessional save for your transgression from which I came to know you and form a friendship with you. And then we hit the rocks of coupledom.

I felt so comfortable with you, it was easy to love you, to be close to you because we were somehow alike. And we had fun together. Our inside jokes and private moments, the way you smelled and how gentle you were. My bed held you scent when you weren't there in the flesh, I pressed my face to your pillow just to feel you with me.

Unfortunately, one thing led to another and my family got in the way, like they always do.

Yet you were good at smoothing the creases and at making the worst seem not so bad.

I could blame my family for our break up.

I wont though. Because I know why our break up ocurred, in reality it was inevitable because for every flaw of yours you let me see I covered up a little more of myself.

I didn't let you in. I was scared and again the one to clean up because the shit hit the fan, but what I failed to realize was that I wasn't alone anymore. You were there.

For my whole life it was always me going it alone, always me taking care of everyone else and not the other way around. Instinct disallowed me allowing you to help, to care for me, and understand me.

I wont same I'm sorry, because I don't do this purposefully.

That old adage- 'Old Habits Die Hard'- comes in to play here.

But John I loved you, maybe I still do somewhere inside me. Even when you ran off to Africa I think I still loved you, but I was angry and hurt, that's also why I was so mad, because I did love you.

Kem came back with you the second time you came back and that sent me reeling. For all that I had done for myself during your absence I was still swirling in a windstorm when you showed up again...I was glad that you were happy though, even if I didn't show it.

Enter: Pride.

Yet your departure helped me, it helped me pick myself up, dust myself off, and chase my dream, all on my own.

Then Joshua died before birth. Kem didn't handle it well, I know because you showed a double load of stress- yours and hers. She left and you fell apart, to be quite frank about it. I was scared for you then, terrified you'd relapse and I wouldn't know what to do, if anything.

I look at you now John and I see happiness in your face, a peacefulness foreign to me. In your eyes there seemed to be an incertainty as well, a fear of the unknown. I think you are certain though, self-assured that your on the right life path. Congratulations.

Please know that I loved you, I still do- platonically or otherwise.

I wish you and Kem the best of luck.

And don't be a stranger.

Love with all of my heart,

Abby

P.S.- You've still got my digits and I still got yours. - Good-Bye and Good Luck

FINISHED

BTW: I don't own a damn thing- sadly. Feedback Muchas Gracias. :- )