This is quite the undertaking. Me, the newbie, righting a sequel to one of the most hilarious stories on The story I refer to is of course Bobcat's perpetually unfinished Magnum Opus, Ballad of the Physics Police. But seing as that story is currenlty at 66 chapters long, and, in the absense of Bobcat's co-auther Ash, will probably never be finished, this story will be completey independent of that one, and can be understood fully in its own right. Still, I would reccomend Ballad, because as I have said it is hilarious--especially the first 49 chapters.

Bobcat is infact working with me on this story, and claims he is going to return to writing regularly despite his new life in college. (Fat chance) Anyway. All this out of the way, I shall get on with my disclaimers.

Disclaimer 1: I do not own Kids Next Door, The Legend of Zelda, or anything else that will be ripped off, plagarized, parodied, or otherwise stolen. I also did not create the Physics Police or their history. The story is mine. Bob and Joe are mine. And there will be plenty more OCs. Since there are technically no canon characters serving as major players, none of them can be Mary Sues. Convenient, eh?

Disclaimer 2: If you do not like the Legend of Zelda or do like Kids Next Door, I am sorry for this chapter, but I promise that upcoming chapters will have other fandoms plagarized and parodied. All that taken care of... On with the Story...

Symphony of the Physics Police

Chapter One: Dear Mom and Dad

Hey, mis padres, it is me, your favorite son Bob. Well. You're only son, but you get the idea. I bet you wonder why I haven't called or written in the past two weeks. Well. You see, when Einstein or whoever said that time was relative, he was right. For me it has only been about five days. You see, as odd as this may sound, I have a new job. I am a member of the interdimensional law enforcement organization known as the physics police. You see, while you may think there is only one universe, there are actually a whole bunch of them. We live in one, but there are billions of others. Some are very similar, like the universe in which I didn't have a hand in creating the cartoon suck-fest known as Kids Next Door (I'll be taking that sin to my grave), so nobody who died from watching it sued us. Therefore the bank did not foreclose on the house and we lived fairly well-off. But otherwise the universe was exactly the same, as far as I know.

Actually, now that I think of it, there was a discrepancy in the fourth Matrix film... In the aforementioned alternate reality, Keanu Reave's hair was red rather than black.. But you've never really been into all that science fiction stuff anyway.

Well. Keep reading, and you'll see that fiction is a bit of a misnomer. But first, the story of how I got here:

It started the very day I moved into Podunk. My old high school buddy George invited me over to watch a game or something, and when I got to his place, he told me we were going to visit his neighbor Ralph. Which I supposed was fine, even though it had taken me five friggin' hours to find his house in the first place. So we ended up in the small apartment, which for whatever reason was unlocked, about 4:30 in the afternoon's, nobody was home, though George insisted he would have been off from his job (George told me he worked locally as a janitor) and it was strange for him not to be home yet. While George searched one end of the house, I looked in the kitchen and found a note on the fridge that seemed to indicate someone named Gertrude was leaving to be with someone named Juan. It occurred to me that George had mentioned "Ralph and his wife Gurty"...

"So his wife left him," I thought. Poor guy. Oh well. None of my concern. If he left town because of it, or committed suicide, there was nothing I could do to help him. Then I noticed some rather funky lights coming from a nearby microwave, and I noticed a casserole inside, ranomly transforming between various levels of freeze and thaw, and occasionally becoming something entirely other than a casserole. I was scared, of course, but suddenly the casesserole became something like a ten-foot-pole and smashed into my stomach, knocking the wind out of me. Then there was a big flash of light...What happened next? Well. Remember those old videogames you used to say were "good for nothing" and I wouldn't care and spend hours at a time playing them?

oooo

Bob snapped awake and found himself in a dark corridor. Where in the name of the carnivorous cow am I? He thought. It certainly was not the apartment of Ralph and Gertrude.

"Etuna?" An elderly, strained-sounding voice said. Bob didn't know what he meant.

"Hello?" Bob called back.Suddenly a torch lit up as if by magic. And indeed, there was an old man nearby. He was clearly wounded, with pixelated blood running down his clothing.

"Etuna, Tesa. Domo Nokyu Lena So Jo Hyrule?" The old man said.

Bob still could not understand a word he was saying. Except for the lastone."Did you say Hyrule?" Bob asked. Suddenly something from his past clicked. The corridor... It was made of blue stone, was about fifty feet long. On on end there was a sharp curve south (How Bob knew it was south was lost to time) and to the east end there was a small flight of stairs that ended in what appeared to be a sqaure of tightly packed dirt, with roots growing throughout it... ON THE CEILING. As if a bush hid a secred entrance."Oh my flipping gosh!" Bob yelled. "It's like I've been sucked into a Zelda game!"

The wounded old man reacted to that: "Zeruda? Domo Sezu Jo Nava Zeruda? So En Ensuna zof Hyrule!"

Bob tried to explain, but he realized he did not speak a word of the Hyrulean Language, and futhermore, even the Book of Mudora would not help him, as he did not speak Hylian either. "This is insane!"

"Ennsein?" Parroted the old man.Then something occurred to Bob. The old man, if this was indeed Hyrule on the very day he thought it was, was Link's uncle and should have a sword and a shield to give his pink-haired nephew. He could take that, kill some guards, and perhaps steal a kiss from the Princess Zelda herself! Eh. What was he thinking. She was like... sixteen? That would never work. Well. He didn't know dating customs of Hyrule, but he could never let himself live with. After all, he was 22. He was a mature adult. So why was he so giddy?

"Uncle of Link," he addressed the old man.

"Link? Domo Sezu Jo Nava Link Alsbien?"

"I need your sword," said Bob, pointing to the blade in the man's right hand.

The old man muttered something else in Hyrulean and gave Bob the blade, along with a small blue shield. He thanked him in Japanese, and he seemed to understand half. (Why the word Domo worked in both languages, Bob wouldn't know until much later. And neither will you, the reader.)

Running down the corridor, Bob drew the weapons... And stopped dead in his tracks, as a swirling red vortex had appeared in front of him.

"What now?" Bob said, looking up as if to the sky. Ominous thunder came from nowhere and scared Bob crapless. But his chagrin quickly resumed.

"Fine. As long as you don't throw me into anything ANIME related, I'll be fine."

At that moment, a perfectly normal-looking man named Joe stepped out of the portal. Perfectly normal, that is, if spiked hair, almost non-existent noses and enourmous eyes were considered normal. He was clearly an anime character.

"CURSE YOU, CHALTAB!" Bob yelled at the ceiling. He swung his sword at the man who came from the portal, but the anime man punched him in the gut, moving faster than Bob had thought possible.

"Interdimensional travel without a license." Joe said. "Interacting with inhabitants of that dimension. Atempting to alter said dimension's natural timeline. Violating the fourth wall clause. And assaulting a member of the Physics Police."

"Um... At least you speak English." Bob said, though what he had said filled him with dread.

"That means you'll understand me when I tell you that you are under arrest, then." Joe shot back.

"Did you have to hit me so hard?"

"Police Brutality is encouraged in this job. That's why I love it." Joe said.The look on Bob's face was priceless. "Just kidding, man. You did swing a level-one sword at me. Now turn around I have to take you in."

Bob complied, not wanting further pain. Joe handcuffed him and then tripped him, forcing Bob to lie on the filthy floor of the medieval style castle's corridor. Then Joe ran over and returned the sword and shield, and conversed with the old man in perfect spoken Hyrulean. Bob found himself trying to facevault, and with his vitrol for anime, he knew he would hate himself later for even the attempts.Then Joe returned without the weapons, just as the roots on the far end of the tunnel began to move.

"We have to hurry," Joe said. "Link is about here."

"Really? So I DID get sucked into A Link to the Past!" Bob said.

"Not quite," Joe said, tossing the cuffed Bob into the portal. Then he jumped in himself. "All will be explained shortly," Joe said while the two were drifting in the void between dimensions. (Coincidentally, Phantom Ganon from the long-passed Ocarina of Time era floated by and handed Bob a granola bar. It seems that being banished by his master to the void between dimensions for millenia mellowed him out a bit. Nobody knows where he got a granola bar in the void between dimensions.)

Little did either man know that one girl, one palace servant, the young, but beautiful Romani Daltus hovered over them, watching from above through a drain vent in the castle's flood-proofing system. It had been installed, as Hyrule had been known to have some rather grevious flood-troubles in the pas few centuriest...

oooo

The bulding was MASSIVE. It is hard for words to desribe just how unbelieably, mind-bogglingly massive the buiding was. To put it aptly, the building was larger than most contenients. Unfortunately, since most people don't have a good grasp of the size of continent, that isn't the most vivid description. But it is the only one that translates well into English and other widely-used Earth Languages, so it will do for now. The only thing off-setting Bob's sheer awe of the bulding was the fact that it was a bright pink.

Yes, pink.

"Whoa. Why is it pink?"

"It was like that when we moved in. And there isn't enough paint in all creation to paint the whole thing."

"And the sign?"

"It isn't P2. That's what you're thinking, isn't it? It is P-squared."

"I gathered that. But what does it mean?"

"Physics Police. It did once read 'PP' but people kept making immature jokes so we used trillions of dollars in tax-payer money to get it changed. I'm very bitter about it."

Bob could tell. "And you brought me here why?"

"You've been under arrest for about 4.34 minutes. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney and will be provided one if you cannot afford it. You also have the right to wear Hello-Kitty pajama's and smear mustard on your thighs, but I don't advise it."

Bob just stared at him. "You're very troubled, aren't you?"

"Yes. And you're in a lot of trouble," Joe said as he dragged the unwitting dimensional travler into the massive Physics Police headquarters...

"Well this is just my luck," Bob muttered.