Oh god…I only started this because I was bored…still, thought I might as well post it…

Disclaimer: all the characters belong to the great man Tolkien who would probably be spitting with rage if he read this. Still, I don't think there's much chance of that happening…

"Bleurghhh!…"

"Aw poor Frodo-its probably Sam's cooking", Merry suggested unhelpfully, rubbing Frodo's back as he vomited on the ground again. Legolas crossed his arms across his chest and squinted doubtfully at the stricken hobbit.

"I dunno, I mean the rest of us are fine but you've been like this for days"

Gimli chuckled to himself "…and only in the morning too-if you were female I'd start to think you were up the duff!"

Frodo groaned. "This isn't funny", he spat at the dwarf, "I'm dying here!"

Gimli's words had started a few cogs turning in Legolas' head.

"Y'know…", he began slowly, "what you said isn't such a ridiculous idea…"

The others looked at him strangely, wondering if the elf had been at the hobbits' pipeweed.

"No honestly!", he continued earnestly, "There's a rogue gene-it happens in elves sometimes. You haven't got any elf in you have you Frodo?"

Frodo had forgotten how ill he was feeling now. The big blue eyes had widened at Legolas' words and the lower lip had started to quiver.

"Legolas!", snapped Aragorn, "don't scare him!"

"Its true" protested the elf.

"There are rumours back in the shire, y'know ,about the Bagginses and some elf maiden way back" Pippin said brightly. Sam brandished a frying pan at him and he shut up abruptly.

"…or a Numenorean?" , Legolas continued.

"Does he lok like a Numenorean?", Aragorn asked sarcastically, and then, realising that this affected him, "what about numenoreans?"

Legolas grinned.

"You don't know your own physiology Aragorn? Well, apparently your lot were such a bunch of sexual deviants that there were hardly any more Numenoreans being born. The Ainur realised that something needed to be done so they gave all male partners of numenoreans the power to conceive". Aragorn looked sceptical, the others merely curious.

"so why did the Numenoreans die out then?", asked Merry.

"Ah well, the Numenoreans were perfectly happy to to do that kind of thing whilst they couldn't be found out but once there were far reaching consequences they just stopped-far too embarrassed you see. Of course, this didn't mean they started fancying women instead so they just died out", he grinned at Aragorn, "apart from a select few of course".

Legolas told a convincing story. Everyone scrutinised Frodo and tried to work out what this meant. Surprisingly, Sam put two and two together first.

"Frodo!", he exclaimed in horror, looking between the hobbit and the ranger in amazement.

Aragorn himself looked rather ashen. Legolas suspected that it was the prospect of what Arwen would do to him when she found out. She could be extremely vengeful when she felt it warranted.

Right now there were more important things to be worrying about. Frodo apppeared to have taken the news rather badly. He had his head buried in Merry's shoulder and was wailing inanely about what people would say when he got back to the shire. Pippin had decided that it would be a good idea to confiscate Sam's frying pan and was attempting to do so with Gimli and Boromir's help. An enraged Sam was proving somewhat difficult to disarm even with Gimli's pleas that killing the king of men was something he'd regret.

And Aragorn appeared to have gone into some kind of trance. Legolas wished that Gandalf hadn't been so inconsiderate as to get himself killed- his calming influence would be a great help right now.

And it was then that Frodo voiced the question that Legolas had been dreading.

"Legolas", he began in a small voice, "how am I supposed to give birth to it?"

"Well", Legolas said clearing his throat, "first we knock you out with some strong herbs…and then we cut you open".

It was at this point that Frodo fainted.

Well, do you like? If so please review!(if I don't get any I won't be continuing with this)