Comfort

by Starrynight3

What will Daniel do after Sha're's death?

TITLE: Comfort

AUTHOR: Starrynight

DATE: 6/1/2001

EMAIL: starry_night_100@hotmail.com

CATEGORY: Angst; Hurt/Comfort

PAIRINGS: None

SPOILERS: Forever in a Day

SEASON/SEQUEL: 3

RATING: PG

SUMMARY: What will happen to Daniel after Share's death?

STATUS: Revised

ARCHIVE: Heliopolis

DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. Not to be archived without the permission of the author.

AUTHOR'S NOTES:

WARNINGS:

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Someone is pounding on the door. I try to pull myself up from the couch, but I can't seem to make myself move. I feel like a dead weight. 'Go away! I don't want to see anyone!' It doesn't matter. Nothing matters to me anymore. The one person who I loved more than life itself is gone. 'Oh, Sha're, if only I could join you. Going on without you is just too much for me! I miss you so much . . . so much . . . What do I have left here to hold onto? I have nothing. . . . everything is gone . . . I just want . . . to be with you.'

Jack has already opened the door. He closes it behind him and stands there looking at me and the object I'm holding in my hand. . . looking horrified. "Danny . . . ?" he says quietly.

I'm eying the weapon. Jack stares at me as if I'm totally out of my mind. "My God, Danny! You can't be thinking . . . ?!" I just continue staring at it. "You can't mean it! Please tell me you won't do that!" He's getting desperate. I can hear the anguish in his voice

"Danny, please let me have that! "

"No . . . " I whisper.

"Daniel, give that to me now!!"

"No . . . "

He quickly strides over and forces it out of my hand. He is much stronger than I am right now and an expert at disarming people. I am too weak to fight him with all the emotional stress I have been through.

"You won't be needing this anymore."

I don't respond. I have no idea what to say or do. All I know is that I have lost my wife, my whole life, and it is killing me inside. I might as well die. 'No . . . I just can't believe it . . . Why, Sha're? Why?!'

"I don't want to lose you, Daniel Jackson! You mean way too much for me to allow that to happen!" His voice softens considerably. He's still holding the gun I had taken from the SGC in his hand. "I'll just keep this with me for now." He tucks the gun in his belt. It's a safe bet that I won't have access to that or any other weapons for a while. Jack will see to that. He will watch me like a hawk. He's not going to leave me until he is assured that I won't take my own life, how ever long it may take. Jack will be right by my side until I'm through this. I know Jack well enough to know that.

Jack sits down beside me but doesn't say a word. Then he looks at me with such concern and compassion that all the emotions that I had kept pent up inside me come tumbling out. I start sobbing uncontrollably. Jack embraces me and holds me close to him. He still doesn't say a word. He just lets me purge myself until I'm too exhausted to cry anymore. Then he lets me go and looks at me once again, his eyes searching mine. He's looking to see if I'm okay or if I'm still want to kill myself.

I shake my head. "No... I won't ..." I say very quietly to reassure him. As much as I may feel I want to, I won't go through with this. We both know it's going to take time for me to heal, but that's what I need to do. I must fulfill the last promise I made to Sha're. If it's the only thing I have to live for, I will do it. As long as I have a friend like Jack I can get past this and move on. This is only the first step, but it's a step in the right direction.

"Do you think you can sleep for a bit now?" Jack asks. He can see how tired I really am. I haven't slept much at all in days. I nod. Then I try to stand up. It's very difficult and I sway and lose my balance. Then Jack catches me and has me sit again. "Why don't you just lie down here?"

"Okay." My voice is hoarse from all the tears I've shed.

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"I'll be right here if you need anything."

I nod. "Thank you, Jack..." I look into his eyes and find the support I need there. That gives me the courage to keep living.

He can see my resolve. "Any time, Danny. Any time."

Eventually my own weariness catches up with me and I fall asleep.

A few hours later I wake up to the sound of Jack making coffee in the kitchen. Physically I feel more rested, but emotionally I am still drained. Jack notices that I am awake and approaches me. "Hey, Danny."

"Hey," I respond quietly.

"How are you doing?"

"A little better."

"You're not feeling the way you were last night?"

"If you're asking me if I still feel suicidal...I don't think so. I just miss her lot. I wish I could be with her."

"I understand that."

I know that Jack really does understand my loss. He lost his son. He has dealt with this pain, too.

"God...Jack... I still can't believe it..." There are tears in my eyes again, but that sharp, ravaging pain isn't there anymore. A dull, unrelenting emptiness has replaced it.

"I know, Danny."

"I've lost her and I'll never get her back." My words sound final...like I have no hope.

"Look, Danny, you have all the memories that you two shared. Treasure them and she'll still be with you. You haven't really lost her as long as you keep her here." Jack points to his heart.

"You're right, Jack. I'll try."

"You'll succeed, Daniel. I know that you're not one to give up, even under the worst of circumstances. It would probably be easier to give up now, but it won't help."

That's the one thing I really love about Jack. He always knows what to say to bring me around when I start getting too despondent.

"You won't have to do this alone. I'll help you out in whatever way I can. Count on it."

"Thank you, Jack. I appreciate that."

"Well, are we just going to sit here or do you want some of that coffee I made?"

I smiled a little. "Sure, I'll have some."

Jack went into the kitchen, poured some coffee and brought it back. He sat down next to me and set the mugs on the table. We just sat in companionable silence. Then we looked at each other.

"You going to be okay?"

"I will be." I know it's going to take a while, but I will get through this, just like I've worked through all the other upheavals in my life. Having a friend like Jack will make it easier. I don't know if he understands how much I really appreciate him. I hope that when he needs me I can help him like he's helped me.