1 *Standard disclaimers: YYH doesn't belong to me, neither do any of the
songs. Those belong to X-Japan. I'm using the songs on their Ballad
Collection.*
**Shonen ai, death, angst.**
2
3 Tears of Betrayal: Say Anything
Take (February 1999)
--translation by Cricket
~~~~~~
Only a pounding stabs my heart
I can't hear the inner-voice of my feelings
Forget the times that the feelings just roamed
~~~~~~
The icy rain hits me like a slap in the face; its nothing compared to the sharp pain in my chest that intensifies with every beat of my heart. It' pounding drowns out all other sounds – even those of my feelings crying out in betrayal.
~~~~~~
Run away from reality, I've been crying in the dream
~~~~~~
Betrayal. The word rests bitterly inside of me, it's mere presence destroying my dream. So I run, as far away from life's harsh reality as I can. I tell myself that it's only rain on my face…but rain was never this warm.
~~~~~~
Shivering in frozen time
The distorted memory builds until…
Grief vanished
~~~~~~
My mind is cruel; the scene I've just witnessed stays frozen in my imagination. It's painful, but I know from past experience that if I hurt long enough, I won't feel it anymore. Right now I could use that numbness.
~~~~~~
You'll say anything, those fitting words, but…
Say anything, to a heart that can't be broken
~~~~~~
Did he mean it? All those times he told me he loved me…words come easily to – I can't even say he's mine, now – the youko. All those times he teased and flirted with me – at the time, I thought it didn't matter, that it didn't mean anything when he laughingly warned me that he intended to steal my heart. I recall that I snorted in disbelief; as far as I knew, I didn't have a heart.
~~~~~~
You'll say anything, just tell me all your sweet lies
Say anything to the heart that can't lie
~~~~~~
He knew I was in love with him before I did; a lifetime spent as an assassin and thief didn't prepare me for problems of the heart. Thankfully, he kept his mouth shut about it and continued to play 'best friend'. I hate being pushed into things and Kurama respected that; subtly, he made me inspect my not-so-platonic feelings for him by constantly teasing…
The best lies have a measure of truth. I should know, I've been doing it for a lifetime; somehow, I could never lie to him – that kitsune always saw through it.
~~~~~~
If I go back to where I've been
Then I'll just live in my dreams
An endless rain soaks as…
Flowing tears color my dreams
~~~~~~
Chikusho. Kurama knows me too well – that's why I have to leave. I can't stay in the Ningenkai next to him, and pretend that nothing's changed. Even *I'm* not strong enough to pull that off – a humbling admission for me.
~~~~~~
You'll say anything
Whatever you like to say to me
Say anything
You leave me out of my eyes
~~~~~~
Kurama probably *did* love me when he first told me he loved me; but like all youko, his interest waned, like I knew it would. Oh, he meant it at the time – now that Kurama's human he wouldn't treat other's so lightly. Even so, I prepared myself for his goodbye, though I never realized it would hurt so much.
~~~~~~
You'll say anything
All I can hear is voice from dream
Say anything you can dry my every tear
~~~~~~
It's kind of ironic, actually. The only one to see my pain is now the cause of it. Amazing how his words can cut worse than anything else I've ever encountered.
~~~~~~
The lights have gone out on the stage, I'm staring alone
Embraced by passing days
Destroyed everything that held love
Until it vanishes in the sands of time
~~~~~~
And so I'm alone again…I think of it as cutting my losses. Life will return to as it was before Kurama, and the years will resume their torturous flow. It's amazing, but I'd never really noticed that when life is good, time flies. Take away the joy, and eternity stretches out before…me. It stretches out before *me*.
What am I going to do?
~~~~~~
Close your eyes and I'll kill you in the rain
If such a murder is right
I've buried the fake roses
Crying memories tears of a poet
~~~~~~
As I jump onto a branch, I over-estimate the dryness of the wood; I slip, losing my momentum. Luckily, I am able to catch myself before becoming an undignified lump in the mud. As I pull myself up, something pokes me in the chest. Curious, I search around in my cloak until finding the offender; one of Kurama's roses, blood red in color.
Stopping, I stare at it…debating whether or not to keep it. A masochistic side of me wants to – but no. I'll never be able to forget what we had if I keep it. The rose falls to the ground as I disappear in a flash; its bloody petals already beginning to be buried under mud.
~~~~~~
Time may change my life, but my heart remains the same to you
Time may change your heart, my love for you never changes
~~~~~~
Kuso! Who the fuck am I trying to fool? I can't forget Kurama…can't stop loving him, even if he doesn't love me anymore. No matter where I go or what I do, I'm his…like he always knew I'd be.
~~~~~~
You'll say anything…Say anything
Now you've gone away
Where can I go from here?
Say anything…say anything
~~~~~~
I can't get the scene out of my mind - the way they kissed, her arms holding him possessively. Her whispered words, like arrows. "You're mine, now."
I always thought that 'home' was with Kurama, and apparently, I've been evicted. Where can I go now?
~~~~~~
"I believed
If time passes, everything
Turns into beauty
If the rains stop, tears clean
The scars of memory away
Everything starts wearing fresh colors
Every sound begins playing
A heartfelt melody
Jealousy embellishes a page of the epic
Desire is embraced in a dream
But my mind is in chaos and…
~~~~~~
Maybe someday, I'll be able to live again. But I doubt it.
* * *
In a quiet corner of Tokyo, a gaki released her victim, his flame-colored locks spilling over her arms like silk as he slumped to the ground, lifeless. She licked her lips in satisfaction; the police would find this pretty one's body soon enough.
~Owari~
**Shonen ai, death, angst.**
2
3 Tears of Betrayal: Say Anything
Take (February 1999)
--translation by Cricket
~~~~~~
Only a pounding stabs my heart
I can't hear the inner-voice of my feelings
Forget the times that the feelings just roamed
~~~~~~
The icy rain hits me like a slap in the face; its nothing compared to the sharp pain in my chest that intensifies with every beat of my heart. It' pounding drowns out all other sounds – even those of my feelings crying out in betrayal.
~~~~~~
Run away from reality, I've been crying in the dream
~~~~~~
Betrayal. The word rests bitterly inside of me, it's mere presence destroying my dream. So I run, as far away from life's harsh reality as I can. I tell myself that it's only rain on my face…but rain was never this warm.
~~~~~~
Shivering in frozen time
The distorted memory builds until…
Grief vanished
~~~~~~
My mind is cruel; the scene I've just witnessed stays frozen in my imagination. It's painful, but I know from past experience that if I hurt long enough, I won't feel it anymore. Right now I could use that numbness.
~~~~~~
You'll say anything, those fitting words, but…
Say anything, to a heart that can't be broken
~~~~~~
Did he mean it? All those times he told me he loved me…words come easily to – I can't even say he's mine, now – the youko. All those times he teased and flirted with me – at the time, I thought it didn't matter, that it didn't mean anything when he laughingly warned me that he intended to steal my heart. I recall that I snorted in disbelief; as far as I knew, I didn't have a heart.
~~~~~~
You'll say anything, just tell me all your sweet lies
Say anything to the heart that can't lie
~~~~~~
He knew I was in love with him before I did; a lifetime spent as an assassin and thief didn't prepare me for problems of the heart. Thankfully, he kept his mouth shut about it and continued to play 'best friend'. I hate being pushed into things and Kurama respected that; subtly, he made me inspect my not-so-platonic feelings for him by constantly teasing…
The best lies have a measure of truth. I should know, I've been doing it for a lifetime; somehow, I could never lie to him – that kitsune always saw through it.
~~~~~~
If I go back to where I've been
Then I'll just live in my dreams
An endless rain soaks as…
Flowing tears color my dreams
~~~~~~
Chikusho. Kurama knows me too well – that's why I have to leave. I can't stay in the Ningenkai next to him, and pretend that nothing's changed. Even *I'm* not strong enough to pull that off – a humbling admission for me.
~~~~~~
You'll say anything
Whatever you like to say to me
Say anything
You leave me out of my eyes
~~~~~~
Kurama probably *did* love me when he first told me he loved me; but like all youko, his interest waned, like I knew it would. Oh, he meant it at the time – now that Kurama's human he wouldn't treat other's so lightly. Even so, I prepared myself for his goodbye, though I never realized it would hurt so much.
~~~~~~
You'll say anything
All I can hear is voice from dream
Say anything you can dry my every tear
~~~~~~
It's kind of ironic, actually. The only one to see my pain is now the cause of it. Amazing how his words can cut worse than anything else I've ever encountered.
~~~~~~
The lights have gone out on the stage, I'm staring alone
Embraced by passing days
Destroyed everything that held love
Until it vanishes in the sands of time
~~~~~~
And so I'm alone again…I think of it as cutting my losses. Life will return to as it was before Kurama, and the years will resume their torturous flow. It's amazing, but I'd never really noticed that when life is good, time flies. Take away the joy, and eternity stretches out before…me. It stretches out before *me*.
What am I going to do?
~~~~~~
Close your eyes and I'll kill you in the rain
If such a murder is right
I've buried the fake roses
Crying memories tears of a poet
~~~~~~
As I jump onto a branch, I over-estimate the dryness of the wood; I slip, losing my momentum. Luckily, I am able to catch myself before becoming an undignified lump in the mud. As I pull myself up, something pokes me in the chest. Curious, I search around in my cloak until finding the offender; one of Kurama's roses, blood red in color.
Stopping, I stare at it…debating whether or not to keep it. A masochistic side of me wants to – but no. I'll never be able to forget what we had if I keep it. The rose falls to the ground as I disappear in a flash; its bloody petals already beginning to be buried under mud.
~~~~~~
Time may change my life, but my heart remains the same to you
Time may change your heart, my love for you never changes
~~~~~~
Kuso! Who the fuck am I trying to fool? I can't forget Kurama…can't stop loving him, even if he doesn't love me anymore. No matter where I go or what I do, I'm his…like he always knew I'd be.
~~~~~~
You'll say anything…Say anything
Now you've gone away
Where can I go from here?
Say anything…say anything
~~~~~~
I can't get the scene out of my mind - the way they kissed, her arms holding him possessively. Her whispered words, like arrows. "You're mine, now."
I always thought that 'home' was with Kurama, and apparently, I've been evicted. Where can I go now?
~~~~~~
"I believed
If time passes, everything
Turns into beauty
If the rains stop, tears clean
The scars of memory away
Everything starts wearing fresh colors
Every sound begins playing
A heartfelt melody
Jealousy embellishes a page of the epic
Desire is embraced in a dream
But my mind is in chaos and…
~~~~~~
Maybe someday, I'll be able to live again. But I doubt it.
* * *
In a quiet corner of Tokyo, a gaki released her victim, his flame-colored locks spilling over her arms like silk as he slumped to the ground, lifeless. She licked her lips in satisfaction; the police would find this pretty one's body soon enough.
~Owari~