WARNING: This is a semi-dark fic. At least, the prologue is far from happy. As most of you know, I don't really like writing happy-froo-froo-fluffy-bunny-fics, I at least like to have some sort of twist in them to keep things interesting. Another thing, if you don't like the way I am portraying Usagi, deal with it, this is how I truly believe she would act. I must remind you that not everyone's perfect, and won't always remain pure…don't worry, I think I'm going to make the ending pretty happy, cause depressing ends make me angry….
Anyway, all standard disclaimers apply, I don't own either anime, or the song, which I'm not telling you the title of or who sings it because you'll be mean to me…just read dammit…(Oh yeah, DBZ's in the next chap…gomen)
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What's the matter
Mary Jane, you had a hard day?
As you place the don't disturb sign on the door
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She let out a soft sigh as she entered the apartment, pulling off her shoes and calling out a greeting to her fiancé. Her only reply was the silence. Tiredly, she hung up her coat and carried her groceries into the kitchen.
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You lost your place in line again, what a pity
You never seem to want to dance anymore
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She noticed there were a few messages on the answering machine, and hit the button, listening to them as she put away the food. There were a few from bill collectors, and credit companies, but she deleted them, not even bothering to listen to them all the way through. The other was from Minako, her last single friend, begging her to go dancing with her tonight at some new club she had found.
She deleted that one as well.
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It's a long way down
On this roller coaster
The last chance streetcar
Went off the track
And you're on it
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After the groceries were all in their proper places, she went to the small living room and tidied up, dusting off his textbooks and restacking them. After everything was in order, she turned on the television, and almost immediately turned it off as the news came on.
She stood humming awkwardly to herself as she went into the bedroom, searching for something else to clean, all the while feeling the silence of the apartment bearing down upon her.
She didn't know where he was. He really should have been home by now. It worried her, but she knew he would be home. He was always home on time, never late.
After making the bed and dusting, she went back into the kitchen and prepared their dinner, setting two places at the table, and serving to meals.
It was well past eight before she finally cleared the table, removing two untouched plates of cold food. She scraped them clean and put them in the dishwasher, and then cleaned the kitchen up before heading to bed, knowing he would be home in a few minutes, apologizing about how the traffic or a meeting had held him up.
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I hear you're counting sheep again Mary Jane
What's the point of trying to dream anymore?
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She lay on her back, staring up at the ceiling. The sheets slipped away, reaching only to her stomach. The king-sized bed seemed to swallow up her tiny form, as she lay huddled on her side, silent in the dim light.
She wouldn't let herself go to bed until he came home. She wanted to be awake so that she could greet him and kiss him on the cheek, ask him how his day was.
After another hour, she sat up and climbed out of bed, her long golden hair trailing down her back to her calves as she walked to the kitchen, intending to get a snack while she waited for him.
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I hear you're losing weight again Mary Jane
Do you ever wonder who you're losing it for?
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She opened the refrigerator, glancing around for something to eat. She pulled out a plate of leftover cake, and sat down to eat it, pouring a glass of milk as well. She took a single bite, and immediately felt nauseous. Spitting it out into a napkin, she threw the rest out, and poured the milk down the sink drain. She should be cutting down on sweets anyway, she reasoned, how she was going to fit into her wedding dress?
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Well it's full speed baby
In the wrong direction
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As she turned on the dishwasher, she felt her hand quiver slightly. She turned, suddenly remembering she had to take her medication. She fumbled with the prescription bottle, accidentally pouring out more pills than she had intended. She swallowed all of them anyway, her hand shaking so much it spilled some of the water out of the glass she used to help down the pills.
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There's a few more bruises
If that's the way
You insist on heading
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Moments later, she fell to the floor, hitting the back of her head against the counter painfully, knocking her unconscious.
As lay there, nearly comatose, memories slowly swam through her head, things that she never remembered happening, but were so vivid, they had to be true.
"Moshi moshi?" she said, answering the phone in the hall.
"Moshi moshi Usagi-chan," A familiar voice greeted her.
"Mako-chan! How are you?" She squealed excitedly. "I haven't seen you in ages!"
"I'm good, and how have you been, and it has been ages, how's Mamoru-san?"
There was a slight hesitation as she replied. "I'm sure he'll be home soon," she said, staring into the living room for a moment, her expression blank.
"Usagi-chan, isn't it almost nine? Was he working a late shift?" Makoto asked, confusion entering her tone.
"I-iie, he's probably just in traffic," she said, her tone still strange as her gaze focused on the next room.
"Usagi-chan, are you okay? Is something wrong?" Makoto was rapidly becoming concerned, the way Usagi sounded, and that Mamoru hadn't come home yet…
"Daijoubu," she said distractedly. "He's just running late,"
"I didn't ask about Mamoru-san, Usagi-chan," Makoto said. "Do you want me to come over?"
"I-iie, you don't have to, the apartment's really messy," she replied.
"Are you sure you're okay?" Makoto persisted.
"I'm fine Mako-chan, seriously, one of his meetings just ran late, that's all…" She said softly, hanging up as she entered the living room, staring down at her fiancé.
She smiled slightly. He was just asleep, tired from his day of work. He had sat down in his favorite chair, and picked up a gun she had never seen before. She didn't know he had owned a gun. She had been about to ask him where he had gotten it when there had been a loud bang, and he had fallen asleep, blood dripping from the side of his head, staining the new chair's upholstery.
She hummed softly and went into the kitchen. She would have to have dinner ready before he woke up…
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Please be honest Mary Jane
Are you happy?
Please don't censor your tears
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Sunrays were just starting to shine in through the kitchen window as her eyes slowly opened, and the back of her head began to throb. The dreams flooded back to her, and tears filled her eyes.
For the first time in the three months since Mamoru had killed himself, she cried.
"Mamo-chan," she sobbed out.
She had been through the entire ordeal, fully believing that he had been sleeping. That he was fine, just taking a nap, or that he hadn't come home yet, that he was just running late.
He hadn't come home the night before.
The false happiness that the pills were supposed to bring on faded away, and she lay in her perfect spotless white little kitchen, sobbing uncontrollably.
What had happened to destiny?
Eternity?
Rebirth?
Fate?
She had nothing now.
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You're the sweet crusader
And you're on your way
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The sun was beginning to set again when the tears stopped. She stood up, and walked back to her bedroom, opening the closet door and pulling out clothing. She tossed all of it into a bag, and went around the rest of the house, taking the things she wanted and packing them up.
She walked by the bottle of pills, lying open on the counter. Glancing at the canister for a moment, she tossed it into the trash, filled with the little round capsules.
After she had everything she wanted, she pulled on a pair of shoes and a coat, stepping out the door and locking it behind her.
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You're the last
great innocent
And that's why I love you
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She felt some relief as she walked down the sidewalk, and hailed a taxi. She climbed into the backseat, and felt a strange rush when the driver turned in his seat and asked her where she wanted to go.
She hesitated for a moment, going over the possibilities in her mind. She couldn't go back to her parents. She hadn't spoken to them since the funeral, and they were convinced she had gone off into the deep end. Her brother was still in high school. Ami was married, and wouldn't have the space or the time for her. Rei was traveling the world with her husband as well, and Usagi had no idea where she was. Makoto was opening her new restaurant just a few blocks away. It was too close though…and she didn't know her old friend's address.
She wanted to get as far away as possible…and an idea struck her as she remembered Minako's phone message, saying she had just bought a new house…
She made her decision in less than a minute. "West Capitol, onegai," she said, feeling a pressure in her chest lift, a pain she had all but forgotten.
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So take this moment Mary Jane and be selfish
Worry not about the cars that go by
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She almost felt a smile touch her lips as she watched the buildings fly by. The cars that drove past her were filled with people, happy and content, free of problems. She tore her eyes away from a small child sitting in the backseat of the family's car as they sat side by side at a stoplight. Suddenly she felt alone again, lost in the middle of the enormous city, without any one to greet when they came home from work.
No one to ask how their day was.
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All that matters Mary Jane is your freedom
Keep warm my dear, keep dry
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The taxi pulled over at a sidewalk, and she climbed out, looking around at her new surroundings. She paid the cab driver, and slung her bag over her shoulder, counting the house numbers as she searched for the right one.
She found it, and biting back the fear that was climbing up her throat, she climbed the steps, standing on the stoop. Tentatively, she pressed the doorbell, and waited anxiously.
Moments later, the door opened, revealing a blonde with dark blue eyes and a warm, but surprised smile on her lips. "Usagi-chan! What are you doing here?" she cried, tackling one of her best friends in a hug.
"Ohayo Minako-chan," Usagi said, managing a weak smile.
"Why haven't you been returning my calls? Have you been okay?" Minako asked, her voice showing concern.
She searched for the right words. "I-I've been away," she smiled. "But I'm back now, and I sort of need a place to stay,"
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Soo…yeah…why do I keep have Mamoru shoot himself? O.o;;; Oh well, I honestly believe that Usagi would have a reaction similar to that if she were to have to confront losing Mamoru. She just seems like the type that would be prone to denial. Ok, that's enough of my rambling, DBZ will be in the next chapter, that is, if you review saying you want another one…
Oh yeah, if you really wanted to know, the song was Mary Jane by Alanis Morisette (leave me alone! I already know I have bad taste in music! -_-) I thought it was rather fitting though ^_^ Pwease review….