A/N: This is a birthday present for my nee-chan. It's dedicated to her and I hope that I did well on this fic. Happy Birthday, Nee-chan! (even though you saw this on your actual birthday).
Ne, I feel terrible about how Hand in Hand is coming along, but I've been plagued by so many different plot bunnies and finals... I just can't seem to find the time to write more! Well, I'm hoping to have it up before Christmas break. Please enjoy this fic in the meantime, though! -is updating alot on today with many one-shots she found lying around-
Patience is a Virtue
Al was patient.
He was patient whenever his older brother took too long to find him when they played hide and seek. He was patient when waiting for their mother to get better so she could smother them with love and kisses again. He was patient while he and his brother studied human transmutation to bring their mother back once she had died, He was patient while Izumi-sensei taught them "All is One, One is All". He was patient while Edward studied to become a State Alchemist so he could search for the Philosopher's Stone to return the younger to his original body. Every time he was kidnapped, he was patient when it came to waiting for his big brother. For his entire life, including the four years spent inside the armor, Alphonse Elric had been patient.
He was tired of being patient.
Now in a body that was all flesh and blood and warmth, he had no objections to staying at home and doing odd jobs for the neighbors with alchemy. While he did this, Ed would go to military headquarters and do pointless paperwork or go on unnecessary trips to look into alchemic rumors that were no longer important to the brothers. They didn't need a Philosopher's Stone anymore, after all. So, Ed was normal doing paperwork until he decided to flee to the library.
Al was completely fine with Ed going to the library after work, he didn't really have a say in it anyway… but still. The younger boy, actually appearing much younger than he should have, would spend this time practicing his culinary arts so he could make something edible for his elder when he came home.
However, it was when Ed started coming home later and later and acting stranger and stranger that Al began to wonder. So, he did some investigating. He called Lieutenant Hawkeye to find out what time Ed left work each day, then asked if she knew when the Central Library closed.
"I believe it closes at seven every night." She informed him, a little curious as to why he would ask this, "Is something not right with Edward?"
Al sighed, frowning when he glanced at the clock; it was eight thirty. "Well, he's been telling me that he goes to the library after work, but he's been coming home way later than when the library closes… what do you think he's hiding?"
"I'm not sure, Alphonse. Just keep a close eye on him and try not to worry too much. Your brother isn't an idiot, I'm sure he has his reasons for being so late." Riza attempted to reassure him.
The brunette nodded, "Alright. Thank you, Lieutenant Hawkeye."
And they hung up.
That conversation had been a week before the night that Alphonse decided enough was enough.
"I'm sick of waiting for Nii-san to come home every night!" Al was ranting to one of the strays he snuck in as he put on his jacket, "He doesn't tell me anything anymore! I barely even talk to him now, he's always so busy!"
It was true; Al had barely said a full sentence to his brother in the past week. Every time he tried to have a conversation with Ed, the blonde would make up some excuse or was too "strange" to form a coherent reply. It really made Al wonder about what Ed was doing before coming home.
"Can't he see that I'm worried?" he murmured sadly to the tabby cat, "Doesn't he know that it hurts when he keeps things from me?" Although he supposed he was being a little hypocritical there… he himself had been smothering the crush on Ed that he'd acquired. It was only a crush, Al told himself, nothing to make him feel all jittery and fluttery whenever Ed did talk to him or make contact with him. "Well, I'm going to go look for him. I'm tired of being patient and waiting for him to come home."
While it wasn't exactly the smartest or safest idea for a prepubescent-looking boy to be wandering the streets of Central at ten in the evening, Al had his training behind him and the fact that in reality he was fifteen.
"Nii-san?" he called out, peering into an ally before hurrying on. Even with the streetlamps, alleys were dark and Al still feared the dark. "Nii-san!"
Al's search was futile; it was getting later and the fear that gripped his heart only grew tighter. He's never been out this late before… what if something really happened and Nii-san's hurt? Oh, Nii-san, where are you? He shivered in the cool night, still sensitive to intense changes in temperatures. He was about to give up his search and go home, until a door opened a little ways down the street and a figure stumbled out. A figure wearing a familiar red coat.
"Nii-san!" Al cried out, darting towards Ed's hunched over form, "Nii-san, where have you been? What were you doing? Are you okay…?" he trailed off when he saw the glazed look in his brother's normally bright, golden eyes. Letting his own eyes wander up to the name of the building Ed had come out of, he felt his heart sink. "A bar… you've been going to a bar…"
Ed swayed a bit, using his left hand to brace himself on Al's shoulder, "Nnn… Al? H-hey… whatcha doing out here? 's late… you should be sleepin' or…" He hiccupped and swayed again, this time all of his weight fell on Al's shoulder.
"I've been looking for you, stupid Nii-san." He frowned at the limp blonde, his own knees shaking at the surprise of the sudden weight. His nose wrinkled in distaste at the strong, rancid stench of alcohol. "You're drunk."
"I drunk… I drunk not so much, Aaall…." Ed slurred, his voice was like a whine that was muffled into his little brother's shoulder, "I drunk only a lil' bit… a lil' bit…"
"You are drunk. And it's drank when you're talking like that." Al sighed heavily, reminding his big brother how to speak properly, "Come on… I've got to get you home, Nii-san."
Ed nodded, being supported by Al as they started walking back towards their house. "Nngh… home's nice… go sleep when get home… Mm, can I sleep with you, baby brother?"
Al blushed involuntarily; Edward hadn't called him "baby brother" in ages. Usually he addressed him as Al, even his full name was rarely used by the Fullmetal Alchemist. Ed never called him 'brother' like Al was fond of doing and only referred to Al as his younger brother if they were talking to someone they didn't know very well. There was never 'baby brother' anywhere in Ed's language.
But it wasn't just being called that… usually Al was the one asking Ed if they could sleep together, though he hadn't done it in a while since it seemed to make the blonde uncomfortable and distant. Also, it didn't help to justify that Al merely had a childish crush on his older brother and nothing more.
"Of course, Nii-san." He finally replied, receiving a sloppy kiss to his cheek for the answer.
"Sankyuu…!" Ed grinned stupidly, making Al blush even more.
When they arrived home, Al let Ed slump against the wall as he tried to catch his breath. It wasn't that Ed was particularly heavy… it was just that Al wasn't used to lugging around Ed's entire weight around Central in the cold at night. He blew into his hands and rubbed them together, trying to get some friction to heat them up.
"Aw… 's Al cold?" Ed asked somewhat coherently, before wrapping his arms around Al's shoulders and burying his face into the back of his neck, "I warm you…"
Al froze up at the sudden contact, since he hadn't expected it, then relaxed in his brother's arms. He shivered when he felt Ed's hot breath on his neck, releasing an involuntary moan. Once he realized what he'd done, Al squeaked and clasped his hand over his mouth.
"You like it?" the airy question was murmured into his neck and Al started biting his hand, "You feel better? I feel better… I got a good lil' brother…"
Al shook his head frantically, his body already reacting to Ed's words and the feeling of his lips against his neck, "N-nii-san…! Please-! W-we have to go to bed."
The older brother nodded and mumbled some kind of reply as he let himself be led towards his bedroom. When they first purchased their small, apartment flat; Ed had insisted that they get separate bedrooms. Something along the lines of: You won't want your big brother getting in your space when you're older, now, will you? Though, for the time being, having separate bedrooms didn't do them much good since Al somehow always found a way into Ed's bed.
Setting Edward on the edge of the bed, Al bent down to remove his shoes and then reached up to slide his older brother's shirt off. He blushed vibrantly as he did this, even more so when his fingers brushed against Ed's toned chest and he let out a moan while Al squeaked again. It frightened him how expressive and sensitive Ed was to touch in his intoxicated state. Hesitantly moving to unbutton Ed's pants, Al fought back the fluttering in his heart as he slid the leather pants over creamy thighs.
Al had been hoping, no… praying, that Ed had worn boxers that day.
Unfortunately, the fates were being cruel to him and cursed him with the sight of his brother without underwear. "N-nii-san… why didn't you wear underwear…?"
"Nn… too constricting…" he mumbled sleepily, leaning forward onto Al. "Wazz wrong, Al? You okhicay?"
Trying not to tremble, Al nodded, "O-of course I'm okay. You're the one that's not okay." He freed himself from Ed's weight, retrieving a clean pair of boxers to slip the older boy into. It was a hassle, but he had managed to successfully clothe his brother and tucked him under the covers.
"'s my job…" the blonde protested when Al had put Ed to bed, "'m the older brother…"
The younger boy sighed, "Well, you're currently too drunk to do a good job as the big brother."
Ed whimpered at the harsh words, sending waves of guilt crashing into Al. Sighing again, he shed himself of his own clothing quickly and pulled on his large, flannel pajamas. He liked the long sleeves that covered his hands, apparently Ed did too, since when Al wore the pjs it was one of the rare times he ever dared call the brunette cute.
Crawling under the covers as well, the smaller boy was surprised to have his older brother snuggle up to him. "Mm… love you, Al…"
"I…" he blinked at his big brother, then settled against his chest and nestled his head in the crook of Ed's neck, "I love you too, Nii-san. But… please don't do this again."
"Do what?" he slurred, flinging his flesh arm around Al to hold him close, the alcohol in his breath warm and pungent against the younger.
"This." Al replied softly, "I don't want you to get drunk and make me worry… I don't like it. I want you to be home with me at night. I miss you."
"'M shorry, Al… I'll be better…pwomish…"
Al smiled softly at Ed's words, watching him fall asleep right after the promise. With only a ten-year-old's body to sustain him, he also found himself to very sleepy and drifted off not long after Edward.
Exhausted to the point of falling asleep as he ate breakfast, Al couldn't believe the hell he'd been allotted to. In the middle of the night Ed had gotten sick and needed Al to tend to him as he got all the alcohol out of his system. While the older brother had finally passed out, the brunette remained awake and vigilant until he fell asleep in an uncomfortable position while cradling Ed in his arms.
He couldn't believe how clingy Ed could be when he was drunk.
"Hey, Al, you okay?" Al jerked back into consciousness, sitting up straight in his seat with droplets of milk clinging to his hair from the bowl of cereal he had been face down in.
He blushed at being caught unaware, nodding quickly, "Yes, Nii-san. I'm fine. How are you?" he was barely able to suppress a yawn.
Ed frowned, not answering Al's question as he chose to walk over to his younger brother and place his flesh palm to his forehead, "Hmm… you don't have a fever… you look really tired, Al. Did you not sleep well?"
Of course not. I was cleaning up your throw-up for most of the night, stupid Nii-san. He thought to himself, not daring to vocalize it since Ed didn't seem to recall the previous night. Al found it very convenient that the older boy didn't have a hangover. A hung-over Ed would make it even more of a hell.
"Ah, no, not really." He smiled sheepishly, remembering to answer Ed's question. "I, uhh… had a nightmare."
Ed's frown deepened, "Then why didn't you come to me like you always do?"
"Oh, well… you looked so tired and I didn't want to bother you." Al lied quickly, wishing that Ed would let it go and leave for work so he could sleep.
A flicker of remorse danced on Ed's face, "I see…" he looked like he wanted to say something, but turned to leave before he could. As he was about to walk out the door, he paused, "Al…? I didn't… I didn't say anything weird last night, did I?"
Al was afraid Ed would hear his heart thumping loudly in his chest. "N-no… nothing out of the ordinary. Why, Nii-san?"
"No reason." He shook his head and flashed Al a grin, "See you after work!"
"Bye, Nii-san."
Why do I want you to remember all the soft things you said to me…?
Al couldn't believe how filthy he felt.
It had been three weeks since Al had discovered that his brother went drinking at night after work and things hadn't gotten much better. Well, for Al's conscious anyway.
Every night, the younger would go to meet Ed either on his way home from or outside of the bar. He was tired of waiting, after all. Then he proceeded to wash Ed up, then get him into clean pajamas and tuck him in. If he drank enough, then Al would wait until Ed would throw up before trying to fall asleep.
It became routine. It scared Al when the routine was broken on the eighth night of doing this. It had been simple. He'd been changing Ed's shirts while the older boy mumbled incoherently. Suddenly, Al felt himself being down onto the bed beside his brother. Ed had whispered soft words, influenced by large amounts of alcohol… but still soft, loving words that made Al shiver and purr happily. He wasn't sure who initiated the kiss, but it had happened.
It had been pure, sweet release. Al had felt like one of those starving kittens he loved nursing back to health, hungrily craving the taste and feel of Ed's lips against his. Even with the overbearing alcohol choking him, he couldn't help but want more kisses from the older boy. So that night they tangled together and kissed and touched, but never went lower than their navels.
Now he felt incredibly guilty for taking advantage of his intoxicated brother and actually enjoying the kisses. The younger buried his face in his drawn-up knees, wishing for everything to just melt away and go back to before he started loving his brother or before Edward started drinking.
Why was his big brother drinking anyway? Surely not for fun, judging by how terrible he'd feel once he was drunk enough. Stroking the fur of Tina, the newest kitten, Al was curled up in the armchair and let his eyes wander to the calendar. It was late November. His brother's birthday was tomorrow. He felt slightly depressed by this, he had no idea what to do for the special day and he had a nagging feeling that Ed would spend it out drinking again like every night. Although, after Al complained about being lonely at night, Ed didn't go out as often.
"Nii-san, why do you stay at the library so long? I get lonely… please come home earlier tonight, okay?" he had asked one morning, cringing when he saw the guilt splayed across Ed's features.
"Oh, I'm sorry, Al. Of course I'll come home earlier. Promise." And sure enough, Ed came home perfectly sober that night.
Nuzzling into Tina's soft fur, almost wishing it was Ed's hair instead, he sighed, "Why does he do it?"
"Do what?"
"Eep!" Al flushed, nearly jumping out of the chair. "N-nii-san! You're home!"
Ed nodded, slipping out of his coat and tossing it onto the floor carelessly, "Yeah. Didn't feel like going to the library today. And jeez, you must be really lonely if you're talking to a cat, Al."
"I-I was just… oh, be quiet Nii-san!" Al didn't know what else to say, he just let Tina jump out of his arms and stood up to wander after Ed into the kitchen, "Ne… Nii-san? What do you want to do tomorrow?"
"Do?" Ed blinked as he poured himself a glass of juice, "What do you mean? Is tomorrow special or something?"
Al sighed again, though this time exasperatedly, "Oh no, not really… it's just your birthday. Nothing special. Stupid Nii-san."
"Oh yeah! Heh, forgot about that." Ed rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, "We don't have to do anything, I mean, nothing extra special or anything."
Determined to keep his brother from drinking on his birthday, even though he could appeal to a drunk Ed in less than modest ways, Al shook his head, "Let's go out to dinner or I'll bake a cake and make your favorite dinner. I have to do something for your birthday."
"Oh, well… we'll see, okay Al?" Ed looked to be very awkward as he tried not to flush, "I'm going to go take a shower."
With that, the older Elric was gone and the younger was left to wonder why his brother had seemed so flustered. Why does he do it?
Puffs of steam pillowed against the mirror and melted down the smooth surface. Ed hissed as hot water met his skin, biting into it with a painful intensity that he craved. When he couldn't drink away the horrible, disgusting urges to touch his sweet, innocent Al, Ed had no choice but to inflict pain on himself. A sort of punishment. Standing under a stream of scalding water seemed to do the trick as his skin turned bright red.
"I can't do this. I can't love him. It's wrong. It's filthy. It's sick." He chanted to himself softly, slumping against the shower wall, "I don't deserve his kindness… I don't deserve to be his big brother… I'm sorry, Al… I'm so sorry…"
He wasn't sure how he could keep on facing his baby brother.
The cake was sitting on the stove.
Al watched the clock sadly, already knowing that it was too late. Edward was probably at the bar by now with no intention of coming home to celebrate his birthday with the younger. Biting his lower lip, he wanted to curse himself for still getting so worked up over this. Part of him had accepted the bad habit, also guiltily indulging in it, but the other part desperately wanted to have his big brother back. He didn't like the change.
"I can't let him do this… he's only hurting himself and… and I might do something if he lets me…" he whispered to himself, leaving the kitchen and the sweet, thick chocolate cake. Soon he was out of the house and in a mad dash to get to the all-too familiar bar before Ed could start on his drinking binge.
Panting and out of breath as he arrived at the little building, he was dismayed to see that they would not let him inside. "Please! I need to find my brother!"
"Sorry, kid. No minors allowed in." the gruff man replied, arms crossed and his bulky stature reminded him a little of Sig.
"Well, can you please get him and tell him I want him to come home? He's got long blonde hair in a braid and a red coat." Al hoped that the man would heed to his request.
The man shrugged, "I'll see what I can do."
Al nodded hastily, going straight to the window and watching as the bulky man tapped a boy in a red coat on the back. It was most definitely Edward and luckily it didn't seem like he had too much to drink yet. Maybe not even any at all as he shot up from his seat and darted outside.
"Al! What the hell are you doing here?! It's dangerous! Not to mention fucking freezing and you're not even wearing a jacket! What were you thinking? Come on, I'm taking you home!" The older boy didn't even give his brother a chance to answer before he took his hand firmly and started dragging him along.
Al blinked at Ed's coherency, and then smiled sadly, "This is a nice change from me taking you home…"
This made Ed freeze, startling Al since he hadn't expected it to impact his brother that much, "You knew?"
"Of course I did… I worried, so I went to find you one night and… that's where you were… plus, you kinda smelled and were always out of it when you came home. I don't know why you'd think I wouldn't notice." Al heard himself babbling out of nervous habit, managing to stop after a bit.
Ed's grip on his hand tightened, "How long?"
"A while… I just never said anything…" he murmured softly, hanging his in shame, "I'm sorry, Nii-san."
The blonde's head bowed as well, his teeth grinding against each other as he heard Al's apologetic tone, "Nothing to be sorry for. I'm just sorry you had to see me like that. Some brother I am."
"You're better than me." Al heard himself blurt out to keep Edward from guilt-tripping too much, "Come on, Nii-san. It's your birthday. Let's go home and eat your cake."
The younger boy was now trying to tug his elder along, but the body of a ten-year-old could possibly move the body of a seventeen-year-old combined with steel. He glanced back curiously, uneasy from the questioning glint in Ed's eyes.
"What do you mean I'm better than you?" Al flinched at the confused and suspicious tone, "You're a wonderful little brother, too good even. Why would you think you're not?"
"Oh, well, uhh… n-no reason! Just maybe because you're still not whole and have your automail even though we promised to get both our bodies back andIfeelreallybadthatIdidn'tkeepmypromisetoyouandI'malsoscaredbecauseIthinkIloveyouandthat'sbadandI'msorrysolet'sjustgo!" The words were jumbled together, but it didn't keep the tears from spilling out.
"Wait! What?" Ed blinked, thoroughly confused by Al's hurried confession. "Al, I didn't catch that. What did you say?"
"Nothing!" he hiccupped, trying to stifle the sobs that were threatening to make him explode. "It's nothing!"
Ed's brow furrowed, tugging roughly on Al's hand and pulling him into a tight embrace, "Hey… I know you well enough to know that you wouldn't get this worked up over nothing. What's wrong, Alphonse? You can tell me." He started stroking the younger's hair, feeling shocks of guilt course through him, "I'm sorry I haven't been there for you… really, I am. But I'll listen now, Al."
Fisting his hands in Ed's shirt, Al started wailing, "I don't know! I feel so bad, but confused and I don't know what to do! I want to be a good brother, but it's so hard when I love you so much and then you kissed me and I wanted more and I shouldn't have because we were drunk but I still wanted more and I shouldn't and oh god, I'm so sorry Nii-san. You hate me now and I'm sorry. But I think I love you more than I should and I'm so sorry!"
"Al…?" He didn't dare breathe, too surprised to hear that his baby brother loved him. Loved him… in the same way that he did. Ed wasn't sure if he wanted to laugh or cry along with Al, "Oh, Al. You- just shh… It's okay. Don't be sorry. It's okay."
Al struggled to free himself from Ed's chest, tears still streaming down his cheeks in glistening ribbons, "It's not okay! What're you-?!"
"Al! Calm down!" two strong arms gripped Al's shoulders, "I don't hate you!"
The younger sniffled and tried to shrug out of the grip, but failed, "Why not?! You should!"
"Well… not if I love you, too, you dolt!" he retorted heatedly.
Al paused, "You… how can you…? Nii-san…?"
"Why do you think I've been drinking so much and avoiding you? If I don't hate you, wouldn't it make sense if I did it because I felt guilty?"
The look in Ed's eyes explained it all, "You… you were drinking… to forget that you loved me too?"
The solemn nod was all either needed before crushing each other in a warm embrace, tears staining clothes and wetting hair. "Oh, Nii-san… really? You really-?"
"Yes, Al, I do. Oh god, I do. So much…" he whispered into dark honey locks.
Lips met in a sloppy, but beautiful kiss; one not tainted with alcohol or guilt. It sent pleasant shivers up both their spines, their tongues tangling as they stood out in the cold, November night. They were quickly warmed and flushed by each other though.
"Happy birthday, Nii-san." Al murmured softly, caressing the older boy's cheek tenderly, "I love you."
Ed grinned affectionately and touched their foreheads together, "Love you, too, Al. Now… weren't you saying something about a cake?"
Al playfully smacked Ed's arm while they laughed, Ed wrapping an arm around Al's waist to pull him in for another deep, tender kiss.
Owari