A Sensible Proposal
Disclaimer: don't own the characters or the story of Saiunkoku
Chapter 1
Kou Shuurei sighed for what seem like the hundredth time.
She had not moved from her spot in front of the mirror. She could hardly recognize the tired face staring at her. The dark circles beneath her eyes were cleverly hidden by the barest hint of makeup but she knew they were there. Today of all days she needed to look her best.
Perhaps it was the lack of sleep over the past several weeks or the constant worrying that she was making the worse mistake of her life.
Was she? By all accounts this was the most reasonable marriage proposal she had been offered in the past several months.
There was always the option of continuing as she had for so long ...unwed and free.
Yet she knew this was not in the best interest of the Kou clan and she had put off the question for far too long.
Perhaps most of all she wanted to give him her final answer.
She had been neither fair nor honest with him. While she had strong feelings for him she could never be his empress.
She could be a wife...but not an empress. She had carved a place in politics on her own merits and was far too opinionated to be relegated to a ceremonial head of state. Marrying him would mean losing all that she'd had worked so hard to achieve... yet marrying another would mean losing him forever.
She winced and bit her lip, causing it to turn crimson...the same color as her bridal garment. The color that symbolize the glory and grandeur of the Kou clan.
She had already cried until she was sure there were no tears left.
That night had been a mistake. She bent her neck gently to the right as she brought her slender fingers to examine the spot his lips had touched. Those soft lips that had suckled her as if his life depended on it, leaving small purple bruises in not-so-discreet areas. She could still feel the soft, moist kisses he had left behind, and the evidence of their passionate encounter stuck out like a sore thumb despite vain attempts to mask it with body powder.
A soft knock at the door brought her back to the present as she hastily adjusted her robe.
"Shuurei, may I enter?" the visitor asked.
"Come in," she replied, turning her shoulder to the mirror to face the man of the hour.
"The maid said you weren't feeling well."
"Well, it's my wedding day, after all... I am entitled to be just a little bit nervous." She forced a smile.
"It's mine too, but I feel ready. Had it been a few years ago I'd be pacing up and down like a blushing bride," he chuckled.
Indeed, she thought to herself. Li Kouyu had changed over the years. Certainly his sense of direction was as bad as ever but he had become more confident--so much so that Reishin had thought of early retirement as head of the clan to make way for his protégé and son.
"I'll be fine," she reassured him.
He smiled and knelt in front of her, taking her hand he held it in his.
It was almost too much for her to bear, given what what she feared. He was kind, but while she wasn't sure he loved her she knew that she would never love him back.
"Thank you for your concern, but really I'll be fine. She patted his hand and smiled, this time genuinely.
He leaned forward, kissing her gently on the forehead before rising.
"You need to rest... especially in your condition," he gently admonished her. "I'll see at the banquet this evening," he added.
She couldn't help but compare the two men. In contrast to Ryuuki's passionate declarations of love, he Kouyu was cordial at best. Throughout their brief courtship he never once kissed her, though he always showed the utmost concern and respect for her person.
Her stomach was starting to churn again like it had done almost every day for the past week. Shusui had insisted she see the doctor to make sure it wasn't an infection. If only it was that simple, she sighed. What she had could not be cured... in a few months her belly would be swollen as testimony to her sin.
This marriage was for the best, she reminded herself.