Phantom of the Opera Movie Bloopers

Part 1

Okay, I know this has been done before but I really wanted to write it anyway. If I accidentally stole someone's idea, sorry. just tell me and I'll take out/apologize if I can't figure out how to delete something already posted.

Just a note, the misspelled words when Carlotta talks are me trying to imitate her accent and I do know the phantom's name is Erik. I call him Phantom because he doesn't have a name in the movie and I'll need his name in part 2. The italicized words in the parentheses are stage directions. The normal words in parenthses are describing the charatrs' voices.

Wow, this is longer than I expected. Well, on with the story!

Disclaimer: I own nothing! Don't sue me! I'm innocent! I didn't do it!

Notes

Carlotta: You deedn't send thees?

Raoul: Of course not! (Attempts to do an overcomplicated dance move accentuating his words. Trips over his own feet and stumbles into Carlotta.)

Carlotta: Get off me you leetle toad!

Raoul: (Blushes) S-sorry. I didn't mean to.

Carlotta: (Pouts) You ruined mah favoreete dress!

Andre: I thought Christine was the toad.

Carlotta: Shut up or I weel really leave! No song weel conveence me to come back!

Andre: (shuts up)

Firmin: Can we just restart the scene? I want to do my totally awesome song again.

Director (Random guy substituting for Joel Schumacher, who is on a coffee break): Take two!

Think of Me (Carlotta Version)

Carlotta: And when you find that once again you long to take your heart back and be free-

Phantom: (Slips from rafters and falls on top of Carlotta)

Carlotta: I thought I was supposed to be heet by scenery, not a phantom!

Phantom: (Whining) I slipped. These gloves are so hard to work with. They're too slippery. Do I have to wear them?

Disembodied voice from offstage: Yes!

Phantom: Fine! (Grumbles and climbs back up to rafters.)

Angel of Music

Meg: Where in the world have you been hiding? Really you were perfect. I only wish I knew- (Suddenly cut off)

Christine: Meg? (Turns around to see Meg slowly dematerializing) Meg! Meg!

Joel Schumacher: Cut! Cut! Where did Meg go?

(All cast and crew present begin searching)

Christine: Me-eg! Me-eg! Where aaare you? Olly olly oxenfree!

(Meg and a bald guy in a red and black stretchy suit suddenly materialize in the middle of the room)

Meg: Hi everyone! I'm back! This guy just made a mistake!

Bald Guy: (With a British accent) So sorry. We accidentally beamed up the wrong person.

(Another guy in a black and red stretchy suit appears. He has thick brown hair and a matching beard.)

Beard Guy: Captain, you're needed back aboard the ship. It appears the Romulans have decided to attack. Once you've dropped off that blonde girl-

Bald Guy: Already done, number one.

Meg: Hey, you rhymed!

Christine: Yeah! You're a poet and you didn't even know it!

(Both girls burst into giggles as the strange men roll their eyes)

Beard Guy: Two to beam up!

(Both stretchy suit guys slowly disappear as everyone watches in astonishment.)

J.S.: All right everyone, back to work!

(Christine and Meg are still too dumbfounded to do anything. Both suddenly faint.)

J.S.: (Sighs) I'll need several buckets of cold water and a wheelbarrow.

Prologue

Auctioneer: Lot 665, a papier-mâché monkey in Persian robes-

Madame Giry: Excuse me, why is the Vicomte so much older when I haven't aged a day. This is obviously me as Meg would never resemble me exactly, even though she is my daughter.

Auctioneer: (sigh) Who cares? Can we just get back to the scene?

Madame Giry: No we cannot! I want an answer! This question has been plaguing me since the day we began rehearsing this scene.

Auctioneer: Wow, a whole three days.

Madame Giry: (Ignores him) Well, I'd like an answer.

Raoul: (Offstage) Yeah, why am I so old and decrepit?

Phantom (Also offstage): (Sarcastically)Decrepit; impressive vocabulary, Vicomte. Who knew you could speak at a level higher than the average three-year-old.

Auctioneer: Oh, shut up! Let's just get back to the scene.

J.S.: Take three!

All I Ask of You

Raoul: Let me be your freedom. Let daylight dry your fears-

Homeless guy who has been through "Directing 101: Shortened Edition" and has now kidnapped Joel Schumacher to make his name known and earn money: It's tears, not fears!

Raoul: (squirms uneasily) Sorry! These words are just so hard! They all sound like each other and I can't keep them apart. I don't know where I'm supposed to put the different ones.

Phantom: (Strides into view from his hiding place behind the statue) Is da poor, wittle pansy confoosed?

Raoul: I am not a pansy!

Phantom: Are too!

Raoul: Am not!

Phantom: Are too!

(Stick their tongues out at each other.)

Christine: I don't know what I saw in either of you. You're so childish and immature. (Grabs travel coffee cup from collapsible table. Shakes it.) Where is my latte? My latte is gone! I told you idiots to refill it when I finished it! I cannot work without my latte! If I don't get a latte right now, I'm leaving! I want my latte now!

H.G.: (Looks around at Christine throwing a tantrum, Raoul and Phantom having a staring contest, and the crew wandering about aimlessly. Sighs.) Everyone! Stop acting like children and let's get back to the scene. We're on a time limit here! We don't have forever! Oh, what am I saying? I don't even have to be doing this. I'm gonna go find some film more likely to be successful. Goodbye losers! (Walks away, leaving scene in chaos)

Three hours later

(Joel Schumacher has returned and told director abduction story.)

J.S.: And that's how I escaped from the evil closet of doom. Now, let's get back to the scene.

Christine: (Whispering) I can't. I screamed so much I lost my voice.

(J.S. groans and looks around)

Raoul: I can do it once I have enough moisture in my eyes to blink.

J.S.: Good enough for me! We can just have Raoul sing! Take… what take were we on again?

Disembodied voice: 56!

J.S.: Right, I knew that. Take 56!

Part 2 is more bloopers, with a few additional characters. R&R! Thanks for reading!