911 – Meredith Grey
And Cristina is Izzie, panicked and babbling, walking, running, walking towards the other interns, breathlessly repeating Meredith's name. Because she knows that it's her, her person, and suddenly she is freaking out, just as Isobel Stevens is internally.
But then Alex grabs her arm and she is George O'Malley. The world stops, her feet and the hand on her elbow the only things that stop moving, because her peripheral vision is still careening forward. She stops breathing. And then a quick intake of air, a dear in the headlights expression frozen on her face. The knowledge that something bad is about to happen, and she can't move to stop it. Can't move to do anything about it. Can't move at all. Life is going to end, and it is going to be sharp, sudden, real, and in a burst of light more alive then it should be. She is Bambi, fragile and alone in the forest; she is George, and for one terrifying moment, Cristina Yang's whole world is as George's is, and George's world is in disarray.
Christina's eyes lift to see Derrick in the hallway, and she is Meredith. She can't hear what Izzie is saying, she can't process it, because she is Meredith, not Cristina, and a thousand McProblems are causing her to fall apart and crumble inside. And then Izzie hugs her and she knows that Izzie is doing for her what Derrick would do for her if she were Meredith and Meredith were her. And then Addison is there and talking, and now she's leaving, but Cristina hasn't really heard a thing.
And then with a rush Cristina is Alex. She needs to do something, needs to leave this place, needs to cope. She spins on her heel, turns to leave, shrugs off Izzie's questions without thought, and is gone.
She isn't Cristina until she is at Joe's, drunk and coping. Because Cristina Yang can cope, she just can't be there. She's been taught since age nine that it doesn't help, and she can't be there if it isn't going to help. She just needs to be gone, and things need to be done, finished, over with, so that she can be Cristina Yang, and so that she can get on with everything else that she can do something about.
A/N Well, not so sure if I really like the last sentence, the rest is okay. It only took me about ten minutes, so I'm sorry if it isn't my best, I just really had to get the words down. And I don't like the title, it needs a better one. If you like it let me know, I've got a similar one that just needs a little more tweaking. I'll probably post it tomorrow night whether you want it or not, but no guarantees, because I'm going snowboarding tomorrow. And I'm supposed to be writing a scholarship essay right now, so I had better get on with that. Hope that you enjoyed this drabble-y thing. Cheers, Shadowcat
PS I do not own Grey's Anatomy.