Take Away The Pain
I kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart, what it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when... – In The End, Linkin' Park
It was particularly sunny outside, rather strange for the middle of winter, and Roxanne could only hope that her mood would be lifted by the bright light. Unfortunately for her, as she opened her eyes she realized the sun's rays could do nothing could do nothing to help her. She curled up into a ball under her favorite emerald blanket holding back her tears. You can't cry, not here, not now, she thought wiping away the tears that managed to escape. This was a normal occurrence for Roxanne – fighting with herself and spiraling into a deep depression - she never did like it when people saw her cry, even as a little girl. This was especially normal on a morning like this one. The morning after she had erotic dreams about inappropriate people.
She sighed and forced herself to sit up, she had to get up and start her day, even if she didn't want too.
"Morning, Roxy," Dominique said as soon as she opened the curtains to her four poster bed. Roxanne grunted towards her best friend, and cousin, and headed towards the bathroom; ignoring her other roommates along the way. She couldn't deal with any of them, not right now. Not when she was feeling like this.
"What's wrong with her?" Khloe asked Dominique who just shrugged her shoulders. Khloe was Roxanne and Dominique's best friend and roommate ever since first year.
As soon as she got to the bathroom Roxanne took her toiletries and went straight for the shower. She turned the water on as hot as her skin could handle, and she stared at the razor in her hand.
Maybe if I just do it once, no one will find out, she thought as she stared at the white scars on her arms. They'll believe I'm still better.
It's never just once, Roxy, she reminded herself. You've been stopped for so long.
That doesn't change the fact that you're disgusting, her inner devil edged, it doesn't change the fact that you're a useless dyke!
Roxanne's breath started to quicken as she pressed the sharp blade into her stomach. Instantly her inner demon was quieted with the pain. She took a deep breath, and slashed through her abdomen again and again and again until she couldn't think anymore. Until the pain and the blood consumed her mind and body. Her wrists ached for attention, after all that had been her favorite place to cut. But she couldn't risk anyone seeing cuts on her arms like they did last time. She couldn't risk anyone knowing about her secrets, if anyone knew she was cutting again they would send her away; and if anyone knew about the other thing, they would think she was disgusting.
As the blood continued to flow down her torso she felt her anxiety slip away and she smiled from ear to ear. She pressed against her wounds when she knew she had enough, after all she didn't want to die. The point of it all was to stay alive.
She finished her shower and wrapped a towel around her body snugly. She walked out into the main room of the bathroom only to find Dominique there, wearing only her bra and panties.
"Oh hey," Dominique said with a smile. "Have a good shower?"
Of course Dominique didn't find this awkward, she was a normal teenage girl who didn't lust after women. Who didn't lust after her cousin.
It's then that Roxanne realizes Dominique's looking at her, waiting for an answer, what was her question again? Dominique turns around and Roxanne blushed as she noticed that she can see her ass because her thong doesn't cover it. Roxanne wanted so bad to go over there and take her on the sink, but she couldn't. She tried to stop thinking about it; you're being disgusting again, Roxy she thought, thinking like that is wrong. So, so wrong.
"Nice ass," she whispered, and as soon as it's out of her mouth she regretted saying it. Good going, now she's definitely going to think you're creepy
To Roxanne's surprise Dominique just smirked. "I know, right?"
Roxanne laughed, however it didn't really surprise her that Dominique would be so conceded.
"Roxy... What's that?"
It was then that she realized her cuts were still bleeding and the blood had soaked through the towel.
"Shit…" she said, she didn't want to do this right now. She couldn't explain this to Dominique.
"Why?" was all Dominique could ask she looked close to tears, and it pained Roxanne to see her this way.
"I need too," Roxanne whispered, "I just need too, okay?"
"No!" Dominique screamed. "It's not okay!"
"I don't expect you to understand," she said quietly, and Dominique shook her head.
"No, I don't understand," she said taking Roxanne's face in her hands, "what is so bad that you have to do this to yourself?"
Roxanne gasped. Dominique was so close to her. All she had to do was lean in just a little bit and... No! She couldn't think that way about her, she was her cousin! She was off limits.
"I..."
"Well?"
"I love someone I shouldn't," she finally said after a long pause. Dominique looked at her with a cocked brow.
"And why shouldn't you love them?"
"Because they're my cousin." There. She said it. Maybe not directly, but Roxanne knew that Dominique could fill the rest in herself. Her secret was finally out in the open. Both of her secrets.
Dominique looked at her for a minute and just thought about what was just said. "You cut yourself because you love me?"
Roxanne nodded, tears coming to her eyes that she let fall. She knew Dominique wouldn't want anything to do with her now. She knew she had just ruined her friendship with the one person who meant everything to her. "It's wrong, I know... And disgusting... And just... Please don't hate me."
Dominique shook her head. "Roxy, I could never hate you."
"But..."
"No buts," she said gently. Bringing the two of them closer she captured her lips in a gentle and slow kiss.
Roxanne was so shocked she didn't even respond.
"Am I that bad of a kisser?" Dominique asked after a few seconds.
Roxanne shook her head. "No, it's just... I... We... Why..." She frowned, why couldn't she get a coherent sentence out?
Dominique smiled, and kissed her again. "You have no idea how long I've been waiting to do that, Roxy."
Roxanne was still in shock. Was it possible that Dominique liked her back? Did she really just get kissed by her? "Is this... Is this a dream?"
"No, baby," Dominique whispered, bringing her into her arms. "This isn't a dream."
"I…" Roxanne blushed as she remembered her naked state. "I need to get dressed."
"Or," Dominique said with a smirk. "You could not."
Roxanne blushed even harder and Dominique took that as a good sign, she kissed her softly, hauling her towel away from her body.
"Domi..."
"Yes, love?"
"We... We can't..."
"Why not?"
"We're cousins."
"I don't care. Do you?"
"Not really, but..."
Dominique sighed. "Roxy, do you want to do this?"
"More than anything," she breathed.
Dominique smiled. "Then forget about what other people are going to say, and just be with me."
"Okay," Roxanne agreed. She let Dominique lock the bathroom door, put silencing charms up, and transfigure the counter into a bed. Dominique playfully pushed Roxanne down on the bed, and hovered over her with a grin. Roxanne couldn't believe this was going to happen. She was naked under the one person she had been lusting over for the last year.
Three hours later Roxanne woke up wrapped in Dominique's arms. "How has it been three hours and no one is banging down the door to get in here?"
"Maybe because you decided to get up at six in the morning on a Saturday," Dominique replied with a grin. "The only one awake was Khloe."
Roxanne smiled. "If I remember, you were up when I got up."
"Yes, because I was going to go practice Quidditch," Dominique said slyly. "But this was way better."
"Glad I can be of service," Roxanne said with a giggle, earning herself a kiss on the forehead.
"Roxy?"
"Yes?"
"You can't…" Dominique paused, "you can't cut yourself anymore, okay?"
"I…" Roxanne sighed, "I can't promise that."
"Whenever you want to do it just talk to me," Dominique said, hugging her tightly. "I love you, and I don't want to lose you. It's dangerous, Rox."
Roxanne sighed. "I'll try, okay? It… helps, when I'm feeling overwhelmed."
Dominique nodded. "I get that, but is it really worth it?"
"No," Roxanne said with a frown, "I guess it isn't."
Dominique kissed her softly. "Just remember me every time you go to cut. Remember that there's no reason to feel bad. Remember that I love you, and so many other people love you. And remember that, no matter what, we'll always be here for you."
"Okay," Roxanne said with a smile, maybe she could do it. After all, her dream had come true – Dominique loved her back, they might still have a long road to go (after all what were they going to tell everyone?) but Roxanne felt safe in her best friend's arms.
QLFC: [Character] Roxanne Weasley
Quidditch Pitch: [Song] In The End, Linkin Park
Drabble Club: [Dialogue] "Shit…"
History Of Magic Class: [Task] For this task I would like you to write about family issues. To be more precise, I would like you to think of the Romeo & Juliet saga, where two people would perhaps like to be friends or more than friends, but they are unable to pursue any kind of relationship due to a feud or dislike that their families have.