Long ago, in a city far, far, away...
A company was busy at work. They were creating the first game of a series that would become a popular success. It was called Metroid. Therefore, I do not own Metroid. Or Futurama, sadly.
1. Vacationing Blues
Samus was tired of working. Near death experiences, emotional scars that would never heal, and repetition like you wouldn't believe. I mean, she's fought Ridley how many times? Boring! She wanted a vacation, and settled on the year 3000 as a nice escape from the horror of war (she was getting bored of the year "20X5" anyway). You may be wondering how she could do this.
Samus' ship has a time travel device built into it. Of course, nobody knows about it because she just went back in time and erased everyone's memory. Yes, she also has a memory eraser, also about which nobody knows. You may be asking "If nobody knows about these things, how can you be writing this? And how would you know what happened in the year 3000 if it's only 2006? Furthermore, why didn't Samus just use these tools in the war against the Space Pirates?" Well, plot holes aside, let's get onto the story.
Samus started the flux capacitor, opened a worm hole in the space-time continuum, and entered the multi-dimensional anti-space by using warp boosters. I'll spare you the exact details, since everyone already knows how it works.
Anyway, once in the year 3000, Samus wanted to see Earth. She was pretty sure they'd be more advanced by now. And sure enough, when she approached, the planet's space traffic was heavy with advanced space-faring craft. She floated down to the surface, landing in a city called "New New York". It was a fairly large city, and looked like it'd suffice. She locked up her vehicle, and started wandering around.
---
Fry was sitting at the main table of the Planet Express Delivery company, eating a bowl of glowing blue liquid for breakfast. Leela walked into the room, looking at him. "Fry, how many times have I told you -- the ship's dark-matter engines aren't for cooking."
"No, Leela, it's not what you think. I got this from some guy in a wheel chair on my way to work. He called it... 'Faze-On'. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to see Dr. Zoidberg about this sonic diarrhea that just came up by coincidence."
Leela sighed. "Fry, what were you thinking? What if it was poison?"
"What if it wasn't? Look, Leela, I can take care of myself." But the edges of Fry's vision were turning funny colors. Then the fridge started chasing him around the room.
Leela watched Fry stumble around screaming for a couple minutes, until he fell over, drooling on the floor. His pupils were huge. She sighed again, and called in Zoidberg.
"So what's the problem, already?" he asked, scuttling in. He used a stethoscope to check Fry. "Oh, no..." he said, worried. "I don't know how to say this, but... It looks as though his gills are failing. I'm afraid he's only got ten minutes left to live."
Bender walked in and looked down at Fry, who was twitching on the ground. "Hey, meatbag, what're you doing?"
"He just ate this blue stuff," Leela said, scanning the Phazon with a thing she always wears on her wrist. "It seems to be highly radioactive. I think he's in a coma."
Bender, realizing his best friend was laying on the ground in a serious condition, completely changed his attitude. "Ha, ha, ha."
---
Samus walked around New New York for ten minutes, when she received an alert in her visor. "Small amount of Phazon detected in the vicinity," her suit told her.
"Oh, this is just great. I try to get away from it all, but it's like these problems are finding ME... Oh well," she sighed, running toward the source.
She arrived at a big red laboratory. It looked like it'd be the normal routine -- shoot in the door, kill the Space Pirates, and blow up the building. But when she blew the door in with a missile, there were no Space Pirates.
"What in Jah's name is goin' on? Aah! You're payin' for dat!" a Jamaican voice said. Samus pointed her arm cannon at the man.
"Where's the Phazon?" she demanded. He looked puzzled.
"Hey, what's going on here?" came another voice, this time feminine. Samus looked, and saw a one-eyed purple-haired woman come into view. "What the..."
Samus pointed her arm cannon at the new threat, but the woman rolled left, dodging some power beam rounds, then jumped up, kicking Aran. Nothing happened. Samus was getting tired of this. She grabbed the one-eyed girl, and put an arm cannon to her head. "Where's the Phazon?"
"Fa-what? Oh, you mean that blue stuff Fry was eating?" the woman asked.
"Eating...?" Samus thought to herself. She couldn't imagine why any creature would subject itself to such torture. "Hand it over or die," she said.
"I threw that stuff in the garbage after it put Fry into a coma. Sheesh, you didn't have to shoot our door down."
"Where did you get it from?" Samus asked, wondering how they came to possess the poisonous material.
"I don't know, Fry got it from some guy in a wheel chair. Here, if you want it, I can just give you our garbage. It's over here."
---
The truth is, that guy in the wheel chair didn't want to hurt Fry. He wanted just the opposite -- to help him. It all started on the planet Handi-Kappa VII of the Assisted Living Nebula.
You see, the Handi-Kappians were a peaceful, disabled race. They all had to use either wheel chairs, crutches, or false limbs to get around. One day, a big blue meteor landed on their world. It contained a message, which they soon decoded. It said "This is a very special substance that we, the Space Pirates left behind. It is called Phazon. We want whoever finds it to continue our glorious legacy." It started giving the people of Handi-Kappa VII hope in the form of hallucinations, and ended up making many of them insane.
The world leaders all got together to formulate the perfect plan. They would spread this great substance all around the galaxy, helping other people to see the beauty of the Phazon. They would take it to each planet and hand it out to anyone they could. After all, the Handi-Kappians were a generous race, willing to share their happiness with others.