Title: Right Kind of Wrong
Author: Ana Kudou
Rating: I think I finally decided on PG
Archive: Uh, if you want it, sure.
Warnings: Spoilers? If you haven't read all four books, don't read this. Also, yes, it's slash. Yay! Slash! Waiiii! That means guys and guys. *grins* My favorite combo.
Disclaimer: Waa! Not mine! *sighs* Don't I wish. *thinks happy thoughts about a universe in which she can write as well as J.K. Rowling.
Summary: Harry reflects on his relationship with a certain Professor.
Right Kind of Wrong
Know all aboutAbout your reputationAnd how it's bound to be a heartbreak situation
I curl up in our bed, watching you sleep, wondering what changed since the tournament to bring me here, to your side. I still expect to wake up and find you gone, find that it's just a dream, but I never do. Strange, isn't it. I wonder, sometimes, if I should just get up and leave. I wonder if it's worth the anger of my friends and your job for me to stay here.
But I can't help it if I'm helplessEvery time that I'm where you areYou walk in and my strength walks out the doorSay my name and I can't fight it anymore
When you're awake, I can't even think of leaving. I'm too tied up in you, you're too much a part of me. I reach out now, and lightly trace the mark on your arm, remembering a time when I hated you, when you hated me. How every time you said my name, I'd feel myself sulking, aware that no matter what I did, I was probably going to lose my house points, or get detention.
Oh I know, I should goBut I need your touch just too damn much
Laying here beside you, I remember our first kiss, that day in detention when you couldn't keep your hands off me, and started this addiction I have, this addiction for your touch. Even now, just watching you sleep, I feel the need, the want curling in my stomach, and I wish you would wake and pull me into your arms. God, how I want you. Want to feel your lips on mine, your arms around me, your hands touching me like no one ever has.
Loving you isn't really something I should doShouldn't wanna spend my time with youThat I should try to be strongBut baby you're the right kind of wrongYeah baby you're the right kind of wrong
I sigh, looking down at you, at your face, which never seems to relax, even in sleep. How often have I seen you smile? Not enough, I know that. I reach out and trace the lines of your face, wondering again, as I do so often, what I'm doing here. Slytherin and Gryffindor, teacher and student. Everything about this is so wrong. So why is it so right?
Might be a mistakeA mistake I'm makingBut what you're giving I am happy to be takingCause no one's ever made me feelThe way I feel when I'm in your arms
When I'm here, the world just fades away, and all that matters is you and me, and your arms around me. Now, when you sneer at me, I can see the warmth in your eyes that wasn't there before, and I know you don't mean it. It's all just an act. I catch myself smiling a big goofy grin and shake my head. You're a drug, I know you are. Yet…in your arms, I feel alive, whole. Not the Boy Who Lived, not Perfect Harry, or the Savior of the World, but just Harry. Just…yours.
They say you're something I should do withoutThey don't know what goes onWhen the lights go outThere's no way to explainAll the pleasure is worth all the pain
Sometimes, I wonder what they'd think if they knew; Ron and Hermione, that is. And Dumbledore. I know you'd probably lose your job, and I`d be expelled. I don't get why they wouldn't understand that you make me happy. Strange, that a former Death Eater should be the one to make me happy. Yet I know, that if something were to happen to you, I wouldn't be able to go on. I hope that you'd feel the same way, but I don't know. Because those three little words are things we've never dared to say.
I should try to runBut I just can't seem toCause everything I run you're the one I run to
Sirius knows. Did I ever tell you that? I told him, way at the beginning. I got a rather angry letter back. He doesn't understand either. Doesn't understand that now when I dream those dreams, waking up with my scar aching, that you're here for me. That I'm not afraid, because I'm not alone. All he knew was that you were dangerous, not the kind of person he wanted me to be with. Afraid that you'd sell me out, I suppose. I know you wouldn't, not ever. You're my shelter, my comfort.
Can't do without, what you do to meI don't care if I'm in too deep
Gently, I drop a kiss on your forehead. Watching you sleep is one of my favorite pastimes. Even though you still look so stern, it's the only time I have that I can just watch you like this. People would wonder if I stared at you during Potions, or meals. It's getting harder to stay apart from you. Watching you out of the corner of my eye, wishing I could just pull you close and kiss you, be with you, anytime I wanted. As I trail a light hand over your chest, feeling your heart beat, I smile a little. Three little words. And now, I can say them, knowing you won't hear me.
"I love you, Severus."
***
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