Authors Note: After a veeeery long hiatus (and I'm not even sure if anyone is still around to read this, and honestly I don't blame you if you gave up...8 years is a very long time) I've decided to try and pick up the pieces of this story I abandoned so long ago. Sometimes real life gets in the way and your hobbies, no matter how much you love them, simply fall to the wayside.

After rereading this story, I remember where I wanted this to go. I also noticed mistakes and wanted to improve a few things in the story to make it flow better and make a bit more cohesive sense overall. So basically, I'm re-releasing this story. Same idea, simply revised, and a new chapter will come after the revision of the current chapters is complete.

For those new to this story, enjoy. To old faces, please accept my humble apology.

Disastrous Behavior

It was quiet, at first. When the world went black and silent, there was a certain tranquility to the nothingness. There was nothing to fear, nothing to feel but a floating abyss of midnight air.

A bright light that burned her eyes and she felt like she was flying. And when the wind ceased to blow through her hair, she was there.

Nothing.

There was nothing.

But she knew she didn't belong.

"Rinoa...what did the doctor say?"

Voices. She knew them. She knew them all. It was these voices that interrupted the still bliss of her current existence. She yearned to continue to hear the delicate touches their voices produced upon her ears, ached to know that there was life beyond this stillness and perhaps...she could get back there.

"Dr. Kadowaki said she's suffering from head trauma. She also broke a lot of bones in the fall. She's...sleeping, I guess."

"Is it safe to say...she may be sleepin' for a long while?"

A long while? She wanted to be awake now! If only she could move; a leg, a finger, anything!

She fell. She fell for a long time, she knew. And the end of that fall brought her there, to the darkness where nightmares were born. Quistis wanted out.

"I feel like...it was my fault. I shouldn't have let her go off alone."

There was a punctuated pause, as if everyone may have been searching for something to say.

It was Squall Leonhart who broke it.

"It wasn't your fault, or anyone else on the squad, Zell. We should have been better prepared. Our intel was lacking. She was simply doing what she was trained to do."

Trained to do.

Trained to do.

Trained to die.

Six Months Later...

The situation with the renegade terrorists, those responsible for Quistis Trepe's injuries, had not been solved, but the SeeDs' and Deling officials were beginning to gain the upper hand. Many Balamb SeeD's had been placed within Deling as protection for the citizens' of the city until all the culprits were apprehended. So many lives had been lost before the SeeD's were called into duty, their assistance strongly requested. And because of who the SeeD's were, their forces rushed to the rescue. Unfortunately, the severity of the situation was gravely underestimated, and nearly resulted in the demise of a strong, intelligent, respected and important asset to the Balamb Garden.

Quistis however, had recovered. Walking, talking, but never the same. How could she be? Death had nearly swept her away, taken hold to never release, and she was nearly powerless to stop it.

She could easily recall the many conversations within her hospital room. The arguments, the tears, the pleas, the passion and anger; at times it was overwhelming. She wanted to fix everything, but it was her that needed the fixing, and for some reason it was just too difficult.

Within the fourth month of her slumber, there was the choice that would end everything for her. The voices would be gone, and the black may have become a never ending expanse of agony and loneliness. She wanted to live; needed to live. And to have this decided for her was gut wrenching. There was a darkness within her that began to bloom, a darkness unlike the Instructor had ever felt. But perhaps, near death does change a person after all.

It almost seemed too easy for them, her friends to make the decision, to end the support that had kept her breathing, not much more than a puddle of mass and bones.

Except for someone.

"Give her more time." A normally emotionless Commander quietly pleaded, his eyes narrowed, his contemplative visage unyielding. There was, however, a lingering touch of passion behind the normally stoic tone of the request. Many one way conversations were carried between them. He had spent many evenings by her bedside, often not retiring to his quarters until the dawn peaked into the windows of the infirmary.

She remembered he spoke of many things, many private things. Things he would probably never utter to a coherent being. Some things she already knew, others she didn't. There were some that were simply heart breaking, and she could hear the crack in his throat. It was the Squall no one had the luxury to know-not even Rinoa. It reminded her when what seemed so long ago he told her to talk to a wall.

She became his wall.

Only a few days later did she open her eyes and he was there. By her bedside with a hand gently stroking her pale white, listless knuckles in the darkness. He wasn't looking at her, the familiar expression of thought etched upon his features. When her hand twitched beneath his, he thought he may be day dreaming. But it twitched again, and when he brought his eyes slowly to her face, he see through her bright blue eyes he wasn't disbelieving. A small twinge of her lips in the curve of a smile let him know that reality was no illusion. She had finally awakened. And she heard everything.

In the present, things seemed to be back to normal.

At least on the outside. There was a poisonous layer beneath, a fire that only destroyed and consumed. An unnatural foreboding that dwelled within Quistis. A certain hunger she couldn't quench. A hunger she didn't fully understand.

The surrounding darkness lifted from around her as she awoke, but something had taken root into her heart, into her mind. It's identity unknown, but as the recovery commenced, and she practiced moving, rotating the muscles and bones that spent months in hibernation, she felt it grow. It was carefree and sinister, an identity without a face or name, and it hated.

Her body had recovered-but her mind was different…

The Instructor sighed heavily as her students concentrated upon their task at hand-their written SeeD exam. Many appeared to be struggling, others seemed to zip right through it. There should have been a sense of accomplishment in this, knowing that at least half the class would pass, when only a handful normally do so. Was it her teaching efforts, or was she merely gifted with a class that was eager to learn all the materials needed, and pass with flying colors? Her mind had been so easily distracted, it was doubtful that her efforts were anything to be congratulated. Quite frankly, each day class was in session, she'd only pray for the day to end.

"Pencils down, and pass your exams forward."

Several had completed the mandatory test, while others groaned in protest, but complied with the request. Once the first person in each row had gathered the exams from their fellow students, Quistis lazily, and almost clumsily rose from her wooden desk chair and gathered the papers into a single stack upon her arm. Her expression was cold as well as emotionless. Although, there was a brush of activity that did catch her immediate attention. A note was being past from one student to the another. "Aaron and Shaline…"

Both students froze, the male of the pair pulling back the note which he was about to hand his friend. They both stared wide eyed at their Instructor who regarded them with calm authority. "Would you be so kind as to hand me that little note in your hand, Myers?"

All eyes were painfully placed upon the student as he slowly stood from his desk and approached his teacher with downcast eyes. Aaron was once a Trepie, soon seceding from the union of the Trepe fan club when she placed him in the disciplinary room for skipping class. His pride was bruised, and couldn't bring himself to worship a woman who had treated him so unjustly.

Placing the paper in her open palm, he scurried to his desk to gather his items once the bell sounded, ringing nuisance in her ears.

School was over.

Finally.

Trepe merely clenched the folded paper in her hand as she returned to her desk and delivered no parting words to her students. She only plopped into her chair, setting the stack of tests before her. Once she heard the door shut behind the final student, she relaxed, somewhat, and slumped carelessly in her seat. There was a nag in the back of her mind to grade the papers immediately to avoid procrastination. But there was something else twittering away that deemed she had other things to do. Truthfully, couldn't think of a single thing, but avoided the work nonetheless.

The note fluttered to memory, carefully fingering the slip of parchment. Before she had the opportunity to read it's contents, there was an obtrusive knock at her door. Dropping the parchment into one of her desk drawers, she called out, "Come in."

An exuberant Zell swiftly opened the door and shut it behind him with a near slam, which made him flinch, but Quistis remained unmoving as her eyes wandered to him. "Hey Quisty! Hoooow was teachin' today?"

There was an urge to sneer that she carefully kept in check. His energy, his joyous, bouncy, nothing-can-get-me-down attitude made her nauseous. She held her composure despite the overwhelming sensation to toss him out on his ass from her classroom-

Why do I feel this way...?

"Fine."

Zell seemed a little flushed by her clipped tone, but seemed to brush it under the bridge, "Well, I'm here to ask ya somethin'."

Quistis waved her hand carelessly for him to continue. It felt as though a chill had entered the room, which caused Dincht to shiver. They had all noticed her change in attitude, particularly toward her closest friends, but were informed by Dr. Kadowaki that she only needed time to recover from the full shock of the incident. Then the Quisty they knew and adored would return to them in full. But for now, there was to be no mentioning of the past events. Instead, they were charged with helping her focus on the present as well as the future. Yet it was a difficult task, while she was slowly and purposefully shunning them all away.

"We were all gonna hang out tonight in Deling for dinner and we wanted to know if, you'd come with us." Zell inquired sweetly. He had hope in his eyes.

Trepe didn't reply for several moments, her brows furrowed as if concentrating on a distant thought or memory. For some reason, it had been difficult to be close with Zell, with the others. There was a brewing tension whenever she was within their presence that simply made her boil. Part of her knew it was an irrational feeling, however, it seemed to be dominant and it was allowed to spread. "Who is we?" she sounded completely disinterested.

"Oh, you know…" Zell began quietly, his eyes locked with the floor, "Me, Selphie, Rinoa, Irvine, Squall…"

Squall. The only one of the bunch she did not internally despise somewhere deep inside of her soul. Strangely, they had barely spoken since her awakening, but there was a new, deeper connection that didn't need to be voiced.

"No."

"But Quisty-"

She held up a hand to end his protest. Reluctantly, the SeeD silenced himself, but added a pout as a last attempt for her to change her mind. "I have things to do," she told him, gesturing to the stack of papers that she had no intentions of touching.

"They can wait!" Zell continued to pout, "You haven't been out with us in so long, and we miss you," there was such sincerity in his tone that gave pause to Quistis. There was a fraction of her being that wanted to cave, just so he wouldn't sound so broken.

She rubbed the bridge of her nose beneath her glasses, heaving an exasperated sigh, "I'm sorry Zell, I just don't feel up to it."

"Geez Quisty, you've been so, you know, different since the accident. Would you just maybe talk to us?" He was pleading with her now.

"Now you need to leave." A violent wave of devastation overtook her and closed her throat. What followed was a rage she could taste like bile on her tongue.

The blond boy regrettably stood to his feet, defeated and guilty. He couldn't help how he felt, and it was clear that they just might be losing her completely. There seemed to be nothing shining behind those blue irises anymore. "I'm sorry, Quisty." His heart simply ached.

"Good night." Quistis merely stated, her tone cold as arctic ice. Her gaze was like stone to her stack of papers until he left her classroom. When she was satisfied with the click of the door, her arm swung at the exams, the papers flying through the air. The anger that surged through her veins was barely controllable, her face and fingers on fire.

Tender whispers in her head attempted to fuel the fire that was flourishing, the blinding heat of a tantrum. She was right to hate, right to be angry. They wanted to kill her, be done with her existence, right?

There was still a few slivers of rationality loud enough to deter her from that path of thought.

She motioned to grab her belongings when she noticed the forgotten note, laying untouched within her half open desk drawer.

Unfolding the parchment, she read through it quickly.

Have you heard of that nightclub in Deling called "Underground Illusion?"

Yeah, it's weird. I heard Goth people, and rockers, pimps and stuff go there. There's like, a lot of drugs and stuff. Real creepy.

I don't know. A friend of mine went there like, yesterday, and said he had a blast, though he wasn't real specific on what went on.

Are you going to check it out?

Might. Wanna come with me?

Think we'll get in trouble?

'Underground Illusion'? There was a bit of Intel on the establishment that labeled it as a no-go zone. However, it sounded like a good place to let off some steam.

It sounds...deplorable...

Logical Quistis was being overridden tonight.

Work would wait.

"You said what!?" Selphie shrilled the question as she stared at Zell with disbelieving eyes. "How could you!?"

Zell ran his fingers through his hair as he hung his head low. He sat at one of the cafeteria lunch tables, elbows to the edge as he spilled his guts in detail about the conversation between himself and Quistis, everything from the invitation to the slip of the lip. "I didn't mean to! She made me so sad..."

Selphie refrained from smacking him on the back of the head, if only because he looked so pathetic slumped over like a child, guilty for breaking his mothers' favorite vase or something. Irvine pat Selphie's shoulder in an attempt to calm her down, and to keep from ringing the poor boys' neck. "She makes us all sad, Zell. Maybe someone else ought to go talk to her."

The girl with the raven hair tenderly rubbed Zell's back in an affectionate manner. They all knew he hadn't meant to cause any unnecessary tension, but what was done was obviously done, and there was no going back to ease away the memories. They would fade and become a distant scar on their own, but for now they could only offer to be the morphine, if she'd only take it. "I could try and talk to her."

"No you won't, Rinoa." Squall protested from the other side of the table. His face held it's usual far off expression, as if he were disconnected from the world and everything around him. Quistis was in a mindset different than any of them were used to. She was delicate, fragile, and too much pressure would break her. "You push her, she'll pull. She'll become a cornered animal eventually, and we all know what happens after that."

"Squall! She's not an animal," Rinoa retorted. She opened her mouth to continue but the Commander jumped in before she had enough pause for the opportunity.

She couldn't remember in recent memory that he had ever done that before.

"We'll leave her alone. The more we press the issue, the more distant she will become."

"But Squall, I think she really needs us!" Selphie argued, her features scrunching together in a frown. His expression didn't falter in the slightest, which usually meant his mind would not be changing, and the void to argue had depleted.

"Leave her alone."

Although there was the vaguest doubt in his mind, Irvine nodded in agreement with Leonhart. They all wished to pull her from the dark abyss she had fallen into, but all they could offer was support. She knew it was there, and it was her move whether to take it or not. Forcing her to do so was the wrong course of action and could painfully backfire. "Squall's right, guys. We just need to give her time and space, and she'll come 'round in no time."

Zell sighed, running his fingers over his eyes. The guilt was thick, and his heart beat rapidly in his chest. "I think I should at least apologize."

Squall folded his arms at his chest as he slouched ever so slightly in his seat, "Did you apologize before you left her?"

Zell nodded, his head still down, eyes averted from everyone else.

"Then don't bother. Once is enough."

Heartilly frowned at her lover. For some reason she felt he was being unusually cold this evening. Truthfully, he had been cold much longer than that. However, she understood he still retained some difficulty in showing his true emotion. Cold was just easier. Even if sometimes he was unnecessarily cold to her as well...

Her visage softened at him, "So what do we do?"

At this time, Squall stood to leave them, straightening his jacket before regarding them one final time. "We'll follow through with our plans for the night."

Even if they will be difficult to enjoy...

Squall cleared his mind before speaking again.

"Seven, right?"

The rest nodded.

"I have a few things to take care of. I'll meet you all there." With that, Leonhart turned his back to the rest of his friends. It was the first time during their meeting that his expression faltered into the vaguest look of anguish. Deep within his mind, thought he knew. He thought he knew what kept Quistis down, but wasn't certain. And if he was right, the situation was so much more delicate than the others could have possibly anticipated.

No, it was better to keep everything he thought and felt to himself. Maybe...things would come out for the better by themselves without needless intervention.

Because he thought he might need her.

Zell made one final, exasperated sigh, and looked about him to each face that wore the same worried and down trodden expression. Quistis was sad-and now they all were. "So...whose hungry?"

This whole idea was so beyond her. It was strange that the idea had even come to fruition within her mind. A nightclub? To let off 'steam'? What she would normally be doing is grading papers, or catching up with Squall and Cid as to the next course of action with Deling...not going to a club. And when does one arrive at a nightclub? Nine? Ten? Fifteen minutes to dawn? Quistis didn't know. Why would she? She'd never attended a place like this. Another issue was at hand as well. What to wear. Her closet was mostly filled with casual wear, too casual for a nightclub, as well as elegant, ballroom attire. Far too dressy. Accept, maybe...

Her eyes searched through her garments fluidly, as if looking for something in particular, yet nothing in particular at all. Until she came upon it. A simple, scarlet satin dress, it's length ending just above the knee, spaghetti strapped and low cut. One could only wonder where she acquired such a thing. A memory did creep into her mind-A shopping binge with Rinoa and Selphie, both partners in fashion urging her to purchase it. They said it made her look like some vixen from some off the wall B-movie bar scene. Of course, the comment was made as a compliment. Though now, with those dark tendrils of loathing, she wasn't so sure. At the time, she felt the buy was a complete mistake and a judgmental misstep in her normally smooth record of decisions.

Well, it was going to come in handy tonight.

Shaking her hand, free of it's clip, she pulled the dress from it's hanger and slipped it over her black bra and matching panties. Something struck her as odd, and a deep pain settled in her stomach as she gazed into her full length mirror. Her eyes were no longer familiar to her. She was no longer familiar. The blond hair, the color of her irises; that was the same. But as a whole, the eyes that reflected back what was inside her was tainted-red and raw and charred. Someone else was there with her, and it was frightening.

A fist came to her red painted lips as if to hold back the sudden dread that may spill forth, and she turned from the mirror with haste. Disgusting.

But whatever was inside was able to make her forget and remember what it wanted. And it wanted to party.

Only partly satisfied with her appearance, she grabbed a raven duster from her closet and slipped it on. Last thing to grab was her purse. She checked the minimal contents within, accounting for her I.D. card, key for the vehicle she signed off on, and gil.

A final glance at the clock.

Nine thirty. Late enough. She moved to slip out of her room, and shut off the lights in her wake.

Her high-heeled boots tapped against the polished flooring a little louder than she would have preferred. She felt as if she were a teenaged delinquent escaping from her room without parents permission. She wanted to be left alone, yet a large part of her still yearned for acceptance, for friendship, for love...

But something was keeping her from accepting it from the people who truly cared for her.

So much had happened, and so much was still going on inside of her; an internal battle between Quistis Trepe and a nameless faceless presence that craved everything the SeeD found either questionable or distasteful. It acted with no regard for others, and she wasn't strong enough to say no. Perhaps this was a new piece of her existence that was birthed in her slumber, and she had yet to accept it.

Perhaps they were simply one and the same.

There was a familiar giggle by a pair of females walking toward her. Panic set in at her gut as she turned tail and fled back into her quarters, muffling her boots click with carefully placed steps. Stealth was not something she was a novice at.

One could hear Rinoa's high-pitched giggling a mile away. It repulsed her how that girl could feel so...light, so cheerful. Or at least fake it. And Selphie was no better. Always upbeat and full of fucking caffeine.

These thoughts of her friends were not familiar either, but she was certain she felt them. And strongly.

Relief washed over her as they passed her door. For some reason however, them whisking by without a moment's hesitation upset her just as much as if she were to have collided with them unexpectedly. Quistis wasn't sure what she wanted from them anymore.

Leaving her room a second time, she dashed down the hall, taking extra care to remain unnoticed.

She almost went back. This idea was so foolish, it couldn't possibly end well. It was beyond her comprehension. She was a solider and did have the ability to weave herself into unfamiliar and dangerous situations, but this concept was far from alien; it was asinine. Regardless of those feelings, she continued, her thoughts between staying and leaving batting back and forth like a tennis ball between two rackets.

Coming upon the circular hall, she entered the parking garage only to halt abruptly. Someone was behind her. And she knew who it was as well, which caused her blood to freeze, yet only for an instant. Slowly, the Instructor turned to face her former student with a glimmer of kindness behind her eyes, "Something I can do for you, Commander?" she asked softly as said Commander began to approach her, almost hesitantly.

"You could tell me where you are going." As usual, his voice was deadpan, emotionless. But this time it seemed like he was forcing it.

Well Quistis could match that quite nicely. "On a date." She lied. It was hard. She wanted to be open and honest and trusting with him. But the darkness battled her and demanded secrecy. He would stop their fun somehow if he knew.

Squall raised a brow, a little taken back by her answer. She had taken to lying, which was unlike her character. A lot of things were unlike her character, lately... "Then why did you tell Zell you were going to be working tonight?"

"Can't a girl get a break?" Trepe answered with a shrug. There was no remorse in her tone, yet the flash of surprise in her features that faded as quickly as it arrived didn't match.

This was the first time Squall had bothered to look into her eyes. They were blue, but dull. As if a dark cloud had blocked that light that normally sparkled through. She was living and breathing, but something detrimental to her spirit was missing. He was never one to pay attention to frivilous details, but this was just too hard and obvious to miss. "So whose the guy?'

"Seifer." She lied again.

The quip stung briefly, but he managed to collect himself before she noticed.

The pause was enough to give her the time to turn her back and continue on her way, calling back as she went, "Good night, Commander. Don't wait up."

Little did she know, he probably would.