'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the swamp,
Shrek was waiting excitedly, expecting a romp.
His stocking was hung from his jockstrap with care,
In hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there.
The Christmas décor seemed so very wrong,
Especially the candy cane hanging from Shrek's dong.
And Fiona with Farquaad, and Shrek all alone,
he felt no remorse for his desire to bone.
When from the chimney someone dropped in on Shrek,
The ogre bequeathed them with a saccharine peck.
Away to the bedroom he dragged Santa along
And tore off his clothes, exposing his schlong.
The moon illuminated the old dank swamp
While Shrek gave Santa's neck quite the sensual chomp.
The elderly man could not believe himself,
To be sleeping with someone who wasn't an elf.
With a sharp plastic noise, so thrilling and sheer,
Shrek began to put cheese doodles in Santa's ear.
More gentle than ever, his wang started to inflate,
Shrek had not even taken Santa out on a date.
"Now harder! Now faster!"
Santa demanded.
"I need you! Give me more!"
St. Nick started sweating.
"Your cheese curls are so big! I doubt I can take it!"
Now he was crying, Shrek was crying,
Everyone cried.
As Santa and Shrek consummated their love,
There was another set of eyes watching from above.
Suddenly a voice came out of the gloom,
"That is MY sexy ogre, prepare to meet your doom!"
"Donkey?" Shrek tore himself from his new lover,
To find his old boyfriend had chosen to come over.
"That's right," scoffed the creature, a frown on his face,
"I bet you're surprised to see me back at this place."
"Well yeah," replied Shrek with a scowl,
"I thought that you were dating Simon Cowell."
"Fuck that!" snapped Donkey, still very bitter,
"He was only our childrens' old babysitter."
"Our children?" This info Shrek could scarcely believe—
He had thought Donkey could never, ever conceive.
Donkey gave a nod, looking older than his years,
"They're not Dragon's, they're yours, just look at their ears."
"We have children?" Shrek smiled, tears formed in his eyes,
"And you didn't even tell me, what a nice surprise."
Santa coughed quite loudly, still naked in bed,
"All this attention has gone to your head!
"I came here for fun, not family drama,
I would have more fun screwing a llama!"
"No, baby," Shrek cooed, not wanting to stop,
"If you stay, I promise I'll always let you top."
He spoke not a word, but went back to his sleigh,
"I'm out of here, no convincing could force me to stay."
"But Santa," Shrek pleaded, remorse in his voice,
"I just bought you some nice new sex toys."
Helpless Shrek stood as Santa's sleigh prepared for flight,
Knowing that arguing would only worsen their fight.
But Shrek heard him yell as he flew into the dark,
"Go fuck yourself Shrek, I hope you get mauled by a shark!"