To Have and To Hold
These characters, but one, do not belong to me, they belong to channel seven.
Charlotte Beaumont, who has gone back to Obstetrics, has a decision to make.
Chapter 1 – Choices
Dr Charlotte Beaumont sat in her office, staring blankly at the walls. She had been feeling lost ever since she had, as she put it, "needed space" from her girlfriend of four years, Caitlin. Would they ever be able to reconcile their differences or would this be the end of her longest relationship since being married to Vincent? Charlotte really wanted some happiness in her life but every time she seemed to be heading that way, someone or something put a brick wall in front her – namely herself!
"Charlotte?" came a voice, "Are you ok?" asked her closest friend, Terri Sullivan.
"Yeh, Terri, just in that day dreaming mode again! Well, what's my schedule like for the rest of the afternoon? If it's not too bad, I might just take the rest of the day off. There is something I've got to do, and if I leave it any longer, it might just be too late!" explained an anxious Charlotte.
Terri checked the diary and told Charlotte that she had two more patients, Mrs Edwards and Mrs Mills. "You should be finished by 1.00 o'clock and there doesn't seem to be anything urgent after that. Just leave your pager on in case."
"Thanks Terri, I really appreciate this, but it may already be too late. If Newell knew I was bunking off she would kill the panel for appointing me over her head! Well, stuff her, some things just can't be left hanging" said Charlotte with a real feeling of animosity towards her nemesis.
It was 1.00 o'clock and Charlotte was sitting in her car thinking what she was going to say to Caitlin. Would it be too late to repair the damage or would Caitlin be prepared to let an emotional lover back into her life? There was only one thing to do – face the consequences. Charlotte started her car and headed off to the apartment they had shared for four years. Reaching home, Charlotte pulled up a few metres from the driveway to compose herself and think how she was going to resolve the "Baby" topic. "Well, now or never" said Charlotte as she pulled up outside the drive and switched the engine off. Getting out of the car, Charlotte hoped she could talk in a rational manner and not fling accusations at the person she cared most for. After all, it was understandable that Caitlin didn't comprehend the enormity of Charlotte's desire to have a child as she was ten years younger and at 25 had plenty of time to make a decision about children. On the other hand if Charlotte couldn't convince her to go with her feelings, then it seemed that all would be lost because if there was one thing Charlotte Beaumont did, it was go with her plans at all cost.
Charlotte put her key in the lock and opened the door "Caitlin, are you here because we really need to talk." There was no response to Charlotte's question but she went on towards the living room with no sign of Caitlin. Suddenly there was a sound coming from the bedroom and Charlotte, with a little trepidation at what she might find, opened the door and there she found Caitlin wrapped in the duvet, snoring her head off. "How I've missed that sound" Charlotte said ruefully. Moving over to the bed Charlotte gently touched Caitlin, not wanting to frighten her, "Sweetheart, it's me, Charlotte."
Caitlin woke with a start, knowing that no one was to be around. Suddenly she sat up "Jesus Christ Charlotte, you scared me half to death. What are you doing here? Why aren't you at work?"
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you, but after the last two weeks apart, I had to come and talk to you. I don't want to lose you and I know how you feel about me having a baby but please, can't we talk about it in a rational manner?" said a desperate Charlotte. She really wanted to have a child as time was not on her side, but she also wanted to keep Caitlin, as she believed this would be her last chance at a real lasting relationship.
"Charlotte, I've said what I had to say on the matter. Now, I'm going to have a shower." said a determined Caitlin, knowing that Charlotte wasn't going to give up without a fight.
Twenty minutes later Caitlin appeared at the living room door where Charlotte was already half way through a bottle of wine. "Pour one for me?" asked Caitlin.
Charlotte responded "What's the point, Caitlin? Have the last four years not meant anything to you?"
"Charlotte, I'm 25 years old, with my life ahead of me. What am I going to do with a baby around the house? Are you going to give up your new career and look after him or her? I don't think so!" responded an exasperated Caitlin.
"Look, darling, I love you from the bottom of my heart and want to spend the rest of my life with you but I'm a lot older than you and this is probably my last chance at having a child. I so want to be a mother, it hurts bad. Just listen to me please and if at the end of it you want to walk out of my life then so be it, but I will always love you, and I don't think you will ever know just how much this has affected me. From what you've said, I basically have two choices, one, I forget about having a child and we can continue our relationship, which is so special, or two, have a child and you will walk out of my life because you don't want the responsibility of having to care for it. Ever since I met you, my life has changed for the better, I got away from shift work and got the job as Chief Obstetrician, I found the woman of my dreams after being alone for so long, and the best thing about my life at the moment is holding you in my arms at night, waking up with you beside me, making love to you whenever 'the urge' takes me. All these things make up my life, but there is one thing missing, and I can't let go of the desire to have a baby with you. I always wanted someone special to be there with me, and over the last four years, I have come to realise that you are the person, who can help me make my life so complete. I haven't even gone into the whole details of having the child, but seeing expectant mothers in my office every day, just pulls at my heart. Seeing them through to the birth of a child is the most wonderful experience any woman can have. Please don't deny me that. I want you to be a part of it." said an emotionally, and slightly drunk, Charlotte. "Caitlin, we can work this out together, please, just let me have some sort of plan worked out and then discuss it with you. I would love for Vincent to be the father, but again I haven't asked him. I know this is going to be one of the biggest, if not the biggest, decision of my life and the choices I make are going to affect everyone around me." Feeling exhausted Charlotte curled up on the sofa, hoping Caitlin would join her, but not feeling to expectant of anything from the woman she loved so deeply.
Caitlin poured herself another glass of wine, and sat down beside Charlotte. Ever since she had met Charlotte at a party thrown by a mutual friend, she had wanted to be with her. It didn't matter that there was ten years between them. She had wanted Charlotte from the first minute she had set eyes on her and had done everything that night to make sure they weren't too far apart until she had the opportunity of being left alone with the woman who stood out in the crowd. They had begun to chat and within a couple of minutes both had made the decision that it was time to leave the party. They had taken a cab back to Charlotte's house and once inside the door they couldn't keep their hands off each other. Charlotte had pinned Caitlin up against the wall and begun to kiss her passionately on the lips. Very slowly she had begun to undress the woman, who twenty minutes ago she didn't even know, and before long they were making love with such passion that the sweat was beginning to roll off Charlotte, in a way she had never experienced before.
"All right Charlotte, granted, you are older than me and as you said this may be your last opportunity, but what about the life we have together? Don't you remember our first meeting, making love within twenty minutes of knowing each other? I'd say that was an indication of the feelings we had for each other from the word go! I love you very much, but I don't know if I want to have a child running our lives at the moment, can't you understand that? I want to do so many things with you like taking off for a weekend, going out at night, without having to organise someone to look after a baby. What sort of life is that? Don't you think it would be advisable to ask Vincent if he will help you? What if he says no? If I know you, and I think I do, after four years, you won't want to go to a donor bank and choose 'father unknown', you want to know the father of your child? Think this through very carefully Charlotte, for all our sakes. It isn't just your life that is going to change; all your friends and family will be affected by what you do. I for one am not sure I want to come second to a child, which is invariably what is going to happen between you and me. Can't you see the bigger picture Charlotte, you of all people should realise the enormity of your decision? If you can promise me you will think this all through from start to finish and make an informed decision, then I'm going nowhere and will work out what happens when the time comes. If, on the other hand, you tell me that you have already made up your mind and no one is going to talk you out of this, regardless of the outcome, then I'm sorry but you and I won't have a relationship any longer. It's your choice Charlotte."
When Caitlin had finished, Charlotte sat staring into space, wondering how she was going to answer her lover's questions.
Opening another bottle of wine, Charlotte began to think through her choices and what decision she was going to make. After taking a sip of wine she began
"Caitlin, I'm sorry, I behaved without a thought about anyone. I can't bear to be apart from you any longer. I promise I will take time to work out what is best and what effects having a baby will create, not only on our relationship, but on everyone who knows and loves me. I hadn't thought about the outside world. I was just thinking that it would be so good to have a baby to make us a complete family, and I hoped I could talk you round but that was wrong of me and I sincerely apologise for any hurt I caused you. I don't even know if Vincent will agree to the idea but having been married to the guy, I couldn't think of anyone else who I would want to father my child. It is a big decision and I promise I will think about it very carefully and let you know what I have decided. I can't bear to be apart from you any longer, I have missed curling up with you in the evening, having a glass of wine and then going to bed exceptionally early to make love in a way that even Vincent didn't make me feel. I love you so much, and all I want to do know is take you in my arms and forget the last two weeks." Charlotte was now crying uncontrollably which made Caitlin move closer and put her arms around her. Charlotte clung to her with all her strength and the emptiness of the last two weeks just kept rolling down her cheeks until she had nothing left to give.
Chapter 2 – Broken Dreams – to follow.