The Most Uninteresting Vampire in the World
Edward Cullen walked into the bar. The smell of old cigarettes, woman's perfume, alcohol were covering up the even more unpleasant smell of vomit and body odor. He stood by the door for a second, just taking in the half-lit bar, when an uproar of woman's laughter took his attention to the back corner.
Curious, he walked closer. There was a gaggle of well-dressed women surrounding one older gentleman.
"Wow. You're Johnathan Goldsmith." Edward blurted out.
"Indeed I am, my young friend." The man agreed. All eyes were on Edward now, but they kept darting back to Mr. Goldsmith. "And what might your name be?"
"Edward Cullen." Mr. Goldsmith thought for a moment.
"Ah. He said at last. He turned back to his females and started up a conversation about monkeys with them.
"Hey! Don't ignore me, old man!" Edward complained, banging his fists on the table. The girls fell silent and stared between Mr. Goldsmith and Edward.
"I don't always meet vampires," Mr. Goldsmith started. "But when I do, they're usually not whiny, sparkling pansies. Seriously, my three-year-old god-daughter sparkles less than you do." He turned his attention to the busty blonde sitting next to him. "Have I ever told you about the time Count Dracula invited me to his home in Romania?"
"No!" She exclaimed, her eyes wide with excitement of another story.
"Whatever, old man. Screw you."
"Stay a pussy, my friend. Twilight jokes never fail to amuse me." Mr. Goldsmith said as Edward stormed out of the bar.
Actually, The Most Interesting Man in the World hasn't been given a name yet, so I just went with the name of the actor who plays him. They really need to make a TV show out of his character- forget the cavemen. I'd watch his show!
Stay thirsty my friends, and please drink responsibly!