Disclaimer: So this is a submission for Love and Peace Forever's Disney Kogan challenge. It's based on the song If Only sung by Fiction Plane on the Holes Soundtrack. Louis Sachar wrote the lyrics for the chorus, which you will see in this chapter.
Logan clenched his eyes shut, swallowing against the pain that was engulfing his entire body as the man above thrust his huge length into Logan's entrance. Tears spilled down his pale cheeks, his back arching, while the burly guy latched his giant fists on to Logan's skeleton like arms, setting a harsh pace.
Out of habit, the tears disappeared as soon as they came. Logan knew he would never get paid if a customer caught a glimpse of Logan's distraught face. The men usually did not look at his face, focusing more on satisfying their sexual needs, but Logan knew he could not take the chance. He had been beaten by his boss more than once for not acting like the toy he was.
A toy, a prostitute, a hooker, that was what Logan was. He had been one for almost two years now. It was a horrible life, filled with fear and pain. He used to be able to counteract the hopelessness by telling himself he would be saved one day, but as his life continued to be countless nights of getting into strangers cars, driving to dingy motels, hearing the mattress springs squeak under him as his customer pounded him into the bed, and finally accepting the crumpled bills that immediately went to his master, Damien, in the morning, the hope had faded into a numbness that was threatening to send Logan over the edge.
As the man above him picked up speed, increasing the pain, Logan thought of the razor in his jeans pocket that had been discarded on the hotel chair. Would tonight be the night he would have the courage to end his misery with one simple slice to his jugular? Logan knew suicide should never be the answer but he was getting so desperate he couldn't think of anything else.
He had tried escaping a few times; taking off as soon as his boss dropped him off at his corner. A quick taxi with his hidden money and Logan would almost be able to hop on a bus out of Los Angeles before one of Damien's henchman would grab the poor boy, toss him in his car and drive him back to his bald, tattooed leader where he would be in for a night of harsh slaps, punches, kicks, and as usual, rape.
There was so much pain but that didn't stop Logan from also trying the airport and hitchhiking. But after so many failures, Damien decided to have Logan watched every night, at least until Logan dove further into a state of depression where he just went with everything. Damien was pleased, thinking Logan had finally accepted his life, but Logan stayed defiant in his head.
Every night, as he stood on his corner, Logan would hum a song to himself, a song that was the only thing he thought was good left in his heart. The lyrics would start off quiet but then would become stronger as the sky became an inky black.
"If only, if only," the woodpecker sighs,
"The bark on the trees was as soft as the skies,"
As the wolf waits below, hungry and lonely
He cries to the moon, "If only, if only."
"If Only…" Kendall finished singing, one arm wrapped around Logan as the strolled down the concrete pathway situated in the middle of a park in the middle of Duluth. Logan grinned up at his beautiful blond boyfriend before Kendall leaned down to give Logan a passionate, sweet, loving kiss.
They were walking leisurely down what had been their favourite route as kids. Every anniversary they would do this ritual after dinner. It was a little cheesy but it was a chance for the two to escape everyday life and be in their own world where they could show how their love ran deeper than the Marianas Trench.
"I love it when you sing that song Kendall," Logan commented, bringing Kendall's arm down to intertwine their hands. "You have such a beautiful voice," he finished with a squeeze. "I wish you could sing it to me forever."
"Thank you Logie," Kendall replied, grinned. "I also wish I could sing it to you for eternity because than I could constantly show you how much I love you just like my father did for me."
Kendall's dad had passed away from a major stroke when the two best friends were only six years old. He had suffered from poor health since Kendall's birth and had just seen Kendall's sister Katie be born before he died.
Logan could still remember the day they loaded Kendall's father on to an ambulance from Kendall's brown stucco house across the street from Logan's. He had been reading a science book about the dinosaurs in the front room when out of the picture window he saw flashing lights as an ambulance drove up to the house.
His heart had pounded in his little chest at the thought of something happening to the Knights, of something happening to Kendall and he had torn out of his house and ran across the street, pumping his short legs as fast as they could go.
He ran through the open front door, passing a tearful Mrs. Knight holding a baby Katie in her arms while talking to officers. He sprinted up the stairs past ambulance workers legs while they took a covered stretcher down the stairs.
Logan made it to the red room, adorned with the Minnesota Wild logos to find Kendall curled up in his closet, knees pulled to his chest while tears streamed down his face. His eyes lifted to see Logan's worried ones.
"Logie, my daddy's dead," Kendall wailed.
Logan didn't know what to say so he pulled Kendall into a bear hug, letting the blonde boy sob onto his shoulder. They stayed in that position for many hours until Mrs. Knight appeared in the room to put the two boys to bed, already having called Mrs. Mitchell, knowing there would be nothing that would separate the two boys that night. As Logan got out the familiar sleeping bag from the hall closet, Mrs. Knight hugged her still crying son for a long time before deciding it would be good for him to get some rest.
Mrs. Knight had just turned the lights off and Logan was just unzipping his sleeping bag when he heard the blonde boy softly call out his name.
"Logan…"
The brunette immediately jumped onto Kendall's racecar bed to sit beside his friend.
"Yes Kendall?"
"I don't think I'm going to be able to sleep tonight."
Logan nodded sagely.
"That makes sense. I bet all you can think about is your daddy and that makes you sad. I'm even sad because I liked your daddy. He was so nice. But I'll stay awake with you, Kendall, I promise." Logan spoke with a reassurance beyond his six years.
A ghost of a smile appeared on Kendall's face before he frowned again.
"That's true but I also don't think I'll be able to sleep without my daddy singing me our song."
Confused, Logan stared at his best friend.
"What song?"
Kendall sighed sadly.
"My dad always sang me a lullaby when he tucked me into bed the nights he wasn't in the hospital. He said his mom used to sing it to him every night back in Germany. It was her way to remind daddy that she loved him so much. I didn't want you to laugh at me so when you slept over I would tell daddy to just sing it to me in his and mommy's room. And I never told you. B-But now I'll never hear it again,"
Tears started to pour from Kendall's emerald eyes again and Logan squirmed, trying to think of way to comfort Kendall. An idea came immediately to his bright mind.
"I can sing it for you. But you have to teach me the words."
Wiping his nose with the back of his hand, Kendall sat up a little more against his pillows and hugged Logan again.
"Thank you Logan. That's a great idea. You are the best best friend ever. I love you."
"I love you too," Logan replied, both of them not grasping the deep meaning of those words but knowing that adults used them to show they cared about one another. "Now sing for me."
Kendall sang the song, making a bright smile appear on Logan's face. He loved the line "The bark on the tree was as sharp as the skies," because it described how Logan wished Kendall's daddy hadn't been sick and died and then life wouldn't be so hard. He immediately committed the song to memory and sang it right back to Kendall.
The two continued to sing all night until they passed out in the wee hours of the morning. And as the two grew up it became a tradition, a way to calm the other down or get them to sleep or just be a comforting presence each night on the phone.
And as the two went through their bumbling teenage awkward phase where they tried to sort out their feelings for each other and when they finally realized the "I love you" they shared when they were six years old went deeper than friendship, it was a way from them to express their true feelings.
The two were now eighteen, fresh out of high school, ready to go to the same college and follow their dreams. Logan wanted to be a doctor and Kendall had a hockey scholarship and was going to study music production. They continued to call each other each night to sing the song and profess their love but Kendall was now ready to take the next step in their relationship.
Hearing his boyfriend continue to hum the song, Logan grasped his hand harder as they continued to stroll when suddenly he was met with resistance. Turning around, he gasped as he found Kendall kneeling down on one knee with a box in one hand, his other still attached to Logan's.
"Kendall…?" Logan asked nervously.
Kendall grinned and untangled his hand from Logan's to open the box in his other hand to reveal a sparkling ring.
"Logan I…" Kendall started before he was cut off with a sudden click beside his head. Confused, he turned to his side, eyes going wide as he caught the sight of a bald, muscled man with calculating blue eyes holding a revolver to his head.
"Hello blondie," the man grinned evilly. "Looks like you already in the position I want. Now don't move while we take that delicious looking boyfriend of yours."
Kendall's head whipped back around, his eyes finding a heartbreaking sight. Logan's chocolate brown eyes were blown wide in fear and clouded with tears as another man clenched his hand tighter over Logan's mouth. Logan struggled hard against the man's grasp and yelled behind the fist, trying to get to Kendall but only succeeded in letting tears fall down past the man's hand.
"LOGAN!" Kendall screamed, making a move toward the love of his life before the smooth-headed man pushed him flat on the ground, the ring clattering a few feet away.
"What did I say blondie? Don't move! I'd say as punishment I'll make it extra painful for your friend over there but I was planning that already."
"NO!" Kendall yelled in absolute agony. Logan had never heard Kendall that upset but before he had time to dwell on it, he felt a sharp prick on his neck, his last vision being Kendall's tear streaked face as he tried to get up and fight the man again. Then Logan crumpled to the ground.
Logan had woken up to the bald man nipping harshly at his neck and thrusting into him. Disorientation left as panic set in at the realization of what was happening and he went to push the man off of him when he found his hand tied to the bedposts behind his head. He started to sob as the man continued.
"Please why are you doing this?" Logan had asked.
The man looked up into Logan's face and grinned his wicked little grin.
"Because this is your new life," he replied, slapping Logan harshly in the face. "Now no speaking until I say so whore!"
Knowing he had no choice, Logan had to lie there while the man finished raping his newest item. He was then subjected to the most horrific beating of his life that had let bruises that wouldn't fade for weeks and broken bones that left to heal on their own, still ached Logan to this day.
The man had said it was his initiation. He had explained his name was Damien. Damien's night job was running a prostitution ring that Logan was now a part of. Apparently Damien's people had been watching Logan for months, deciding he would be the perfect "cute" addition to Damien's little circle.
When he had asked where Kendall was, not only had he got a punch to the stomach and the only answer being "He was taken care of" Logan assumed this meant he was dead or also being kept tied up in an unknown room while Damien raped him each night. A small unrealistic part of him hoped against hope that Kendall had managed to get away and maybe possibly find him one day, but he knew that probably wasn't the case.
From then on, Damien didn't bother himself with Logan very much unless he wanted a "good tight fuck" as he always whispered in Logan's ear after he finished. He was instead left in the hands of Damien's men.
His limbs were stretched beyond what he thought possible as the men taught all the sex positions to the small boy who grew smaller by the day by the one meal policy Damien used to keep his "workers"' thin. After his training, he was bound head to toe and thrown in a trunk for a long car trip, only seeing the sunlight so his driver could give him water.
The trip ended in front of a run down house in what Logan would later learn was in the heart of Los Angeles, California. He was made to walk in where within two hours Damien had introduced him to his first customer, an ugly man dressed in a business suit. The man had spent three hours on Logan, earning Damien a lot of money.
Damien had later decided Logan would be a streetwalker instead of in the house like originally planned in order to get more clients in one night. So Logan was forced to stand on a street corner, dressed in nothing but a torn pair of jeans. Any money he earned went back to Damien or else he was in for yet another pounding.
Logan had not adjusted very well, but who could blame him? None of the residents of the whorehouse were there by choice and most of them, like Logan, spent the time alone staring off into blank space, lost in memories.
So Logan sang "If Only" to himself, mainly in his head. It was his way of escaping his current reality, a way to travel back to a time when he was happy and in love. It also allowed him to pretend Kendall was singing it to him and that Kendall was still alive. Logan hoped against hope that he was and that he had escaped and was living a good life, not filled with misery like Logan's.
But lately the song was just another knife driving into Logan's heart, just serving as a reminder of how he will never live in that kind of bliss again. It gave him a feeling of longing he couldn't shake, a longing for the boyfriend he would never, ever see again.
So tonight, in the musty motel room as the man continued to move above him, Logan's spaced out, so numb to everything that was happening. The song became like an alarm, showing him that he was making the right decision to end his life tonight.
The lyrics conveyed a sense of desperation and were perfect for Logan. If only he wasn't a prostitute. If only he was still with Kendall. Logan knew he could say if only in his head over and over but nothing would change. He would still be serving Damien, someone forcing himself on Logan night after night. Logan didn't want to take the emotional and physical abuse anymore. He wanted an escape.
The man, who had not given Logan his name (no one normally spoke during the "transactions") grunted as he exploded into Logan. Ignoring Logan's whimper as he pulled out, the man went to the washroom to clean up. Logan moved gingerly off the bed to where his jeans were strewn on the floor. Feeling around for the razor blade Damien provided him to make his face "baby smooth", Logan slid his hand into the pocket, brushing past a small piece of paper.
That small piece of paper was a faded wallet sized portrait of Kendall that Logan was lucky enough to have in his pocket the day he was kidnapped. Although he had woken up naked on his first night of being a captive, his clothes had been in the corner. Logan was surprised Damien hadn't thrown them away until he learned the jeans were his hooker clothes, Damien not wanting to spend any extra money on a slut until the slut made money for him.
He held the picture between his thumb and index fingers, momentarily forgetting about the razor as he got lost in the green eyes smiling up at him. The snapshot was Kendall's graduation picture and Logan had never seen him look so proud or so sexy than in his maroon robes.
Water spilled onto the soft paper as Logan tearfully thought about what Kendall would say if he saw Logan now. He would be so disappointed in Logan for being so weak but Logan also felt he would understand Logan's loneliness that stemmed from not being with Kendall.
"I'm so sorry Kendall. I miss you so much. I can't live without you anymore" Logan whispered as he grasped the photo in his hand and reached for the razor in another. His fingertips had just reached the top of the silver blade when a knock on the door caused him to jump and his hand to graze against the tip.
"Shit!" Logan swore pulling his fingers out as blood flowed down his hand.
"Police, open up!"
Logan's mind went absolutely blank, forgetting the blood as he stared at the crumbling hotel door across the room. Was he saved? Before he could make a move toward his rescuers, the man ran out of the bathroom, half dressed in a pair of black slacks.
"Don't move, don't speak," he said in a terrifying voice.
Logan should have been scared, he really should have but he had spent the last two years being afraid. Now was the time to do what he knew his courageous Kendall would do.
"Help!" Logan screamed as he shot up and bolted to the door.
But Logan just didn't realize how weak he was and how fast the man was. In an instant, the man had him in firm grasp, Logan's arms pinned down beside his own naked body by the man's burly arm, his mouth covered with the man's meaty hand.
"I thought I told you not to move," the man said, looking nervously around to where his cocaine was stashed in his bag. He knew being caught with that and a prostitute would surely ruin his successful financial career and land him in jail.
Struggling with all his might, Logan fought as heard the voice on the other side of the door yell "We're breaking down the door now!"
Logan would be rescued. He was ecstatic beyond belief but before his saviors could get to him, Logan felt a sudden pain in his side. He glanced down to see blood flowing from a stab wound just below his ribs. A knife was still in his side as the man let go of him, leaving Logan to fall to the floor.
He vaguely heard his client say "If I'm going down, I'm taking you with me" before all the sounds started to muffle and black dots danced across his vision.
A pool of red formed around the brunette boy as officers kicked down the door and tackled the other man to the ground. One officer rushed to Logan, placing a hand on the stab wound and pulling the knife out.
"Can you hear me? I'm Officer Carlos Garcia and you're going to be just fine."
Logan's only response was to cough up red specks of blood that flew on to the officer's shirt but Carlos didn't really mind. All he wanted was to save this boy who had screamed for help. He didn't know why the man had hurt this tiny, spiky brown-haired guy but he knew the boy had to live and the man had to pay. It was the right way of things, something Carlos strived for every day. He would deliver the assistance this boy needed.
"Someone get me a towel to apply to his wound! And radio emergency services," Carlos yelled, his voice rising in panic as the blood started to flow faster. What had started as a routine crackdown had turned into so much more.
Carlos reached down to take Logan's hand, squeezing it lightly, trying to help the boy in the only way he knew how.
"Just hang on ok. Help is coming. You will be safe soon," Carlos said reassuringly, albeit a bit shaky.
Logan barely heard him as he faded out even more. Officer Garcia's tan face and kind brown eyes faded from his vision as a beautiful, blonde-haired boy's face with sparkling green eyes filled his sight. He tried to reach up for Kendall but his limbs felt so heavy so Logan settled for just seeing his former boyfriend smile at him before the hallucination disappeared too. Carlos screamed in the background for the EMT's to hurry up but Logan could no longer hear him.
His eyelids drifted shut and all Logan could hear was Kendall's angelic voice sing their song to him. His last thought before the blackness took over was if only he could see Kendall one last time.
Should I continue and make this a three shot or leave it as is? If I do continue, what do you think should happen to Logan and what do you think happened to Kendall?
A/N: I know I have sort of been neglecting my other stories lately but I'll try and get Waiting On The Day I Feel Good updated next unless I decide to do a three shot for this story. Then this will be done first. I really want to get back into writing; I just have to find time in my crazy college life.
Side note, some girls in college can be just as petty and immature as some high school girls and they can gossip even more. Plus they can spread rumors like wildfire and turn your former friends against you. That is what is happening to me. I don't want you to pity me; I just needed somewhere to say this where I knew people would understand. And dealing with that is kind of depressing and while it can sometimes inspire me, it can also kill my passion for writing. I hope I can just push through it and live my own life. They will not get to me!
Third thing is I've been seeing a lot of Kogan challenges popping up very similar to Love and Peace Forever first one. I would love to participate in all of them but am very short on time so good luck to everyone who is doing them. I am doing this one because Love and Peace Forever has been such a great friend and I want to return the favour. Plus it's fun!
Final note and shameless promotion, follow me on Twitter if you are a tweet-a-holic like me. My username is AlexaC_N.
Keep On Rockin' In The Free World.
P.S. (Sept 20 2011) I realize the challenge ends tomorrow but this will be finished later on. Unfortunately I got sick and am behind in my university courses so that comes first. For right now, the first chapter is just my submission and I guess the next two chapters will be considered a sequel. I might even make it a sequel but I'll probably just tag it on to this story. I hope to get the second part up by this weekend.