Shinji's Decision

by Jeff2

Set after the 17th angel, Shinji tries to come to terms with his feelings and comes to a decision. 10th and final part added (finaly).

1. Is it all worth it? Farewells

Shinji's Decision

Part 1

Version 1 completed 31/10/99

Version 2 completed 25/2/2001

By Jeff Mullier

Email: jmullier@idl.net.au

Copyright notice

Neon Genesis Evangelion and associated characters are copyright Gainax and associated companies.

Author Notes

I hope I haven't made any of the characters act wildly out of character. Also this fic contains spoilers. It takes place after episode 24 and ignores events

in episodes 25,26 & the movies. I have also rearranged and added to some of the events as shown in the series.

Also anyone who has read my other fanfic 'Shinji's Reason' will notice similarities between the two storylines. This is because this is essentially the original story for 'Shinji's Reason' the two storylines start deviating mainly

from near the end of this part. Any comments and suggestions would be appreciated.

Thanks to Greg Thomas for pre reading this fic.

Additional Notes for version 2

Well after some comments made in some reviews and by a few readers I decided to do some experimenting with my writing style. As I was suffering a major case of writer's block with part 7 of this story I started experimenting on this part. Halfway through this experimenting I decided that I couldn't do part 7 in script format any more, so I have gone back and rewritten part 1. The result has surprised me, I wish that I wrote the story in this format to start with. I will rewrite parts 2-6 as well as continuing with part 7.

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Shinji's Decision

Part One - Is it all worth it?/Farewells

Shinji's bedroom - during the night, one week after the battle with the 17th Angel.

Shinji is tossing and turning in bed, trying to get some sleep, but memories of the events of the few months just keep on repeating themselves. Despite all attempts, he does he just can't block them out. He has been having similar thoughts for the last week and the strain and lack of sleep is starting to show. 'Why, why me. Why does everybody have to betray me?'

The painful memory of finding out that Kaworu is the 17th angel and then having to chase him all the way to terminal dogma. Where he then confronted Kaworu and after hesitating for a few minutes killed Kaworu by crushing him in Unit 01's hand, replays itself in Shinji's mind once more, much to Shinji's discomfort. 'Even someone who said they loved me still betrayed me.'

The equally painful memory of sitting in the entry plug of Unit 01 while Unit 01 was under the control of the dummy plug then flashes through his mind. The most agonising part where he screams for it to stop and at his father to make it stop, echoes though his mind. Especially the part where Unit 01 is holding Unit 03's entry plug and then crushes it.

'Father, he is no father of mine. He is the cause of all this pain. He just sees me as a tool, just like he sees everybody else. I know that he probably cares more for Unit 01 than he does for me. Otherwise why were you so worried that you wouldn't let me go and save Asuka, I know that it wasn't for my well being. I know that she would have hated me if I did save her but that would be better than the state she is in now.'

'Even the first time you made me pilot Unit 01 you were deceiving me weren't you father? You knew that when you brought in Rei on a stretcher that I would pilot it to save Rei from more pain. What are you doing father? What do you what with Rei? I Know that she must have some special purpose for you, she is the only person that you seem to care for.'

'Rei Ayanami, I don't know how to feel for her now. I think I am scared of her now that I know where she comes from now.' Shinji's memory then flashes back to that shocking moment when Ritsuko revealed the truth about Rei.

Dummy plug room

Ritsuko has just brought Shinji and Misato to a circular room with a tube full of LCL in the centre. A tangled mass of cables and pipes looking almost like a spinal column run from the top of the tube to the ceiling. The walls are made from a tinted glass, but with the area behind the glass in darkness neither Misato nor Shinji can make out what is behind the glass panels.

Ritsuko turns to Shinji and remarks, "That room where you said that it looked like Rei's room. That is where Rei was born. In fact the latest Rei was created there after the last angel attack. That Rei is the third, the second sacrificed herself to destroy the 16th angel, and the first was killed by my mother just before she committed suicide."

Both Shinji & Misato look shocked. Ritsuko just grins and gets a remote control keypad out of her lab jacket pocket, she then says, "Misato, Shinji this room is the heart of the dummy plug system."

Misato replies, "So this is the core of dummy plug?"

"This is where we produce the components." Ritsuko then presses a button on the remote control keypad and the contents of the wall tanks are revealed, both Shinji and Misato gasp in horror at the contents of the tanks.

Shocked by what he is seeing Shinji utters, "Oh my god it's Rei. They're all Rei!"

Trying to understand what Ritsuko has just shown them Misato asks, "You mean that the dummy plug is.........."

"Yes. These are the cores of the dummy plug. This these are what makes the system work."

"Who are they?"

"These are empty vessels. And nothing but spare parts, spare Reis. For Rei is at the very heart of the instrumentality project. However to commander Ikari they were so much more due to whose image Rei was made in. You of all people Shinji should know who I am talking about."

Shinji at first looks puzzled at this comment but he soon realises what Ritsuko is talking about and answers, "I have always felt that there is something familiar about her, almost like...........Rei.........and..... and .........mother......are......are connected in some way."

Ritsuko laughs at this, "Yes Shinji, Rei is a clone, these are all clones. Cloned using a mixture of your mother's DNA and the DNA from a angel."

"What!!...... but...."

Misato reaches under her jacket for her pistol and orders Ritsuko, "Stop this Ritsuko."

Ritsuko gets a wallet out of her lab coat & gets a photo out of it. She hands to photo to Shinji, "Just look at this photo Shinji. It is a photo of my mother, and your mother and father, it was taken a week before your mother was lost in Unit 01."

Shinji looks at the photo and once he has studied it his eyes widen even further in surprise. He finally manages to say, "Mother..... I have never seen a photo of her, I think that father destroyed everything of her after the, the......" He then remembers being there the day his mother was absorbed by Unit 01 and starts screaming, "NNNNNNOOOOOOOO. I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THIS, I DON"T WANT TO REMEMBER THAT DAY, THAT WAS THE DAY WHEN...........WHEN..........."

Misato points her pistol at Ritsuko and orders her, "Stop this Dr Akagi, do you have any idea what you are doing?"

Ritsuko laughs and replies, "Yes, telling both you and Shinji something that the commander wanted kept a secret. And now to cut the puppets' strings" She then presses another button on the remote which destroys the Rei clones.

END FLASHBACK

'What can I do??? I can't run away any more. I am sick of running. Even if I did they would find me anyway.' He then continues tossing and turning in a futile attempt to get some sleep. Failing to fall asleep he ends up spending most of the time studying the ceiling and listening to his SDAT.

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Early next morning in Gendo's office

Gendo is sitting down at his desk in his usual position with his hands steeped together in front of his face. Without moving he orders Fuyutsuki, "I want you to order Lt Ibuki to organise a synchronisation test for the first & third children today."

Fuyutsuki frowns at this and answers, "But why? Haven't we just killed the last angel?"

"Perhaps, the scrolls only suggest 17 angels. Anyway read this." Gendo flips a document along the desk at Fuyutsuki, who picks it up and starts reading it.

Nerv Medical Department - Psychological Division

Report on the Mental State of the Three Surviving Pilots

TOP SECRET FOR COMMANDER'S EYES ONLY

First Child - Rei Ayanami

Since last test the subject seems to have suffered some memory loss. She keeps on saying that she is the third, but when asked she states that she does not know exactly what she means.

Subject is also showing some more signs of emotion & definitely showing signs of increased independence.

Subject is still stable and should show no problems piloting

Second Child - Asuka Langley Sohryu

Subject is suffering severe psychological trauma as an effect of the attack of the 15th angel. The full extent of these effects was not immediately recognised and the trauma was made worse by the pilot's lack of success piloting against the 16th angel.

The trauma seems to have opened up some deep mental wounds in the subject. The subject is currently in a coma in room 303 of the Nerv hospital. The chances of a full recovery are 50%.

Third Child - Shinji Ikari

Subject is beginning to become rather unstable due to the large mental strain placed on him. The explosion that destroyed Unit 00 and most of Tokyo 3 and injured the first child seems to have dramatically increased his instability. The battle with the 17th angel seems to have pushed him to the brink of a nervous breakdown. The chances of such a breakdown are 75%.

Extreme care should be used when considering the use of his pilot. A close watch should be kept on him to prevent him doing any damage to himself.

Fuyutsuki finishes reading the report and places back on top of Gendo's desk. "I see. But after reading this is it wise to test the third child?"

"I want to see if he is still useable. Remember that Unit 01 will only let him pilot. Unit 00 is destroyed, and it is questionable if Unit 02 will let Rei pilot it."

"But why the problem with Unit 02?"

"Both Units 01 and 02 have the soul of the pilot's mother in them. The mother of the pilot of Unit 02 suffered major mental contamination during a synchronisation test. This eventually led to her suicide. And we both know whose soul & body is trapped in Unit 01."

"I see." 'Yui, if you only could see what your husband has turned into.'

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Japanese Prime Minister's office Tokyo 2

The prime minister is sitting in discussion with the both Minister of the Interior and the Defence Minister. The prime minister asks the interior minister, "So. Since the 17th angel was defeated a week ago there is no need for Nerv now is there?

The interior minister replies, "Well as you know, SEELE have a much more sinister use for Nerv, the commander of Nerv Gendo Ikari has a similar agenda but for much more personal reasons."

"Yes I read that in your report, SEELE's agenda is to become gods, Ikari's is supposedly to be reunited with his wife. We must do something to stop this mad scheme of initiating third impact no matter what the reasons are for starting it."

The defence minister takes this opportunity to mention his proposal to stop Nerv and SEELE from starting third impact. "I say we send in all of our available forces and wipe Nerv off the face of the earth."

The interior minister looks at the defence minister horrified at what he has just suggested. He angrily replies, "Including everyone who works for Nerv? You do realise that 99.9% of the personnel working for Nerv don't know its true purpose? They think that the sole purpose of Nerv is to defend against the angels."

The defence minister calmly replies, 'Yes everyone. If it means stopping this madness."

The interior minister sarcastically asks in a raised voice, "So to stop this you are willing to go in an slaughter innocent people. The pilots are fifteen year old children for goodness sakes. If you want to go down this path I wounder if you are any better than Ikari or SEELE."

The defence minister angrily replies, "YES I AM. LIKE I SAID, IF IT MEANS STOPPING THIS MADNESS."

Having had enough of listening to the two ministers arguing, the prime minister yells at them, "ENOUGH!" He then turns to the interior minister and asks, "You mentioned earlier on about a plan that you had that would prevent third impact, with very little risk and no loss of life?"

The interior minister gives a little smile as he answers the prime minister, "Yes. The little information about third impact that we have been able to obtain states that both the first angel Adam and the second angel Lilith are needed to start third impact. The second angel Lilith is a full sized angel and therefore we cannot do anything against it short of taking Nerv by force. The first angel Adam is a different matter, this angel apparently was the real cause of second impact, it was latter recovered and it is now the size of an embryo. It is kept in a cryogenic container at a high security laboratory deep in Nerv headquarters."

"Do you honestly think that we can remove this Adam from Nerv undetected?"

The defence minister mockingly asks, "And just who do you expect to carry out this little miracle of stealing this Adam from under the noses of Nerv and SEELE?"

The interior minister calmly replies, "Oh we have just the right man for the job. Our best agent and former Nerv employee Ryouji Kaji."

The defence minister looks at the interior minister puzzled and asks, "Former Nerv employee? I thought that since the war against the angels started that no one left Nerv's employment in one piece?"

"Yes, he was shot and left for dead. Although it is suspected that the person who shot him didn't mean to kill him."

The prime minister asks, "Why is that?"

"The person who shot him was Major Misato Katsuragi, who was agent Kaji's lover. Apparently she was forced to shoot him by Gendo Ikari, but she deliberately only seriously wounded him."

"So does she know that he is alive?"

"No, she doesn't'.

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The next morning - Misato's Bedroom in its usual state of disaster

A muffled sound of a phone ringing and be heard and from under the tangled heap of bedding Misato's hand can be seen groping for the phone. While she is searching for the phone she curses, "Where is that damn phone hiding? And who in the world is ringing at this time of morning?" Her hand finally locates the offending phone which was buried under a pile of discarded clothing. "Ah! There it is.", she picks the phone up and answers it. "Hello. What! Are you sure? Is it wise to do that at the moment considering his state? Yes, I know. Ok I will tell him. Goodbye." She then sadly shakes her head while thinking, 'Mmm how do I tell Shinji that he has to do a synchronisation test this morning?'

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Misato's Kitchen

Shinji is sitting at the table looking a little bleary eyed after getting no sleep last night and very little for the last week. Misato walks in and grabs her usual morning beer from the fridge. She turns towards Shinji and greets him in a cheerful tone, "Good morning Shinji."

Shinji however is in a rather irritable mood due to his lack of sleep over the past week, replies irritably, "Mmph, whatever."

Misato is slightly taken back by Shinji's response, 'My aren't we talkative this morning. I see you got little sleep again. I would say that you won't be able to keep this up for too much longer. You will end up like Asuka if you keep this up. Why won't you talk to me about it?' She then tells him, "Shinji you will have to come with me to Nerv headquarters this morning."

Shinji sighs and looks at Misato with a resigned expression, "What for? There are no more angels, we have killed them all."

"I don't know what for, Shinji." 'Yes there is supposed to be only 18 angels but who knows? What secrets are you hiding still Commander.' "I just know that Maya needs to run some tests with you and Rei. You go in to headquarters won't you?"

Annoyed Shinji answers, "Yes Misato."

"Good." 'I hope for everyone's sake that we don't get another angel attack while you are in this state Shinji.'

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Outside of Pilot's change rooms Nerv headquarters

Both Shinji and Rei have just finished getting changed and are starting to walk down the corridor towards the synchronisation test chamber. Shinji nervously greets Rei, "Um hello Ayanami."

Rei quietly replies, "Pilot Ikari."

"Um, Rei do you know why we are doing this?"

"I do not know why."

"Well since I killed the... the last......angel, there is no need to pilot any more is there?"

"Are you sure that was the last angel?"

Shinji staggers back in shock and looks at Rei bewildered, "What!!!!"

The two pilots have now reached the doorway to the synchronisation test chamber. Rei turns and tells Shinji, "We are here." As they both enter the test chamber, Shinji is still looking warily at Rei.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Test chamber control room/simulation plugs

Once she sees that both Shinji and Rei have entered their simulation plugs, Maya asks, "Rei, Shinji are you ready to start the test?"

Rei simply replies, "Yes"

Irritated Shinji sighs before he answers, "Yes." He then screws his nose up as he realises, 'It still smells of blood, or is it me that smells of blood.'

"Good, commencing simulation."

Twenty minutes later Misato, Maya, Shigeru & Makoto are looking at the test results being received from the simulation plugs. Maya comments, "Shinji's synchronisation ratio is 42%, Rei's is 60%."

Misato hears this and frowns, "Mmm not good. Both of their ratios are way down. Shinji's I could expect after what has happed over the two last weeks. Rei's is probably due to what happened in Unit 00"

Soon afterwards Maya tells the test crew, "Ok we have finished here. We will now do a activation test using both pilots in Unit 02."

Misato then opens up the communications channels to the test plugs and informs the two pilots, "Ok Rei, Shinji we have finished here, onto the next test."

Upon hearing this Shinji groans and asks, "Misato what is the next test?"

"We are going to see if either of you can start unit 02."

"Oh." 'Asuka is not going to like this.'

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Entry Plugs of Units 01 & 02/ Control room

Shinji is sitting in the entry plug of Unit 02 when the voice of Misato comes over the intercom, "Are you ready Shinji?"

"Yes, it feels different though." 'Asuka is definitely not going to like this, especially Rei trying to use Unit 02.'

Maya then informs him, ""Shinji, once Unit 02 is activated, we may need to stay synchronised for up to half an hour to gather enough data."

Shinji sighs and replies, "Yes."

A technician reports, "The loading of the third child's personal data is complete."

Misato looks up at the image of Shinji on a screen and asks, "How is he?"

"Pilot's status is stable, he does seem a little tense though."

"He may be remembering what happened the last time when he got into a different Eva unit. That won't happen again will it?"

"I still don't know why Unit 00 reacted like it did."

"Ritsuko may have known though."

"Yes she may have. Start the test."

"Injecting LCL."

"Begin A10 nerve connection."

"The conditions of the pulses and harmonics are good."

"There are no problems with synchronisation. All nerve links are completed."

"Checked up to 2590 on the list satisfied. Until the absolute border line, 2.5, 1.7, 1.2, 1.0, 0.8, 0.6, 0.5, 0.4, 0.3, 0.2, 0.1, and rising, borderline cleared."

"Unit 02 has activated. Synchronisation level is stable at 30%"

Maya comments, "It's only just over the start up point."

Hearing this Misato asks, "So we leave Shinji in Unit 01?"

"It would appear so."

Inside of Unit 02's entry plug Shinji feels a strange sensation enter his mind, 'What the hell!' The image of Asuka finding her mother hanging from the hospital ceiling flashes through Shinji's mind. 'Oh, Asuka, I never knew.' The images of what Asuka went through when the 15th angel attacked then also start flashing through his mind as well. 'So Asuka no wonder you couldn't sync with your Eva again, the angel broke down all your barriers. Asuka, I now know your real reason for piloting and the reasons you pilot the way you do.'

Before any more images flash through Shinji's mind Misato's voice comes over the intercom, breaking his concentration. "Shinji we have finished the test, you can get out now."

Shinji sighs in relief and answers, "Good." 'I don't know how much more of that I could take.'

Unit 02 powers down and Shinji exits the entry plug. Rei is waiting to begin her test in Unit 02.

Once she sees that everything is ready to commence testing Rei in Unit 02 Maya orders, "Start the test."

A technician reports, "Injecting LCL."

"Begin A10 nerve connection." As soon as this order is carried out, error messages appear on the screens and alarms start sounding.

Inside of Unit 02's entry plug Rei winces in pain and tries not vomit as the eva refuses the connection.. "Ugh, it's is not going to work."

Shigeru looks up from his readouts, "Pulses reversed. Unit 02 is refusing the neural connection It's no good it won't let her get past the start up point."

Maya then orders, "Stop the test, we will try Rei in Unit 01."

Misato asks, "Do you think that Unit 01 will let Rei pilot it this time?"

Maya shakes her head and answers, "Probably not. We can only try."

Rei exits Unit 02's entry plug and walks over and enters Unit 01's entry plug.

Maya orders once more, "Start the test." Once she has received the report that the entry plug has been filled with LCL, she orders, "Begin A10 nerve connection." Once more error messages appear on the screens and alarms start sounding. Rei's voice comes over the communications channel to Unit 01, "It's is not going to work again."

Shigeru reports, "It's the same problem that happened with Unit 02. It won't let Rei get past the start up point."

Maya sighs and orders, "Stop the test."

Fuyutsuki turns to Gendo, "It would appear that your son is the only useable pilot until either the second child recovers or we get another Eva unit for Rei."

Pushing his glasses back up his nose Gendo coldly replies, "Yes it does."

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Outside of the pilots' change rooms

Staring down the hallway deep in thought Misato is waiting for Shinji outside of the change rooms. She hears the door to the change room open and she turns to face a troubled Shinji. Misato asks him, "What are you going to do for the rest of the day Shinji? Do you want a lift home?"

Shinji bluntly replies, "I am going out for a walk. I need to think about some things."

'Uh oh. I hope we are not going to have to go through him going walkabout again. But after what he as seen and done the last couple of weeks, well who could blame him.' Carefully Misato asks, "Where are you going Shinji? Will you be back tonight?"

Shinji yells in frustration at Misato, "LOOK I TOLD YOU I AM GOING FOR A WALK. I NEED TO THINK ABOUT SOMETHINGS ALRIGHT. YES I WILL BACK TONIGHT. I KNOW THAT I CAN'T RUN AWAY ANYMORE. I AM TIRED OF RUNNING AWAY. ANYWAY FATHER WILL JUST SEND THE SECRET SERVICE AFTER ME AGAIN. SO I CAN NOT RUNAWAY, I AM TRAPPED HERE."

'What! He is getting really mad. Have we pushed him too far this time?' Surprised by Shinji's anger she warily tells him, "Ok ok. No need to get angry. You just need some time to yourself. Just make sure you take your phone with you in case I need to get in contact with you."

"Yes I will, I am leaving now," Shinji then walks off down the hallway away from a worried Misato.

Unheard by the departing Shinji she says to him, "Bye." Sadly shaking her head Misato tells herself, 'I hope there are no more angels and that this ends soon because I think that he can't take too much more of this.'

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The Streets of the surviving section of Tokyo 3

Shinji is walking aimlessly while listening to his SDAT, thinking about the events of the last few weeks once more. But with the added burden of knowing partly the reason why Asuka acts the way she does. 'Well what can I do? I know that I can't run away. Just why do I still pilot?'

Lost in his daze Shinji steps out onto the busy road to cross it, unaware of the approaching truck which is carrying rubble from the ruins. At the last moment a man walking the footpath pulls Shinji back and angrily looks at Shinji and warns him. "Watch where you are going kid, are you trying to kill yourself or something?"

Shaken out of his daze, Shinji takes out the earplugs for his SDAT and answers, "Uh, thanks."

The man looks at the teenager before him and thinks, 'This kid needs a taking to before he kills himself crossing the road like that.' He then asks Shinji, "What's your name kid?"

"Shinji, Shinji Ikari."

"Well young mister Ikari......." The man then realises what the teenager in front of him just said that his name was, 'Wait a minute did he just say Shinji Ikari?' He then asks Shinji, "You are Shinji Ikari, the Evangelion pilot?"

"Regrettably, yes I am."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Piloting that thing has meant nothing but pain to me."

"I am sorry to hear that. But you are essentially fighting in a war, and you realistically must expect to be wounded at some time during one of your battles. You would be extremely lucky if you weren't injured at some time or another."

"Its not that, the physical pain while it may be unpleasant, it at least goes away, it's the emotional pain that I have trouble with."

'Is that why you look so mixed up?'

Shinji who has been wondering how the stranger knew his name and that he was an eva pilot asks, "How do you know my name and that I am a pilot?"

"You would be surprised of how famous the 3 Eva pilots have become. The names are of the pilots quite well known, but no one knows what you look like though. All that everyone knows is that the pilots are 15 year old children and that they have saved the city and mankind several times."

Surprised by this Shinji asks, "We are famous outside of Nerv?"

"You don't get it do you?"

"What do you mean?"

"You and your fellow pilots have made a big difference by your sacrifices."

Shinji looks down at the ground a he answers, ".....Um thanks, but I only do it because I am ordered to."

"Is that the real reason?"

"I used to think I knew the reason why I pilot the Eva, but that reason proved to be false, so I only do it now because I am ordered to."

The man frowns at hearing this and sarcastically says to Shinji, "Doing it because you are ordered to, do you really think that is a good reason to pilot? I think that you need to take a serious look at the real reason why you pilot."

Shinji sighs and answers in a resigned tone of voice, "What's the point? I have no choice in the matter, they will force me to pilot again and to get in that thing and kill again as I am the only pilot left."

Puzzled by this the stranger asks, "I thought that there are three pilots?"

"There were five actually. One is dead, another is missing an arm and leg, a third is in a coma in hospital and the fourth no longer has an Evangelion to pilot."

'There were five?' "What? Five pilots!!.............I am sorry to hear that. So it is only you left?"

"Yes. But I don't know if I can pilot again, especially to kill again."

"But isn't it your job to kill angels?"

"I thought so. But now I don't know. While piloting that thing I have nearly killed one of my friends and caused him to lose an arm and leg. And then I had to kill another friend because of what he was."

'No wonder you seem so messed up.' "Well Shinji Ikari. By the sounds of that I think you need to take a long hard look at why you keep on piloting."

"Yes I do." 'Just why do I continue to pilot? Why do I bother to keep on going on, why don't I just end it all?'

"Yes you do. I have to go now. Goodbye." The man then walks off and soon disappears into the surrounding crowd.

Unheard by the departing stranger Shinji says, "Goodbye." His thoughts then turn inwards once more, 'Just why do I continue to pilot? Why do I bother to keep on going on, why don't I just walk away from it all?' Shinji continues walking and ends up at Kaji's watermelon patch. 'Kaji, I could have talked this through with you. You would have at least heard me out. Misato why did you have to kill him?' Shinji then remembers what Kaji told him here during the attack of the 14th angel. 'Kaji, I think you could partly see the true reason I pilot. You would not have told me, you would have told me that it was for me to realise.'

Shinji then sits down on a park bench near Kaji's garden. 'Do I pilot for the praise of my bastard of an uncaring so called father or do I do it some other reason?' Soon afterwards the memory of holding a bleeding Rei on the walkway in front of Unit 01 during the attack of the 3rd angel. And his decision to pilot to stop his father making an already injured Rei pilot, flashes through his mind. 'Maybe I pilot because it is a way I can help others.'

Shinji's memory flashes back to the volcano at Mt. Asamayama during the attack of the 8th angel, the 8th angel has just cut Unit 02's umbilical cables just before it was destroyed. Unit 02 then starts to fall into the depths of the volcano with no means of climbing out. Asuka quietly says, "I have done it...... but that's it, I am done for......."

Hearing Asuka's statement Shinji thinks, 'I can't just let her fall to her death down there.' Unit 01 then jumps down into the volcano holding onto the intact portion of the umbilical cable with one hand.

Surprised by Shinji's actions Misato orders, "What are you doing Shinji? Come back here now."

Shinji simply replies, "And let Asuka die? I should be able to get her before the heat affects either Unit 01 or myself."

Annoyed Misato replies, "All right then."

Unit 02 stops falling, and Asuka grunts in surprise at the sudden stop. On a view screen in Unit 01 the image Asuka looking up to see what has saved her can be seen. Once she sees what it is she smiles and quietly says, "Uh??? Shinji! Idiot! You show off!"

END FLASHBACK

'Even though you hated me for doing that Asuka I couldn't let you die, not when I could do something to stop it. Asuka, Even though she calls me stupid, and hits me all the time I at least know where I stand with her. But she is in hospital, after having a breakdown after the 15th angel attacked. Father why did you not let me save her? Just what do I feel for her? Well, I suppose I will go & visit Asuka in hospital tomorrow, even though she will hate me for it.'

Another memory flashes through Shinji's mind. It is a conversation that he had with Touji in Rei's apartment prior to the attack of the 13th angel. Touji is sitting down backwards on a steel chair and he says to Shinji, "You have changed a lot Shinji."

Turning around from his cleaning, puzzled Shinji asks, "What?"

"You, Shinji."

"Hmm?"

"When I first saw you, I really thought you were a jerk. You didn't seem like a guy who'd do something for the sake of other people. I guess it's that because you're so reserved."

END FLASHBACK

'Touji, I think that you could see that I will do things for those I care for. Touji, ....he is somewhere in the Nerv hospital. But I haven't seen him since........well, my bastard of a father nearly killed him using my hands. I don't know if I can face him, I don't know if he will forgive me. I wouldn't blame him if he did not.'

'What if Touji got hurt more because of my inaction's? Maybe that is the reason I pilot? Do I do it to protect those that I care for? If I don't pilot again now, especially now that there I am the only one left who can pilot. Who will protect them? Could I live with myself if I left it all and someone else got injured? I suppose I should try & go and see Touji in hospital and see if he forgives me for what father made me do.'

Shinji then remembers when he first started to think about Rei as a person and not as pilot. It was at Misato's apartment prior to the attack of the 5th angel. Ritsuko has just asked Shinji if he could give Rei her new security card. Misato is teasing him for looking at Rei's photo on the card. Still studying the card Shinji finally tells Misato why he is looking at Rei's photo. "I just find it strange that I know so little about Ayanami, even though she's an Eva pilot, like me..."

Ritsuko smiles at this and tells Shinji, "She's a good girl though. But like your father, she's not good at...........

"She's not good at what?"

"Living, I guess."

END FLASHBACK

'Rei Ayanami, although she is a clone of my mother, she is a human being in her own right. This Rei is special now that since Ritsuko destroyed the rest of the clones, that she is the last Rei. What do I feel towards her now? I feel a little strange towards her now, but I still feel for her. I shouldn't be avoiding her like I have been, since we have been through so much together. Due to her being a clone made mostly from my mother, she could easily be considered a relation. I suppose in a way she could even be called my sister. I should go and see her tomorrow to tell her that I am sorry for avoiding her and to tell her the truth about where she came from. As from the way she acts, it would appear that she does not know the full story either.'

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A computer terminal in an empty office deep in Nerv Headquarters

Misato sits down in front of the computer terminal, she places the chip that she received from Kaji into a port at the back of the processor. 'Lets see how good your password works Kaji.' She then starts typing at the computer and places a disc into it. After breaking into the highest security level files Misato comments to herself, 'mmm, interesting. Lets start by seeing what it says about second impact.'

The computer starts scrolling pages of information, Misato looks closely at the summary.

Summary of Second Impact

Second impact was caused by an experiment being carried out by the Katsuragi Expedition. On the being known as Adam (for further information refer to the file on the first angel), causing a massive explosion that caused the Antarctic ice cap to melt.

'So humans caused second impact by tampering with things that should be left well alone.'

There were only two survivors of this expedition. The first being Gendo Ikari who had returned to Japan the day before with copies of data from all of the expedition's experiments to date. He gave no indication if he knew what may have caused the expedition to have the effect that it did.

Misato frowns after reading this, 'mmm. Trust that bastard to get out just before it happened, he probably knew it was going to happen.'

The second survivor was Misato Katsuragi, the daughter of the expedition's head scientist. She was found floating in a survival capsule with minor head wounds, a chest wound & was suffering from slight blood loss. She believes that her father placed her in it just before the major explosion. It is suspected (although she claims no knowledge of the fact), that Misato Katsuragi is the only person to have actually seen second impact first hand. She was traumatised by the experience and remained catatonic for several years after.

'If they only knew what I saw......Hell on earth...... Enough of this lets see now, what is the truth of what are the Evangelions?'

The Evangelions are a bio-mechanical humanoid shaped fighting machine, they are in part a living creature created using angel DNA. The units need a pilot to control the actions of the unit and to interface with the simulated soul that resides in the unit. Although in the cases of units 01 and 02 it is believed that the soul is not actually a simulation.

The soul in Unit 00 is a simulation only, it was created using the personality transfer operating system. The person involved was Dr Naoko Akagi. Developer of the MAGI computer system and one of the original team behind the development of the Evangelions.

During a start up and synchronisation test in 2004 Unit 01's test pilot Yui Ikari was lost during an uncontrollable synchronisation incident during start up. No physical remains of the pilot remained. This incident happened while being watched by her son Shinji Ikari, who was later found to be the third child. It is believed that Dr Naoko Akagi was partly responsible for the accident although nothing was proven.

A shocked look appears on Misato's face after reading about Shinji's mother and Unit 01. '........Oh Shinji. That is why you hate Eva and yet still pilot it? Is that why you nearly didn't come back that time when it absorbed you Shinji? Did you see your mother? Lets see, what does it say about Unit 02?'

The soul in Unit 02 is believed to be that of Kyoko Zeppelin Sohryu, who was the original test pilot for that unit in Germany. During a synchronisation test in 2005 the pilot suffered major mental contamination, which lead to a complete psychological breakdown, which lead to her eventual suicide. The body was found by her daughter Asuka Langley Sohryu who had just been selected as the second child.

'mmm I knew that Asuka's mother committed suicide but not the reason behind it. With what's happened to them and the truth behind their evangelions, no wounder the poor kids are so screwed up. Lets see about this mysterious Human Instrumentality Project that Kaji was so interested in.'

Summary of Human Instrumentality Project

The aim of the Human Instrumentality Project is the controlled merging of a human, the first angel Adam and the second angel Lilith. By this controlled 'Third Impact' mankind will evolve to the next level of consciousness, by the merging of all souls into one.

Misato is stunned by what she has just read, 'WHAT!!!!! a controlled third impact they can't be serious can they? Is this the true purpose of Nerv? Is this why you are so determined commander Ikari or do you have another reason? Oh crap! Look at the time. I better stop this and get out of here and make an appearance before somebody misses me.' Misato shuts the computer down and leaves the office.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Deep in Central Dogma

An armoured bulkhead door is in view. A man appears to be tampering with the security card reader despite the warning about the doorway. "Project A Cryogenic storeroom KEEP OUT Trespassers shall be shot on sight, Violators will be liable for penalties of up to 10 years imprisonment, $100,000 fine or both." The man tampering with the security system turns out to be Kaji who in a whisper declares, "There that should do it." He then swipes a red Nerv security card through the reader. The door slowly opens revealing a room full of scientific equipment. In the corner sits a cryogenic tank full of liquid nitrogen, a set of tongs and a insulated briefcase sit nearby.

'Project A, the cover name for having Adam, the first angel, the cause of second impact.' He walks over and removes a small box out of the liquid nitrogen with the tongs and places it in the insulated briefcase. 'It's hard to think that this caused the death of half of mankind.' He then laughs to himself as he contemplates, 'I can just imagine the look on Ikari's and the old men at SEELE faces when they realise that this is missing. I know what you would want me to do with it Katsuragi, you have a more personal grudge with this angel.'

Kaji checks the room for any evidence of his being there, he then walks out of the room and shuts the door. He then restores the security system to its previous settings.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Rei Ayanami's apartment

Rei enters the apartment and walks over to her bedside chest of drawers. She takes Gendo's glasses out of their case and then sits down on a chair. Holding Gendo's glasses, she is staring at them deep in thought. A memory of the second Rei flashes through her mind. It is when Shinji came to Rei's apartment after the attack of the 13th angel to say goodbye.

Shinji is standing awkwardly at the open doorway to Rei's apartment. He hesitantly tells her, "I have come to say goodbye Rei. I am going back to live with my teacher."

"Why are you leaving Shinji?"

"I have decided I won't pilot Eva again........especially after what father made Unit 01 do.....He nearly killed my best friend using my own hands."

"Have you tried to understand your father?"

Shinji angrily replies, "He is no father of mine. He has not cared for me since mother died. He only called me here because he had a use for me."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. He takes more interest in you and your well being than he does in mine. I have spoken to him only a few short times since I have come here. I have seen him with you and talking to you several times. Why is this Rei? Is this the actions of a caring father?'

".......I do not know."

END FLASHBACK

'Why would commander Ikari have more concern for me than he has for Shinji, his own son? Does he have some hidden purpose for me? Why does he ignore his own son? Why did he let Unit 01 do that to Shinji's friend? Shinji.....the only person who cares for me, is he right for not liking his father? Do I still have feelings for the commander or do I have feelings for Shinji now? Why do I keep these glasses? I feel that there is some reason I kept them but I do not know the answer. I think that they are the commander's, but can't see any reason in keeping them, what I made me keep them I do not know.' Rei twists the glasses until they shatter, the broken glass causes some small cuts to her hands.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Tokyo 3 - four blocks away from Misato's apartment later that day

Shinji is walking towards the apartment building when he hears a girl call his name, "Shinji. Shinji Ikari, wait." Hearing his name being called Shinji stops walking and thinks, 'Uh? Who could that be?' He then hears the sound of someone running towards him. Shinji turns to see who it is, he sees that it is Hikari Horaki. Surprised to see her in Tokyo 3 he asks, "Hikari?"

As Hikari approaches Shinji she notices how depressed and haggard he looks and greats him, "Shinji.........." 'My goodness you don't look very good.'

Once Hikari catches up with him, Shinji slowly starts walking again, Hikari walks with him. Shinji asks her, "What are you doing here? I thought that your family had left Tokyo 3."

"They had, but my father works for Nerv so he came here today to look for somewhere to live, as Nerv still need him. While my father was looking for an apartment, I went and visited Suzahara in hospital. When I left there, I thought that I would go and visit Asuka to see how she was as she wasn't feeling the best when I left Tokyo 3. I never got the chance to say goodbye to her."

Shinji sadly tells her, "..........You won't find Asuka at Misato's."

"Why what do you mean? Did she leave?"

"No. She is in hospital as well."

Concerned about what may have happened to Asuka, Hikari asks, "What happened? Did she get hurt during that big explosion that destroyed Tokyo 3?"

Shinji shudders at the memory of the explosion and replies, "No.....not physically at least."

Hikari sees Shinji shudder and thinks, 'Something bad must have happened for him to react like that.' She then asks him, "Why what happened?"

Shinji sighs and hesitates before answering, "Re...Rei ... went to fight the angel. It attacked her and they sent Asuka to help, but.... she.. she couldn't start her evangelion so they brought her back. I didn't see her after that, apparently she ran away and they found her a week later. She was taken to hospital and she fell into a coma soon after."

"So how is she now?"

"As far as I know she hasn't improved. Misato hasn't said anything and I can't bring myself to go and see her."

"You should go an see her Shinji. I know that you care for her."

Shinji's eyes widen in surprise after hearing this and he asks, "Uh you do? Maybe I do."

"You do."

"I suppose I should go and see her."

"Yes you should." Shinji falls silent after this and after a moments hesitation Hikari asks him, "So what happened then? I take it that Rei or yourself did eventually destroy that angel."

Shinji frowns before answering, "....Ye... yes ...R...Rei did. They sent me to help after Asuka couldn't help, but before I could do anything the angel destroyed my gun. Rei then contained the angel and self destructed Unit 00, destroying the angel and most of Tokyo 3."

'So that's what actually happened.' "And what happened to Rei?"

"……...S..... she .. was killed........"

'So is that why you look like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders?' "So you are the only active pilot left?"

Shinji falls silent for a moment, bows his head and stares at the ground. With his head still bowed he answers, "Nnnnn oo. Rei is a... alive."

Confused by Shinji's answer Hikari asks him, "What? I thought you just said that she was dead."

"The Rei we knew was killed. Bu ....but she she is a a clone. They just made another Rei."

Hikari just stares at Shinji in shock trying to comprehend his answer. She eventually manages to ask, "................. Uh. B.....but how?"

"To .....to make it worse she ....she is a clone made by using mostly my .......my mother's DNA."

The shocked look on Hikari's face increases after hearing this. 'No wounder you look so messed up Shinji.' She then asks Shinji, ".............. . Does Rei know this?"

"No. I haven't had the courage to face her since I found out."

"Is this the reason why you look so terrible Shinji, or are you still worrying about what happened to Touji?"

"Partly, but......................."

"Look when I saw Suzahara earlier on today. He was wondering why you haven't come to see him. He knows that it wasn't your fault. He said that you should stop blaming yourself."

Shinji's expression darkens as he angrily replies, "It isn't just what happened to Touji or what happened to Asuka or finding the truth about Rei..... its. its...... No I don't deserve Touji's forgiveness, not after what I did to ........ to. to....... Kaworu."

Baffled by this unfamiliar name Hikari asks Shinji, "Who is Kaworu, Shinji?"

Shinji hangs his head in shame and softly replies, "Not who is, more likely who was................"

Hikari stares at Shinji in shock and asks, ".................You don't mean?"

"Yes. He is dead, I killed him."

".......Why..... why did you kill him?"

"He.... was a.... angel."

"..............Oh! I am sorry to hear that." 'So that is the reason why you look so depressed?'

Shinji and Hikari end up in front of the apartment building. Hikari asks, "If you don't mind Shinji, can I come with you I wanted to see Misato as well."

"Um, sure."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Misato's apartment

Shinji opens the front door to the apartment, Hikari is standing behind him. They then enter the apartment, Shinji flatly says, "I am home," as he takes off his shoes.

Misato walks in from the kitchen and greats Shinji, "Oh you're back." She then sees Hikari and greats her, "Hello Hikari." Realising that Hikari is probably here to see Asuka she then awkwardly tells her, "Umm.. Asuka isn't here."

Hikari replies, "I know. Shinji told me. I decided to come and say hello to you anyway and to tell you how that crazy bird of yours is going."

Shinji tells Misato and Hikari, "I'm going to my room." He turns to Hikari before walking off to his bedroom and tells her, "Hikari, thanks for listening."

After hearing Shinji thank Hikari, Misato reflects, 'Was that all you needed Shinji, was to talk to one of your friends?'

Surprised by Shinji thanking her Hikari replies, " ......!!!!!!!!!! It was no problem. Now remember to go and see them tomorrow."

Walking off to his bedroom Shinji replies, "I will. Goodbye Hikari."

"Good bye Shinji." Once Shinji has closed his bedroom door Hikari quietly and with a concerned look on her face turns to Misato and tells her, "I am worried about him Misato, this is the worst he has ever been isn't it?"

With a serious look on her face Misato replies, "Yes. He was only just really getting over what happened to Touji, not to mention what followed, when Asuka was attacked by the 15th angel. He took that worse than expected because he wasn't able to do anything since Unit 01 was still frozen after it's.... little problem."

"Yes I know that Asuka took what that angel did to her quite badly, she spent a lot of time at my place after that."

"Yes. Shinji desperately wanted to do something to help her during that attack but his father wouldn't let him. You know I just can't work those two out, for two people fighting each other so much, I still think that there is something between those two."

"Yes. I think the only people who can't see it are Asuka and Shinji."

"Yes, you are right there."

"What happened next made matters worse didn't they?"

"Yes unfortunately. For not long after that that attack, the 16th angel attacked. Rei was sent to stop it and Asuka was sent as backup. Well the angel attacked Rei and Asuka was ordered to help, but she was still having problems. She couldn't even start Unit 02. So Shinji was sent to help Rei."

"Yes Shinji told me all of this. He said that Rei self destructed her Evangelion and died, but another Rei was created."

'Shinji must have been rather talkative.' "Yes Rei is a clone." Misato shudders at the thought of all those Rei clones in the LCL. "One made up using mostly Shinji's mother's DNA. As you could imagine Shinji took this information rather badly. And to top it off Asuka disappeared, she wasn't found until a week later."

Hikari hesitantly then asks Misato, "Uh ..... Shinji mentioned someone called Kaworu. Who was he? Shinji seems rather upset about what happened to him."

Misato frowns at hearing Kaworu's name mentioned, she then answers Hikari's question, "Unfortunately that is the main reason why he is in the rather depressed state that he is now in. I can't say much but I will say this, Kaworu was the fifth child, he came to us as Asuka's replacement. He became Shinji's friend rather quickly and I gather that Shinji trusted him. I thought that there was something unusual about him though and unfortunately, I was right. As Kaworu was also the 17th and hopefully last angel. As the only active pilot left Shinji had to chase him down into the very depths of Nerv and kill him. Ever since then he has been in this rather depressed state."

"Something like that happening would be enough to make anyone feel bad, but Shinji is taking all of this extremely badly. I am worried Misato, I am afraid that he might do something rather drastic."

"I am afraid that you are right Hikari. And there is nothing that we can do. I have tried to help him but he doesn't want to talk or listen to anyone. He has done his best to avoid me since then, the talk he had with you must have been the most that he has said since the 17th angel."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

An abandoned building on the outskirts of Tokyo 3

Kaji and an official from the interior ministry are meeting inside of an abandoned warehouse. Kaji is carrying the insulated briefcase that he removed from Nerv either that day. The official asks Kaji, "So do you have it?"

"Yes." Kaji then hands over the briefcase to the official.

"I take it that you were undetected?"

Kaji grins as he replies, "Of course. None of the security measures have been changed since I was there last."

"Good."

Kaji points to the briefcase and asks, "May I ask what is going to happen to it now? It should be destroyed, you do realise what it is capable of?"

The official curtly replies, "That is none of your concern."

'Yeah, right! I have a bad feeling about this. I just hope that they don't do anything too stupid.'

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Shinji's bedroom that night

Shinji is lying on his bed staring at the ceiling deep in thought, 'Well I suppose I should go and see them and say goodbye. I won't tell them what I plan to do though.' Shinji then rolls over and falls asleep and for once it is a deep sound sleep. An hour later Misato looks in on Shinji and comments to herself, 'mmm you seem to be sleeping soundly for once Shinji. Maybe that talk you had with Hikari did you some good.'

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Next morning - Misato's apartment

Shinji is sitting down at the kitchen table having breakfast. He has also prepared a breakfast for Misato which he has placed in front of Misato's seat at the table. Misato walks into the kitchen and grabs her usual morning can of beer from the fridge. She greats Shinji, "Good morning Shinji."

To Misato's surprise Shinji looks up from his food and replies in a civil tone of voice, "Good morning Misato."

Surprised by Shinji's manner this morning Misato asks herself, 'What's wrong? Shinji is actually acting normal this morning, well normal for Shinji.'

Misato sits down and joins Shinji in eating breakfast. Shinji soon finishes and nervously asks Misato, "Umm Misato. Could you tell me where Touji is staying in hospital please?"

'Mmm He has finally gathered the courage to go and see him.' Misato then answers, "Yes he is in room 201 of the Nerv hospital. He will be pleased to see you, he has had no visitors since..... the 16th angel."

'But how will he react to me?' "Thanks, I will probably go and see him today."

"Good. But why has it taken you so long to decide to see him Shinji?"

"Umm well he is probably the only friend that I have left in Tokyo 3, Kensuke left when his house got destroyed. I need to talk to him about something. That is if he is still my friend after .......what happened."

Misato gives Shinji a reassuring smile as she tells him, "Don't worry Shinji. He knows the full story of what actually happened and I am sure that he doesn't blame you."

Shinji nervously says, "Ok. Um Misato, I am sorry if I have been a little hard to get along with the last couple of days. A lot of things have happened and I did not know what to do about them."

Surprised by what Shinji has just said to her, Misato replies, "…..Oh that is all right, I realise that you have been through a lot lately." 'And that is a understatement.'

"Bye then. I am going to see Touji. I might even visit Asuka," replies Shinji as he gets up to leave.

"Bye." Misato then asks herself, 'Why the sudden change Shinji? What has made you change? You still seem a little subdued though, almost resigned to something, though you seem to have made a decision about something. I hope you are not going to do anything stupid.'

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Nerv Hospital room 201

Touji is sitting up in bed reading, the door slides open and Shinji sheepishly looks through the open door. He then knocks on the door frame and nervously asks, "Ummm, can I come in Touji?"

Touji looks at the door in surprise and answers, "Shinji! I thought you would never come and see me, of course you can come in. I have had no visitors since that big explosion destroyed most of Tokyo 3. Everyone has left, Kensuke and the class rep have moved to a safer area. Especially since their homes were destroyed in the explosion, not that having that happen would worry Kensuke.".

Shinji walks in and sits in a chair next to the bed, looks at Touji and with his head bowed slightly he nervously starts to say something to Touji, " ........Uh."

Touji looks at Shinji with an annoyed expression on his face and interrupts , "Shinji, get this into that thick skull of yours or do I have to beat it into you. I know what happened. What happened to me is not your fault. Misato came & explained everything to me. I know that you were not in control of your Eva when it did this to me."

"....!! But, but........"

Touji grabs Shinji with his good arm & pulls him close to his face and angrily tells Shinji, "Look I told you I know it wasn't your fault. Ok."

"Ok."

Touji then notices how haggard and worn out Shinji looks. He asks Shinji, "Hey what's wrong you don't look so good. You haven't been worrying about what happened to me all that time have you?"

Shinji hangs his head and looks at the floor as he quietly replies, "...No."

"Then what's wrong then? This is the worst I have seen you."

'Where do I begin?' "You know that I was going to leave Nerv after........"

"Yes, Misato told me that, but you came back and piloted again didn't you?"

"Yes. Did she tell you what happened though?"

"No."

"I was absorbed into Unit 01 for over a month."

Confused by what Shinji is telling him Touji asks, "Absorbed for a month? What exactly do you mean Shinji?"

"My body dissolved into LCL for over a month. Apparently everyone thought that they had lost me that time."

"So what do you remember?"

"Not a thing. I remember Unit 01 losing power while fighting the angel. The next thing I remember was waking up in hospital a month later with Asuka sitting beside my bed."

"So the she devil does care for you then."

Puzzled Shinji asks, "Who?"

"Asuka of course. You dummy, your beloved flat mate."

Shinji looks down at the floor with a pained look as he answers, "That is part of the problem."

Puzzled by Shinji's answer Touji asks, "Why, what's happened? Has something happened to Asuka?"

"Yes you could say that, she is actually in this hospital."

"Is she hurt or what?"

"Well not physically."

"What do you mean Shinji?"

"The 15th angel attacked, Asuka went to stop it and it did something to her mind."

"What happened then? How did you stop it?"

Shinji frowns at this and yells, "I didn't do a thing. My father didn't let me do a thing, I was useless. That was the second time he sat back and listened to me begging him to do something to stop one of my friends being hurt and what does he do? He ignores me, he didn't trust me."

Touji is surprised at the ferocity of Shinji's outburst, 'It looks like you really loathe your father Shinji. It would appear that you do care for the she devil. I knew that there was something between you two.' "Have you seen Asuka since?"

Shinji answers, his voice almost a whisper, "Not really. I saw her not long after they got her out of the entry plug. She was in an extremely foul mood and still recovering from what the angel did to her, as you could expect she wasn't feeling the best. She avoided Misato and myself as much as she could after that and spent most of her time at Hikari's. Apparently she ran way not after the next angel attack, they found her nearly a week latter in a daze. She has been in hospital in a coma since."

"Shinji, you do really care for her don't you?"

"Ummmmm I suppose so. Even when she yells at me, calls me baka, and hits me, I sometimes see a funny look in her eyes. I suppose I felt for her probably from the time she came to live with me and Misato. I guess I have only just realised it though. How did you know?"

"Everybody knows Shinji. The only people who don't know are Asuka and yourself."

Shinji looks surprised at hearing this and comments, "We were that obvious?"

"Yes. Why do you think that everyone calls you two the newlyweds?" Shinji blushes after hearing this.

The room then falls silent until Touji decides to break the silence by asking, "Shinji, just what was cause of that big explosion. I have guessed that it was probably an angel attack."

"Well um," 'How do I explain this?'

Touji asks impatiently, "Well are you going to tell me or what?"

Shinji looks down at the floor with an anguished look and answers, "......umm, that's not entirely true."

Puzzled by Shinji's answer Touji asks, "Huh, what do you mean?"

"Shinji: Well Rei died, but there is another Rei.'

A confused Touji manages to ask, "What do you mean Shinji. I know that you have feelings for Ayanami, but what exactly do you mean by that?"

'How in the world do I explain this?' "Umm. Well, Rei is a clone........ A clone using mostly my mother's DNA. They just made another Rei."

Touji's eyes widen in shock and he stares at Shinji stunned by what he has just heard, "A WHAT!!!!"

"A clone………of my mother."

Shaking his head Touji tells Shinji, "Well that does explain a few things.'

"Yeah. I don't know what to say or how to act towards her at the moment."

"Do you still have feelings for her?"

"Yes, but not like before. I don't know how I feel towards her now, I haven't had the courage to face her since I found out the truth about her. I do feel bad for avoiding her lately though."

"You should go and see her Shinji, you are probably her only friend."

"Yes I suppose that I am. You are right Touji I should go and see her. She deserves to be told the truth, as I could imagine that my so called father hasn't told Rei."

"Yes she does deserve to know the truth."

Shinji then looks back down at the floor deep in thought. Seeing this and suspecting that Shinji hasn't told him everything that has happened to cause him to be so depressed. Touji carefully asks him, "So is what happened to Asuka and finding out about Rei the reason why you seem so depressed?"

Shinji reluctantly replies, ".......No......well....... partly.....But mainly because of what I did to....... Kaworu......... "

'Who is this Kaworu?' "You don't have to tell me if you don't really want to."

"Nnnno, I suppose I should talk about it. Well after Asuka ........... disappeared, they organised a replacement. I met him by chance on the edge of the water filled crater that was Tokyo 3, he was humming a tune. When I spoke to him he introduced himself as Kaworu Nagisa, the fifth child. He had white hair and red eyes."

"We then went to Nerv for the usual sync tests. I don't know how he went but he apparently could sync with Unit 02 even before they replaced Asuka's data with his, Maya seamed worked up about something with his readings though. After we finished the tests we both talked about some things. Due to it being late and I didn't really feel like facing Misato so I slept at his apartment. The next morning we both had to go back to Nerv for various tests. While I was getting ready to change into my plug suit the warning sirens when off. Apparently Kaworu had started Unit 02 without even getting into the entry plug, he was taking Unit 02 and was heading to terminal dogma. I didn't want to believe Misato at first when she told me, but when I saw him floating in front of Unit 02 like that…….. I knew that she was right."

"Where is this terminal dogma, and what is so important about it?"

"I shouldn't be telling you this Touji, terminal dogma is probably the deepest part of Nerv headquarters. There is an angel down there, it is crucified and missing its legs, it is also surrounded by a sea of LCL."

Dumbfounded by what Shinji has just told him, Touji just stares at Shinji in shock. He eventually manages to utter, ".......An angel!"

"Yes, and that's what Kaworu was heading for. Using Unit 02 he smashed his way through all the bulkheads. I eventually caught up with him and had to fight Unit 02, it was a fairly even battle, although I managed to try to stab

Kaworu with the progressive knife once, but his AT field stopped me. After that Unit 02 started with renewed vigour and stabbed Unit 01, and Kaworu got right to the entrance to Terminal Dogma. I couldn't get any closer to him, but suddenly the AT field stopping me from going any further was neutralised, by what no one could tell me, as it wasn't anything I did. At the same time Kaworu's control over Unit 02 seamed to lessen, I then managed to stop Unit 02."

In an attempt to lighten Shinji up despite the serious subject, Touji tells Shinji, "I hope you didn't damage it too much otherwise you should be glad that Asuka is in hospital, otherwise I think that she would try beat you into a pulp."

Shinji gives a half hearted laugh at this and continues, "Yeah. Anyway I then managed to catch up with Kaworu. He was floating in the air in front of the angel. He was referring to the angel as Adam, the first angel and he was said by merging with Adam he would live forever, but it would mean the annihilation of mankind, in other words third impact. He then realised it was another angel called Lilith. He then let me grab hold of him and asked me to........kill him, I hesitated but I eventually did. That was the hardest thing I have had to do while in control my Eva, to crush someone in its hand, someone who I had considered my friend, even if he did end up being an angel."

"He was an angel Shinji if you didn't kill him everyone else would have been killed."

Shinji angrily yells in reply, "THAT'S NOT THE POINT! I KILLED SOMEONE. SOMEONE I CALLED MY FRIEND. I AM A MONSTER."

In an attempt to make Shinji see that he did the right thing Touji sternly tells him, "Yes it is. Would you have preferred that he succeeded and everyone was killed, with no way of defending themselves? Look here Shinji, if I am going to die for what ever reason I would at least to know why."

Shinji calms down as he replies, ".........But.....But I don't know if I can take it any more. I don't think that I could actually get into Unit 01 and pilot it in combat against an angel."

"But there are supposed to be only seventeen angels. And since they are all gone, you shouldn't have to should you?"

"I suppose that you are right Touji."

"Shinji, go and see them."

Wondering who Touji could be referring to Shinji asks, "Who?"

Touji shakes his head as he tells Shinji, "You can be thick at times Shinji, Asuka and Rei of course."

"Well I suppose I might. Goodbye Touji and thanks."

Touji replies, "See you later Shinji,' as Shinji leaves the hospital room. 'He said goodbye almost like he was saying it for the last time. What are you going to do Shinji?'

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Rei Ayanami's apartment

Shinji nervously walks up to the door and notices that the mail slot in the door is still "Umm Rei, I need to talk to you about something. May I come in? "

"Yes."

Shinji walks in. Rei's apartment is in its usual state of disarray. Gendo's pair of glasses lies smashed and are lying in a garbage bin

"Rei, um I am sorry if I have offended you by the way I have been acting towards you lately."

"Why what do you mean?"

"I have been avoiding you and trying to ignore you."

"I did not notice."

Shinji gulps and nervously continues, "Umm Rei its because Ritsuko told me the truth behind you and the dummy plugs."

"What do you mean?"

"She showed me the dummy plug room......the.....the.... The room with the clones ....of ....you. She said that you were the third and last clone."

Rei just stands there with a stunned expression on her face while she thinks, 'I am a clone that would explain the strange feelings and incomplete memories that I have been experiencing. It also explains why I have always felt that I am replaceable.'

"Umm. Rei, I really don't know how to say this, but she also told me what you were cloned from...... from....... Um.....Rei.. you. ....are a clone using mostly my...my....my mother's DNA and partly using angel DNA."

".....I did not know this. I had a feeling that I was the third but did not know why."

"If you doubt me look at this photo that Ritsuko gave me." Shinji gives Rei the photo that Ritsuko gave him in the dummy plug room. "It is a photo of Ritsuko's mother and my father and mother."

Rei's eyes widen in surprise as she studies the photo. 'I can now see why Shinji has had feelings towards me, it is like looking at a photo of an older version of me with blue eyes and brown hair. Is this the reason why commander Ikari shows more interest in me than Shinji his son? Or is it for other reasons?'

"Um, Rei....after Ritsuko showed me this she then destroyed the rest of the clones. So Rei, there is no need for you to act like you are replaceable. You are unique now Rei."

'I am free. I can no longer be replaced.'

"Rei, you may not like what I am about to say next, as last time I said something bad about my father, you slapped me."

"I did? I do not remember."

"Yes you did Rei. Now please think before blindly following anything that my so called father orders you to do. Considering your origins and his actions towards you so far he probably has some hidden purpose for you."

"Yes, I have decided that much myself."

"Rei, um well, um ...I still care for you ...but since I now know where you came from, well...I think it would be better if I consider you at least as a close friend, I could even call you my sister as in a way you are partly related to me."

Rei blushes as she replies, " .....A close friend, .........something that I have never had."

"I have always been your friend Rei. I just never had the courage to actually tell you."

"T...thank you. Thank you for telling .me all of this Shinji."

"No problems Rei, I needed to do it, I felt bad about the way I have been treating you recently. I better be going now."

"Goodbye Shinji."

"Goodbye Rei."

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A florist shop in the surviving section of Tokyo 3.

After looking around the shop Shinji walks up to the shopkeeper and asks, "Can I have that bunch of bright red roses please."

The shopkeeper looks at Shinji and questions him, "They are expensive. Have you got the money kid?"

Shinji pulls out his wallet which is bugling with yen notes, he looks at it and thinks 'Not that I have needed to spend it on anything else.' Handing over the money to the shopkeeper, "Yes. Here is the money."

"Oh. Do you want a message card to go with them?"

"Yes thanks." Shinji takes the flowers & steps out of the shop. There are dark clouds building in the distance in the eastern sky, 'It looks like we might get a storm later.'

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Nerv Hospital Room 303

Shinji is walking down the hallway towards Asuka's hospital room, he has the large bunch of red roses in his hands. As he nears Asuka's room he sees someone walk out of the room, it turns out to be Hikari. Hikari sees Shinji and walks towards him. Once she reaches Shinji, smiling she greats him, "Hello Shinji." 'Well you look better than you did yesterday.' "I take it that you are actually going to visit Asuka?"

Shinji answers, "Yes I am."

Hikari looks at the bunch of roses and asks Shinji, "I take it that those are for Asuka?"

Shinji blushes as he replies, "Yes they are."

.

"Well I better be going. I am going to visit Touji. Goodbye Shinji."

"Goodbye Hikari, and thanks again for listening to me yesterday."

Hikari smiles again and answers, "It was no problem. Goodbye." She then turns and walks down the hallway. Once Hikari has gone Shinji nervously sticks his head into Asuka's hospital room and sees Asuka lying there and nervously says, "Um hello Asuka, I know that you probably can't hear me but I'm coming in ok." He then cautiously walks into the room.

Shinji looks a the bunch of roses he is holding as he says to the comatose Asuka, "Umm Asuka these are for you." Asuka doesn't respond she just continues lying motionless, deep in her coma. Shinji places the roses in a vase on a set of drawers next to the bed and starts talking to the comatose Asuka. "Well Asuka I know that you can't hear me but I will talk to you anyway."

"Umm Asuka well I do care for you. I wish it was me that got hurt by that angel. I wanted to save you but my father wouldn't let me. I really did, and when you got mad at me after that battle did you really mean what you said to me or was it because of what the angel made you remember?"

"Why .....why do you treat me like you do if you do care for me why are you always hitting me and calling me baka or a pervert? Are you trying to get me mad when you do that......? I could never hit you back Asuka, and well I may occasionally yell back at you I could never really get mad at you. Anyway what do you see in a cowardly sneaky wimp like me?"

"Come on Asuka wake up please.....just call me stupid or something. Please.............. it isn't like you to be just laying there. You are always so full of energy and noise,........ in fact you would probably be yelling at me now and calling a pervert by seeing you in bed like this ............please Asuka wake up."

"I don't know what to do now.... I tried to talk to Touji about this but I didn't really succeed. Misato, well .......... I don't know, sometimes I think that she sees us as her children, others as a little brother and sister and at other

times just a tool to help her get revenge against the angels. The only other person I could talk to was Kaji and he is dead. I think Misato killed him, although she seems rather heartbroken over his death. And well Rei, she is part of the problem. I suppose you were right in thinking that there was something strange about her Asuka."

"Asuka please............... Sigh. What's the point?"

Shinji gets a piece of paper & writes something on it & places it on top of the set of drawers, he also places his SDAT player on there as well. Shinji starts to walk towards the door, before he reaches it he turns back and tells Asuka, "Bye Asuka. I hope you get well. I won't be around when you do, at least you will be number one pilot again."

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Misato's Apartment that night

Shinji & Misato are sitting down having dinner. The only sound in the room is that of their eating, wanting to break the silence Misato asks Shinji, "So did you go and see Touji?"

Shinji looks up at Misato and replies, "Yes I did. You were right Misato, he didn't blame me, and I should have

gone and seen him earlier."

"I am glad that you finally saw him, so what else did you do?"

"Well...... I went and saw Asuka......"

'Well that is a big surprise! You did say that you might visit her, but I would have never thought that you actually would. Even if you did I never would have thought that you would actually admit that you visited her!' "You did! And how was she?"

Shinji's expression darkens as he replies, "Apparently no better. She was just laying there. I almost thought it was someone else laying there, it's hard to imagine Asuka just laying there. Asuka is usually so noisy, so full of energy................"

Worried by Shinji's darkening expression Misato tells him, "Don't worry she is strong Shinji. She will get better soon."

The room then falls silent once more and the two continue to eat dinner. When they have finished they stay seated at the table, both of them waiting for the other to speak first. Shinji finally breaks the silence by hesitantly asking Misato, "Umm.......Misato what happened to Kaji?"

Misato is startled by this question and thinks, 'Oh no. How do I answer this?' "Um he had to leave. Why do you ask?"

"Well I thought it strange for him to leave like that, I thought he would have least said goodbye. I think that something bad must have happened to him."

Shocked by what Shinji has just said Misato asks, "Why....what do you mean?"

"Please tell me Misato. I know that you know the truth about what happened to him. I saw how you reacted to his message that night."

After hearing this Misato starts to cry as she asks, "Why Shinji? Why bring this up? Why now?"

Shinji asks Misato once more, "Tell me please Misato, please tell me what really happened."

Her tears increasing Misato answers, "He was shot. .........I I I..... I shot him."

"Why Misato? Why? What could have made you do that?"

".....Your .....father. He told me if I didn't kill Kaji that I would meet the same fate. Asuka and yourself we to be told some lie and you were to be kept under close guard in separate apartments in the geofront. Neither of you would have been able to leave the geofront to see your friends. I did it for Asuka and yourself, I don't think that either of you would have taken that development very well."

Shinji frowns at hearing that as his suspected, that his father was behind Kaji's disappearance. He angrily replies, "Father. I should have known that he would be behind it. Did you really do it for us Misato?"

Misato's crying worsens at hearing this and she yells, "YES." She then storms out of the kitchen and out of the kitchen into her bedroom, she slams the door shut.

Shinji's expression saddens after he realises what he just did to Misato. 'I couldn't even ask Misato the truth about Kaji without hurting her. I should have known that she would have only done it if she was forced to. Why do I always hurt everyone around me. I am tired of all this. Life has become just one big painful experience. I should just put an end to it.'

Shinji cleans the apartment up and sits down and writes a message and leaves it on the kitchen table. He then goes to the bathroom and gets a full bottle of sleeping pills. He then takes the entire contents of the bottle. 'Well hopefully this should do it.' He then walks over to the sofa and lays down. Fifteen minutes later he falls into a deep sleep.

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Misato's Bedroom

Misato is laying face down on her bed crying, "I am such a fool. Why Kaji ......why? Who was I fooling when I thought that I was doing it for Shinji and Asuka, Kaji?"

FLASHBACK

Third ventilation fan complex deep within the geofront, Kaji is standing in front of the slowly rotating fans, the sound of approaching footsteps can be heard. With his usual grin Kaji greats Misato, "You're a little late aren't you?"

Misato contemplates as she gets out her pistol from under her jacket, 'Forgive me Kaji.' Misato then shoots Kaji in the chest, he slumps to the floor.

Gasping for breath Kaji asks her, ".......Why?"

Misato starts to cry as she answers, "....I....had no choice. That cold bastard Ikari gave me no choice. It was this or join you in the same fate. I may have used it as an excuse to save myself but I don't think that Shinji especially could have taken loosing me. That bastard certainly knows how to use people that's for sure."

Coughing up some blood Kaji replies, "Do...don't worry Misato. I'm sure that you have done the right thing. You are right Shinji wouldn't have taken your death very well. Farewell Katsuragi....."

Misato's tears increase as she says, "Kaji...........I am such a fool.........." She then turns and starts to run away. She barely hears Kaji gasp, "Thank you Misato............"

END FLASHBACK

'I thought that I would only wound you Kaji but, even with you supposed to be dead I thought that you would have tried to contact me somehow and tell me that you were ok. Unless you are mad at me for shooting you, I can only think the reason that you haven't contacted me is that I misjudged and I did kill you. So the infallible director of operations made a major miscalculation and killed the man she loved. Please forgive me Kaji.'

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Misato's Apartment Two Hours later

A rather bleary and red eyed Misato enters the kitchen from her bedroom. She notices that Shinji has cleaned up. She sees Shinji laying apparently asleep on the sofa. 'You look so at peace sleeping like that Shinji.' She then sees the note on the table, "What have you left a note about Shinji?" She walks over and picks up the note and reads it.

Dear Misato

I am sorry for upsetting you about Kaji, but I had to know the truth. I would like to thank you for looking after me while I have been in Tokyo 3, you are the closest thing to a family I have had since my mother died. As for

my father, I have no father, he died when mother did.

I am sorry to have to do this to you but I am not strong enough to go on any more. I can not take this pain any more. I am sick of being my father's tool, he is a cruel and uncaring person. I have to do this I cannot run away any more so this is the only way to end it.

Please tell Asuka if she recovers that I am sorry. Also please tell Rei to remember what I told her and not to blindly follow my father's orders.

Love Shinji

Misato then notices the empty bottle of sleeping tablets. Her face pales as she realises what he has done and she screams, "SHINJI!!!!! What, how could you do this? SHINJI!!!!!!!!." She races over to him and checks for a pulse, she finds one, it is rather weak. She then races to the phone and rings for a Nerv emergency medical team.

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Well that is it for this part. I hope that you liked it. Like I said part 2 is going to be where the two storylines deviate.

Stay tunned for part 2 Awakenings/ Will you do it one more time?

Notes on revised part

Well what do you think of the reformatting? I would like to think that it has made it a much better story. I wish that I had written in this format to start off with. I will make no promisees on when the other parts will be rewritten.